Moms/Wives....what comes first...your kids or your husband?

Question

I keep reading all these articles that say in order to have a successful marriage, your husband must always come first--before the kids--before anything. I'm happily married with 3 kids, but I put my kids first.

I just wanted an outside opinion...wives/moms, who comes first:your kids or your husband?

Answer 1

Family comes first, who ever is in need. Children will have a great respect for you as a parent if you take care of your husband the same as you do them.

Answer 2

My husband comes first and together we put the kids first.



Our kids are only with us for a limited time. Maintaining our relationship is the best gift by example that we can give our kids. The goal is that when they leave our house they will leave parents that continue to love (and even like each other) they will have an example for their own future relationships and with a sense that children become a part of the family, not the ruling factor.

Answer 3

My husband and I put our children's needs before our own. That is part of being a parent. It is not just the Mother's responsibility, it is the Father's as well. There will be contention if Dad is putting himself before the kids. However, we are very careful to make time for ourselves (after the kids are sleeping or on a Date Night), to nurture our relationship because it is so easy to lose sight of each others needs within a marriage when you have small children whose own needs are so demanding. If it was a safety issue then my children would come first, always.

Answer 4

None of the above. I come first.



Before I get the bashing, hear me out. If I'm not taking care of myself then I'm neither a good mother nor a good wife. After that my husband and my son are tied. I can't place either one before the other.



As a very wise man (my father) said - before there were three there were two. Before there were two there was one.

Answer 5

Moms/Wives....what comes first...your kids or your husband?

Answer 6

You know this is a hard question. In a biblical sense the husband would be top priority, but the husband should know when to use this. I mean if your children are being manipulative and saying the father said this or that, then you should stand by your husband, but if it is something that could hurt your child, then stand by the child. The mother and father should go over this together and know where each other stands when it comes to the kids, but you shouldn't let you kids think you are always going to be on your husbands side. Because what if your husband is hurting the children and you dont know? You have to make sure you know your children and husband very well!

I would put my child first, but that is just me. I have been through a lot with my daughter and we are very close so if she came to me with a problem about my husband, he would have to go. That is just the way i feel.

Answer 7

In a sense, the kids have to come first because when they are younger they can't take care of theirselves. However, the kids will be better adults when they see their parents having a healthy happy relationship, which includes them both being equal partners to each other and to the children.

Answer 8

My daughters come first. My husband can wait until after our kids go to bed before he comes first...lol

Answer 9

My husband is having contact with his daughter?

Answer 10

Do girls like guys with longer hair?

Answer 11

Both my husband & I put our family first. Neither of us could imagine it any other way.



I believe that both of us would feel foolish & childish if we were to pout or feel put out because the children's needs were taken care of before our own. We're adults. We can take care of ourselves.



I don't believe I'd have much respect for an adult who did feel like their romantic or personal needs should come before the needs of a child (especially their own child).

Answer 12

Thats weird because I have NEVER in my life seen an article about putting your husband before your children. I will always put my kids before anyone including myself!

Answer 13

I'm confused as to why one would have to come before the other. My husband & I both put our son first, before US that is. Other than that, my family comes first.

Answer 14

Depends on the circumstance...I always do and always will put my children first. I know for a fact that my husband can fend for himself, whereas my children are young and they need me more then he needs me right now. I know my husband feels the same way.

Answer 15

Would most Indian husbands allow their wife to do this...?

Answer 16

How can I cope with the hatred I have towards my cheating husband?

Answer 17

It depends on what you mean, "comes first". Does this simply mean that Dad eats dinner before the kids? That if you have a scheduling conflict (husband's party vs school play) that you should always go to the husband's party?



I don't know what that phrase means.



Edit:

The answer above "kids come first" surprises me, but it shouldn't. No wonder many men won't commit to marriage! If you jeopardize half your assets and you're in second place, why bother! You woman are saying, "Dear, until the kids get here, you'll come first, but afterwords, forget it. Now, leave me alone and make the money so I can raise the kids." I don't know any women who'd sign-up for that assignment!

Answer 18

My daughter comes first, and my husband knows it. My marriage is great.



Someone wrote kids come and go but a marriage lasts forever, more like your children will always be your children and your husband might not always be your husband.

Answer 19

Lots of mothers put the kids first but IMO it may not be the best, there needs to be much better balance once the kids can begin to care for themselves. After that point when they are going to school around ages 7-10, IMO the husband usually (but not always) needs to come first. By this time the "best" thing you both can do as a couple is to set a GOOD example on marriage, nurturing relationships, finance, balancing work w/other priorities and communicating during disagreements, etc.



Also for those who believe kids should always come first, do bear in mind that your husband is the person you consciously chose to marry and the kids are the family both of you created together. He is your husband and you have a marriage with him for better or worse. As such, both of you can care for the children's needs, it should not just be one individuals responsibility unless that is what you have both specifically agreed upon.



This may offend but the fact is ladies, if you do not spend more time with your husband, you will eventually restrict him to just being a money maker and the father. He will cease being your husband, best friend, lover and the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with. Is it really any surprise over 40% of marriages fail within the first seven years? IMO one of the keys to a successful marriage is make quality time for one another and not allowing those flames to fade, this is especially true for couples with children. Your children will grow old which is natural and healthy, but what is not healthy is allowing a marriage to succumb to the pressures of focusing solely on raising children, earning income, etc... there needs to be much better balance if either of you serious desire long term success in your marriage.

Answer 20

I've read the same thing and I put the kids first. I will love them forever, unconditionally, but if my husband were to do something stupid like cheat on me I would easily be done with him.

Answer 21

Always my kids. Husbands can care for themselves. Children cannot.

Answer 22

I can't believe how many thumbs down people are getting for saying they put their kids first!! I love my hubby dearly, but my children have and always will come first!!!

Answer 23

Education or friends?

Answer 24

Articles can say what they want, but my children always came first. They still do & they're married & have families of their own now. That's the mother in me I guess but that can't be so wrong. My ex knew he was loved & was pampered a bit & we had our time together.

Answer 25

I always put my daughter first. My husband does too. We joke with each other all the time saying "I love you a lot, but I love Riley just a LITTLE bit more" :). Neither of us are offended, and we DO make time for ourselves and our relationship as a couple, but only after we've made time for our little girl :)

Answer 26

My kids come first before anything or anyone, always.

Answer 27

Those articles are most likely written by childless people or negligent parents. My role as a mother will always come before my role as a wife - period. Yes, there has to be a balance, but my children will always come first.

Answer 28

Kids always come first no matter what.

Answer 29

There is no comes first. They both get taken care of.

Answer 30

My kids, definitely!

Answer 31

Iam married to my husband, not my kids.



My children come first, but thats only because my husband and I live for our children. Everything is FOR my husband, but only because everything is ABOUT our son.



Its a beautiful balance.



Putting your spouse before your children is just stupid. Just as having everything about your children is rediculous. It takes two to raise babies, and they need dads, and mothers who are as one.



Iam married to my husband, not my son. If your kids are everything you have no room for a spouse. Without me and my husband there is no child. Thats sacred. Our ability to raise him is based on our unity- that unity is something that comes first. BUt often that unity is strengthened by our living for our son. Theres order, but not really what comes first.

Answer 32

That's hilarious... my children will ALWAYS come first.

Answer 33

Definitely the husband.



The kids will eventually leave....a marriage is forever.





ADD: And we wonder why so many marriages fail!

Answer 34

my daughter always comes first!!!

Answer 35

hell, im a guy, and kids SHOULD DEFINTELY come first.

Answer 36

My kids always!!!!!!!!!!