Am I Really a Bad Mommy ?

Question

The other night, my MIL said right to my face that I am a "stupid woman with no common sense" and apparently how ever I became a parent is a mystery to her. She also threatens to call CPS for neglect, and things that NEVER happen. All of my children including my 19 yr old are well taken care of.

My MIL is all in a huff because she disagrees with my nightly glass of wine - she's strongly against liquor of any sort. She thinks I'm an alcoholic. Every night once the two youngest are in bed, I poor myself a glass of red wine and relax on the sofa and either watch TV or read (depending on what night it is). According to my MIL, that's poor parenting and neglect of some sort. And that once a night glass of red wine is the ONLY alcohol I drink unless I were to be at a wedding or party of some sort.

She also calls me lazy because hubby does 1/2 of the housework and 1/2 of his share of taking care of the kids, driving to practices and so on. She thinks he should just work and come home.

What do I do ? This woman is nuts .. she even called the AA support hotline (she told hubby this) and asked them what to do in a situation of an alcoholic mother, and claims she is so worried about my kids. Honestly. I think if she were worried she would put down the damn phone instead of trying to get them taken away on me.

Help me ..

Answer 1

Your MIL is a wackadoo! Why does she know you have a glass of wine every evening? That's none of her business! The way you run your household is actually none of her business. Someone is sharing that information with her, and it may be your hubby.



You and hubby need to sit down and talk. The two of you need to set some boundaries for his mom, because it sounds like she is meddlesome. It sounds to me like hubby has been telling his mom to much info, (probably meaning no harm) but she is taking what he tells her and running with it. He shouldn't discuss you or your household with her, and if she asks he should simply say everything is fine and leave it at that. He also shouldn't tell her about any arguments the two of you may have, it's yet another reason to feed her compulsion. Your hubby needs to step up and tell her she needs to mind her own business, it's your household and your children so the two of you are going to run it the way you see fit. Tell her that she is just going to have to agree to disagree and if she can't then she is going to have to stay away. Tell her no one is going to put up with her continuing to criticize you or put you down, and if she can't stop she is no longer welcome in your home. If hubby can't stand up and do it, you have too! She has no concern for your feelings why should you have any for hers!



FYI in the event CPS is called they will have to come out and investigate. Who wants to even go through that drama. They will remove your children from the home and question the hell out of them! They don't need to go through that! If your MIL is calling AA and asking questions on what to do? Who will she call next?



Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow sounds like your MIL needs a wake up call..i don't see anything wrong with having a glass of wine and relaxing at the end of the day i mean kids are work in themselves a mom has got to have some time to herself. I think husbands should help around the house and that's great you have a husband that would do that for you. So far as the MIL goes she sounds controlling and rigid, like one of of those people no matter what you say to them nothing sinks in. That can be frustrating, the only thing i can think of is you and your husband sitting her down and talking to her, ask her why she beleives you have bad parenting skills. hope this helps (=

Answer 3

If how you became a parent really is a mystery to your MIL, then she is a "stupid woman with no common sense". You got pregnant, that's how. That's how everyone becomes pregnant.



Not relevant I know, but if she really says stupid stuff like this, what are you worried about? She's a meddling, busy body. She's the stereotypical MIL who has to stick her nose into your business.



She can call anyone she likes, but as long as your kids aren't neglected, then you have nothing to worry about.



Sadly, all you can do is wait for her to die. But you should ask your husband to step in and tell her to lay off the mother of his children.

Answer 4

Well, if you are really NOT an alcoholic, then you have nothing to be afraid of. If she were to actually call CPS and they would come, they would do an investigation, and get to the bottom of it, which, according to you, is nothing but a crazy old woman.



I know what an alcoholic is, and one glass of red wine a night is not.

UNLESS you are not being entirely truthful.



As I said, if she were to call anyone, CPS or AA, they would probably give her a half squint, roll their eyes, and apologize for wasting your time.



Oh wait, MIL is Mother in Law........jeez, with the acronyms.



Alright, same thing, I said before, and tell her to stay away from your family.

If anything, get a restraining order. Unless she lives with you guys, in which case, tell her to back off, and mind her own business.



Again, if she were to call anyone, they would see what is really going on, and that is that she is either jealous, envious, or just plain crazy.

Good luck hun.

Answer 5

OMG this woman sounds nuts!!! seriously i dont know how i would get through the day if i didn't know i had a glass of red waiting for me at the end of it!!! your not doing anything wrong and she really needs to mind her own business it sounds like you have a lovely family and you and your hubby seem to work well as a team looking after the kids, what does he have to say about it? perhaps he should be the one to stand up to her? she really needs to be told before it goes to far! good luck xxx

Answer 6

To be honest I think that she's way out of line. One glass of wine is NOT a lot. You're a mom who's probably stressed out (and this whole MIL situation is probably not helping) and you deserve a glass of wine every night because that's just how you like to relax. I'm not sure why she's doing this but you should try to get your husband to talk to her about it. Or you could get your oldest to talk to her since he's obviously okay and he can try to get her to stop worrying for no reason. If that doesn't work just ignore her and she should stop.

Answer 7

you're kids will not get taken away because you drink a glass of wine a night. she's a nut. sit her down and tell her that you will not tolerate her putting you down for no reason and that she has to cut it out immediately, if she continues to act the same than tell her you do not want her around you or the children any longer.

Answer 8

if you truly are not an acoholic, then you have absolutly nothing to worry about. no agency will take your children away because ONE person says that you drink ONE glass of wine a night. if i were you, i would have a sophisticated adult-to-adult conversation saying how you will not accept her constantly bringing you down for no reason. but the most important thing is if you yourself feel youve been a good mother. if you do, then you have nothing to worry about. good luck!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

How does she know that you drink one glass of wine at night? Is she there? Does she live there?

Answer 11

Sorry, but hubby has to handle this one. You do not deserve to be called stupid, you do not deserve to be called an alcoholic and you do not deserve to be disrespected in your home.



Your husband needs to reign in his mom, or you are going to tell her exactly how you feel.



His choice! Fix it, or move out of the way so you can, and he won't like how YOU fix it.

Answer 12

Do you really need strangers to tell you? Obviously your mother in law is crazy. Disregard her and tell her, her actions are going to isolate herself, because she'll never see her grandchildren.

Answer 13

u r a bad mom. u stupid alcoholic