How should I tell my son about his father? (reasked with more detail) please answer?

Question

Ok. So my history is a little hectic. I won't go into how all of this happened but, see, I dated a guy back in high school since freshman year and senior year I got pregnant. Well it was the end of the year and he and I were going to separate colleges but were going to stay together so I just didn't tell him and completely cut off contact with him... I know. I'm an idiot. It's just he was a really good kid other than our stupid decisions and he had a great future ahead of him and I didn't want to mess it up. Give me a break I was young and stupid.

So he and I finally reconnected this year when I came back from Georgia to visit my family after a bit of an estrangement and he kind of found me after looking for A VERY LONG TIME :(. So what I need help with is... he and I are picking up where we left off and he knows about his son now, although he was fairly pissed as he should have been (by the way I was eighteen when I had my son now I am 23, my son is about to turn 5), but we don't know how to tell my son after not having a father for all of his life. He and his father are getting along fairly well and he likes having a boy around, but it's been two months and I still don't know what to do. He's just so young I don't know how to say "By the way, this is your dad :)" Please help and spare me of rude comments unless you find it necessary. I want my son to know that his father is his father but it's hard to tell him. I have been to a therapist about this but only twice and I still have not told him. Help...

Please don't say anything rude. I supported my kid and had to give up my dream of being a professional dancer. I danced since I was 4 and it was my life and I had to give it up. My son's father is still in law school. That was his great future, he got into Cornell, I didn't want him to give it up.

His father and I were very serious before, we would have still been together had it not been for me getting pregnant and being immature. We plan on getting married, not just because we have a son, but because we love each other. He has been trying to get in touch with me since we lost contact and has not been with any other women.

His father is not the kind of man to leave me, that's why I purposely stopped connection with him then, because I knew if I told him he wouldn't go to Cornell and instead he would start work right away. He is a very good and loving man.

But yes, I have told my son a lot about his dad. I told him that his dad was in college right now. And I have a few pictures around the house of his father of me back in high school, but he doesn't recognize him as he looks different (more manly, taller, older) but I never told him his dad would come back , right now he just thinks his dad and I are like together I guess, I don't know. It's good though they are bonding he just doesn't understand or know yet that he is his dad. It's a bit weird though because my son was named after his dad so they both have the same name : /

I am reasking this and answering all other's previous questions because apparently I didn' give enough detail the first time around.

Answer 1

Just tell him, if he likes him already he'll be happy to have his daddy

Answer 2

1. your ex isn't going to court because he doesn't want to pay child support. 2. it's too late now but what you should have done when the ex wasn't in your child's life and making no effort was to have his rights terminated for abandonment. Can't do it now because he's making a half-asped effort to be in his son's life. 3. too bad for your current BF. That's what happens when you don't clean up your messes before you move on to the next relationship. He's just going to have to suffer the pain of intrusion from the ex. 4. you explain to your son in age appropriate terms that it takes two people to make a baby and this other man is the person who helped make him. tell him you don't know why this other man hasn't made an effort to see him before now but that the man he knows as daddy is the man who loves him and who has been there to pick up the slack and do daddy things with him. until your ex loses interest and moves on you may not be able to do anything about his intrusion into your life. If he really has changed and is really going to make an effort to be a part of your son's life then that is best for your son. Contact a family law attorney or legal aid if you can't afford a lawyer, and have custody legally assigned, visitation legally arranged and child support and back child support ordered. If he puts up a fuss about this then he hasn't changed--he's only interested in being dad if it is convenient for him and you should see if he will renounce his rights in exchange for you dropping the child support.

Answer 3

sit down with him and tell him in 5 year old little boy terms that his dad has been away in college. That's that... This is him, and really- I think that daddy needs to do the damage control for now (you'll get your turn when he understands what you did). They need to spend time together bonding.. and when the time is right, fill in the spaces for your son, gently.

Children are resilient. It's a bazaar story, but you can be assured of a happy ending. You son is only 5, after all.

Answer 4

I think that, since you have already discussed his father with your son, and he is familiar with the fact that his father does exist, it would be ok for you and your boyfriend to tell him together.



I think it would be better to do it soon, and not wait.



Since he is five years-old, you don't have to go into a big explanation... your guy can just tell him that he's daddy and has finally come home from college to be with the two of you.



Your son will probably be very pleased.

Answer 5

See, your not gonna explain all that to him...he's a little boy. Just tell him this man is his father and he can call him daddy if he wants and just let the two of them spend time together bonding and let their relationship develope. Details of which you speak of would mean nothing to this little boy...if you sat down with him and started telling him all this he would just get confused and even bored and stop listening. As he gets older, questions will come up and you'll also just know when to add details....deal with it in due time.

Answer 6

I would tell him as delicately as possible leaving a few minor details here and there out. Since he is just a young boy I wouldn't tell him anything that might ruin his childhood and make him feel responsible for his fathers disappearance.

Answer 7

Just come out and say it.Believe me, your son will be MORE than happy to know that this fella he is getting along with his is actual father.



You owe it to your son to tell him.





Sit him down and let him know that "name" is your daddy.Ask him if he has any questions for you or his father and go from there.He is a young boy and will more than likely not ask any complex questions so you are free from criticism from your son.

Answer 8

Wow, you wanted to be a professional DANCER... Pregnant at the age of 18. Nice, you would have been real good at Woody's.

Answer 9

really the best thing 2 do is tell him gently like "Sweety there's someone I want you to meet."

then he like meets his father then

"honey this man's your daddy and he loves u very much"

Answer 10

Tell him that you and daddy seperated for a little bit but that you are now back together. or tell them you had to go away or he had to go away to study, or work and that you are now back together and you will be a happy family.

Answer 11

so in like one sentance...whats the deal? you lost me on the 15th paragraph

Answer 12

No dear. I have never been a fan of novels. I prefer short stories and short details.