I think certainly! But not to punish - to command attention for discussion, and respect. My step-daughter has same problem with 4yo boy and 2.5yo boy. They are gorgeous and boisterous, noisy, and especially the 4yo, defiantly disobedient at both their peril. She has tried the "punishment corner' trick - younger one just sings sweetly to himself until released; older screams head off, bangs wall and floor untiringly. Under stress she has tried smacking - instant quiet, and tears, but no long term effect. Even with supportive and intelligent husband, the only relief she gets is parking boys on TV, and as she is intelligent she avoids that! I had son and daughter, and very few problems, none that could not be resolved in discussion, although both were strong and stubborn personalities (like parents?) My daughter has twins, boy and girl, and similar experience to me; my son has a 2.5 yo who is certainly independent but obedient when required. SO, I think behaviour may rise from family culture, as much as genetics; and can't confidently suggest solutions now to my step-daughter. SO I'm looking for help, too. I know all kids have individual natures and I was lucky; that boys are usually more boisterous and pig-headed than girls (not more than my own daughter, though); and two boys are universally said to be catastrophe on four legs. My kids and grand-kids had/have acres to explore and work off energy ... but only because they were trained to do what they were told, and be relied upon. That was fundamental.
BUT I believe there were three things going for my own family (1) From infancy, my children, like me, were taught to pay attention, to expect and give respect (initially by cot-side chats, and later until aged about four, by a VERY rare smack with a rolled up newspaper when necessary, delivered calmly and ceremoniously with the deliberations of a court (The biggest penalty was loss of dignity, rather than the discomfort!) I would have preferred another way if I knew it, but firm discipline seems essential sometimes for kids, and horses!. Later again, problems (on either side) were always discussed (if necessary:- "sit there and do not move until we've finished; we're going to talk about this, even if I don't go to work today, and you don't go to school; neither of us is going to walk away") ... it's a question of priorities, and nothing matters more than children (2) My father taught me through patience, reason, persistence, and mutual respect, and I did the same (3) back to (1)!!! and (4) The agreed parental rules (mine!) must hold firm for every member of the family, as all will suffer or benefit from the results
You must GIVE a child respect, always. But you must earn, and command, respect from day one, using whatever communication is available .... and at the same time, never let a moment pass without showing how much you love them (but don't offer it as kind of lolly after conflict). They have to learn that your love is unqualified but not a license. Rule one - Give, and demand, respect.
I told my step-daughter the first word to teach, and firmly, is "NO". I failed to establish the point, and maybe it wouldn't have worked anyway; we all die on our own swords. So, like you, I'm looking for good advice!!
FINALLY a few random suggestions. Punishment is never about retribution, only about getting attention, and dramatising a lesson. Most kids are more intelligent than adults credit them - they can learn one or two languages by age two. Your boy has learned to manipulate adults. You must refuse to be manipulated. If there's a performance in a shop, call it to a stop, firmly, and if it doesn't stop, GO HOME, no matter what. Show you are not discomforted or embarrassed in any way - that's a reward. Teach by reward (not bribes in advance) for good behaviour, deprivation for inappropriate behaviour (my step-daughter deprives TV effectively to a degree). But never deprive food. Never use the kid's bedroom as a punishment cell. That's just Brer Rabbit and the blackberry patch! And can create problems going to bed. Never tell a kid he's "bad" - there is only inappropriate behaviour, and that's what you have to deal with. Never allow anger to control you. Stop, think, then act calmly and resolutely. BUT a display of anger (your eyes and conduct, raised voice perhaps but no shouting) can be most effective in commanding attention, which is the first step to all training programs. Think of discipline as a little theatre from which the child will learn
Much the same goes for teaching the family to deal with the child by your rules, like grandparents trying to buy affection, at the expense of the child learning to socialise appropriately for benefits in later life. (How many adults raised on such tricks, especially men, now make inappropriate parents!) Those who do not can always be deprived of something they value in the relationship; those who do can always be rewarded - for instance with more time with the child. Make the effects of the child's behaviour on you, rebound on those who help sustain it. People with habitual behaviours rely on other people responding in ways they are used to (from child to adult). You can become the reliable prop supporting other people's stupidity. Withdraw the prop, resolutely after one quiet, firm, warning and explanation. And remember, we are all the potential victims of what we fear to lose, so identify and discard fear - for me, that goes for everything, and everyone. It's a matter of respect, both ways. GOOD LUCK. I'll watch this site with interest.