Do you think mothers should work?

Question

I just came across this question and found that it had already been resolved, however I'm feeling very frustrated with the asker on this one. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArR2O5Qo.NETqFmpE8fwh2jpy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090516073733AAkROa2
Do you think users like this take into consideration that everyones circumstances may be different, that with the economy the way it is most mothers don't choose to work... they don't have a choice? My husband has recently been laid off as most of my contacts know and we wouldn't have made ends meet without my job, we're barely making ends meet now. And what about a womans choice to have both, a career and a family? If we take that away aren't we right back where we were hundreds of years ago before we had to fight for our freedoms in the workplace? We've worked hard to get where we are today, what do you think of women judging other women's choices and practically putting us back in the stone age? And can't we be a little bit more compassionate to others around us, simply because we don't know their circumstances!? Truthfully, I'd love to be at home with my son if that was possible and when I see things like this I feel angry that someone would pretty much rub the privileges that they have in my face. I'm sure lots of mothers on here would love to stay at home with their kids but simply can't... what about them?

Answer 1

This way of thinking is wrong on several levels and for many different reasons.



I think that women who think this way are usually the ones who have their heads stuck so far up their children's butts that they can not even breath, nor see the light of day...to think that a woman's place is at home with the children and taking care of the house is a very backward way of thinking...especially in today's world.



This also creates some questions in my own mind. What about single mothers..would they rather the woman be on government benefits, or have an abortion??? Or would they complain that the woman was using their "tax money" to fund their childrens expenses??



What would a woman like this do if her husband left her, or suddenly died? Would she then think about what she has thought her whole life about what women should and should not be doing?



Do women like this know about "woman's sufferage" and do they even take up their own right to vote in our country??



Are they so nieve in their own way of thinking that they can not see that sometimes both parents have to work to make sure that they are able to keep up on payments for the house...because of several reasons, including the economy. If their husband got laid off from a job would they sit there and expect the man to do it all, even after looking for months, not finding work that would be able to pay all the bills, or would they too, go and find a job to make sure that food was able to be put on the table?



It's great to be able to stay at home and not have to worry about who is going to pick up the kids from daycare, grandma's house or whatever....but it's also great to know that if your husband died or became disabled or what ever that you would be able to do something that would prevent you from going hungry, loosing your house, and so many other things.



I myself have been both a sahm...and a working mother. I am working right now in fact...and when my kids are not with me at work (yes, i can take them with me) then they are at home...they aren't even in daycare...so it's not as if someone else is taking care of them even...and even if someone else was, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. To not understand that is to be quite closed in, in your little box and not being able to lookout side of your own little box is honestly something that really peevs me!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Girl, it's like you were reading my mind! I was going to ask a similar question because that question you posted has me so riled up, but I was dismayed to see it had already been resolved.



First, that store was completely useless. It just made us working moms look like total *beeps*. I come home from work and greet my daughter and tell her I missed her and love her, not upset with her over something silly.



Second, in this economy, count your blessings if your family can survive off one income. Not everyone lives the same lifestyle, has the same amount of bills to pay every month, etc. Some people have lots of medical bills and/or student loans to pay. Does it make a mom bad for working to pay for a surgery she or a family member has had? I think not.



Third. Guess what, people? I'm a working mom and my daughter (almost 2 years old) has maybe been babysat a total of maybe not even 6 times in her life. Nor has she ever been to daycare. How? Because my husband and I work opposite shifts so that one of us is always with our daughter. Are people still going to say that I parent part-time when my husband is right there by my daughter's side when I am not?



Some people on here need to not be so obsessed with their kids, open their eyes, peer over their picket fence, and realize that there's more to life than living in one way, and one way only. There are many different walks of life, so be careful, because you just might end up walking the very same road that you swore you would never walk down yourself.

Answer 3

Hun, I know how you feel! It's hard making just enough to get by, and that's how Kyle and I have been for a few months now. First, he lost his job, and was out of work for a few months. Now, I'm going to be out of a job in 3 weeks, and I haven't been able to find anything. I was lucky after Emma was born, because I just watched people's kids. I got to be with her all the time. But now that I have to find something else, I don't think she'll be able to be with me. It completely breaks my heart, and i've spend many hours just crying over it. With the economy how it is, and jobs scarce, I just have to take what I can find though. We've got $800 a month to pay (we live in a small town, $800 is pretty high for us, but in a bigger city, it probably seems like not very much), including rent, utilities, and a vehicle payment. Kyle just makes about that much a month, so we can't just live off of what he makes. We have to eat don't we?!



I'd love to be a stay at home mom. I'd love to not have to stress about money, getting food on the table, or if the electric bill is paid this month. I think that woman is taking it for granted. So many people would give anything to stay at home with their kids, but sometimes that's just not possible.

Answer 4

I agree with you! My parents always worked (not weekends, but they worked 9-5 on weekdays) and I'm not all mopey and dopey like the kid in the additional details. I still got to see my parents every night and I was fine with that...Sometimes parents need to work, whether or not they want to, like you said. I'm really sorry to hear about your husband being laid off by the way.



I mean the economy is bad enough at the moment, that people can't afford to stay at home. That whole cliche thing about Mum's staying at home with the kids, doing all the cooking and cleaning and being a housewife, whilst the Dad works and earns the money...That is long gone now...Life just isn't like that.



You've made a really great point here, good luck and all the best :)



xx

Answer 5

I was so pissed off at that question. Some people just have no consideration for other people when they ask these questions...as if I don't feel bad enough when I watch my daughter go away to her childminders for the day. I work because I need to. My partner makes probably enough money for us to scrimp by on but I want my family to have a nice life and live comfortably. No one should judge a mother for working...everyone does what the need to do to give their kids the things that they need.



I also know that my daughter is very well cared for and her childminder also looks after another little girl and Aimee loves going there. At the weekends I make sure that we do really fun things so that it is special time. I was actually going to bring this up about that question....glad you did :) x

Answer 6

Yeah, that question was not fair. I think the MAJORITY of answers agreed that it was an over the top thing to ask (or rather say.)





This was my response to that and I stand by it:



That story was like a twisted dark fairytale.

It is so over the top with Mom being the "big bad wolf" and child being the "victim" that I felt embarrassed for you that you posted it as a reference.



Fathers and Mothers should BOTH find time to pay attention to their childs emotional/mental/physical needs.



There does not have to be a choice between being an angry out of touch parent who works and being a responsible parent. Working parents are usually responsible parents who are working to pay bills and provide for their children.



I think having a life outside of your children is a good way to role model and to have your children view you as a whole person and not just "their Mom or Dad".

I think it helps them see that they too can do several things at once, work, play, while still keeping family the top priority.



I think stay at home Moms/Dads are also fortunate and if that is their decision that's good too.



It is all very personal and the reasoning ranges in variety and parents come in all shapes and forms and from all walks of life.



Working parents/stay at home parents- both can provide safe, loving nuturing lives for there children.



So don't paint the picture with such a broad brush, if you can help your bias. Things are good and things are tough all over. Such is life.

Answer 7

right on sister!

I had the joy of staying home with my first child, I was very thankful for my husband having a well paying job. that at the time I didn't need to work. With my second, I saw my working as an opportunity to save a bit of money for our future. I am now expecting my third and my husband has been laid off. I took a demenial job just to pay bills and squeek by. I am familiar with the guilt of not being able to spend my time with my children, but I work not just because I have to, but because it is in the best interests of my family.

Every parent as their own reasons of why they think and act the way that they do. Some mothers are so wrapped up in their own control issues, that they dismiss that not every family is the same. and often times this is a sign of close mindedness. These types of mothers don't understand a real world conflict and to boost the self image of themselves will often put down mothers whom must work. They know not what they do, for they are ignorant of the fact that not everyones living situation is the same as them. They can not grasp that there is a bigger picture when it comes to issues of the world. These types of "Nazi mommies" I often dismiss. because there is no changing the mind of a sheltered being as such.



I agree with you

Answer 8

How could somebody possibly ask a question as to whether Mother's should work or not? I was appalled by that question! I work and it puts a roof over my kids heads and food in their mouths. Does that mean I am not doing my job as a Mother?! I give SAHM a lot of credit, it is a hard job but not everyone is as fortunate to be able to be there to see every little first that their children have as well. Why is this even a question? Just because you are either a SAHM or a working mom, aren't we all striving for the same goal.....................to have happy and healthy children?

Answer 9

I was waiting to come across this question as I am very opinionated about it. Keep in mind my opinion is my own and I don't expect others to agree.



I have a choice I do not have to work as we are coping very well on one income. I also do not have available childcare in the area we live in, so even if I wanted to return to work I couldn't. Some days I long to go back to work purely and simply for the adult interaction. Don't get me wrong I love my kids and I appreciate that I am one of the lucky ones who gets to see their kids develop and grow, but as the saying goes the grass is always greener. Knowing this too I would never intentionally rub it in to a workings mum face.



Every family has a different situation and has a right to do what suits them best, and mums should not be judged on that decision. Most mothers do not have a choice and have to return to work as soon as possible. I am sure they themselves don't see this as their ideal situation but they are doing what suits them and their family the best.



Cheers, champagne and applause for all working mums. You are doing what needs to be done and proving to the non believers out there that a career and parenting is possible! Goodluck and Well done!

Answer 10

I feel like the world might be a better place if society didn't *force* moms to work. I know most working moms if they were rich would not be working or would only work part-time. They would rather be home with their kids the way nature intended.



Unfortunately, in the U.S. it is VERY hard to get by without two incomes so those moms are forced to work, its not like they want to! People need to lay off them. If they had the choice and the money they would be home with their kids. Not having tons of money should not stop you from being able to have kids.

Answer 11

I am SAHM by CHOICE..but even I am thinking of getting a job soon, just b/c I'd like to have MY OWN money and interests besides my baby...nothing wrong with that..and I see both sides, bc I'm a SAHM BUT MY MOM WENT BACK TO WORK WHEN I WAS 9 WEEKS OLD, and I'm not screwed up in the head or anything. In fact, I had a better childhood than my childhood friend, whose mom didn't return to work til she was in kindergarten. And to this day I am better adjusted than she, as she has never been able to hold a job and dropped out of highschool at 16. Yeah, her mom being a SAHM all those years of her first 5 sure did her a world of good (sarcasm). Both my parents worked, and were off every other weekend, since I was 9 weeks old. I was in daycare mon-fri since 9 weeks old, yet never have I ever been confused over who my mother is, or felt neglected, or unloved, or abandoned, or ignored, all of the feelings that some ignorant people assume children of working. moms, experience. In daycare I was never "shaken", abused, or mistreated, like all the horror stories those people love to tell. As a result of my parents working, I was able to go to college and get an bachelor's degree bc they PAID for my education and classes. My dad bought me a car, a nice one Saturn 2002 (I paid for 1/4 he the rest). And my brother and I were able to go on lots of family vacations bc my parents had MONEY FROM WORKING, such as yearly trips to Disneyland, Minnesota to see relatives, Boston to see relatives, camping trips, and of course day trips on their weekends off. Privelaged, yes. Neglected or ignored? No!



In short, I don't think neither a working mother or SAHM is better or worse than the other; I think it's simply just a matter of choice, necessities, and lifestyle, I think both can be good or bad mothers, and it's NOT bc they chose (or had) to work or be a SAHM. Being a working mom does not automatically make you a bad or good mother, neither does being a SAHM.

Answer 12

All mothers would like to be home with their kids. Sometimes it's just not feasible. It just depends on a family's individual circumstances. I had my first 2 children very close together, and before I was able to return to work, my oldest was diagnosed with autism. Day-cares couldn't handle him, and we couldn't afford specialized placement, so I remained at home. Though my son is now in school, between appointments, etc, I'm still at home. But it's been hard on my family financially. Though were doing well now it was a struggle. It's much better for a woman to work, than to have to struggle in that way. Working mom's are no less mom's than a "SAHM". I respect them greatly for what they do. Motherhood is always a full-time job, working mom's just have 2. More power to you all.

Answer 13

i agree with you not everybody can afford to stay home with their children

i think that people have to work to support their children & some mothers are single mothers



stay home mothers shouldn't not judge other working mothers because they don't know their situation

but kids would go to school anyway from 8 to what 3pm anyways as they get older



what i would do is on my days off take my children out & spend time with them

& like once a week play a family game, read a book to them, play with them or something that way they wouldn't feel lonely

Answer 14

i'm lucky that my hubby works at a really good job so i can stay at home with the baby all day long, and i never for a minute forget how lucky i am, i think mom's should stay at home if they can, however there are a lot of moms that have to work, that doesn't make them a bad mom, it makes them a good mom that cares enough to work, i have a friend and she takes care of her 3 granddaughter as her daughter has to work 3 jobs to provide for them, while their daddy ran off when he found out she was pregnant with triplet's, she misses them and she cries all the time when she misses what they do and big things in their life, but she has to work, she got pregnant in high school, never went to college, so she has to work, she works as a CNA during the day, then at a fast food place for 5 hours at night, and on the weekend she is a waitress in a bar, and that's just one of many, so i know how lucky i am,



i have considered, my hubby goes to night shift this weekend, and i have thought about going back to work just 2 days a week for 3-5 hours just to get some outside contact with the world, but my hubby would be here to watch the baby, but yes i feel people should never judge anyone, you have no idea what they are going through, none whatsoever, maybe the daddy isn't in the pic, maybe their bills are too high for 1 income, maybe they need a break, it doesn't make them a bad mom,



i think being a good mom is making sure your baby/child is taken care of the best you can, that's a good mom, not cause you stay at home all day with them, my sil stays home with her kids and she lets them run wild, they watch tv, even her baby, she puts him in front of the tv in one room, goes to her bed room and watches tv and sleeps what ever, she rarely checks on her baby, does that make her a good mom just cause she stays at home with him? no it doesn't that baby would be better being raised by a babysitter, i mean she goes hours with out changing him, she told me once that she only uses about 20 diapers a week, how is that possible? so being a good mom has nothing to do with staying at home with them.

Answer 15

I think mothers should work if that's what works best for their family. I don't think they should be considered bad mothers for it, and I certainly don't think that needing the money should be the only acceptable reason. What if they need the intellectual stimulation? What if they can't stand 24/7 at home on their own?



I'd HATE to be at home all the time with my kids. I don't work because I have to, I work (part time) because I want to. I CHOOSE to work. If that makes me a bad mum then I'm a bad mum.

Answer 16

Becks, that Q pissed me off so much I seriously cried. Lol. Sad, I know.

But yes, apparently because we work we treat our kids like crap, don't raise them, never spend time with them, and are cold hearted unloving mothers. After all a womans place is either in the kitchen or her her knees right!

Ughhhh.



What about the fathers? Do the children not want to buy their others parents time? Or what about single moms? Should they have to let themselves and their children suffer from having no income because she "should stay home and NOT work"? Or two parent familes that can't live comfortably on one income?

You do what you have to do!



Personally I LOVE my job. I choose to work because I like it. Of course I love my kids more than anything in this life. But it does NOT mean that I cannot have other interests and a life of my own.

My children actually LIKE the fact that mommy works, and goes out on dates with dad, and spends time with her friends.

My children ALWAYS come first, but it does not mean that I can't fit in time for work and for myself.



That person can go get screwed. Let's hope she never ends up in a situation where she is forced to work to support her family hey?

Answer 17

I would love to stay home with my kids and be a full time mom but it's not financially possible for my family. I don't let questions like that get to me, Some people try to get your goat in here.

Answer 18

Some of those answers absolutely astounded me. I really honestly can not believe the beliefs of some people. I would like to think that I am an open-minded person, and I can usually see both sides of a situation, but I honestly can not see where this women is coming from. And one person that answered said that you shouldn't have kids unless you can afford to stay home? seriously? Well, why do women even bother going to school then? Why don't we stay home and learn to cook and clean our whole lives, and not bother getting an education, and being independent. I would love to stay home with my daughter, I really would, but I worked my *** off in school, and I'm not going to throw that all away to become a HOUSESLAVE. Yes, I cook and clean, but my husband helps out with this, because we are BOTH working, and we BOTH raise our children. we are equals, and perhaps we would survive on just his income, but we would not have the lifestyle that my children deserve. I want my daughter to realize that she deserves more than to sit at home, and cater to her home. She deserves to graduate from college, and make a name for herself. I love my daughter to bits, and I've chosen a job that gives me the summers off so that I can spend them with her, so I'd like to think that I have the best of both worlds, but I really couldn't imagine giving up my job. I'm itching to go back to work by the end of the summer.





I need to stop now before I get really into this, and then I won't stop

Answer 19

I didn't take it as attacking anyone. I thought it was a beautiful story of how we can forget the important things in our lives. I don't believe it was bashing anyone. I didn't take it as women(men) should be working or not. Every family and everyone is different and have different needs. I took from it to just pause a moment and enjoy what you have. I have actually been through almost that exact scenario.

Answer 20

i understand where you are coming from. personally i do plan on staying home when we have kids. this is a promise my husband made to me when we got married. he would always find a way to support us so i can stay home. i don't see any problems with life as it was 100 years ago. i am thankful for technology, and for my right to vote, etc. but the way i see it, women lived fulfilled lives back then too. maybe it's just me but in our relationship we have very defined traditional roles. my husband works and earns our living. i work also because we have no children but i don't make as much so my income goes into savings. our life isn't extravagant in any way, we rent (saving to buy a house), my husband's job forces him to be gone for months at a time, but it's a sacrifice we make to get by. after taking my early childhood education, i know that the first 5 (i know they say 3, but good luck finding a year that isn't important) years are the most important in development, and even teachers, and daycare workers will tell you that the parent's are the most important teachers in a child's life. i want to be there for them. i do understand when circumstances don't allow for it, but to me it is absolute priority. daycare's wouldn't exist if mothers stayed home with their children. 100 years ago dacares didn't exist. i think when the expectation is that if you stay home you are lazy or not contributing to your family is what scares me. i respect mothers who work (mine did for most of my growing up) but i also think there are sometimes alternatives, ie working from home, setting up a licenced, or unlicenced home daycare, or doing sales, (ie mary kay, avon, passion parties) to earn money around your schedule while giving your child everything they need. i know this comes across as strongly biased. but i'm really not. i do understand, and i'm not anti working mom. but for me it is almost not an option to work outside of the home. i will do whatever it takes to stay home, and i am very lucky to have a husband who is on my side.

Answer 21

I would like for my wife not to work but she worked before she was put on maternity leave. It is easier to have two incomes coming into the home but I'd rather just for my wife to stay home and not work at all.

Answer 22

Yes, I was very frustrated by that post. That person is very closed minded. Uuuggghh!!!



I answered it as nicely as I could.



PARENT: I agree that the story itself was intended to make us stop and think and make sure we have our priorities straight. However her introduction to the story was meant to attack working mom's. "We aren't raising our children and what kind of life is that for the child." SHE meant to take a stab at working mom's.



:0)

.

Answer 23

All mothers is a very broad term..



I am proud to be working, proud of the education I have, and you know what, I don't have to work, but I love doing my job.

If some brat thinks they know better than I do, think they know what my family needs, kudos to them.



I will have my cake, and eat it too.

Answer 24

i agree with you, just b/c one woman doesn't HAVE TO WORK and IS ABLE TO STAY AT HOME WITH THE CHILDREN DOESN'T GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO JUDGE OTHER WOMEN B/C THEY CAN'T. would the stay at home mom prefer to STAY AT HOME if she didn't have the money to care for her child and put food on the table and cloth on their backs? i think NOT.

Answer 25

I see your point, but some people are spoiled rotten and have great expectations that their lives should be a bed of roses.



those people don't live on the same planet as you and me.

Answer 26

No more or less so than fathers should work.

Answer 27

i am not going to read all of that but i think moms or dads should stay home if they can. if not, well then they can't