I would like to know what makes a parent spank?

Question

I know some parents say that they are doing this to install discipiline. I know some do it because they are angry and some do it because they are venting frustration and because they want to be nasty and violent. I know many of you will reply that it is because there is too many "Barts" and unrully children, but I still cannot understand what it is that makes a parent spank, since this is going against the instinct to protect the children from harm.

Rather than tell me why you spank "i.e. you want to install discipline", can you tell me how you can go against the need to protect the child from harm (by doing a spanking).
This is the bit that I do not get.

I would rather some sensible answers, and not things like "Because they need a F*** good slap". I want an intellegent, proper answer.

Answer 1

when time outs and verbal discipline stop working a "threat" is needed to keep a child in line thus the spanking it will not damage a child physically and most likely not emotionally if it is only done on an occasional basis



i was a bad child and if my mom didn't spank me i don't think i would have ever straightened out



and it's not going against protecting your child if you know that they are not in harms way

Answer 2

Usually simple people with a lower education are the ones spankin.(Usually) So its not something difficult where you go against you instincts. Rather the opposite.



Humans live like apes or dogs in packs or bunches.

Like with the animals everybody has a place in the society and a rank in the hirachy. That is important, as soon as there are two humans the battle about the rank is on. This is no process we are aware of. Its instinct and in the subconciense.



Parents will love their children naturally, but not so that they would put themselves behind the children. So they automatically want to be higher in the hirachy that those littel children. And they should be, so that the children do what they say and follow their advice. Thts reasonably.

But - how does the ape declare his place in the hirachy? He shows he is the strongest by giving here and ther a few slaps.



Humans do the same. Even the despeate mother who has to much stress just is tired of finding an intellectual way of showing that she is in the top hirachy and the child need to do what she says, she takes the ape way - Im stronger, you are nothing - do as I say.



So it is not against your instinct. It rather means civilasation and discipline is necessary NOT to beat a child.

Thats why it is usually uneducated and uncivilised peaople who take the rough methode - and dont mean it badly (sound nuts, but these people also LOVE their children)



It would be against your nature to e.g. kill your children, but then, so it is to kill yourself and people do this too.





Hope I couild explain it...good luck



PS: Actually it is not even against nature to kill your kids, animals often eat théir own children,eg.when they are weak or when there is not enough food for everybody...

But then - humans are no animals(at least most of them)

Answer 3

Nature provided humans with an excellent learning mechanism to protect them from harm - pain.



You grab the stem of a thorny rose - it hurts and you stop doing that.

You put your hand on something hot - the pain makes you let go, and you learn not to do it again.



From an early age, our brains are wired to learn from pain and avoid the activities that bring pain.



Spanking is merely harnessing a natural process that we use to learn.



The problem with spanking, is that it is only useful in situations where the child can accurately connect the improper action with the punishment.



For 1-2 year old children, that means that spanking/swatting is only useful the instant they do something wrong. You have to direct their eyes to the problem, say no, and swat them immediately (just like a puppy).



For 3-5 year old children, you have to talk to them first, and ensure they understand what they did was wrong, and why - then follow it with a spanking.



After that, it's pretty much the same thing. Spanking can be a better alternative for some children than say...being grounded.



An excellent explanation (using puppies) can be found in Robert Heinlein's Starship Troopers (Ch. 8):

Teacher: "When your puppy made mistakes, were you angry?"

Student: "What? Why, he didn't know any better; he was just a puppy."

Teacher: "What did you do?"

Student: "Why, I scolded him and rubbed his nose in it, and paddled him."

Teacher: "Surely he could not understand your words."

Student: "But he could tell I was sore at him!"

Teacher: "But you just said you weren't angry."

Teacher: "But I had to make him *think* I was! He has to learn somehow."

Answer 4

Firstly, I was spanked (not beaten) as a child, and I certainly think it helped me to become a well adjusted person.



The problem comes when people fail to distinguish between the two.



The way I would class a spanking is not something which is intended to harm the child or cause them any injury, but simply a brief instigation of a reflex, which a child finds unpleasant, but not damaging.



Whether it is possible to teach children this efficiently through other methods often depends on the child. I personally found that being sent to bed was the most frustrating punishment, but it will vary from child to child.



M

Answer 5

Usually when I spank my kids, it's because they've done something dangerous, and this is the most immediate, and impacting way to get the point across. I feel, because I've not abused spanking as discipline, that that type of punishment stays with them longer. Although, I feel if you don't talk to the kids, after they've calmed down from the spanking, it defeats the purpose of the spank. They need to understand exactly WHY they got the spanking.

Answer 6

Really it all depends on the child. I have three children..I've had to spank my two oldest sons only once in their lives..now my youngest daughter...I've done everything from taking away privileges to time outs and that's after giving her many many warnings (she is 7 by the way) and I have to say....the last resort for her is a spanking and it seems to work on her. I would never abuse my children but a good spanking with just your hand on their bottom with their pants still on no bare bottoms.....it just seems to get thru to her. I've not had to spank her much because it hurts her feelings more than it hurts her bottom. It works for me.

Answer 7

A occasional "swat on the butt" is an easy way to give a physical reminder to small children for correction. A "spanking" lets them know that there are physical penalties for their misbehavior. One must be selective of when to spank, it's not a disciplinary "cure-all" and if relied upon too heavily will lead to physical abuse. Unfortunately many parents are unable to correct their children by other means and inadvertantly teach them that physical violence is acceptable.

I was whipped as a child. Belts, switches, hotwheel track, or whatever was handy was used. It did not correct my behavior but taught me to conceal that behavior better.

Answer 8

I'm not going to dignify your question by reading the entire thing - the first line is enough.



Don't judge people by how they discipline their kids. Granted, our parents, and some of us may not have liked to get spanked - but they grew up just fine.



Spanking doesn't really *hurt* the kid - what it does is that it scares them, it suprises them, it gets their attention. Thats the important part to remember.



When we live in a society today where I see kids running around, screaming, breaking things, swearing, and their parents sending them to a "time out" - I can't imagine somebody judging a different type of discipline - especially one thats been proven to work for GENERATIONS.

Answer 9

A lot of parents spank because they were spanked, so they didn't learn other ways of disciplining children. Or they don't know more effective ways, and don't think they will work with their child.

Answer 10

i don't spank unless i absolutely have too, and i never, never spank when i am mad...if i have to spank my children its because every other discipline avenue has been exhausted...and believe me when i say it hurts me just as much too do it...even tho it goes against my nature to cause harm to my children, sometimes there has to be a stopping point, when they get out in the world, the world wont be so kind and forgiving !!!

Answer 11

There are some kids that NOTHING else works with. I was one of those kids. Time-outs didn't bother me, being sent to my room didn't, being grounded didn't, having things taken away from me didn't. The only way my parents could get me to obey to spank. That's the only thing I responded to. They did the other things to, but if I persisted, if I CHOSE to continually disobey, then I got spanked. I KNEW those were the consequences if I made that choice, but it wasn't until jr. high before I quit being so stubborn and decided that I didn't want those consequences, and chose to obey my parents. I grew up to respect them above anyone else, loved them tremendously, and never looked at it as them hurting me. I knew my parents wouldn't hurt me. Spanking was a totally separate issue than hitting. That's how I'm raising my kids. What are you supposed to do when you have a child that refuses to mind? Let them throw, hit, bite, do things to put themselves in danger, do things to put others in danger? If you have a child that minds without spanking, perfect. Then there's no reason to spank. But not all kids are that well self-controlled. It's not supposed to be about anything else other than teaching them that they have no choice but to accept authority. It's how society works. We have to obey teachers, employers, the govnt., and God. There are consequences if we don't. It's our job to find what works to instill this in our children. I don't do any one type of discipline, I use what works. Sometimes, it works for mine to tell them 'no'. Sometimes it takes a time-out. We keep going up the scale, hoping that they will get the idea of what comes next,and they get several warnings. Occasionally, the desire to do whatever it is they're not supposed to do outweighs the concern of the spanking. They are not beaten, they are swatted, with my hand on the butt only, two or three times. That's it. Just enough to get their attention. Then, we talk about why they did what they did, or didn't do what they were told, and why it's important to mind. We use a process. If I just walked up to them and walloped them to the ground, yes, that would be a problem. For me, and for most parents out there, spanking is confirming the need to protect our child from harm, because most of the things that we're spanking them for is going to do them harm if we allow it to happen. Instilling the need to obey will help to save them from getting in serious trouble when they're older, thereby protecting them from harm. I see so many kids who arent' spanked, not in public buy in my own circle, who have no respect for their parents, do what they want, and at the age of six or seven I'll hear them while they're doing something illegal like stealing saying 'the cops can't do anything to me!' There's something wrong with that. Each of us has to find what works for our children. Of course, I'm talking about the morons out there who take their anger out on their kids. That's a totally different field than what I'm talking about here. I hope this helps.

Answer 12

I was never spanked---my mom said that it doesn't do any good to repay bad behavior with bad behavior. I don't plan on spanking my children either. They should learn that you can't do certian things because they hurt other people or because of their natural consequences, not because they're afraid of getting spanked.