Is it right for children to be told when to go to bed?

Question

I think children should not be told when to go to bed, because if they stay up too late and are tired the next morning, that's their own fault, and they have taught themselves not to stay up too late. Anyway, I think that children who have a strict bedtime routine make a big fuss about going to bed and make life difficult for their parents. If we don't tell children when to go to bed, they will go of their own accord quite early. I do think children up to nine years old should be told when to go to bed, but not children older than nine. I also think that some children may get the impression their parents won't want them around, and some parents do send their children to bed to get rid of them.
Children who have parents who are very strict about bedtimes may often take the opportunity to stay up extremely late in later life when they are adults (causing them to become unhealthy and tired during work) or when they are staying at friends houses.
A lot of the time, I think that children are more inclined to stay up later when they are told to go to bed and they are more likely to purposely stay up later. I believe children have a right to have a mind of their own and think for themselves and sending a child to bed is basically saying they don't know when they are tired and they don't understand their feelings, which is untrue.

Answer 1

A child's bedtime is of concern to the entire family because tired, cranky children have the potential to upset the entire family's well-being. Parents also need downtime away from children to reestablish their own intimate bonds. This is not "getting rid of the child," but putting the child down for much needed rest while parents experience one-on-one relationship interaction that keep their marriages healthy which also benefits the child(ren).



There should be a natural evolution of a child's ability to govern their own sleep. As you mentioned, children under the age of 9 or 10 do not generally have the ability to maturely evaluate their own sleep needs and make good decisions. With puberty comes an extra shot of seratonin that makes teenagers naturally want to stay up later and sleep in later until the morning. It's a biological reality that our society does not acknowledge because Jr. Highs and High Schools often start even earlier than elementary schools do. Because many children lack the maturity to be able to fight their own biology on sleep, it is necessary for parents to intervene sometimes.



Our rules for our boys during the school year:



Six year old's bedtime routine starts at 8, lights off at 8:30PM. He gets up at 5:45 so he has extra time to get ready for school and the bus comes at 6:30.



15 and 16 year olds have to be in their rooms after 10PM during the school week unless there is a good reason to change the rule (example, they don't get home from an away game until 9:30). They don't have to sleep, but there aren't any tvs, computers or phones in their bedrooms at night. So while homework or reading is optional, they generally don't partake for more than hour which makes it far easier for them to be up at 6:30am and out the door at 7:15am. If they choose to read until 2am, I'm not going to interfere with that. But the lack of things to do make them less likely to go that route.



On weekends, the older two have to be home by midnight and quiet. There is no established time they have to be in their rooms, but if they're loud and irritating they and whatever friends they might have over will get sent to bed. The rest of us still need sleep.



During summers and on over breaks, the six year old is in bed by 10pm. The older boys have to stay quiet after 10pm. They don't have to be in bed, but they can't be in my or my husband's hair (we generally go to our bedroom around 10 too because we have to work the next morning) or causing a ruckus that might wake the six year old up.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm all about giving kids the freedom to make their own decisions when they're old enough. But I disagree with many of your statements.



My kids are 2, 5, and 7 and they have strict bedtimes. They know their bedtime is 8pm on school nights. They know we start baths at roughly 7:30. They've always had a bedtime routine and I can honestly count on one hand the times (each of) my kids have given me fits about going to bed.



Second, learning from bad experience isn't always the best way. This is the most crucial time for kids to be learning. Elementary school gives you all the basics you need to continue your education through life. Now is not the time to be letting your kids stay up until midnight. I don't even stay up that late.



I had strict bedtimes when I was a child and so did my brother. He frequently stays up til the wee hours of the morning, but has no kids, and works afternoon/night shifts. I'm generally in bed by 10, have 2 kids to get ready for school and a toddler to prepare for the day. It doesn't matter what time you went to bed when you were a child, it depends on your lifestyle.



I think 9 is way too young to be given that freedom. Middle school age is when my kids will be allowed to choose their bed time, and the first time that it affects their grades, they'll be going back to a set bedtime until I see fit to allow them that freedom again.

Answer 3

Well, to be honest I think that it is still important to send your child to bed when they need ( a reasonable hour depending on age) because they need their sleep to function well the next day .You cant just say that if they go to bed late its 'their fault' because its not. If you don't send them to bed then YOU are responsible for them being tired because as a parent you are meant to take control and look after your child. You brought this being into the world, therefore you look after this being until time comes when the child is no longer in need of your overly obsessive parenting. It is especially important to tell your children when to go to bed when they are teens and are in special need of sleep due to upcoming exams and tests. If you do not teach your child the values of bedtime and other basic parenting essentials , then it is not you who will suffer but the child. And no the child when they have grown up will not rebel against bedtime but they will be mature enough ( if you bring them up right) to understand that they need sleep. No, it is not like telling and guessing when a child is tired because there is a SET time for a child to go to bed to get the same amount of sleep each night. YOU are a parent. Your kid is a CHILD. Don't let niggly feeling make you feel that you are being unfair to your child because you are not. You will actually be helping this child.

Therefore, my case is closed.

Thank you and Goodbye.

You're Welcome.

PandaEyes.

Answer 4

Children ,especially of school age,should be guided and asked/told to go to bed at a certan time.the reason mostly is for them to have a good nights rest before they have to wake up for school.there are certain number of hours children (even adults) are meant to invest in night sleep for general good health.Older kids,like teenagers, already are used to and now know and understand bedtime rules/guides and should be told but not hovered over like young kids cos they are also old enough to understand the consequences of their actions (like if they are meant to be sleeping but decide to listen to music on their earphone instead without anyone knowing and they wake up all sleepy but still have to go to school.They'd know its their fault).During the holidays,bedtime doesn't need to be all that strict but still for parents rest (cos for some,the few hours left between the time kids are in bed and the time they too have to go to sleep,are the only time they can relax,rest,have a little peace and quiet and some couple time too),its not a bad thing to stick to bedtime for kids.As for some kids thinking their parents don't want them around during bedtime would depend on the parent(s) and the words used and approach to bedtime.I haven't seen a case like that yet.

Answer 5

It sounds good but then the parent has to try to get them up in the morning for school and they are so tired they won't wake up and get out of bed with out a fight. Then they won't eat breakfast because all they want to do is sleep. You get a call from school saying they are sleeping in class and not learning anything. Kids aren't responsible enough to just turn loose and let them decide what's best for them. They just live for the moment and don't look at the whole picture. That's what parents are for, to guide them and teach them what they need to know to survive on their own.

Answer 6

The truth is, many kids just don’t want to go to bed at night. For most of them, I think it’s because they’re afraid they’re going to miss something. With others, it might be because they’re frightened of the dark, or afraid to go to sleep. And for some kids, they simply want to be in control.



Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/Take-the-Power-Struggle-out-of-Bedtime-



A Powerful Tool for Parents: Ask the 4 Questions and End Power Struggles



Here’s a sample conversation you can have with your younger or older child after you’ve explained the new rules of bedtime to them:



You: “What is the new rule?”

Your child: “Lights out.”

You: “How will we know it’s working?”

Your child: “I’ll get up on time.”

You: “What will we do if it doesn’t work?”

Your child: “We’ll try again.”

You: “What will we do if it works?

Your child: “I’ll get lights back on.”

Answer 7

A lot of the trouble we have with young people today is that no one has ever told them anything,of course children should be told when to go to bed,and when to get up,and when to eat their meals,watch tv use their computers etc. My grand daughter is 10 and knows she goes to bed at 8pm in the week,holidays and weekend its 9pm,she has no problem with that,she knows she does her homework before she goes on her computer,or plays her wi fi, she is a lovely well mannered girl,from the age of 4 you could take her out anywhere,to restaurants,cinema,anywhere,she is full of fun and i love playing with her. She is at the top of her class,she loves school and the teachers love her,A child needs boundaries,as they get older the boundaries are eased a little,bit by bit until at 18 they can go their own way,they know they are loved and cared for.

Answer 8

As a parent its your job to make sure ur children r getting enough sleep. Those who have regular bedtimes do not make a fuss and do better at school.

Answer 9

Yes, because they are children.



It would also be their own fault if they did just about anything and then had to suffer the consequences,surely? Are you suggesting that parents shouldn't tell their children anything at all?

Answer 10

i'm single mom of three boys all 4 and below and each night my 2 oldest climb in my mattress whilst i'm slumbering and no remember what number cases I deliver them back to thier beds they continuously end perfect back in my mattress its gotten to the element the place I given up on struggling with it explanation for already being up all night with my 2 month old I do merely not know what to do anymore

Answer 11

If a kid doesn't get enough sleep it's not the kid's fault it's yours! Kids are stupid and parents are put here to keep them from doing stupid things that hurt them. When they get to be teens you can cut them some slack but little kids no.



Your the parent not their friend....ACT like a parent!

Answer 12

First of all... Is this a question or a statement?



Second of all... If you are a parent you can choose, there is no real right or wrong when it comest to that,