How do I get over the feeling of sadness and guilt whenever I take time for myself?

Question

Not to mention the feeling that I will miss something.

I'm talking about leaving my 2 1/2 year old daughter with a babysitter whenever my husband and I want to take time out just for ourselves? He hardly ever do that, but when we do, I always feel really awful about it. And because of that, I have a really hard time having fun while we're out.

My husband wants us to spend Saturday together, just the two of us, but all I can think of is the fact that it means less time to spend with my daughter over the weekend. How do I get over these feelings and just have a good time?

Answer 1

Think about it as you and your husband recharging the marriage batteries. You need this time to keep your marriage strong for you, your husband, and your little girl. Plus when you do this you will feel better and be recharged so you can be a better mommy. We all need a little break so we do not burnout. Yes I know you feel guilty but think of it as you are doing this so you can be a better and happier mom because you have had time to recharge you mental batteries. When you get back after having fun you will feel better about being a mom.

Answer 2

Depending on the amount of time you spend away from your daughter during the week I would try to remember the love you and your husband shared/share with one another that created your blessing (your daugther). Also, if your spending 12 hours away on Saturday every Saturday I can understand how hard it would be for you but if your only gone a few hours at a time then she is I'm sure playing with the babysitter and having a good time! Also, everyone is different...its hard as a mother to find a balance. I know that didn't necessarily ANSWER your question in a detailed format but best of luck!

Answer 3

My hubby and I go out, just the 2 of us, twice a month. We have it scheduled, and we do it no matter what, even if it's just to run errands we didn't get to during the week.



Im a SAHM now, and when I did work, I felt exactly like you do... any time I made plans for myself I felt like the worst mother on the planet. BUT - I started doing it anways. Even if it's only for a couple hours, that time alone (or with hubby) to be an adult and not stress over work/kids/etc. will do WONDERS for when you ARE at home with your kids. It will put more balance in your role as wife/mom, and also recharge and refresh your mentality.



Sometimes I just run to the store by myself to pick up a few things, I'm gone maybe 45 min at the MOST, but when I get home I feel refreshed and ready to tackle on mommy time again.



My advice, just do it. Enjoy it, it might take a few times to get over the guilty feeling, but in the end EVERYONE will benefit from it!!!!!

Answer 4

You feel this way because you are a wonderful mom and are in love with your child. To me, that's totally normal and nothing is wrong with that. However, being divorced, I know the importance in spending quality alone time with your spouse. You need to have that time with your husband in order to keep the spark between you and keep you happily married. If you can find a really fun place for your daughter to go such as with a family member like a grandparent or aunt or uncle or cousins...your daughter can have a really fun experience with them and give her memories to talk about when she gets older. It will also strengthen her relationships with her family. You don't want her to be too dependent on you or needy of you....having outside relationships is very important and I think as long as she is getting that, it's okay for you and your husband to go away for a short retreat to focus on each other without feeling guilty. Remember to keep your marriage bond strong!! He is the one you will spend the rest of your life with...even after your daughter grows up and has a life of her own! I wish you the best. :)

Answer 5

Well if you can trust the baby sitter then let it go. I never do it but sometimes would love to be with my husband alone but I know I can't because I would really miss my son to much. We are talking about putting him in daycare so I can look for a job. Don't feel bad. If it is just once in a while then don't worry about it. Try not to do it all the time because you can only watch your child grow 1 time.

Answer 6

1st of all it's not a horrible thing to want to spend time with hubby w/o child it's normal you need that in a marriage to help it survive. have a date night choose 1 day a month to go out, no one said you have to stay out til all haours of night even if it only for about 1 or 2 it's still time byselves then go home and spend time with child try that for while maybe it help you to relax when you are out, then work way up to 3 or 4 hours. You know just cause you are a mother(which i know it can be hard to leave your child) dosen't mean you don't deserive time to go have fun doing adult things. i don't go out much either but everyother friday night me & hubby go bowling on leauge, doing something fun together out with freinds & only takes couple hours then we go back home to our girls it's a sometimes needed break. It won't mean you or your hubby love your child any less cause you both need time together.

Answer 7

Who is your daughter stayiong with? Is it someone she loves to be with? When my husband and i need an us day or hour or what ever my mom or mil usually take my kids. As an adult in a committed relationship need time with out your daughter. If she enjoys spending time with this person think of it as a play date for her... not for you if you know she's happy and healthy where she is out just think i need to do this for me and for my husband. it takes time.. it's not something that you are going to be able to do the first time but you and your husband need some time that is adult time. It's part of having a healthy relationship for you.

Answer 8

I felt the same way when my daughter was that young but it's really healthy for you and your husband to have time to yourself. It gets easier as they become older. It's also easier if you have a babysitter you trust. Go out and have a good time, the feelings you have are normal.

Answer 9

Try to think of it differently. You are doing a good thing for your daughter. Children need time away from parents, it's good for them to be around other people and get a break from you. It builds social skills and independence.



Parents need time to themselves, it makes you a better parent because if you have time to relax and have fun for yourself, then you are less stressed which is good for your daughter.



So try and remember that you are not being selfish here, you are doing a good thing for your child.

Answer 10

If she is in daycare during the week, I wouldnt "take time to myself" either...if she is with you all week then fine...but if she is elsewhere then I would have a sharp wotd with my husband...kids are for being with.

Answer 11

Listen to music and stay with your family.