Why do parents think its ok to smack their children?

Question

Yesterday i was at the supermarket with my 3 yr old son and a mother whacked her boy because he smacked his younger sibling, she then replied with "you dont have the right to smack"! What is the world coming to? Why do parents feel the need to physically harm their children? I believe they have lost control and think this is the way to go, but it breaks my heart. These children will grow up thinking smacking will get the result they want! They will hit other children too! Please inform me as to why parents smack, whats the need? Do the parents feel bad afterwards? if so why do it in the first place? Would you like to be hit if you did something wrong? I think the answer is NO, so please dont hit our future generation, lets put a stop to this NOW!

Answer 1

Some parents believe that anything from "an occasional smack" to "a good hiding", famously "never did me any harm". Therefore they feel justified in giving the same to their own children as a consequence for bad behaviour (as you say, smacked children will grow up thinking smacking works). The new age of reason in child-rearing says that while there need to BE consequences for bad behaviour, these should neither be physical nor lasting, and should not essentially "outlive" the bad behaviour, merely remind the child that bad behaviour will not be tolerated.



Very often, patterns of behaviour are begun while the child is very small, and the consequences of having no consequences only grow over time, so you end up with children that have no respect for their parents, and admittedly, if you smack, you'd better use it as "the nuclear button", and only then, otherwise it loses any power it has reeeeeeeeaaaal fast. And what do you have left at that point - does a smack become a slap, a slap a punch, or what?



The problem is that not everyone has the time, the experience or the understanding to fit the perfect modern model of parenting, and a smack, while in the long term being detrimental, often delivers an immediate consequence that solves an immediate problem. That's why people still do it, though I do agree that consistency of argument is crucial here - to smack a child for smacking their sibling while telling them smacking is wrong woudl probably make a hilarious and pointed TV comedy sketch, but it's not exactly the way to make the point to your child.

Answer 2

Let me ask you a question - if you had a child who continually ran into the road after breaking free from you time and again - talking to your child didn't work - would you rather smack your child to teach him/her NOT to run onto the road and risk getting squashed OR would you rather wipe your child up off the road?



Let me put it another way - if you climbed onto a wall and fell off - you would hurt yourself and think twice about doing it again! It's the same when a parent smacks a child - the child thinks twice about doing the wrong thing!



>They will hit other children too<



That's actually a load of rubbish! Of all the children I've looked after the ones who are more violent are the ones who don't get smacked!



Smacking shouldn't be so the child is black and blue, shouldn't be across the head and shouldn't really be done in public view so as the embarrass the child! Neither should parents yell at their children - this can be worse than one short sharp smack on the back of the leg!



If anybody cares for children as a nanny/childminder etc they shouldn't smack their charges!



Another thing I would say is - after a certain age children don't need a smack as they can be reasoned with! A smack shouldn't come with temper either - if a parent goes to smack a child - several warnings should be given to give the child a chance!



NOT to teach a child how to behave and obey/respect their parents is just as cruel as smacking and shows a lack of love!

Answer 3

I think that in some points, smacking or spanking goes too far and gets abusive, but physical discipline is the best discipline at that age. Do you really think a 4 year old is going to remember a 5 minute time out, or a smack on the butt, when he is thinking about doing something bad again? And as a kid, I did hate getting spanked. But I did learn after the first smack, and thats where I dont understand your reasoning. Cause after you get spanked, every time you think about getting in a fight with your little brother, you remember that spanking. And yes, if an adult does something wrong, we dont smack them physically. But if you are an adult and you dont pay your bills, they take your house and car away. If you murder, you get a timeout for the rest of your life.

Answer 4

Each parent raises their children in their own way...Who are you to judge them?!



I was smacked/spanked as a child, And I grew up just fine, In fact, It probably helped make me a better person.



It doesn't bother me to see a parent smack their child if they've done something wrong, I'm by no means talking about beating a child, But a little swat here and there is harmless!!



What I can't stand, Is when parents let their children run rampant and 'yell' at them, Or tell them over and over and over (to no avail) to stop doing something.



I swat my boys if they're doing something they aren't supposed to, And NO I don't feel bad for doing it afterwards.



As for me wanting hit if I did something wrong, I'm an adult. I know right from wrong, And if I do something wrong, Then I have my own consequences to deal with..I could go to jail, Or I could be fined..



Children need to know they can't just do as they please.



THAT is the reason why so many children are out of control now days, 'cause parents are either a)afraid to smack their childrens butts, or b) believe they are going to do some kind of long term damage.

Answer 5

Last week I went to babysit a little boy. He was a brat - he'd never been disciplined. I couldn't smack him but by 9.00 I was almost in tears. I'd read the stories, persuaded him, nagged, begged, pleaded, ordered etc etc. I'd been firm. And still he lay on the floor, screaming and crying. He is 7.

Until I realised that he's afraid of the dark. So I put the lights out. Then he really screamed! I put the lights on and told him that unless he behaved, I'd put them out again. And he behaved.

What's crueller? That, or a smack on the bum?

Quite frankly, I'm appalled that I was reduced to that level! I'd rather have smacked him in the beginning than have this screaming for hour after hour only to get it stopped by what to me, was a really inhumane playing on somebody's fears.

I feel far more guilty at my cruelty than I do at smacking my kids. They don't get smacked often - they're beyond it now, anyway.

After watching SuperNanny you can see how children behave whose parents don't know how to discipline their children. They've lost control. And quite frankly, you can see from those shows, that the children do hit each other, even though they've never been smacked. Honestly, be realistic. Stop being so emotional about it all. A smack on the butt is a smack on the butt.

Answer 6

I feel a smack on the bottom in some cases is ok but never in public because you are not doing it to humiliate the child. I had two boys, both in early 40's and a girl that is 20. I believe I whipped her twice with my hand and the first time she was in diapers so I did no harm. The reason for it was she had started biting small children and after the smacking on the bottom she stopped. The other time she was seven or eight and had been really smarting off. I took her in the bed room and told her why I was going to smack her bottom with my hand. I told her i loved her and she could not continue talking like that. Afterward we hugged each other and both cried. She has been a very easy child to raise and has never caused us any problems. Most always we would talk with her when she misbehaved and it worked. Every child is different and boys are much harder to control. You just have to be consistent with what you say and always show love even when you have to punish them.

Answer 7

Yeah, like we should stop arresting them too! Wake up woman!!!! Children need to be shown right from wrong, to many parents take the easy opinion with 'little talks' that get them no where! My nephew has never had a smack in his life, the parents don't agree! He is a sod, a nightmare, he's bad in school, rude, plus he hits his mum! My kids get smacked every now and then, not once have they ever disrespected me or been bad in school! I was smacked as a child for the naughty things I would sometimes do, looking back, it's because my parents cared that they did it! I 'm glad they did it!

Answer 8

Some kids need a smack, some kids don't. A little swat on the butt, helps to remind them that disobiedence and misbehaviour has consequences. Some learn easier than others, but alot of behaviour is gleaned from parents. Kids mimick what they see. So if people are unhappy and road ragers and abusive, etc. Well then there is a good chance the kids are going to do the same thing. Plus, kids are inherently selfish, and need disipline and training to become contributors to society. People like my sister-in-law, who think kids need no disipline and they will be fine, if you give them what they want all the time, are morons, which she is starting to figure out now that her brats are getting bigger. They're horrendous. But when they come to stay at uncles place you should see how fast they snap too. I have never had to smack them but I think they know the potential is there.

Answer 9

hey, this is good question...



I was born and bred in India till i was 12, but live in London now and my parents and my older siblings used to smack me all the time when i got in trouble or did something wrong. However i never regarded this as "physical abuse" and "traumatic childhood"...it was actually funny.



Smaking your children isn't wrong at all (unless you punch/slap them in the face or break bones and stuff, that is just f u c k e d). Its actually way of teaching your children to not get in trouble and to be deciplined and respect things. If they are not smaked they'll "get away" with the things they did wrong and will not learn a lesson that what they did was wrong and someone actually suffered from it.



When I got smacked I never thought that smacking people will get results or that I smacked other kids. I am not mentally unstable as result of my parents and older siblings smaking me, i am actually more socialble and more open-minded person and I have learnt to respect other people's views and feelings.



You can't TELL kids to not do something, because they never LISTEN. Hell, I hardly ever learnt from my mistakes and still got into trouble so many times, sometimes i ctually wonder how my parent coped with me and my behaviour.



Smaking is OK as long as you are not doing any permenant damage (emotional and physical) to the child and provide assurance and love after smaking. If they do soemthing wrong the NOT smacking them just gonna make them a bad person as they wont understand to respect other people's feelings.

Answer 10

There's a lot to say for and against this issue , I had an abusive childhood I MEAN abusive not a smack for hitting a sibling ! I mean a stick a belt a wooden spoon , my brother was caught smoking by my father and was punched in the face blood was all up the wall , We girls were sexually abused , if mine had just been a smack for swearing etc I could have handled that as discipline not what I endured , please put things into perspective , the laws WERE brought out for a reason !!

Answer 11

I am so tired of people with there opinions about not spanking kids. I am sorry but I was raised getting spankings and I have much respect for my parents. My children get spanked as a last resort when all else has failed and Ill tell you what my kids are very respectful towards me and other adults and for the most part very well behaived. Its not against the law to spank your child thas why they have rear ends now it is against the law to beat your child (which I dont) but a spanking here and there to get them in check when they are acting badly I dont see a problem with it. I wouldnt be the person I am today if my parents didnt disciplin me they way they did and I look back and I thank them.

Answer 12

This is a tough dilemma and until I have my own children I cannot know how I would handle the same situation. It makes sense that the little boy is goign to be confused about this, "why can Mum smack and I can't?" will be the question running through his head. The mother should try to keep the children occupoed whilst doing chores such as shopping by making it into a game though which would a) keep the kids occupied, b)teach the children stuff and c) get them all communicating.

Answer 13

Because it is a habit that goes back a long way.

I never smacked any of my five kids and think

that it would do me more harm than to them,

and none of them were disobedient! I think that

a lot depends on the environment that they live

in. I do not know if my wife ever smacked them,

but I don‘t think so otherwise they would tell me.

All were good students and never repeated any

year. The problem with smacking, I think, is that

this does not correct the child and perhaps may

make them more revengeful.

Answer 14

Look cant win for losing. You complain because she smacks her kid, others on here say why doesnt she smack him and make him mind. It's her way of dealing maybe you should not be complaining since you have not walked a mile in her shoes, maybe hes a continuous brat who hits his younger siblings all the time , you dont know. Give her a break so her parenting isnt the same as yours that doesnt make her a "bad" parent.

Answer 15

Because a parent needs to dicsipline their children, and we do so by smacking. There is nothing wrong with a smack provided it does not constitue a beating. The issue of smacking children is one that has only surfaced in recent years and I am sure there are many people out there of my generation (I am 29) who were smacked and have grown up as peace loving, anti violent adults! Many animals use a form of smacking in the wild, it's how kids learn and I think there is nothing wrong with it provided the parent understands their limits.

Answer 16

most of the people have rated your question bad and the answers which were supporting your question were also rated bad so you cant see it by I totally agree with you...you know why that mother whacked his 3 year old let me tell you why..Spanking is a brutal cycle handed from one hand to another hand when a mother or father smack his kid the kid thinks that when someone whos lil than you do something its his/her right to wreck him which is definately wrong...The mother who just spanked her kid was a girl who was spanked as lil and shes using the same to handle her kid(like i said spanking is a cycle) only few are intellegent enough to break this cycle and those people really know the child psycology...the kids who are spanked as lil dont have even a lil bit of self control towards their own seed(child)

and the parents who hit their kids dont feel bad because they think they are maintaining dicipline..but dicipline is not fear the thing that they dont recognise..they pass out their kids innocent childhood in punishments and when he grow up he do the same.And if you would tell these type of parents not to hit their kids their arguements dont have a ending because it was the same thing which was done to them when they were lil..Im happy that you recognised that true parenting is based on love and respect...

Answer 17

didn't you get spanked as a child? I don't think time outs work for every thing. A smack on the butt for bad behavior as long as its not abusive kind of smacking its fine. My son will get spanked when he needs it. I got spanked as a child and i am fine and don't have issues. If you don' t have boundaries and discipline you are going to have a long road to hoe and some serious behavioral issues. I get tired of seeing parents not instill values and morals and respect in children. They let them act terrible and let them do anything they want to do. Thats why the world is the way it is. The parents should be taking a interest in what their children are doing and care about their futures.

Answer 18

what a load of crap!! i was belted with a strap as a child, but i certainly never hit other children. i don't agree with parents who smack their children for hitting, i think it's ridiculous. i don't think that smacking your child is being 'out of control', and it doesn't necessarily work with every child. to be honest, i think a lot of kids are disrepectful and rude, which i beleive is a lack of discipline and maybe those children would have benefited from a smack every now and then? i despise people who beat their children and think it's a form of 'acceptable' punishment, it's such a distorted view

Answer 19

i cant stand seeing a toddler/child of any age smacked. the youngster you seen in the supermarket has obviously smacked his sibling because thats what mummy does.

i want to know what gives a parent the right to publically abuse (yes abuse because thats what it is) their children

so many times you see little ones screamed at for the simpliest of things and the smacked because mummy or daddy cant take any more.

people like that dont deserve kids. i often wonder what would happen to the parent if someone walked up to them and punched them very hard for smacking their child. lets see how they'd like it.

i never hand on my heart ever felt the need to have to smack my own children. and god help me if i did because i would phone social services and report myself.....i dont deserve kids if i feel i have a right to smack them

Answer 20

i was smacked when i was a kid and i dont necessarily think that its totally wrong. i do however draw the line at real physical violence that bruises etc.



small children just dont understand the word no and you cannot reason with them.



i dont have any kids, so i may change my mind later, but for now i think that people are getting too involved in the smacking debate

Answer 21

first off, every one is entitled to discipline their children as they wish. i was spanked by my father not mother, and i knew not to do what i had just done ever again otherwise i would get a spanking. he never hurt me but he did hurt my feelings and i learned form that. i spank my kids, not hard or anything but a good swat on the butt is all. they know when i am serious and i mean business. i do not like to pop in the mouth, but i did do it when my kids started biting or spitting on people. both my kids went through both stages and that was the only method that worked to get them to stop and once they got popped in the mouth once, well 2 times for my youngest, he is the honary one, they never did either one ever again. i do not see a problem with spanking your kids, a lot of people are against it but i do not see a problem with it. i never hit them anywhere besides their behind and i do not like to do it in public. i will think of another punishment if the occasion arises. my kids are very well behaved every where we go and they are very respectful to other kids and parents, they get in trouble for fighting with other kids. they know better than to get in a confrontation with another person or friend. they will be disciplined another way. but that is my thought on your question and i am sorry that you do not see my way but like i said before, everyone has their own way of doing their disciplining. i mean no offense to you or any other person who reads this. and please do not judge any one else for their remarks. hope this helped, holly

Answer 22

A good smack shows who's in charge - it worked for me. Alternatively, if you don't feel you can hit your child, cup their faces in your hand, get them to look at you & let them know you mean business. Too many parents tell their kids off, then let them be naughty again, so the act of disciplining the child is wasted.

Answer 23

I so agree with you. I can tell you have a big heart and figured out that smacking is the wrong way to parent.

Smacking, spanking, hitting are all forms of lazy, uneducated parenting. Some children remember spanking messages more than nurturing ones. They will remember and be most influenced by the 1 hit than the 100 hugs. Hitting just devalues a child. Children need to predict the outcome in order to behave good in the future. Parents should never spank because using fear and pain is the wrong way to go about it.

Spanking is a form of violence that teaches children that inflicting fear and pain on others is a way to control their behavior. Parents who spank are out of control and are not disciplined parents. It just teaches children how to hit, how to be sneaky, how to fear, how to be ashamed and how to take anger out on others. All degrees of spanking- light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always- give children the wrong kind of attention. You want your child to follow rules because they are right and good, not to avoid punishment because they are scared and become sneaky. When parents spank, they stop their children at the lowest level of moral development. So all the idiots that recommend to spank are eroding their childs ability to be empathetic. When you react with anger to childrens' behavior, we teach them to act without considering another persons' feelings-another consequence we need to avoid. Then when your child doesn't have empathy, it is impossible for them to learn to share, play well with others, avoid angry and violent actions, and take responsibility for their actions. I have children and am studying early childhood development in college. I am against spanking. Children of non-spanking parents tend to be easy to manage and well-behaved because these parents set clear standards for what is expected, provide lots of love and affection, explain things to the child, and recognize and reward good behavior. Non-spanking parents also pay more attention to their children’s behavior, both good and bad, than parents who spank do.

Research shows that the higher the education the person has, the less likely they spank.

That is what I think, I am so against it.

Answer 24

I was smacked quite a lot as a child and i vowed i would not do that to my children. However i have been know to tap my sons bottom firmly through his nappy to let him know hes done wrong and i have smacked gently the back of his hand. I do feel bad afterwards and ever so guilty. I think its our way of making ourselves feel in control again when in actual fact it is us that have lost control. Lately i've learnt to take myself out of the room and then tell my son why he shouldnt do whatever he was doing, and this also helps me to calm down too. I've had a better response this way too.

Answer 25

i fell that a smack on the bottom when something wrong is done is fine, anything other than that is too far (my father used to smack us with a wooden spoon, well my bro more then me - i only had this done once, never dared to do anything wrong again! that, in my opinion was too far)



So long as the parents know when to stop, gentle but firmish smacking can be warranted.

Answer 26

i will smack my daughter if i say no over and over and she doesnt listen she gets smacked on the butt...which by the way doesnt phase her b.c half the time she laughs at my a-s-s..haha...i dont see nothing wrong with a smack on the butt...or even a little one on the leg...but i wouldnt do it in a store or anything just because i know people will look at me funny, they already look at me as it is b.c im a teenage mother, i get dirty looks all the time and i hate it....so me smacking my daughter in front of them is just giving them an even more reason to whisper about me

Answer 27

I am not against spanking (on the behind ONLY), but I don't believe you should ever have to get to that point. That mother was probably trying to teach her child how a smack feels, so as to get the point across that it isn't pleasant.

Answer 28

everyone is different some people believe there is nothing wrong w/ a smack it gets them respect others believe it doesn't work I say look around if talking and time out worked we wouldn't have such a mess on our hands

Answer 29

I dont agree with really hitting a child hard but I do think that a slap on the bum or on the hand is fine, it never hurt me, children these days are awful because they dont get that little slap.

Thing is if they keep misbehaving after the slap then it obviously didnt hurt.

Answer 30

I believe in spanking my children adn always have. God says spre the rod spoil the child. All of this time out does not work if our children are not taught to resect parents then they will never respect elders or go very far in ths world. I do not consider myself out of control but I do and will continue to discipline my children I have been raiding nine children for 25 years and still spank.

Answer 31

A tap on the hand never done any harm but when it comes to wacking it comes a bit far i completely agree wiv u i use the naughty step from the programme super nanny

Answer 32

THE reason why parents are smaking there child is because they sufferd it to when they were young and im a child thats 12 years old that reported child abuse from my parents and my dad got put in jail for 20 yearsi think children should have more rights to reprt child abuse my email is [e-mail]

Answer 33

i don't tap my daughter on the butt everytime you turn around, but i do smack her butt when she's done something really bad. I don't beat her, so the way I decide to discipline by child, it's MY business, and no one has a right to question it!

Answer 34

i dont spank or smack my kids...i only take away priveleges my husband is the one who smacks around...parents smack because they need rest from the terrors of the day they feel..i dont know maybe worried but my husband feels much relaxed no i dont like to be hit

Answer 35

It's because of people like you that we get spoiled brats who throw tantrums and get their way. There is nothing wrong both morally or legally with a whack on the butt!!!!

Answer 36

You carry on not smacking your kids sweetie. We can all laugh at them being dragged in to court again for another ASBO.



As you can see from your thumbs up / down, you are in a vast minority.

Answer 37

The odd smack never hurt anybody, and I mean odd smack, not slapping, beating or thrashing, and not for the littlest of demanours.

Answer 38

I don't think there is anything wrong with a little smack - but only as a last resort.

Answer 39

I think a smack is sometime neccessary.

Answer 40

I have no idea why people do that.

when i was younger my parents never slapped me, and i dont plan on smacking my children either. i agree with you all the way!:]]]

Answer 41

mmm.. 1 qn, is the mum an asian? asian chinese hav the practice of ''hittin'' their kids, when the kids r in the wrong. hittin as in canning, spankin by belt, etc. i used to be canned by my mum when i was young when i fared badly in exams so on. nt excessively. tat wld be considered child abuse then?? look at me now,i do nt grow up to be an agressive child or so. when i was at tat age, i hated my mum as to y she punishes me in tat way. bt now i'm all grown up, i noe y she does it. maybe u can see look at it in tis way, different families hav different ways of bringin up their kids. or to tis sayin, spare the rod, spoil the child. n ps. my mum wld also cry n feel sad when she punishes me. so yaaa.. ultimately, the mum may punish the kid in tat way, bt she has to rationale it out, n tell the kid y she does tat.



(:

Answer 42

when you see the state of a lot of teens . and what they think they can get away with ?? when i was young ..get caught doing something wrong by a police man you would get a thick ear .would not tell your mum you would get another one . grown up now and i respect the law and other people

Answer 43

parents smack because its the other way/easier way for control they need it for feeling the boss and be in control the parents sometimes feel bad because they hurt their kids they do it for again CONTROL i would be not depressed if i get hit when something i did was wrong but i respect your opinion and thoughts about this

Answer 44

The first to pull the trigger is the first to have ran out of ideas

Answer 45

i completley agree with you, i think it does not have a good influence at all , i was raised and was never smacked and i respect my parents 100% my partner was smacked and he doesnt respect his as much , i was in the chemist near me the othe day and a little girl was crying to her mum for some sweets , the girl was approx 4 years old , the mother smacked her straightround the face , it was horrific , so yes i agree it should not be allowed

Answer 46

Yeah, what is the world coming. When people tell me how to raise my kids. Ridiculous

Answer 47

the uk has the worst youths in europe, why?



do disapline is allowed any more, kids are not scared of anything, so start them young!

Answer 48

Most people that were hit when they were a child, now hit their own children....it's the way they were raised.

Answer 49

Especially if they are over forty

Answer 50

Ignorance.

I couldn't intentionally hurt someone I love - especially my kids.

I believe in discipline, not punishment.

Answer 51

little slap (on a butt) is essential.

never hit the face though !



how do you want to gain respect ?