Is this child abuse/neglect?

Question

So I have some concerns about my step brothers and half sister, my sister is 2, the boys are 5, 6, and 8. Thank god I moved out with my mom and now have an apartment with my boyfriend, I hated it there (and I'm wasn't an unruly/lazy kid either, A+ student, polite, adults normally love me and my twin because we are so helpful, my mom and all other family thought my sister and I are just wonderful kids, and this was when we were around 16) due to how stressful it was to live there. Cleaning was upmost importance, EXTENSIVE cleaning.

(i.e. If after I spent an hour scrubbing the bathroom (walls, toilet, etc. with tooth brush so it's spotless, bleaching the tub, sweeping, mopping, and this was daily, if I went to go get a drink of water or something, then my stepmom went in the bathroom and found A SINGLE HAIR on the floor or counter, I'd be grounded for two weeks. Or before getting ready for prom, (which btw I was extremely stressed out/frustrated, my first prom, my mom was in the military and couldn't help with my hair or fix my dress, I can't curl my hair to save my life or put it up in anything else but a pony tail and just wanted to feel pretty and was practically in tears just because nothing was going right. I did my make up at the bottom of the stairs, and tried to straighten my hair there, picked everything up, and then went upstairs to my bedroom to find a hair clip or something. I was in my bedroom for around 30 minutes and suddenly someone was pounding on the floor. It was my dad, my stepmom found a few hairs and about a 1/4 teaspoon of eye shadow on the carpet. Because I didn't vacuum it before fixing my hair, he wasn't going to let my go to prom. Even though we were 16. after getting a snack and wiping down all the counters, sweeping, and sometimes vacuuming, if they found a single crumb, then we wouldn't be allowed to get snacks or would have to eat them outside. I'm vegetarian (moral/ethical reasons), and if we were having rolls, meat balls pasta, and corn for dinner, then I couldn't make a microwave baked potato with barbecue sauce, I would have to have corn and a roll. Family time, meant going to church, then spending two hours EVERY DAY cleaning the already spotless house (do you know how hard it is to clean something you don't think is dirty? Socks were mandatory at ALL times, one time I came home from school and I was wearing flip flops. Rule is you have to wipe of your feet with baby wipes, put on clean socks, then go to the bathroom to wash your feet. On that day, I needed to pee REALLY bad, so I threw off my flip flops, then CRAWLED on my hands and knees to the bathroom so my feet didn't touch the carpet, after peed, I washed my feet and put on socks. I got yelled at, and then grounded for breaking the rules.)

Sorry if that seems like I am ranting, I just wanted to give a good idea of what happened when I was there.

Answer 1

Make a report to CPS. It is anonymous. They will investigate. If the social worker feels there is abuse/neglect going on, the children will be removed. If not, they will remain. Usually a social worker goes to the school and interviews the child there so there is no intimidation.

Answer 2

This sounds like a HORRIBLE situation for a child to live in. I work in child and family services, and to me, this is abuse. However, to Child Protective Services (CPS), I don't know that I see anything here that would be "deemed" abuse. Just "ugh".



I would call anyway. I would call CPS anyway. I would let them know what's going on there, in the most graphic of details that you've witnessed. Think also, while you're talking, what punishments are there. The problem is, CPS usually needs (by law) to see clear abuse or neglect. The abuse is mental/emotional, which is hard to prove. And the neglect (though this may be a leg to stand on, since other children are being required to watch the younger ones) is also very hard to prove. Since it "sounds" from what you've said (and if I'm wrong, nail someone with it), that the children are well nourished (they aren't showing physical signs of not being fed), and no neglect is fully warranted (someone hasn't called to say they've left the children alone, whether physically, OR mentally--the mentally piece is where you "may" have a say), and abuse in the physical sense (the rest is hard to prove), then basically, your case is worthless. HOWEVER, if you get a sympathetic CPS worker on the line (and trust me, this DOES matter), and you pour your heart out with regards to everything that's gone on there (make a list, and spit it out), then you may luck out and land with a worker that's intent on looking into the emotional abuse piece of this, which could then stand up in court. It is unfortunate, that the outcome may rely on a sympathetic ear, but trust me...whether an intake worker with CPS "feels" your concern, will have a major role in what is pursued long term (and what is tossed to the side as "unfounded"). Trust me. I work near this field.



I am appauled by what you've been through, and can't imagine what the others may still be going through. There's NOTHING wrong with vacuuming...even at ages 5-8 (you're wrong there, if you think that there is, at least on a "normal" basis). But, your prom night was over the top, and her lack of concern for the lil' ones is concerning (allowing the others to be caretakers). I must say though, hard to prove issue here.



Best wishes.

Answer 3

The cleaning part. crazy, but not illegal or abuse. But making a child sleep in their own pee and with nothing but a sheet for bedwetting and threatening them with a belt for talking too loud is abuse and having 5-8 year olds be responsible for a two year old is irresponsible and neglectful. I would call someone about this. They might not take them, but at least they will tell them that they have to fix certain things or they will be in trouble or send them to parenting classes.

Answer 4

That sounds so stressful, for all of the kids. I suggest contacting the kids guidance counselor at school. I'm not sure what social services would do but you can try contacting them. Geesh you stepmother needs therapy and parenting classes, your dad too if he is letting all of this happen. I had a clean freak stepfather before, it was terrible.

Answer 5

That must have been horrible, but not illegal. You might be able to sue for psycological stress if you were literally traumatized though.

Answer 6

wow i agree call social/child services and ask.

Answer 7

i think so call social services and ask them.