How can we balance raising children with a healthy outlook on sexuality without being too repressive?

Question

I believe any kind of sexual perversion comes from having to repress normal and natural feelings...that mixed with some weird things that can trigger a sexual association, like having your first sexual feelings while playing in the shoe closet, thus a foot fetish or something, or telling your kids sex is bad~ don't do it, and they end up pregnant at 14..

thoughts?

Answer 1

My parents never talked to me about sex or my period. Even when I started my period, no talks. Just... "Do you have it handled? Good." I ended up losing my virginity at 14 and being very permiscuous. I thought that if my parents didn't care, it really didn't matter. I'm 29 now, helathy, and happily in love with my fiance. He has 2 kids, 7 and 8 who live with us. And I keep telling him he needs to talk to them about the "important stuff" because they're asking questions about boobs and kissing and my favorite... "Do babies come out of your butt?" I had the pleasure of answering that one with, "nope, another place.", "Does the doctor have to cut open the tummy?", "Not always." Well, where does the baby come out of?" "Another place that's next to the but hole.", "EWE!".



We are agreed upon a way of raising them, and that is... Don't give the kid more information than he asks for. If he needs more information, the question will come up, and he will ask. However, there is a time for questions and there is a time for obedience. These particular children have been through hell, and have emotional and behavioral issues. We are trying not to repress them with their questions but they ask at the wrong times, (Like when they are supposed to be doing something they were told.) I will never ignore a question with a sexual reference in it. I WILL answer those because I don't want these kids growing up as confused as I was. AND, I'm sure they will make up their own stories about that too, and want to change how they raise theor kids based on their experiences with me one day. So, I tell them they can ask me anything, and when they're done, I say "Do you have any more questions?" I've made this my habit. Any questions about God or sex take priority in this house right now.



Oh yeah, every once in a while we will have a romantic kiss in front of the kids so they see what true love looks like. So they see that we are happy and in love romantically. If they didn't see him treat me with that kind of gentil kindness, I don't know if they would respect me in the future, being their step mother.

Answer 2

You have to be open with your children, but more importantly I think that they learn by example. My husband and I are very close and affectionate. Our children know that we love each other and that it is OK for us to be intimate, with that said we are not like making out in front of them, but we do kiss and hold hands and maybe even playfully pat each other on the butt, all clean fun. Openness and a willingness to talk to them when they have questions and concerns is the most important thing. How you act about it when they bring things up will have more of an impact. You have to take things in stride and be honest to their questions, if you aren't then they'll go someplace else and that info might not be right. Do what feels normal and right. Follow your instincts and heart and you'll be fine.



I have no problems talking with my children, I want them to know that it is possible to have a very healthy loving relationship and that sex is great when done in the proper way, and when they are ready. My kids know that we are intimate and that it's all good, there is nothing wrong with that, although my 13 year old says DON'T TAKE ME THERE MOM! but we are very open about it.

Answer 3

My thought is why ruminate on it? Children are children, if they grow up in a loving family who shows affection in an appropriate manner they are not going to suffer for it. I think actual birds and bees talk should wait until the child is a teen but until then there is no reason at all I am not going to show affection to my husband. My 4 yr old will scream "ewww" every time dad and I kiss, but oh well, that is development...I chose to not ruminate. I have 6 kids, 4 of whom are grown and none of them have difficulties in this department.

Answer 4

i am a mother of 6 kids ages 21 , 17, 1,7 , 13, 12, and 10

and my hubby and i are what i call open about it no we dont let our kids see us and things like that but we talk to them acording to what there minds adn age can handle and were truthfull about it , we let them know that the feelings they may have are normal feelings , and not all kids there age will experence the same feelings , we do tell our older kids the 21 year old and the 17 year olds that if they are at the point in a relation ship adn they think they may be ready for the next step to use protction adn dont depend on the other one to be protected, we also taught our older kids that just because jo mary jake bill said that they have had sex doesnt mean they have alot of kids will say they did just to fit in . so i say when it comes to talking bout sex to kids u need to be open minded tot here questions adn answeer truthfully acording to there age and ability to handle it . as for foot festish stuff yuck , but i do tell them fantasies are normall

and i also let them know that anyone can have sex but 2 pepole in love make love and there is a diffrence in that . i do not hid my affection for my hubby or nor he me we will hig each other and even kiss in front of them this is all normal behavoir

Answer 5

I have 4 children of my own and 5 step children. I have learned that each one is unique, thus each child needs to be handled differently. If one asks a question...I try to curb the answer towards their age and maturity. I also think it's very important not to lie to them. I try to give them the information they need, as they need it. As far as showing affection towards someone you love, if children don't see their parents expressing emotions (of any kind) they themselves will grow up with difficulty showing emotions themselves. There's nothing wrong with showing affection, so long as it is in an appropriate manner.

Answer 6

Repressive? Obviously morally bankrupt.



Your question doesn't even make sense. First you don't want to be repressive then you don't want your kids to have fetishes. Make up your mind and then come again.

Answer 7

just be straight up with them.