Do you think I was a little harsh to put my son in time out for this?

Question

My son is two years old and knows when I say it's time to change his diaper that he needs to come over and lay down so I can change him. (and for those of you who believe he should be in or already be potty trained, we have tried some already, but he is not ready just yet) Well he had a dirty diaper and I told him it was time for a diaper change. He turned around and flat out said, "NO" and refused to come over to me so I could change him. I said, "Yes" and he continued to say "NO". I told him he had until the count of 3 to come over here and I counted 1....2....3...he didn't come over to me, but rather started to throw a bit of a fit. I told him that after I was done changing him he was going into time out for not coming to me when I told him to. I gave him plenty of chances and knew that telling me "no" was not the right thing to do. Would you say that is too harsh for something like that? I didn't think it was but a friend of mine said I went overboard.

Answer 1

No I think that you did the right thing.Teaching obediance at a young age is essential especially over matters like coming to you for changing,dressing or undressing for bath and bed and so on.It will make things a lot easier in the future if he learns that he is not to say "no" to you when he is asked to do something (just wait until he starts asking "Why"!).



Edit : I agree that those harrassing you seem to be the same person with a chip on his shoulder and who was probably allowed to say "No" to his Mother as a child and get away with it!

You also have a lot of support and reassurance that you are doing the right thing so well done both in how you treated the matter and for asking for other's opinions and advice - that is what good parenting is all about!

At the end of the day go with your instincts though as you know your own son best.

Answer 2

Your son is a saint! My one and a half year old throws fits atleast a handful of times a day. I am very firm with her. I don't think there is anything wrong with a two minute time out if he is doing something he knows he shouldn't. Every parent has different parenting skills and children with different personalities. You have to do what works best for you and your son.

When it comes to potty training issues, just remember that potty training can cause various issues over self control and control over one's own body. If you notice he is repeating this behavior specifically when it comes to changing diapers, you may want to shift to using a reinforcer to bring him over without having to demand. I don't think you went overboard, but potty training and diapers may not be a battle to start. Your only going to be changing diapers for a little while longer and then you'll be free! Hang in there.

I just want to add that the "1..2...3" strategy has been proven to be ineffective. This is just more time to stall the inevitable. Give one chance to correct and then do what you have to. do.

Answer 3

No what you did is fine. However, I would make a suggestion. Drop the counting to three bit. Kids invariably will wait till the very last second anyway. Just say come here now. If he doesn't go get him and then give him time ut for disobeying. One thing I hate is to hear parents yelling at their kid because they don't want to get off their butt and go get the kid. Grrr. This also send the wrong message to the kids.



If you say "Do this" and he doesn't. Get him, put him in time out. Every time. Consistency is the key to succesful parenting. I have four kids all in high school or college now. They always knnew they could play thier mom, but they knew that if dad said "Do "A" or "B" will happen, "B" happended eveytime if A wasn't done. Made it alot easier on them and me actually.

Answer 4

First of all don't listen to these peoples. Secondly, this is YOUR child and whatever works for you will work for him. Thirdly, I don't think you went overboard. So, you put the kid in time out, this is what you are supposed to do if they don't listen. It's a time to reflect on what they did wrong, in this case defying you by not coming when you told him to and saying no to you. I think you are doing fine and in the long run will have a child that will respect what you say versus a child that can get away with things because mom was a pushover. Good work, now be consistent in both discipline and love!!!

Answer 5

No you didn't go overboard. If you were putting your 1 year old in time-out for doing that yes, but at 2 I think he can come over. Make sure he clearly knows to come over, although it sounds like you have it clear to him. Anyway, I just like to add about the potty training comment, don't feel bad. My boys were trained the summer person they entered the 3 year old preschool program. There is 3 of them so it is just so hard to do it and boys are diffcult. So don't feel bad at all. If you need some tips, e-mail me, but I think the major one is the perfect timing and you know your child best. Don't let anyone tell you different.

Answer 6

It sounds like you did the right thing. 2 is still pretty young to be fully potty trained. My niece is 2 and a 1/2 and isnt even close to it. He is trying to see were his limits are and you showed him. There is nothing wrong in what you did. I say just keep showing him that you are his mother and when you say it is time for something that you mean it. If you show him his limits now and stick with it he wont end up like some of those out of control kids you hear about.

Answer 7

His son is his first precedence. in case you already experience that his son will be a difficulty on your courting then end it now. His son will continuously come before you. and that is how that is meant to be. in case you won't be able to settle for that then you definately can by no ability be that child's step mom. And in case you marry the guy and also you've were given a baby with him then his son will nonetheless come before your infant because by utilising the time that occurs then his son is only no longer able to settle on your infant. are you able to spot the photo obviously now? Do you experience that you may run and by no ability look back? Or do you opt for to danger it and then say to your self that you should have walked away years in the past?

Answer 8

I think you were right to give him a time out. The only thing I would have done differently, though, is to do the time out at the time of the incident - even if it means he sits in a dirty diaper for a couple more minutes. Kids that little think in terms of what's going on RIGHT NOW - it's hard for them to string together a series of events. They will link what consequences you give them with what they JUST did.



For next time, if he doesn't obey you, tell him if he doesn't he is going to have a time out. If he refuses again, he goes immediately to time out. When the time out is over, before you change his diaper, talk to him - "I put you in time out because..." Then change his diaper and it's done.

Answer 9

I think you did just fine. 123 and follow thru.. Very good. He had a warning and refused. They are old enough at that age to know right from wrong and to know what behavior is ok... My son is 3 and he has known better since before two. He still fights me sometimes and is punished, but they learn from that. He will know you mean business and when he knows that you will follow thru, he'll listen to you a lot more instead of trying to walk all over you.. Kudos!!

Answer 10

In my opinion, you did the right thing. My son just turned 1 & 1/2 years old and he knows what it means when I say change your diaper. You already explained to him the consequences and he continued to disobey you plus "threw a fit". To me, just ignoring that he told you "No" is just letting him know that he can continue to get away with this behavior!! Thumbs up Mom!!

Answer 11

I do think that if you are too stirct it causes the child to just stop listening. I think it's really hard sometimes for parents to accept that there child is doing just that..acting like a child. Sometimes time outs are a must just make sure your picking your battles so when you say it you child knows your serious and not just freaking out like some parents always do..

Answer 12

From what you just described, you did the RIGHT thing. You in no way went overboard. You're instilling respect and age-appropriate discipline at an early age. You're right on track for raising a wonderful young man.

Answer 13

You did the right thing but as others have said you should have done it straight away before you changed him, that way he will know why.



You should be flattered that someone has gone to the trouble of opening up 4 accounts just to have a go at you.

What a sad bugger.

Answer 14

I think it is GREAT and I admire your consistency! If you give a child an inch, they will take a mile, so it is good that you put your foot down on "little" issues because it will build respect and discipline. That is what is wrong with kids today, they run the show.

Answer 15

I think your reaction was just right. Your son is at the age where kids try out the effect of saying "no", and he has to learn that the effect is negative (unless he has a very good reason to say "no").

Answer 16

i think u did the right thing.hes 2 and if u hadnt put him in timeout then next year it could b worse when hes older hel know u wont do anyhting about it.i think that saying No.after sevreal chances he should get a 5 minute timeout.2 mintues doesnt do anything.

Answer 17

No i dont think u were being too hard on him and he should sit in time out... the earlier u start discipline the easier he will be then pitching a tantrum every time he wants or doesnt want to do something...

Answer 18

Not overboard at all. Telling you no should never be an option for him. Good job for not letting little things go that will eventually result in major problems.

Answer 19

You did EXACTLY the right thing.



Your friend is most likely a parent who does not know how to be consistent with her child. Consistency is the key.



Further, anyone who tells you that a 2 year old should be potty trained is nuts. 3 is about when they start.

Answer 20

No, you didn't go overboard. He's old enough to start understanding and learning consequences to his behaviour. Your friend needs to mind his/her own business.

Answer 21

good for you. He is 2 and old enough for time out. Bet he comes next time. That is what time out is for...when they do not do as they are told

Answer 22

It sounds like you don't quite understand the concept of time out. Time out is not a punishment. Time out is supposed to be used as a way for both you and your child to separate yourselves from a situation that is escalating, and to give you both a chance to calm down. It has nothing to do with 'think about what you did' or 'this is your punishment for what you did'.



Your child is 2. That means by the end of his diaper change and time out, he probably didn't even remember why he was in 'time out'. So, if you can't stick him in time out as a punishment, what do you do? Well, which problem are you wanting to address? Him telling you 'no' repeatedly, or him not listening to you? Or both? One thing that works really well is to use the consequences that come naturally and logically from his actions. If he doesn't want his diaper changed, then leave him in his poopy diaper for a while. Try it again in a few minutes.



Time outs don't teach appropriate behavior, nor do they actually serve as a good discipline technique.



Edit: I understand that you want to teach your son, but realize that even though he is getting older, he is still learning what is right by watching how you behave. So, if he hears 'no' all the time, he is going to think it is okay for him to say too. How is it not okay for him to say it to you, but for you to say it to him? He was using it to express himself since he can't quite get "I don't want to come to you and get my diaper changed. I am happy doing what I am doing right now."