I need help with my son !!!!?

Question

he has always been a bit hyperactive and i put it down to excitement, but recently he has been going so hyper i just don't know what to do.
he ignores me when i talk to him, he is running around jumpin over the sofa, he cant just talk to me in a normal voice he has to shout all the time, i was playing a little game of football in the garden earlier and because i scored a goal and won he had a major over the top paddy and hit the floor with his fist. he is only 4. he is so clever and at school is way ahead of some children.
i asked if he wanted to watch a movie but all the way through just kept jumping about, and moaning he was bored and needed this and that. i dont feed him sugary things only as treats occationally.
i do play with him as much as i can when im not doing house work, i try to make sure he has lots to do we go to parks and feed the ducks and have a mess about, but he always moans and kicks up a fuss in public.
i just dont know what to do anymore, i tried having a little talk to him and seeing if anything was wrong but he said no he just wants to do whatever he wants.
and earlier i told him to please stop kicking the door, he did it again so got down to his level and i said ''excuse me what did i just say, please dont ignore me'' and he laughed at me!

he also stays away till gone midnight everynight getting up messing about.
im going mad but i am trying my best to stay calm, any suggestions how to get through all this?

Answer 1

It could be a lot of different things. his age is still young, he might be adhd, or he might be something very different.



I had a child like that but far worse, he does have adhd, plus some other stuff.



All children act differently, Start with time outs, but the thing is you can not give in to him. If he is kicking the door, tell him to stop and that if he doesn't actually what is going to happen should he do it again. If he does it, then react . Always tell him his consequence for not following through with your request.



Only once you have tried serveral things, i wouldn't allow someone to diagnosee him Adhd and put him on medicine, because that doesn't fix them or their behavioral problems it just lets them have a little more focus, and calms them down alittle. It doesn't make them follow the rules by any means.



my son is 16 and has been put on medicine since he was 4, and it didn't help him at all, it controlled some of the hyperness, gave him a little more focus, but didn't help with one behavioral thing at all. That is something with alot of work and patience and consistency , that might work. Talk to a child behavioral specialist to help you set up a plan if it isn't just age approiate behavior and testing of the waters so to speak.



Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

why and when this behaviour started?how many sibling he having?u might look back n see why is he behaving so,why u denying him sugars?i used to eat sweets only as a child(now im 33)nothing is wrong with me.i don't know why ppl themselves eat lot of chocolates but don't give sweeties to kids.

i think he just need assurance that u love him.,u Just assure him u love him and his behaviour is not acceptable.was he a gud sleeper before?why not sleeping now.may be change of bedroom stuff may be new bed sheets or some toy in his room.i know it must be hard for you.my 7 month old is very active n fussy.i understand what u going through.ask health visitor if u trust her ,some gives good advice.

Answer 3

Ok, first of all, as a teacher I seriously doubt that he has ADHD. That seems to be people's answer to everything these days - slap a label on the kid and don't deal with the root of the problem. All children are different and some are naturally more energetic and 'hyper' than others. I have 2 little boys in my nursery class who I am forever having to calm down and remind to speak quietly and not run in the classroom, etc, but I don't for one minute think they have ADHD. So for a start your son is probably more energetic than some others his age. That doesn't mean that actual bad behaviour can't be corrected though. You have to be very clear on what is acceptable behaviour for you. If you don't want him to jump on the sofa then have a clear rule about that and make sure he knows it's not acceptable. The first time he does it warn him and if he does it again punish him. That could be something like making him sit on a 'naughty step.' for 4 minutes. You have to be very firm and very consistent, and every time he breaks a rule when he has already been warned make sure you punish him. Don't do it one day and not the next or it won't be effective. He sounds like the kind of child who needs clear boundaries so make sure you have it clear in your own mind what is unacceptable behaviour, and consistently punish him for showing it. At the same time, reward any nice thing he does (does as he's asked straight away, play nicely, talk quietly, etc) with plenty of praise and affection. As for him misbehaving while you're out, I would threaten him with the use of reins or a wriststrap. Next time you go out with him tell him beforehand 'If you're naughty and don't do as Mummy says while we ........ then Mummy is going to put you in reins.' Take them with you and if he runs off, has a tantrum, etc, then get them out and use them. 4 year olds are old enough to not want to be thought of as a baby and after a couple of uses I bet he'll be a lot better behaved while out. I also think it sounds like he's overtired. While children who are tired often seem very lethargic, when the tiredness has built up over a period of time it can result in restless, 'naughty' behaviour during the day. I'm sure you know yourself that midnight is far too late for him to be up. It is hard but you just have to be consistent. Have a regular bedtime routine e.g. bath, cuddles, into bed, story, light out, sleep. If he gets up put him back to bed straight away with the minimum of talk. (Also make sure he's had a wee before bed so he can't use that excuse to get up!) You might have to put him back to bed 30 times but he will fall asleep eventually and after a few days he'll realsise that there's no point getting up because he won't be allowed to play and will just be put straight back anyway. It will be hard work but you have to be firm with him. Children thrive with routines and boundaries so if you feel you're bing 'mean,' remember that he (and you) will be happier in the long run when his behaviour has calmed down. Good luck!

Answer 4

OK, firstly look at his diet, get rid of any rubbish, drinks like coke, orange juice, bananas food with any additives, so prepared meals, burgers etc. Keep up with the discipline and bring in the use of a naughty step. Once you have cut everything out of his diet then you can reintroduce bits and pieces until you get a reaction then remove it again for good. If none of that works then I'm afraid it off to the Dr's.

Answer 5

You need to be consistant that the behaviour is not acceptable, make sure that he is never 'bored' so he has no reason to play up - so always keep him occupied - you wont have to do it yourself all the times because he will go off and do something himself.

At night time, put him to bed with a story and then say your good nights, if he starts to mess around then you need to interveen and get down to his level and make it clear to him that he musnt stay up all night as he will be tired and he wont be able to play with his friends at school. You have to give a reason for everything - otherwise children are left thinking why - and if no answer is given then they see no reason why they cant do something

Answer 6

At least when he stays away till gone midnight you can get some peace. Where does he go?



Seriously - you just have to hope that he grows out of it soon. Take consolation that you never see adults acting like your boy so sometime, in the next 16 years, he'll calm down. You sound like a caring mum - good luck.

Answer 7

Try cutting out sweets, it could be the colours in them and sugars, if that dosen't work it might be a phase he is going through, give him some time to settle and try to get him into a routine.



If all else fails take him to your doctor, everyone always jumps to conclusions saying it might be ADHD, well it might be, but in my experience its more likey to be something a lot simpler, and easier to deal with.

Answer 8

To Be Honest All Year Old Are Like That! However If You Think He May have A Problem Take Him To A Doctor And See If There Is A Problem!

Answer 9

Its sounds like he is doing all of these things for attention, put yourself in his shoes; If you are reacting to his 'negative' behaviour, you are almost rewarding him for it whether you are shouting or talking to him calmly. I would try to ignore this behaviour and when he does display it just say "I don't like your behaviour son, I'll talk to you when you calm down" and walk away and try to ignore it. I'll tell you now he will scream, kick, whatever to get your attention, but just ignore . It'll take a lot of work and perseverance but it'll work. Reward his positive behaviour, praise him with cuddles, trips to the park, whatever works (you know your child best!).. you could also try using 'indoor and outdoor voices' I use this on my class of 3yr olds... when they are inside they have to use their indoor voice (quiet voices), explain why (if they shout, grown ups may think something is wrong and you need help...etc) and outside they use their outside voices or loud voices..



Staying up till midnight, hmm well is he doing any activities? lf he did an activity everyday..something as simple as playing football in the park with mom or dad? He probably just needs to burn off more energy..As a child I didn't need very much sleep and was up till 1 every morning..I didnt sleep through the night till I was 5 years old! But as soon as my mom enroled me in a acticity like football, drama, singing whatever she could think of, I would burn energy and need to rest more.. I have had this with alot of children and families I work with and this has worked for around 99% of them ! :)

Also try and have one on one time with you son, like making cakes or do a painting together :) he will love it.



I hope I have helped you a little. best of luck! x

Answer 10

I think a little punishment would certainly help. My bet is that he has ADD so you might want to see a doctor about that, but if my kid laughed in my face when I told then not to do something, I would start up some real punishment.

Answer 11

Nothing to worry .... as i observed from what actions that your son shows. Children at that age is hyperactive really! Don't be surprised. OK? Just keep your temper down. Ignore him sometimes because he will wonder also try to do that and observed just play a little trick. Don't show that you always notice his activities. he will be tired soon doing those.

Answer 12

Every child has attributes that are learned and some they are born with (genetics). Your son's behaviour does not mean he has anything wrong with him - he's a boy (naturally active) and he's four (naturally inquisitive, demanding, etc.). The fact he is academically superior could be the "clue" to his behaviour. Very often intellectually-gifted children need constant stimulation and become bored very quickly. A student of mine acted very similar to your son and actually began completing grade 2 work in kindergarten in order to meet his need to challenge himself, thus the boredom and acting out.



His disrespect (laughing at you) is learned and it is imperative when you are disciplining him, you are consistent, never backing down to his reaction or behaviour -- knowing you are serious and will not condone anything less than respect.



It's time to create a very structured environment for him, listen to his "queues" that cause his hyper behaviour, disrespect and always deter this behaviour with consequences and be "consistent".



Continue giving him outlets (outdoor activities, sports, etc.), offer him options to calm him down (baths, music, etc.) and simply listen to him and his needs as long as he is respectful to you and your boundaries. Ensure you are a excellent role model, showing him how to act in situations, how to handle stress productively and understanding how respect must be earned.



Many natural remedies are available for children who are very hyper, such as, diet, lighting, etc. Do your research and see what works for your son. Don't succumb to a 'quick fix' (unnecessary drugs) -- only time and effort from both of you will work and don't expect it to be overnight.

Answer 13

I'd try a consular, it may be emotional, it may be something like ADHD. At this age they are reluctant to diagnose ADHD, but you can try some of the homeopathic things. Good luck and best wishes

Answer 14

I would first have him seen by his doctor to see if he is AD HD. If that is why he is so hyper than their are ways to help it. If not then he sounds like he needs more parental discipline/guidance from you letting him know what is acceptable and what is not. (I do not mean spanking, just a time out or their will be things taken away from him that he loves if he does not behave).

Answer 15

he's only 4 and he's gone til midnight? who's looking after him ? he sounds as if he has adhd, get to a doctor and start the process of getting him diagnosed, retalin may be needed,

Answer 16

Naughty stair or area for mis behaviour....

He is 4 you have to gain control and respect - Watch super Nanny for tips unless you believe there is something medical then get advise maybe the website Net mums can help



Good luck

Answer 17

You need to put foot to ***!!!!!! Just playing:) It sounds like he's showing out for attention and needs some discipline. Stop asking him and start telling. Yes get to eye level with him, but don't ask him to "please stop kicking the door"?!?! Tell him, I said stop kicking the door!!!!!!!! Have consequences for him. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 18

well, i think you should beat his ***.

i know that may sound bad and anti-P.C., but simple discipline hanst worked right? i used to get my *** beat all the time and im a perfectly functioning member of society. no emotional scarring or trauma.

a simple belt to the backside will calm him down, you dont need to actually beat his *** past that to get results. history through the gaes shows that a simple belt to the butt will straighten anyone out.



..and dont you dare hook him on ritalin or any of that crap doctors hand out to kids like candy!

Answer 19

Talk to his doctor about your concerns.

( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. Grade Teacher )

Answer 20

you should be more strict, i know its hard because he is you baby but if he is laughing at you when you tell him not to do something, he does not take you seriously. set a time every night for unwinding. read a book, have some tea or warm milk. set up a routine with him and stick to it.

Answer 21

"he also stays away till gone midnight everynight getting up messing about."



What does that mean? is he getting up after you've gone to bed?

Answer 22

you should try and ignor him ..until he relases that you are hes mother. dont give him nothing no sweet no park. you should stay calm and ignor him 2 two days see how it goes.. he wants attention .





good luck..if that doesnt work...then call nany 911 lol

Answer 23

lmao! Ironic that your name is sunshine... Yeah your probably right sunshine, hes just so darn smart that he even has you outwitted! Just keep begging him to behave and pray. Good Luck though;0)

Answer 24

it sounds a bit like adhd attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. you should take him to the doctor and explain what he's like and maye the doctor will be able to give him something to help control him.

Answer 25

i think your child suffers from add or adhd you have probablly heard of them and if he is any of them you can get medication called eflex aka fish oils feed him 2 a day and good luck



=)

Answer 26

I think you should get professional help, but get several opinions first before putting him on any medication.

Answer 27

he's testing his waters with you. don't let him laugh at you. raise your voice, you need to show him that you don't like his attitude and saying please won't show him that. If it comes down to it, spank him! Although it may seem rash, if he goes too far he needs to know it's not right. nothing so far should have gotten that reaction, but he will...

Answer 28

Get him into a sport maybe..he can take coaching for that, that way he'll work out and burn that excess energy.

Answer 29

remove all sugar from his diet and cut down on any processed foods

Answer 30

ur a great mom,..

u stay calm even ur son is very hyper.

well,





Quick Calming Tips:



Try quick tips to calm a hyperactive child down during temper outbursts or unusually rowdy days. These calming tips are not novel to adults by any stretch. How many times have you heard "Take a deep breath and count to 10" or "Calgon, take me away." What works for big people works for little people as well.



* Deep breathing is one of the simplest ways to calm the body. Teach your children to take deep breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth) when they begin to feel frustrated and out of control. Parents, you do this too!

* Draw a warm salt bath or bubble bath to wash away the hyperactive child's stresses of the day.

* Take your hyperactive child for a walk or send them around the block on their own if they are old enough. Not only does walking burn off excess energy, the repetitive thump, thump, thump of feet hitting pavement brings the mind back into focus.

* Give your hyperactive child a mini-massage. Touch is very important to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder children. Massaging their temples, giving a shoulder rub or lightly running your fingers through their hair can calm children quickly.

* Put together a "Boredom Box" that provides creative outlets for your hyperactive child. Fill this box or plastic storage bin with paint sets, coloring books, crossword puzzles, modeling clay, jewelry making kits and other artistic areas of interest. Hyperactive children bore easily and their fast spinning minds need extra stimulation. In the absence of nothing better to do, hyperactive children will lean on their own devises and you don't want them doing that. Better that they draw than set the cat on fire...



The quick-fix calming techniques work to sooth the hyperactive child after they already became too stressed or active. There are also techniques that parents can teach their hyperactive children to help them get the "stuff" out before it builds up and explodes.



Create a calming home environment:



Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder children have difficulty remaining calm in a hectic environment. Clearing the clutter and taking a "less is more" approach to decorating can reduce the sensory overload on Attention Deficit and hyperactive children.



The Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder child's bedroom especially should be free of clutter. Use plastic bins to organize and store all those precious little plastic treasures (that we adults commonly refer to as "junk") and small toys. Open the curtains to provide natural lighting. Keep posters and wall hangings to a minimum. Paint the child's bedroom in calming muted colors instead of bright primary colors.



Follow a Routine:



All children thrive in homes that provide routines, consistency and structure. Attention Deficit and hyperactive children especially need structure and schedules to feel secure in their surroundings. For these children, a more "military" approach to routines works better. Waking up, eating meals, doing homework, and bed times should all occur at about the same time every day, with few surprises to upset the Attention Deficit or hyperactive child.



A Place to Relax:



If at all possible, find a space in the house to designate as a relaxation space. It does not have to be a large space but it does need to be away from high activity areas. This little corner (or even a portion of a walk-in closet) can have a beanbag chair and a few books, coloring books or other quiet time activities.



Encourage your child to go to this space when they become angry or out of control, but never make this a place of punishment. This special spot in the house is a positive place where they can go to settle down, sort things out or just hang out when they need to be alone.



Journaling:



For the child who is old enough to write, journaling is an excellent way to untangle frazzled minds and get things off their chest. This technique allows hyperactive children to spill their internal stresses outside themselves and onto paper.



Develop a daily habit of having your child write a page or two, depending on their age, about anything that comes to mind. They can write "I hate school, the dog just drooled, the baby's crying is driving me crazy..." - whatever comes to mind. Eventually, they will get to the guts of what is going on inside them. Then rumple or tear the paper up and throw it away.



These private internal thoughts are not for you or anyone else to read, ever. Please respect their privacy and let them know they can write anything down without fear of reprimand.



Taking a mini-vacation with Guided Imagery:



Guided imagery is a powerful relaxation tool for hyperactive children that pulls their focus to positive thoughts, all the while encouraging creativity in your child. You can check out books on this technique at your local library if you want further information on the subject.



Last

Answer 31

Have him lay off the white stuff.





Sugar

Answer 32

doesnt hurt to get a little mexican on him, give him a little beating, so he can respect you as a superior

Answer 33

give the boy some ridalin... seriously, it sounds like ur boy has adhd.

Answer 34

bake some special ganja brownies. TRUST ME.

Answer 35

dont give him any sugar... and tell him that your here and you'll listen.. if he is ahead then move him up....

Answer 36

i would talk to your doctor

Answer 37

add maybe ;)