Stressed out, too many problems, and I am only 13?

Question

My mom had a baby (my half brother) when she was 18 and basically her family kicked her out of the house. She had me when she was 22, got married at 23 and had my brother when she was 26. But my dad left us when I was 5 and my brother like 2. We don’t know where he is anymore. He was in jail for a while. So now my mom is 35, I am 13 and my brother is 9 almost 10. She still doesn’t have a college degree and works at a sandwich shop, which pays barely more than minimum. She has migraines and sometimes she can’t work. We hardly have money for anything and recently had to move into a crappy one bedroom apartment. My older half brother moved to his dads like 3 years ago.

So basically my mom regrets her whole life and she is pretty much obsessed with me and my little brother “growing up too fast." She has like a lot of rules.

So I have 2 basic problems I need help with.

Problem 1. I am not really allowed to do much of anything and I feel left out
No makeup at all
Can’t shave (but I do anyways)
Not allowed to have a bra, I have to wear undershirts that don’t do ANYTHING and I am the only girl in my whole grade without one
Not allowed to babysit, she says I’m too “immature”
The only job I’m allowed is mowing lawns and our mower is like impossible to get started (the pull rope thing)
Not allowed to go most places with my friends, last weekend I was allowed my first sleepover EVER
Not allowed to be on computer more than 45 minutes
Not allowed to stay up past 10:00 even on weekends
Not allowed to watch PG-13 or R movies
Not allowed to date or have a boyfriend although I dont really want 1...

2. My mom keeps saying that I’m getting fat.
I have gained like 10 pounds since school started, and a lot of times I eat crappy food (chips and stuff). But I am always stressed out and eating makes me feel better. Also, I am not really that fat (I weigh 92 pounds and am 5 feet 2 inches tall) its just that I used to be a lot skinnier. I hate it because since breasts are fat they just stick out more.

Also the counselor at my school hates me so I cant talk to her...

Answer 1

As a mom, it sounds like your mom is trying her very best to keep you and your brother from the life she is living. I think she probably wants more for you than a sandwich shop job, a small apartment. If she loves you, she wants the world for you and the rules are there to protect you. As a mom, the only rule I see that I disagree with is the no bra rule. Every girl should have a bra when the time is right. Have you tried talking to her in a calm manner and telling her that it is embarrassing to not be wearing a proper fitting bra? Ask her for her help. Ask her to help you find one that fits you. The other rules, while they may be strict, she is trying to protect you and give you boundaries.



I'm not really happy about her calling you fat. That is very inappropriate and as a mom, telling my daughters that would never cross my mind. Again, have you tried talking to her and telling her that her comments are hurtful and you don't feel that you are overweight?

Answer 2

1. You're not fat. If you get any skinnier than you are now you'd be underweight.

2. Your mom wants the best for you. You've probably heard that a thousand times, but trust me, it's true. If you don't like the rules, try talking to her about it. She doesn't want you to have a boyfriend this young because she's afraid you'll grow up like her and regret your life. You might feel that she's a bit overprotective, but she only does it because she's worried and loves you.

3. You're 13. You don't need makeup. I'm 15 and have almost never worn any. I sleep at 10:30, because I choose to. You're growing and you need rest.

4. You're not allowed to watch PG-13 movies because you're 13.

5. You've had you first sleepover last weekend. This means your mom is starting to let you have more freedom. As you grow older, I'm sure she'll let you have more control over your life. When I was 13 I wasn't allowed to go out either.



When I was 13 I felt pretty much the same as you do. Trust me, things get better as you grow up. I get to hang out with my friends almost whenever I want now, provided I've done all my school work. My parents had been pretty conservative in raising me and by brother, now they're letting me play Metallica around the house!

Answer 3

First of all, RELAX. Your life isn't that terrible. I had a similar situation when I was your age. I'm sure you have a friend you can talk to or a teacher. It'll all get better, trust me.



Now, I'll offer some suggestions to your problems.

1. Your mom is simply looking out for you. My best friend has the exact same kind of mother as you and nobody minds. I know it seems crappy now, but I will promise you that you will thank her when you're older. She's just trying to keep you away from the drugs, alchohol etc..



For the family problems, you just have to accept that this is your family and they all still love you. They're adults and you cannot control them. Let them make their own decisions and always remember that they still care for you.



2. You're most definetly not fat! Your body is growing SO MUCH at the age you're at and you seem to gain weight, but it is simply your body creating more fat for you to grow into once you hit your growth spurt.



Hope I helped, take care!

Answer 4

Hi, im 14! I was never allowed to do anything. Maybe standing up to your parents is not the best advice someone can give you. But I think maybe just a little exercise will help the weigh problem, but I'm REALLY Skinny (At least that's what EVERYONE tells me). I'm 5'5 and 112 lbs!

back to the parent thing though, well I say I kill them with kindness. Be nice and then start working your way up by doing things your NOT ssuppose to do. But show them you capable. But not things like going over your 45 min limit on the computer start with small things to get a better privilege on higher things.

Answer 5

Well the makeup rule is acceptable, if you need to shave shave, you probably should have a bra especially if you're breasts are growing in, babysitting is debatable, you are a bit young, lawn mowing is also debatable, (babysitting sounds a bit safer idk) the friends thing depends on if there's supervision and where, 10:00 is an appropriate bed time (I'm older and go to bed at 10 or 11 by choice.) I'll give you the pg-13 movies and R movies previewed to be deemed acceptable, too young for dating.

As for th getting fat thing she shouldn't be saying things like that to you, try to eat less junk maybe. I mother shouldn't judge her children like that.

Answer 6

okay, i really think you are tooo young to be stressing.

i know your mom is going through issues but the best thing is to work them out, tell whats bothering you and see how she responds... the best thing is communication.



on your first problem, thats natural for a mom to act like that ... my mom acts like that and im 17 but she eventually let you grow up, she can let you do what you want but to an extent, she just doesnt want you falling in her footsteps.



on your second problem, dont worry about that its all a part of growing. lol.



hope it helps!

Answer 7

Wow ive got problems too and im thirteen.My step mom doesnt allow me on the computer on weekdays she nvr lets me study after svn cuz it runs up the light bill.No makeup and i only get good grades cuz i try really really hard.I only have two or three friends cuz she controls whom i hang out with.I have bulmia (eating disorder) and i have nvr had a sleepover in my life!If you have a community center near by they should hve a consolor.Email me to talk more k hun? - [e-mail]

Answer 8

Awh love bug, I just want to take you under my wing and make things better for you..



Is there maybe a teacher in your school that can help you out? one you trust?