Moms- what's your role and your husband's role?

Question

I am a mostly stay at home mom to our 10 month old son. I work in finance and investments so I can do must of my work on my computer and only meet with clients 2-3 days a week for a couple hours. My husband is the executive chef at a high end resteraunt here in town. He usually goes to work at 8am and is off by 6 most days, 8-9 on fridays and Saturdays. I take care of my son during the days he works, walk the dog, do al the laundry and keep the house clean. As well as try and get some work done. As soon as my husband comes home on his early days he takes over childcare, plays feeds and bathe's our son and makes dinner. On his later days I usually will feed dinner and give our son a bath- but my husband still comes home and makes dinner %90 of the time. His days off I consider my day off- I sleep in, relax and don't do any housework unless I must- I catch up on my work. My husband takes care of our son with little intervention from me. Occasionally we will do something as a family- zoo, museum, parks...but usually my husband goes while I catch up with clients. ( I do all those things with my son on my own during the week). What about you guys? Who does what in your household? Do you wish your husband did more? Was around more?

Answer 1

My husband goes to PT at 5 AM, comes home to shower and eat breakfast and then goes back to work until at least 5, maybe later. Then he sleeps on the couch until supper is ready, then he eats with us. He withdraws to the living room or bedroom, then if I start to have trouble getting the kids into bed, he screams at them and says nasty things to us. The night ends with me avoiding him at bedtime to make it clear that I'm not interested in sex until he can be polite sometimes. On the weekends, he lays around and maybe does his laundry, but never puts it away, so it's all in the living room. His dresser is empty, but mine, which is half the size of his, is stuffed full, but I can't get a bigger one because he just bought a brand new motorcycle. I wait around to do big projects like moving furniture until the weekends, thinking he will help me, but I always end up moving the furniture by myself anyways, unless he thinks I'm doing it wrong, then he bosses me around for half an hour or so.

Answer 2

I'm a stay at home mom. During the school year we have my 8 year old step daughter, plus our two daughters, during the summer we just have our two girls. My husband works crazy hours (he's in the oilfield) so there's no set schedule except he works two weeks straight and then has a week off. So, I basically do everything pertaining to the kids and the house myself. When he has his week off or has a short shift he'll sometimes cook or help me clean up, but if I don't ask for help he won't do it. He's really good about changing diapers (our two girls are 2 and 1 years old). He's also really good about helping get the girls ready for bed or helping me wrangle them back into clothes after bath time (but I bathe them without help).



Do I wish he was here more? YES, desperately. Do I wish he'd do more? Not so much with the kids, but around the house. He'll say "Why don't you sleep in? I'll take care of the girls, then I wake up and find a HUGE mess in the kitchen because he doesn't bother to clean as he goes or clean after they're done with breakfast or anything. If the trash is overflowing? He just starts putting the trash on the counter. So, yes, I'd like it if he took initiative in house duties, but otherwise I have no complaints.

Answer 3

When I was a stay-at-home Dad, I had the same situation as you except I wasn't sexist about it. I worked from home, looked after the kid, cleaned, did yard work, and cooked the vast majority of the meals. My ex was in charge of keeping milk in the house - which was sometimes too much for her.



Sometimes I wished she'd help but, I was mostly happy taking care of the family. I involved my kid as much as possible so, house work resembled playing. The only time it got on my nerves was if they expected me to do more. Like plan a vacation or take their car in for service.

Answer 4

My husband and I have the same role at home. We're both parents and we collaborate and work on the same responsibilities. We're both educators, we provide care, financial stability, participate equally on transcendental decisions and run the house together.



Perhaps not always at the same time. When I stayed at home for three years, my role as a provider was fairly limited. I was exclusively on the administrative side of our finances while he was responsible for bringing a salary to support the family. At the same time, my role as a caregiver and housekeeper was emphasized. Now that we're both working (although I am on maternity leave) the we interchange responsibilities of our roles constantly and as needed.



I would say we have a very good balance. I do tend to monopolize the planning and logistic of big and small family events, just because I am the type of person who plans things thoroughly and with a nearly obsessive attention to detail. I'm also heavily involved on the children's education and academic performance, since my husband is less inclined to care about grades while I do. My husband is very inclined towards handling big, sensitive subjects with the children. In many ways the children have simply chosen him as the parent they go to first with problems and when they need a shoulder to cry on. I can't say I blame them. Their father is very good in times of crisis and can always put a smile on a sad face.



Small details like that may define our role as parents, but they are little things if compared to the multiple tasks we share and work on together and evenly.

Answer 5

I wake up before my husband every morning so I can get pretty for him, get the kids looking tip-top and then I make breakfast. Then I lay out his clothes for him, draw his bath and wake him up with a kiss. He comes downstairs to a hot meal and I hand him his paper, open to the sports section as he likes. I fetch his shoes and put them on him while he eats breakfast and then I walk him to his car and walk the kids to the bus. After that I spend the whole day cleaning from top to bottom. When the kids get home I wash them up and cook dinner and we all greet dear hubby with big smiles on our faces and I take his shoes off, rub his feet and put his slippers on. If it's a cold day I get a fire going before hubby gets home so he can relax by the fire as I cook dinner.

Answer 6

My husband works in sales, and travels frequently (at least 2-3 days a week) for his job. Even when he's home, he works long days because he gets paid on commission. I stay home with our almost-3-year-old son. Because my husband works hard to support us financially, I do the vast majority of the household and child-rearing jobs (with the exception of lawn and car maintenance, which falls to him). I try to minimize the amount of "chores" he'll have to do on weekends and in free time so that we can spend quality time together as a family. This arrangement works well for us, and we're both committed to it and enjoy our life together as a result.

Answer 7

I'm a single working parent so I basically do everything and all my ex has to do is stay out of my way. He was never very helpful anyway. Gosh I would still be married if I had a hubby like that.

Answer 8

In my house I stay at home and 100% of the house and baby care is my responsibility. I also babysit for extra cash for me. My husband works 8-5 and just finished college and is the youth group pastor at our church. I'm really happy with the way things are. I don't expect or bug him to do anything which makes him want to help and he does. He spends every extra minute he has hanging out with me and the kids, we're his best friends. When it comes to decision making and such, he is the head of the house but he always wants my input and really considers me and my opinions, wants, and goals as he leads us. Being at home I have extra time to pursue interests such as art, music, sewing, gardening, cooking, and I even wrote a book. :) So blessed.

Answer 9

My role is making sandwiches and my husband's role is eating them.

Answer 10

wash cook pray