Question:
How do you use and do timeouts?
rainwriterm
2008-01-31 09:40:49 UTC
When do you use timeouts, how do you do them, and what are your reasons for using them? Please share, and also share how well this works for you and works for you child. Thanks!
Thirteen answers:
liliana
2008-02-01 15:07:56 UTC
I use time outs as a form of teaching my child to calm herself down. Instead of using it as a punishment and a threat to isolate the child, I use it as a "safe time" to get a hold my myself and my child can get ahold of herself (its not threatening). I have a "safe place" or same as "the break room", "breathing room" in a place in the house that my child and I came to an agreement we would go to to feel safe or "calm down" so we can solve the problem or conflict using empathy and choices.



What I just mentioned is used with children under the age of 7yrs of age. With older children you can talk about calming dawn and if you need to go to a place you feel comfortable to calm down its ok. The point is to teach anger management in children and in adults in order to solve the problem.



For adults, some of us know what it feels like to be angry and we sometime walk away to another room in the heat of an argument so things don't escalate and then come back when we feel we can talk and come to an agreement. Walking away to calm down is somtimes necessary in order to see clearly and solve the problem. Its the same with children to learn to calm down before they can come up with a solution to a problem. It's important to say out loud, " I am too angry to talk to you right now. And walk away to a place you can get ahold of your self. You are not only getting ahold of yourself, but you are also teaching your children how to calm down as well.



Punishing your child to "make" him behave or to stop an unwanted behavior is only teaching the child to react "in a negative way" when they are in conflict. Its counterproductive because we are teaching them the exact kind of behavior we are trying to eliminate. Smack them in the hand and they will smack you back. Isolate them or same as time out, is also considered a punishment. Its negative and it doesn't teach children what to do.
?
2016-10-06 07:23:40 UTC
i in my view do no longer think of the previous due timeout calls are a difficulty. it rather is attitude, how else is the timeout meant to top ice the kicker? If a coach calls a timeout on an analogous time as the kicker is slightly has set up, that may no longer lots to lose his concentration. If something, it rather is the ref's enforcement of the call. many cases, they are going to call the timeout, however the snapper will nonetheless snap and the kicker will 'prepare' the fg attempt anyhow. Does that recommend they could desire to get penalized for a postpone of activity? No, on no account...
2008-01-31 10:29:10 UTC
My wife thinks Timeouts work. although she agrees that it wears on you... but I can't see it... all it does it make the place LOUD and add seriously crying & ranting and the kind of back & forth that's seen any week on TV's 'SuperNanny' show... our now 7-year old daughter doesn't think that deeply vs. kneejerk behavoir that usually warrants the timeout (in the house) for running & jumping & making crazy/loud noises, knocking down her 20-month old little brother, taking his toys away.. or saying "shut up" or insulting my wife etc. etc. all the things that expected usually from an older sister that's NOW sharing the stage & adjusting for the last 2 years... with having a younger sibling around.. (and overall, quite well, since she reads to him and generally has a lot of fun/amused by him). Since her b-day is in mid-January.. it's still ALL about her anyhow, right now and until late April. SHE'S ACTUALLY A GREAT KID and awesome reader, tells stories, laughs a ton, great on the phone, all over the Webkinz, loves watching the few moments of TV she gets (is liking Kenny the Shark, WordGirl and old 'Tom & Jerry' these days).. reads a TON... and does everything expected of her, on her own (but eat & go to sleep w/o the every night trial)...



I'd rather just pinch her, for minor infractions.. and look at her and threaten the Pinch -- which works. Or, just hold up two fingers.. even w/o looking at her... because she knows what that warning serves... and doesn't like being pinched in the least... plus, timeouts are still 'fun' for her.. because she can still hear/see and her room has a TON of great toys, etc. to where 'going to your room' is actually no bother at all...



But, these days.. the threat of No Computer is also doing the trick a bit (or the C-word, as we say to avoid the 20-month old wanting an immediate 'Google Video fix' of The Wiggles, Little Einsteins, wild animals moving... etc.)...
2008-01-31 10:14:30 UTC
I used to have a problem making him stay so I would return him to time out a hundred times until he would sit and sometimes I would even hold him down. Now he sits there and sometimes he even goes there by himself when he's done something wrong. I use a timer and when it rings he gets up and presses the stop button.



Reasons, for everything he does wrong. I give him a warning and if he doesn't listen then he gets time out. If is for a common recurring offense like pinching his sister he just automatically gets it with no warning.



If we are in public he gets time out in the cart. If we are outdoors I put him in the car and close the door and stand outside of the car til time out is over.



EDIT- I use it for punishment and discipline, isn't it the same thing, you need to clarify how you differentiate the two.



Oh and I give him time out on the steps, I really think he should get it in the corner facing the wall though. I also tell him he can't play with things cause sometimes he grabs a toy on his way to time out and he is not supposed to talk in time out, sometimes he tries to yell at me! He's got a lot of nerve!



I believe it works, but what other alternatives do I have, I take away things but then he has nothing to play with and annoys me all day because he is bored!!!



EDIT- why would someone give me a thumbs down for telling my personal experience the questioner asked for??? I don't understand you people sometimes...
luvmy4boyz
2008-01-31 09:53:25 UTC
a time out for m son is sitting at the kitchen chair while the microwave timer runs for 7 minutes because he is 7 yrs old. I rarely need them but he gets a time out of he gets angry and hits his older brothers, if he back talks me. When the timer beeps I get down to his level and tell him again why he was in time out and ask him "what can you do different next time so you won't have a time out?" He usually says "I would come tell you instead of hit my brother". Then I ask him to apologize for his actions and he is fre to go.



This works very well for him because he doesn't like to sit for 7 minutes and he rally does want to do the right things. I see others mentioning stealing and so on. Gosh if my son ever stole something, think I'd be looking beyond a time out.





also I don't believe in making them stand in a corner or face the wall. I think that is humiliating and just not necessary. I really feel that can lower self esteem by demeaning them that way. Simply having to sit in a chair in an open area for a length of time is sufficiant.



EDIT: to answer you question in your added details...for us time out is both. It's a consequence (I like the word consequence better than punishment), for an unwanted behavior but it's also discipline because at the end of the time out, we discuss better ways to act and handle the situation so there is learning involved. Kids need to learn there are consequences for each action. if they do a good thing, the consequence of that is praise and happy things, if they do a bad thing the consequence for that is a negitive action such as time out or loss of privilage. Sometimes consequences are natural, go outside without a coat and you will be cold. Sometimes they need to be enforced by a parent. Consequences alone don't teach the child the better way to act that is where the discipline comes in.





To those who dn't know the difference, punishment simply punishes a bad unwanted behavior that has already happened. Dsicipline teaches children about the behavior you expect now and in the future so that the bad behavior does not repeat. So many parents don't realize there is a difference and then they can't figure out why punishing their child over and over isn't working. It's because there has to be discipline with a lesson attached to let them know the behavior you want. You can't just keep telling kids don't do this, don't do that. You have to let them know what you WANT them to do instead, and THAT is discipline. There is a difference.



and a big thumb down to the person who pinches their child...how about some parenting classes. Be an adult for crying out loud, pinching is something a 2 yr old with low verbal skills does to handle a situation.
bernabell24
2008-01-31 10:29:32 UTC
I babysit 4 kids ages 9, 7, 3, and 2. The drill is mostly the same for all of them. I ask them to stop doing what they are doing, count to 3 and if I get to 3 and they are still doing whatever I asked them not to do they have to sit on the fireplace (the timeout spot) for the number of minutes they are old. But their time doesn't start until they are completely quiet... done crying, pitching a fit, etc. For the two older kids there are things that are an automatic timeout that they are aware of such as physically hurting the younger ones (hitting, kicking, shoving, etc). Occasionally the kids will pitch huge fits when they are on the fire place or deliberately stand up instead of sit and in this case I ask them to sit quietly, count to 3 and then send them to their room... but they still stay up there the number of minutes they are old after they are done crying.
I Should Be Cleaning My House
2008-01-31 13:09:15 UTC
My kids are in grade school, and for their time outs I have them sit at the dining room table and write in a notebook about what they did wrong, why they did it, and how they can prevent it from happening again. Their time outs last for one minute per year (my 9 year old sits for 9 minutes, my 7 year old sits for 7 minutes) or until they finish writing, whichever is longer. I do this because time outs are supposed to be a time for reflection, not just sitting and stewing in anger. Then they have to apologize. Then we talk about it, accept their apology, and move on. I was very excited to see Supernanny use this writing method in an episode that aired just a couple of weeks ago.
lins
2008-01-31 10:50:42 UTC
timeouts are good having an area away from distractions is best i think and the time should go with how old the child is and if they get out of time otu or get up from where they are than add a minute and start time over and most importantly dont' talk ot them when you place them back in time out because this gets the message across to them that you mena business and then when time is up get on their level and explain why they were in timeout and get them to say they are sorry it definitly works hope that helps
Kyle
2008-01-31 09:50:27 UTC
You can use timeouts for when they lie, steal something, argue, have an attitude, or stuff like that. A timeout in my house used to be you had to sit in a chair for 10min not doing anything and every time you got up from the seat or started talking or doing something they would restart the timer. I can't remember when my family stopped doing timeouts but i would stop when they are like 9 or 10.
2008-01-31 11:07:50 UTC
I put my step-son in the corner standing-up or sit him in a chair away from anything and face the wall..He is 4 now and I leave him there 1 minute per year (4 minutes) + an extra minute for everytime he tries to get up..

it usually works..

Being his step-mother i am not exactly allowed to spank him or anything like that so this is what i do and he seems to understand that if he does wrong then this is where he goes until he can do right..

I usually tell him 2xs not to do something then i put him in the corner the 3rd time..
Mrs. L
2008-01-31 09:48:42 UTC
My older two children are 5yo and 4yo.. They will get a time-out for not listening to me, like when I tell them to stop running in the house and they dont listen.. My kids get sent to their bedrooms for time-outs .. The time-outs last about 5-10 minutes OR longer depending on how they behave in their rooms.. Like if they start screaming or throwing a fit, if that happens then the time-out will be longer.. Time-outs work best on my children.. I have tried taking away toys and other things but they hate gojng to their room because it takes them away from everyone else..
Pauly W
2008-01-31 10:13:50 UTC
Time-Outs can be used in many ways. To me the best way to use Time-OUt is to make your child stand in the corner with his nose touching the wall, and have his hands behind his back. and have him/her stand thiere for at least 5 minutes. If s/he acts up in the corner, SUch as whining crying, giggling etc) add an additonal 5 miniutes. A good timer to use for Time-Out is a kitchen timer that will "Ding" when the time is up, and after the Time-Out is over then you can explain to your child what s/he did wrong, and also explain that if it happens again he will go back to Time-out but will be in TIme-out for a longer period of time.
2008-01-31 09:44:43 UTC
I use to and sometimes still do make my son stand in the corner when he is bad, then when he is done I make him come look me in the face and tell me what he did wrong, this way he knows why he was placed in the corner. This worked really well because he HATED the corner and it made him act better.


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