22 yr old son living with us who has a job, but wont help out financially, cuz he says his money is his money!

Question

We asked him to give us $50 a week to help out with expenses...groceries and bills. He threw a fit and said his money is his money and that he was keeping it! He says he's in the right and that he doesn't have to give us anything! The boy has no bills what so ever, he blows his money on himself. Ooops, no wait! He has one bill...(Car Insurance), but his grandmother pays that for him cuz she likes spoiling him! He makes $270 a week after taxes, thats almost a $1100 a month. Who's right and what should we do?

Answer 1

Is he serious? :-o



Ok - well teach him a lesson... the food you buy is your food etc... make him buy his own food for a couple weeks... see how quickly he changes his attitude.



If he thinks he's in the "right" by not giving you anything to help out... well, tell him that since he's not longer considered a dependant, you don't actually have to give him anything, either. It will surely piss him off... but he'll realize pretty quick that giving you 50$ a week is a heck of a lot cheaper than buying all his own stuff.

Answer 2

Research the cost to maintain an apartment in your area. Figure the cost of rent, phone, water and electricity. Then you give him a choice. Either he pays you 50.00 a week to live in your home, or he pays to live on his own and give him the average cost that you come up with after you research it. It sounds to me that maybe he really has no idea how much money it actually takes to live independently. Maybe once you actually show him in black and white he will get the idea. I don't think 50.00 a week is too much, if anything it is actually quite generous. I had moved out at 18 and I made it work making near minimum wage, but wages haven't exactly kept up to speed with inflation so I am not so sure he makes enough to live on his own. I did move back home for a few months in between leases when I was 20. I was paying my parents 400.00 a month. And this was almost 10 years ago. So 200.00 is a bargain. Where on earth would he find room and board for 200.00 a month? He doesn't realize how lucky he is, and as his parent, you need to make sure he understands how good he actually has it. If he is still resistant to helping you, then start charging him on a use by use basis. If you cook his dinner, charge him 5.00 and make him pay you before he eats it. If he grabs a soda from the fridge, charge him 50 cents. Put a lock on his door that only you have the key to, and charge him 10.00 a night to stay there. Unlock the door after he pays, but do not give him the key. Also charge him a fee if you are doing his laundry or cleaning up after him. Sometimes tough love is the only thing that works, but I guarantee he will soon realize how much he actually gets for such a small amount of money. Good luck.

Answer 3

Consider that it would be impossible for someone making $270 a week to support themselves. That is below the minimum wage. I don't know what kind of job he has, but it can't be a very good one. You will probably need to be of some help. Not only does he need to pay some money, I think he also has an obligation to share in the work around the house.

Lay down the law. If he chooses not to pay something for room and board, then tell him he has to move out. Set a deadline...say two weeks. If he fails to comply, then just gather up his stuff while he is at work and put it on the front porch, lock the door. A couple of nights on the street or in a homeless shelter might just be the awakening he needs to fully appreciate what you are offering.

Answer 4

Kick him out? If he wants to be that stingy with his money and not help out then tell him to move out and get his own place. Theres no reason he shouldn't help out with expenses. He's an ADULT. He should at the very least buy his OWN groceries and pay towards the phone and heating bill as well as a bit for rent. Sit down, draw up a contract, and set some rules. If he disagrees to them, give him 30 days to get his own place. Btw...make him realize that on THAT amount of money a month, he probably wouldnt make it too long on his own since rent for 1 bedroom places is even getting ridiculously high.

Answer 5

You are in the right! Tell him that starting on his next paycheck he either gives you $50 a week to help pay expenses or he has exactly one month to get a place of his own and move out! Tell him you love him but that he's got to grow up and be responsible! He's 22 and still lives at home; it's time he learns what it's like to be a grown up!

Answer 6

22 year old son living with you? You obviously made some questionable partenting choices a long time ago that produced this bum, but still you shouldn't have to pay for it after he is 18 other than perhaps being embarassed socially. Get a rental agreement and ask him to sign it. If he refuses call the police and have him arrested for trespassing. If he does sign it, and doesn't pay, call the police and have him evicted and they will throw him in the street. The best news is, once you go to court for the money, often they will let you garnish the goods such as furniture or electronics he left in your house without permission as payment in kind for the deficit in rent money.

Answer 7

I wouldn't even fight with him, just let him know that he has about two weeks before his keys no longer work, so he should find another place to live. If his car is on your insurance, then let him know that he also needs to find his own policy. If the car isn't in his name, make him pay to have the title changed, and keep the keys until it is in his name and insured.



You're going to also have to get the grandmother on board. If you can convince her that paying his bill for him is keeping him from becoming self sufficient, she should get on board.



Stick to your guns on this. He'll realise when he starts looking at apartments that $200 a month is a bargain, but you can't let him stay. He sounds like he needs a kick in the *** to get him going, and who else is going to give it to him if not you.

Answer 8

3 words....KICK HIM OUT. I don't want to intrude and seem like i know what I'm talking about, cause honestly, i'm only 14 :S But obviously, you've got a self consious son who takes all the money for himself. Once he lives in his own house, and pays for everything, he'll see just how well you were treating him. At 22, he should already be on his own. (I mean if he were in school or something, then i understand you'd want to help him out instead of him paying for a dorm or house on campus, but if he's not returning the favour, why should you continue?)

If he still pulls fits when things aren't fair, tell him while he's in your house, eating the food and using the stuff YOU buy, he will abide by your rules. If he doesn't comply, he can make his own rules at his own house.

Answer 9

At age 19 our son obtained employment and immediately offered to take over the responsibility of paying a bill for us...cable and internet connection which with all the bells and whistles was at the time $111.00 a month. We have not charged any of our children board because quite frankly neither my parents nor my husband's expected this from us and we've carried that through to our own chiildren.



Our son was living on his own from age 22 to 24 but asked if he could stay with us to save money for his marriage which is the end of this month. In return he took over the cell, cable, internet and phone bill, without hesitation and without our expecting it. He has carried that bill on his own for 2 years. He does have it easier than most however as he works for my husband who has a company and thus he's never had to 'hunt' for employment and he gets a decent salary.



The amount your son is being asked to pay is absolutely miniscule compared to what he will pay in the big bad world of reality. If he does absolutely nothing except enjoy himself, perhaps it's time you gave him an ultimatum. Help or be on his own because quite frankly, $50/week is an incredible bargain and it's a shame he doesn't realize it. He probably eats more than that in fast foods in a week!



You'd be best to inform him that as of, say, April, you expect him to have a place of his own. That you've not asked for much from him, that $50 does not cover a great deal including any meals he eats at home or water he uses for showers, or laundry etc. If you are still doing his laundry? Stop! Still cooking and serving his meals? Stop! If the car he drives happens to be owned by you or you purchased it for him? Curtail his use of it.



This will of course cause all kinds of fall out, but you have raised this young man for 22 years now...he has it very good and he knows it. He has failed however to learn/understand the full extent of responsibility that a man his age should have acquired along the way and thus unless he obtains those lessons, he'll be a lost and incapable person next year, 5 years from now etc.



Stick to your guns, remain the parental authority (he's under your roof he follows your rules...doesn't like? Doesn't need to stay). If you hold tight, one of two things will happen...he'll finally agree, he'll storm out (probably sponge of Grandma), or he'll find he has to flounder in the big world and will appreciate what he had.



Good luck with this, it's tough being a parent, but it's tougher being one to an adult child who just doesn't want to get his act together and doesn't appreciate the breaks you have been giving him.

Answer 10

This is so easy! Kick him out unless he pays $50 a week. Tell him that he has one month to make his decision (which is plenty of time to find a place).



He is obviously spoiled, and after learning how much it costs to live on his own, he will either come back and contribute or will be gone into the world with no issues for you!

Answer 11

Well he is right, it is his money and what he does with it is his right. But if he doesnt help you out with bills and such and gives you attitude when you ask, well then stop doing his laundry, stop allowing him to eat your food and such in the house. Tell him he has money to get all this now and you are not gonna support him. Tell him no more showers and electricity in his room until he pays some bills, turn of his power to his room, lock it if you have to and hide the key! Tell his granny that she needs to stop, he needs to learn. I bet she didnt pay for your bills, did she? I would also start telling him that he is old enough to move out. I know its tough love, but he needs to learn to be independant sooner or later. My parents never taught me anything, i was spoiled till the day they passed, now i have myself to lean on alone. Long lessons, short time for me, dont let it happen to him! Make him learn he needs to pay or he moves out!! Put your feet down and dont give in on him! Its a lesson he needs to learn!Also demand he starts saving money as well. Make it a weekly thing! Maybe you can start an account for him?

Answer 12

Looks like his money needs to find a place to live and start paying rent. Why are you letting him live at home anyway? He needs to experience life.. kick him out. Tell him that you love him and all..but he really needs to become an adult. Tell Gram to stop paying the insurance as well. He is not a child any more. Push him out of the nest and let him fly. If you think that is too harsh.. tell him this is your house and your rules.. if he wants to mooch.. then pay up. I was moved out at 18.. sure I had a few tough times and went home, but it was temporary. I had my own home at 22 and was paying a mortgage. Motivate him out the door.. or will be there forever. Good luck.

Answer 13

Open the front door, put your foot squarely in the middle of the spoiled little brats backside and push!



My daughter is just shy of 20, lives at home while attending college, and works as well. She is required to pay $35 a week towards the household, plus help with household chores, and she pays her own car insurance and maintenance. It's part of being an adult - which evidently your monster doesn't understand. Kick his rear out to deal with life on his own with "his" money.

Answer 14

If he lives in your house...it doesn't matter what he says. He pays the rent you set for him - or he's evicted. You are doing him no favors by letting it slide. Honestly - I would make it $100 a week and apply some toward your bills but then also hold some in reserve that you can help him make a nest egg to have a deposit for a place of his own. Don't tell him you are doing that because he isn't mature enough to handle it yet...but hopefully he will in the future.

Answer 15

what happened to the world, change the lock? or bye bye son? it doesn't work like that, before getting married i was in my parents house they never took from me a Penny, although If I tried to pay for something they won't let me they always made me feel they r there for me ...we were not rich but if you really need some help then he should have responsibility but not by throwing him in the street...and on the other hand he shouldn't argue if you need him to help then he should do that without being asked, does he buy food for the house or share things with you,,,,or is he so selfish, if he is so selfish then you need to shift to plan 2 who wash his clothes if you r stop ...... who cleans his bedroom if its you STOP....until he get the idea he is living with his parents and as they were there for him all the years he should learn to participate as a family member....at the end you are a Family

Answer 16

WHAT!!!!!!! make him pay his way or he will never learn. Its your house your rules if he dosent like it he can always get his own place then ALL his money will be gone. When I got my first job I gave my parents a third of what I earnt for upkeep, grocies, fuel bills etc.



Put your foot down and dont tolerate it. He is old enough to look after himself so he is old enough to help contribute to keeping a roof over his head.

Answer 17

You have the right to charge him rent after the age of 16!! This may seem harsh but if he doesnt like it he can move out and pay rent on a place of his own!! He knows that he will lose out if he moves out cos the rent will be more expensive and he will have to pay utility bills!!!

Tell him to give you money to help out or he can get his own place! His reaction will soon change!!!

Answer 18

Well, I was going to college and working part time. I dropped out of school and because of that my parents started charging me rent each week. Granted, it wasn't near $50, but it was just the idea of it. I was out on my own at age 20, so I think your son is perfectly expected to either help out or be out on his own. I think it's definitely time for him to learn a little responsibility for himself.

Answer 19

hi,

it sounds as though you have talked to him quite a bit about this. try this make a list of your bills without him in the picture.you the cost of water the cost of food the cost of electricity etc...... this is just an easement of what he uses in a months time. this is passable by going to you local company's of businesses and asking them what there easement for a one person resident would be. then present it to him tell him that this is what he would be paying if he lived on his own. then tell him in comparison top what you are asking which is around $100 a month. i f he still protest then while he is at work one day pack his things and change the locks in your home and make him try to make it on his own.

Answer 20

If he is only making 1100 a month he is poor.



He should pay to help out.



Make him look at apartments and figure out what the cost of living is. It sounds like he is clueless about life.

Answer 21

change locks and dont give him key. if he were any other place the landlord would have evicted him a long time ago and he would be in court. he makes plenty to pay u a minimal rent (it doesnt have to be a standard rent....just a few hundred to show him responsibility and respect) and help out with the utility bills. also, if u are his parent and he is tight on money i would be wondering where it is all going bc it certainly isnt going anywhere responsible....

Answer 22

You are the parents. If you request rent be paid, rent must be paid or your son must move out. He'll be a little more preceptive to that...$50 or more to live somewhere else....



My parents gave each of us kids 6 months free rent once we got out of college, after that it was rent or move out....not an unreasonable request.

Answer 23

My Mom had this problem with two older siblings of mine. It came to the point where I had to convince my Mom to cut them off. It worked amazingly well for my brother, not so much my sister. My brother is very responsible and actually very tight with his money now. My sister is married with a child, almost 31 years old and still bumming money from my Mom. Tell him your money is your money and see how he reasons himself out of that one. He's an adult now. Perhaps its time he understands bills and responsibility. Best of luck.

Answer 24

imo, he should give his share of the expense. he is old enough to live on his own so if he wont share the bills, better get out and live up to his word that his money is his, then his life is his, then he should live on his own cause all he thinks about is himself

Answer 25

Show him what it's like to have to pay rent in the real world.



His $1100 won't go very far and he might think about getting a real job.

Answer 26

If you feel that strongly about him paying them tell him if he isnt willing to give you the $50 you asked for then, he can move out and pay his own rent,utilities,food and other bills. Maybe then he will be willing to give you that little bit you are asking for.

Answer 27

if he can't pay you, you can kick him out...if he is over the age of 18 you have the right to remove him from the premises. Just make sure it's in written form , and you give him 30 days to get out...or you can scare him into thinking your kicking him out??!

Answer 28

Tell him to leave. My 17 year old pulled that and I wouldn't take it from him. Certainly all his friends are paying their rent, board and lodging. He's playing games and it's time he got out in the real world. Give him a warning and then change the locks.

Answer 29

Stop feeding him and cooking for him, stop doing his washing. Put a lock on the phone so he cant use it, and send him a bill for the electricity and see how he likes it. I personally would tell him to find his own place, hes all grown up now and you should be enjoying your life without having to contend with him.

Answer 30

His money is his money - that's fine, your house is your house - he needs to get out!! Don't ask for $50.00 a week - tell him he will give $50.00 a week. Unfortunately sounds like your son is very selfish - he's right, he doesn't have to give you anything - he also doesn't have to live with you!!

Answer 31

Grandma isn't the only one spoiling him here - and PS at 22 the spoiling is irreversible!

Kick him out - why is he still there? My mother wouldn't have put up w this crap. call the cops and have them evict him or make him sign a lease at the very least!

Answer 32

you and your husband and his grandma it seems are enabling him to continue being the way he is.



You need to give him a time limit to be out of your house and into a place of his own. If he is not out by then get a storage place and while he is at work move his things into it, and give him the key. Then change your locks and tell him to grow up.

Answer 33

his money is his money; your house is your house. Throw his ungrateful butt out and never look back. No question. That'd be the day my 22 year old tells me he doesn't have to give me anything! Your job is done! Tell him don't forget to write.

Answer 34

nicely, it appears that evidently like the lady chum is the LEAST of his issues. i think of which you would be able to desire to discover the reason for his loss of interest in his examine, why he's disrespectful and why he lies. needless to say lots of those issues can in many cases be blamed on stable previous teenage angst, yet givent he fact which you stated which you're divorced from his mom, which you ought to to ask your self, coudl this be enjoying a section? Did you adult males practice your son and perchance do some kin counseling to assist him settle for the chop up. Divorce regularly reaks havoc on a baby, and teenagers have the main unusual potential accountable issues on themselves, and not make it easier to be attentive to it. so which you ought to to communicate with him, or ask him if he might desire to prefer to connect YOU in a counseling consultation to communicate some issues with reference to the divorce. you will discover that a baby will in many cases accompany you, in the event that they think of they're there to be moreso supportive to YOU. additionally, i wish that your baby is seeing a favorable interplay between you and your former mate. it relatively is conceivable to teach a baby that there is life after divorce and that it relatively is totally nicely. i wish all works out.......

Answer 35

Tell him to pay up or move out.



$50 is nothing, it still leaves him plenty to save for first & last month's rent and retirement.

Answer 36

Tell him, that he needs to start paying rent or get out! The only way, I wouldn't make my child pay rent is if they were going to school full time.

Answer 37

Kick his @ss out in the street and tell him to go live somewhere else,The ungrateful little shite.Let him live in the real world for a while then he might appreciate what he had was not a god given right.Good luck

Answer 38

Sounds like you need to kick Junior out of the house... Does he put his name on his food too? Draw up a lease, and if he doesn't follow it, evict him. Or move his but into Grannies house....

Answer 39

Throw the bum out. Right now, he is getting free roo and board - see what happens when he is forced to pay his own real expenses.

Answer 40

Then I would tell him that the food you buy is YOUR food, and the water and gas and electricity are YOURS. Turn off the breakers to his room. Tell hiim that is he wants to use YOUR things that you pay for, then he needs to give you some $$ or leave.

Answer 41

Throw him out. Just because your his parent does not mean he can act like a child all the time.



Make him learn responsibilities, and cut him off from his grandmother.

Answer 42

Go to your local court house and get the paperwork to legally evict him. Let him figure out what it actually costs to live.

Answer 43

Would you like me to have a talk with him? Maybe he'll listen to me after all I am a total stranger with no influence on his life.

Answer 44

He's 22!!!



Tell him to move out.



You are letting him act like a BRAT!! He sounds like a 4 year old.



Kick him out!!

Answer 45

It's very easy...stop cooking for him and stop washing his cloths let him do it himself and tell his grandmother to stop babying this sponge you call a son.

Answer 46

Give him a month, help him to find a cheap suite or apartment, and help him move. You can help him with the deposit, but that's it. Time for him to be independent.

Answer 47

I would kick him out. He has to learn how to live on his own. Tough love is the way to go.

Answer 48

kick his butt out! he will soon realise that it would be cheaper for him to give you the $50 you are asking for than trying to fend for himself!

Answer 49

give him the boot - time for sonny boy to grow up and become responsible.

Answer 50

Then tell him your house is your house and if he doesn't pay rent he has to move out.

Answer 51

OK, his money is his money. Your answer: plain and simple: your house is your house.

Answer 52

Kick him out. That is bullcrap. He is an adult and needs to be living out of your home.

Answer 53

Call the police. Bye bye son.

Answer 54

that's easy... kick his *** to the curb and let him spend HIS money on HIS billls and HIS food and HIS shelter and HIS life.

Answer 55

Tell him he either pays, or he's out.

Answer 56

Your house, your rules. He can't abide by your rules he will have to go.

Answer 57

let him find his house with his money.

Answer 58

no money no bed or food