Is it normal for parents to treat prefer one child over the other?

Question

Even in the situation when the one they prefer is out of control, wants to live with their parents forever, did poor in H.S. to the point where she almost dropped out, has gotten multiple speeding tickets, caused property damage and expects their parents to pay for everything. The other (me) on the other hand has graduated with a 4-year degree landed a great job and has a wife and kid. Also is it common for mothers to always protect their daughters regardless of the situation.

Answer 1

I think it's funny when people say "it's soo not normal, but it happens all the time!" whhaaa? Do you even realize what you just said?



Anyway, it kind of sounds to me like you're a tad insecure and jealous. If you have such a successful life, why are you complaining about something as childish as sibling rivalry as an adult. Get over it. Do you want a cookie?



Parents treat their children differently, for sure. Parents don't normally LOVE one or the other more or less. There's a big difference. We all have different personalities, flaws, and even vastly difference experiences growing up under the same roof together.



Have you tried LOVING your sister instead of looking for every reason you can to put her down and make her seem inferior to you? Negative attention is still attention and people can get stuck in that habit. Negative behavior is cyclic. Treating a person like scum all their lives turns it into a self-fulfilling prophesy, especially when they're kids/teenagers.



Did you ever consider that maybe if you (and whoever else) knock it off, she will too?

Answer 2

I feel your pain. I always did well in school, abided by my parents rules, and was an overall responsible, good kid. My parents never paid me any attention, yet were so strict with me. My sister, on the other hand was the opposite. She was always breaking curfew, had a baby at 16, dropped out of HS and most recently ran away to live out of state and be a stripper and a groupie for some no name band. Even still that I am 21 and she is 20, my mom favors her the most. I went back home to visit, I live 3 hours away, and my moms apartment was strewn with pics of my sister and her adopted son. (She gave him up for adoption). I always felt like I was the one who was good and thoguht my mom would favor me, but boy was I wrong. I will just use this experience to try and not treat my children how I was/am treated. As far as the daughter thing, I dont think thats the case cuz me and my sis are both girls. I dont know what it is. My mom always said it was because I was independant so she pretty much let me do my thing (but was always so strict on me, go figure). She said she always was dealing with my sister because she was always screwing up. Funny how the one that she spent the most time on turned out the way she did, yet me, who was pretty much left to do my thing (except when I wanted to go out with my friends) turned out okay. I seen it and was hurt by it then, but to see it still go on today hurts me even more.

Answer 3

This is sssoooo NOT normal, but sadly happens too often. I am a mother of five and love all equally and the same. Unfortunately though a parents love can be blind. I know of a woman who has a teenage daughter who has done so many things wrong that I could write forever and she still thinks she is just great. She is even currently raising her grandson for the so called perfect daughter because she wants to party, drink and drug and that is all just a funny joke. I don't know, maybe they just feel that if they give them this unconditional (blind) love that they will change.

Answer 4

Hard question... A parent might prefer one child over the other in personality, but it is not typically so obvious that you still fret over it after you've left the house.



Could be that your parent(s) felt sorry for your sister, and really don't think she could ever make it in this world, and because you are a man and smarter than her, they didn't have to worry about you.



But, there is always some sort of dysfunction going on in a family; sounds like you are the only healthy one.

Answer 5

All children are created equal. It's not very nice to give preferential treatment to one child at the expense of another. Such behavior can be detrimental to a child's self-esteem and may have dire consequences later in life. Parents should stop doing that to their kids because in the long run, they only hurt themselves. If you should love one child more than the other, just keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it. Such arrogance does not make a person feel very good inside. Further, it is childish.



Life is funny! The rejected child is usually the one that ends up taking care of them later when they get old. Those kids are usually more likely to excel both academically and in life.



I once asked someone why was her grand-mother in a nursing home?



"Her favorite son Tibabou, puts her there."

"How about Pepe and Nana"?

"They 're too angry with her to care." She said.



Action=reaction. Think twice before you tell your Tibabou in front of his siblings that: "You are my favorite." Sooner or later, it will come back and haunt you. You may need Pepe and Nana someday.



My advice to all parents is to love and cherish all of your kids equally no matter what. Because too much is at stake when you don't. THANK YOU!

Answer 6

Like it or not, it happens. There's nothing to be done about it. Let me guess...you're the oldest....right? It's common for parents to be softer on the youngest sibling because they don't want to let go of their baby. If you're in fact the oldest, they probably just expect more from you, that isn't a bad thing. They just expect you to be able to do better than her, so in a way it's a compliment!

It's also common for one parent to better understand and get along best with the child that's most like them. Maybe your sister just has issues that you don't have to deal with.

Bottom line: everyone life is unique and their very own, you can't compare your experiences to that of your sister.

Answer 7

Its not normal for parents to play favorites. Maybe they pay more attention to one sibling for specific reasons. However, this does not mean that they love one child more or less than the other. Many siblings feel this way. However, studies show that the older sibling is usually more successful than the younger(s). Your parents may simply have certain concerns for your younger siblings that they need to address. They may be trying to do this by taking certain actions or treating him/her with different respects. Relax, your parents probably aren't trying to come off as being this way.

As for you second question, parents will be overprotective no matter what you do. just be thankful that they are. Some people aren't blessed with parents who care abut what they do and they end up in danger. Consider yourself lucky!

Answer 8

I think it's normal for parents to treat children a little different. Not prefer one over the other. If the roles were reversed they would do the same for you. If your parents didn't take care of your sister she could be living in the streets or with you. Not everybody is perfect. They're doing all they know to do.

Answer 9

Perhaps they baby the other child because from what you describe the other child isn't doing well as an adult. You clearly can handle adulthood so why would you need your mom's attention?



I suggest you just let this go. My mom favors my sister (I have to pay her to watch my kids but my sister doesn't... etc) but honestly it's just stupid family stuff.. you can't pick them so just deal with it or just don't talk to them.

Answer 10

I'm 24. My Dad prefers my twin sister, and we both know it. He is bipolar, so that explains it all.

Answer 11

When I confronted my mum about favouritism in the family her response was

"You ask any mother which is the favourite child and she will tell you it's the lost one till he's found and the sick one until he's better"

It diddn't change the favouritism (my brother is Autistic) but it did help me understand and accept the situation.

Answer 12

yes it is normal but recommended that you try very hard not to take sides this is my problem now and i am taking this advice from a psycologist.

Answer 13

I DON'T THINK PARENT'S SHOULD TREAT THEIR KIDS DIFFERENT OR GIVE ONE MORE THAN THE OTHER. MAKES FOR BAD FEELINGS LATER ON.

Answer 14

no it aint because the other child could get jealous because they will think you prefer your other child over them.

Answer 15

well, my MIL protects my hubby...so it's not just one way...check out my questions / answers! Good luck

Answer 16

It happens all the time, sorry to say.

Answer 17

i dont know if its normal but they sure as hell do it