Children and privacy...How much should they have?

Question

IYO, How much privacy are children entitled to? At what age?

Do you, AS A PARENT, consider it a violation of your child's privacy, to look through their room? Check their cell phone? Check their internet history? Read a diary? Read their email? Snoop through their room? Can they lock their doors? Be vague in their plans?

Is there a behavior your child could exhibit that would make you look deeper into their business and disregard your previous stance on "privacy"

Answer 1

Privacy is a privilege for a child, not a right. I believe it increases and decreases in accordance with trust and behavior. If a child has given no reason to suspect anything then reading over their shoulder on occasion is fine. If things start to pop up then, sitting down and looking through the history may be called for. I have always started with and stated to my kids that I will look through their stuff if i want to. I have on occasion scratched the surface with them right there to prove that i will. If I have no reason of if around them they aren't closing screens and such, I let them carry on. Hiding in plan sight is not an easy skill to learn and neither of them have the hang of it. If they start hiding things or I am worried about behavior, then I start looking at stuff. I have one basic thing that i go by. There is no excuse for a parent not to know what their child is in to. There are to many traps out there to fall into. I would rather they be mad at me then either brought home by the police or worse. They have also grown up with this philosophy, so it is not a shock to them. Another thing that i don't do. I don't hold anything I see or read against them. Such as language or inappropriate comments to each other. We all talked as teens and as long as it is not directly dangerous, It's forgotten.

Answer 2

Well,

I'll probably be one of those annoying mothers but they can have all the privacy they want when they are out of my house. Until then (18) if I feel something is wrong or they are hiding something that could have long term consequences on their life, I will snoop as much as I want.



I would say at about 13, I would start knocking on the door to come in though, and let them have secret harmless conversations about the cute boy or girl at school etc but if I feel something is up, I'll go through whatever, whenever I feel I need to. I have pretty good "gut" feelings so Im sure it wouldn't be often because I hope my children listen to my advice and I have confidence in my parenting but just saying lol if they do decide to be secretive and I feel something is wrong it is my right as a parent to investigate!



Privacy under the age of 18 is a privilege.

Answer 3

My 19 year old, I do not snoop at all, if I thought he was hooked up with druggie friends or doing drugs himself or some other harmful behavior, then yes I might start snooping, especially since he is living at home and we are paying for his college and car and insurance right now.



The 11 year old and 9 year old, "snoops are us". I don't normally snoop, but if I'm cleaning up after them and see a note or whatever, yes I will open it and read it. They are not old enough to have privacy in this crazy world....they also both have computers in their rooms, and the monitors face the door so I can walk by and see exactly what they are doing before they have time to hide a screen.



Just yesterday my son the 11 year old, turned OFF his monitor during dinner, so while he was eating, I went back and turned it on just to see WHY he felt the need to turn if off. I couldn't find any reason, but I will be more vigilant just in case.

Answer 4

Privacy is a priviledge not a right. Having said that, I don't snoop through his room, I don't read his journal. I guess that's on his positive list.



On the negative: I do check his internet history, this is less about getting in his business and more about my computer safety. He's not exactly internet savvy, and I fear viruses from unapproved sites, as well as the worry of cyber bullies. I don't, as a rule read his email. He's not allowed to lock his door. He has no need to do so. I knock politely, and wait to be bid entrance. No need for a lock.



Were he to become suddenly withdrawn and sullen, or otherwise acting strange, and refused to talk to me about whatever was going on, you can bet I'd be doing whatever I had to to find out what was up so I could help him.

Answer 5

Privacy is a privledge, not a right. If they blow my trust, they blow their privledges. That means, if you want to close your door, don't slam it. If you want to lock it, don't be doing stuff you shouldn't be doing. If you want to go out, then go exactly where you say you are going. When my kids get older, if they want to go out and i won't be there, then i want to know where the place is, who is going to be there, and when you planned on coming home. I would also want them to text me when they got there and when they were leaving. That is mainly for me to feel better, since kids going out and not returning scares me. I do that for their own good.



So far, the kids have a computer of their own and my daughter only uses it to get on her games, she has in a favorites folder. She doesn't know to search things she just plays the games on the websites we saved for her. When she gets older, i will probably check history to prevent viruses, and cyber-bullying. Also, if she has something to hide it will be a big deal. if she doesn't have anything to hide, then it should just be another roll the eyes and say, "Fine mom, go look." and i will just see that she is keeping herself out of trouble and safe. She is minor til age 18, it's my job to protect her well-being and if that means looking through her diary because i'm almost certain she's on drugs, or is hiding something big from me, then she can WATCH me tear through her room. but never will i snoop around while she's at school, and read little notes or stuff that she's thrown in the trash can unless i feel she is keeping something from me that can harm her.

Answer 6

Checking their cell phone,internet,email,and diary is a little extreme in my opinion. If your children/child is/are teenagers snooping in their room could possibly be ok, and locking their doors they shouldn't do.

Answer 7

There's a difference in privacy and safety.



I'm not going to read their diary or snoop through their room, but I do need to know what they are looking at on the internet or what their plans are if they plan on leaving my sight.



While I would be interested in knowing what little secrets my daughter writes in her diary, those are her private thoughts and feelings. If she wants to share with me, she will.



However, if she's going on with her friends I want to know what friends and where they are going.



If I feel their safety is at jeopardy, I do make it my business to check in on what they are doing. Other than that, they have all the privacy they need.

Answer 8

Not a parent, but my parents do go through my phone and crap like that (I'm not dumb). They can go through my stuff and read my Yahoo Answers account for all I care. I have nothing to hide. There's only a few things I know they know better than to do. Like read my diary. I'm allowed to have my door shut but not locked.

Answer 9

I am a kid!

I am 12 years old and I don't care if my mom looks through my stuff.

I have nothing to hide!

I think kids should be able to have some privacy like hanging with friends alone and being to lock there door but parents should be able to snoop.

Parents just want to protect there kid!

And if you don't want your parents to check your stuff than you know you are doing something wrong and have something to hide.

Like once I was at the hoop (a club for kids) and guys were asking me to dance.

I said no to all of them but one!

Then he started grinding but I pushed him away!

I think of it this way, if you are doing something you wouldn't want your parents to see you doing than dont do it.

But not all kids are like me!

Answer 10

I agree with checking phones and facebook/myspace if they have one. I do not agree with reading their emails or their diaries. Yes they can lock their doors, but if I tell them they need to unlock it so I can come in that needs to happen :)

Answer 11

i'm 16 and i think that children and tweens/teens should be entitled to as much privacy as they feel necessary. If you think the examples you gave are okay and they're not, well youre wrong.

looking throught their room: we dont want you in there.

cell phone: invasion of privacy and if we catch you, youre in trouble

internet history: we're smart enought to delete it :)

diary: DONT YOU DARE!!!! that is a MAJOR violation. we write our true feelings in there and they are SECRET.

email: no

Locking doors: if they are changing, yes.



i would look deeper if they did something that made me suspicious.

Answer 12

Anyone who beleives in that should get married to abusive cantol freak who feels privacy is a priviledge not a right then they'll realize what douchebags they are.

Answer 13

All these things are inexusable, and I would never do. Unless I felt that my kid might be involved in something dangerous and snooping really would protect them, and I would still be cautious and try to talk to them first