Should I get in touch with my small children's, sibling's mother?

Question

My children are 3 and 4 years old. My oldest remembers her siblings but the 3 year old does not. Their father and I separated over 4 months ago and he didn't keep in touch with his older three children from a previous marriage, behind in child support as well. He's not showing any interest in our two when it's time for the phone calls (every Mon, Wed, & Fri).

I'm at a loss. He doesn't even try to hold a conversation with them, my 3 year old can if you simply engage. It really isn't difficult. I was wondering if I should get in touch with their older sibling's mother? We have had a bitter past when their father and I were together. She would always interfere with our relationship, claiming she still loved him, etc... Despite being with him for almost 7 years.

Should I even bother?

Answer 1

Awkward, no doubt. I can't imagine my husband dropping out of the lives of his daughters. I ESPECIALLY can't imagine getting in touch with his ex to ask that we get our daughters together so they both grow up with their sisters in their lives. She HATES me being in my step daughter's life as it is and tells her that her sister is not ACTUALLY her sister because I'M not her mother so we're not her family. She's clearly not such a good mother, though, and it's far more likely that she'll disappear out of step daughter's life than husband will.



That being said, you should give it a shot and save the message for future reference. There isn't anything you can do to force her to be cordial or to allow all of your husband's progeny to have contact, but it IS the right thing to do. I would say maybe suggest a park outing? You can both go to the same park, but you don't necessarily have to associate if she doesn't want to. You could each bring a friend to hang out with and both sit at opposite ends of the park while your kids play on the equipment. It's still facilitating the contact between the kids without the awkward "Oh hey let's be frenemies for the good of our kids"



EDIT: OH! Well there goes the park idea :) Then I would think it would be SO easy to work this out! You never have to see each other or even TALK to each other!! Call her up or shoot her an email explaining that you want your kids to have contact with their siblings. Ask if it is ok for you to put together some pictures and drawings/letters your kids did to send to their siblings. My step daughter has been writing back and forth to her cousin a few states away since she was 4. She LOVES getting stuff in the mail every week! I don't know if they speak the same language, but you can always translate stuff into their language when your kids get old enough to write. Similarly, the other mother can translate stuff from her kids into English for you to read to your kids until they start reading on their own! You guys could even try Skype if you have to equipment for it. There may be a language barrier, but hey :) Good way to learn a second language, right??

Answer 2

When my ex and I were together, I had nothing nice to say to or about his ex, the mother of his child. I'm sure she felt the same about me.



When we split up, I messaged her on Facebook and told her I was pregnant and would like my child to know his or her sister. My ex was furious about it. She added me and immediately started playing the he said she said telling me everything my ex said about me as she pretends to be friends with him. She tried to extract everything he said about her. She was as much drama as him.



So far my 13 mo old daughter has not met her sister. Both have other men as dads, who love them in a way I now recognize my ex never did. But I keep the ex's ex on Facebook so our daughter's can at least have a chance.



I don't like my sisters, but I'm glad my mom made the effort for me to know them. I'm doing the same for my daughter.



So, yes. Contact the mom directly. Ignore whether you liked her or not. Just maintain enough communication to give your children a link to hers.

Answer 3

I don't think a very young child should have their memory starved out from the memories of relatives of long ago. Get in touch with your ex and explain your concern.

Answer 4

For the sake of the children, YES!





They WILL want to know each other growing up. All you can do is offer.

Answer 5

Of course you should "bother". Your children and her's are siblings. That transcends everything.