Question:
How do other working mums manage to cope with the work load, the children and the house?
Dimples
2008-05-28 01:56:16 UTC
I'v just started back at work and im just so confused.. I do enjoy working but i have this horrible feeling everytime i leave my little boy. I feel as if i am abandoning him and i feel so guilty. But by the time i get home from work, made dinner, tidied up i dont feel as if i have the energy to be as good with him as i should be. I cant really talk to any one about it at home. My mum thinks bad of me for working any way, and says i shouldnt be leaving my baby (he's 19 months by the way). and his other grandma is totally for it, because she gets to have him when the days i am at work. Am i doing the right thing.
Seventeen answers:
2008-05-28 03:02:42 UTC
Well I work part time (only weekends due to lack of childcare in the week - my mum is elderly and unwell and my inlaws live 250 miles away) and I stay home with my son (who is nearly 18 months old) in the week but I still struggle with everything!!



I enjoy my job and the money is very much needed. I feel glad to have a couple of days off from "mummy" duties!! My other half looks after our son at the weekends.



I've had to let go of the housework to some extent. Its impossible to have a perfect house with a toddler and a busy life. I do what I can but our house does look cluttered and messy a lot and tbh I don't really care anymore. Its all very well for my mother in law to be a neat freak but her kids are all grown up, she doesn't work and she has a husband who helps her tidy up. I have a messy other half who never lifts a finger around the house, a dog and a toddler, so I'm all alone and I'm had to come to accept I'm just not superwoman. If someone judges me for having a sinkful of dirty dishes or piles of laundry lying around then they can just use the door I'm afraid!



I'm not going to miss out on cuddle time or fun at mum and baby group just to keep the house looking perfect. It soon gets messed up again when my other half gets home!



Don't be too hard on yourself. Your priorities are your baby and yourself. So what if they house is a bit messy, its more important that you spend time with your little lad when you get home from work. Your time with him is precious. A bit of clutter or dust never killed anyone.



Theres too much pressure on women today to be super-women - working, money-making, career-successful, excellent cooks, perfect homes, excellent mothers. Its rubbish. Few of us can manage to attain those lofty heights. We need to relax and be kinder to ourselves and stop allowing snobs to dictate what our lives should be.



Chill out, relax and make surer you get enough time to rest and recharge your batteries!
2008-05-28 02:48:13 UTC
Don't do housework.
Diane
2008-05-28 05:52:43 UTC
My kids are now teens but I will always remember this poem from when my daughter was a baby.



Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up we learn to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep. Im rocking my baby and babies dont keep.
♥ Minki ♥
2008-05-28 03:04:42 UTC
I went back to work when my daughter was 5 months old. She is looked after by my Mum and sister-in-law.



My housework is no longer important to me as it takes time away from my daughter. She'll remember me being there rather than how tidy the house was. She helps me clean at the weekends as does her Dad.



My daughter speaks well for her age as she has one to one contact every day. My daughter loves me just as much as if I was with her every day and I don't feel guilty for working to provide a better life for her.



Don't let your Mum's opinion get you down. Explain to her that you are a hardworking Mum and her comments are negative and unecessary. My daughter is content and confident, but I think that is down to how positive I am when I hand her over and pick her up. She knows I'm always coming back so she's happy.



Keep positive and do exactly what your instincts tell you. Good luck x
claire m
2008-05-29 05:47:33 UTC
It's all about what suits you. My daughters 4 now and I've worked FT since she was 2 1/2. I worked PT since she was 5 months. In my situation my partner works back shift and in the over-lap between our shifts she's either at nursery school or her Nana's. Like me your child has loving family members, it's not like your abandoning her to a childminder or nursery. I still struggle with guilt, but she starts primary school in August and she's growing up, I work Mon to Fri and am off weekends.

It's hard to get a balance, I come in from work and she's now at an age where she likes to help make the dinner, so I let her help. It's important to me that we all sit round the dinner table and talk about our days. After dinner the dishes are left til she's in bed and between dinner and bedtime is our 1-2-1 time. Once she's in bed thats when the houseworks done, i try to keep on top of it as much as I can so it's just a scoot around. That normally takes an hour or so and the rest of the times me time, whether it be a bath, a good book or a glass of wine with the girls!

It's certainly never done my child harm, she's a happy, outgoing, confident little girl. She knows I go away to work, but she knows I always come back. Some of my friends with kids the same age have terrible problems now that they've just started back to work, there first wee while at nursery a lot of them were terribly clingy and tantruming.

As I said, the choice is yours, personally I don't think it's a bad thing and my partners supportive, he does his bit in the house. But remember the dishes can wait, spend the time with your son.

You're not bad for doing this, and your feelings are completely natural xoxox
2008-05-29 01:30:09 UTC
Feeling guilty will only make the situation work. It will do you and your son good to spend a little time apart and when you get a routine estabilished it will get easier. Make the most of days off together and when your doing your housework involve him if only he carry's a duster around, this way you can still chat to him and sometimes by you only there can make all the difference. Your mum probably thinks the way she does because she probably never had the chance to do what you are doing. It is your decision at the end of the day and if it is essential that you do need to work then peerhaps you need to point this out to her.
Kazza3970
2008-05-28 07:54:26 UTC
I work full time while my husband stays home with the kids but by the time I come in at night he tells me he's exhausted even though our daugher (2½) is at nursery for 3 hours a day leaving him with my 1½ year old son who is quite happy sitting watching tv or playing by himself.



I come in and make the dinner, bath the kids, wash the dishes, tidied up (as I'm sure my husband wears blinkers so doesnt see dirt and doesnt seem to know that you actually have to sweep up to the skirting boards not just the crumbs etc lying in the middle of the floor). By this time I am completely knackered and just want to go to bed but my daughter has different ideas and wants to sit up on my knee and be read to until she decides its time to go to bed. Once they are eventually down I reckon its time for me to crawl into my own bed but this is when my husband's nose gets put out of joint as he thinks I should be spending time with him and sitting up and watching a DVD or something but I'm the one who is back up at 6am with our son watching Teletubbies while he is still in bed snoring!!!!!!



Everyone keeps telling me it'll get easier and I'm sure it will in the meantime we working mothers have just got to grin and bear it and as long as we love our children we are bringing them up right even if we cant spend time with them 24/7 I'm sure they'll realise when they are older that we did it for them
2008-05-28 02:20:27 UTC
Absolutely. You do what you have to.Get some help from relatives if possible.Besides you have to make living to support the child. Before you know it he'll be going to school and leaving you at home alone.As parents we do what we have to even though it may not be popular with our relatives . But nobody can live and run your life but you . Keep your chin up and do the best you can. Good luck and god bless
kittykat
2008-05-28 02:05:13 UTC
Yes you are. You need something else in your life apart from your baby. You have his other Grandma's support and that is wonderful. May I ask where his father is? If he lives with you then he should be doing 50% of these things. If he's not around in this way, and I suspect he isn't then this situation is very hard. I'm sorry your mum isn't very supportive of you, I think what you are doing is fantastic and of course you will feel guilty leaving him but that will fade. If he isn't crying or asking for you all day and is growing up happy then it's all good. Yes you will be tired when you come home but remember, I bet his lovely Grandma has been playing with her Grandson all day and he won't notice a thing! Good on you I say!
Nugget
2008-05-28 02:00:37 UTC
it's all about your personal preference. 19 months is old enough. most women HAVE TO go back to work when the baby is only 6 weeks. just spend as much time with him as you can. i know how you feel though. i work 3rd shift and have 5 kids to try to spend time with. but you can make it work, especially on days off.
2008-05-28 02:11:56 UTC
I'll let you into a secret - every working mom feels like this! Don't expect yourself to be perfect - and leave the tidying up til after he's gone to bed. I was lucky (and still am) as both my parents and my in-laws are really supportive, but don't be scared to ask for help with chores either. As to whether you're doing the right thing, only you can decide but I'd give yourself chance to get into a routine before making any decisions.
Janine J
2008-05-29 13:03:09 UTC
I think every mother thinks like this when they work full time, I know i do. What i try and do is maybe give my daughter (aged 5) an evening bath and sit with her and chat with her during this time about her day and my day and then the old favourite: the bedtime story.



I also put a lot of emphasis on time that i spend with her at the weekends, doing things like taking her to the park and things that aren't possible during the week; saturdays and sundays are family time.
PRINCESS ALISON
2008-05-28 02:10:04 UTC
Good on you for going back to work a place were you can be you again earn some money to take care of your son.

We all feel like you do when we first go back to work, but it gets easier in time and i bet he loves going to stay with nanny and nanny loves having him, make sure you cram your days off with lots of fun laughter and cuddles.xx

ps is your mum upset the other grandma is having your son?
2008-05-28 02:47:49 UTC
Are you happier working than not working? Is your son happy with his grandma?



If so, then you are doing the right thing.



Seconding the question someone else asked: are you a single parent? If not, then your OH should be taking an equal share in the cooking and housework. You're a woman, not a slave.
2008-05-28 02:01:08 UTC
Only you can answer that question. As you have only just started back at work, i would give it some time before making your choice. I applaud you for being a working mum, I know i couldn't do it.
?
2008-05-28 02:01:52 UTC
how much do you work....do you have to or is it just to be more comfortable....if you can stay at home do it...these years will never come back again.
2008-05-28 02:04:32 UTC
I hear the worlds smallest violine playing just for you = )


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