15, pregnant and alone, how do i make a decision of something way beyond my maturity level?

Question

lost my virginity the same day i conceived with a broken condom. my mom's a wicked ***** and i've been staying over with my bestfriend since i left her house after she threatened i was going to be forced to abort, can she do that? my friend's the only close thing i have right now but and says she'll support me on whatever decision i make, how do i decided? i'm not even old enough to drive.

Answer 1

First off your mom can not force you to do any such thing and honestly, if it were me I wouldn't do it. Everyone thinks that is the easy way out but they don't tell you about the emotional or physical impacts that kind of choice can make on you afterwards.

Secondly, you do have some tough road ahead of you. If you honestly don't feel you can support a child and care for it to give it everything it truly needs to be healthy and cared for because of your age then adoption is a more appropriate choice as the child will grow up in a family that can do what you can't for them. If you wanted an open adoption to some degree then you may still be able to see your child or at least have photos and updates at regular intervals if you wanted them. Your other option is to keep the baby and be a mom. That decision is yours to make and either way one that should be supported for you. If you did decide to keep the baby and your mom won't help you then you could apply for a work permit to at least help pay for some of what the baby needs through a part time job. There are programs that can help you obtain diapers and formula, even baby clothing. Check with local churches to see if they have a mothers cupboard to help with mom's in your position. These are always free and can be a big help to someone in your situation. If you do decide to place the baby for adoption, be sure you talk to several places that are licensed and that deal with this on a regular basis. Look for one that can offer services for YOU as well during the process and after. Don't let them pressure you into a choice, but look at several before deciding. Also if you do there are agencies that will allow you to pick the adoptive family through a portfolio selection and even meet the potential adoptive family before you decide they are who you want to give your child to.

It sounds like you have a good friend to help you and let you stay with them. Don't let your mom twist your hand or thinking into doing something you will later regret through an abortion. Killing a baby that didn't ask to be conceived, on purpose or not, is never the answer.

Answer 2

Well obviously if you aren't prepared to deal with issues beyond your maturity level then you shouldn't be acting beyond your maturity level by having sex in the first place. But lecturing you isn't going to go anywhere now b/c whats done is done. First and foremost you are now the Mother so that means the decisions are yours. No one can force you to have an abortion. That choice is yours and only yours. Is the father in the picture still? If so what are his feelings? It is very hard to raise a baby on your own both financially and physically. You need to do some serious thinking and unfortanately it has to be fast. You don't have a lot of time if you do decide to have an abortion, just make sure whatever decision you make is for the right reasons. As for your Mom, she is probably in shock and hopefully she'll come around. Try talking to her when you think she has had enough time to get over the initial shock.

Answer 3

You're the only person that can decide what you want to do.



Just think that if you abort and when your due date comes around, how are you going to feel? What about every year when the day comes that you had the abortion, how are you going to feel then?



Do you think that at your age you could raise a child? (Im 16) Do you think you could give the baby everything he or she may need? Could you be a good mom? If your baby has a health issue could you deal with it? Are you ready to give up your teenage years and become a mother? Put yourself if your child's shoes, would you want you to be your mother?



If you put your child up with adoption, would you have the support that you need to help you get through it? Could you pick a good family out for it? Would you be abel to make that decision? Do you love your child enough to give them to someone who will love them? Would you want an open adoption so you could still have some contact with them? Or would you rather have no contact with them? If you have no contact with them, wouldn't it bother you that you have a child and have no idea where they are and will probably never see them?



You need to decided what the best decision is for you and your baby. Remember that it is not just you that you have to think about anymore. There is a beating heart inside of you that will need alot of love and attention. Could you give them everything they need? If you decide to keep the baby then they are your responsibility. Only keep your baby if you know that you can do it. Don't make another child suffer because a mother can't do it!



I personally do not believe in abortion, but you need to do what your heart tells you to. Does the father know that you are expecting? Maybe he can help you make the decision and maybe he will support you and your child.

Answer 4

If making this decision is beyond your maturity level then obviously raising the actual child would be as well, as you yourself are saying you are not mature enough for all this ( which i agree with you, at 15 you have not experienced life, gotten a proper education or really got to grow as a person). Maybe take this as a lesson to why you should not have sex so young because even protected sex is not a 100% as you have found out. With that being said i am sure there are teen pregnancy centers in your area that can help and counsel you to help you make an informed decision and help you not feel so alone. I don't know the history with your mother but i am sure she is just shocked and disappointed and you need to give her time and talk to her so she knows how you are feeling as well. In the end though you need to surround yourself with support and people who care and weigh out all your options so you can do what is best for your life and what is best for this baby. I know right now it is hard but you need to stay strong and know you will get through this. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 5

Listen people on here are going to give you a hard time even if they don't know you so don't think to much about what they say. I was 16 when I got pregnant. It was hard to deal with at first. My dad was not very happy about it but he knew that him being mad wouldn't change anything. I decided to keep the baby and so 9 months later I had a little boy. I will be honest with you, it was very hard and it still is today but it was the best thing to ever happen to me.Just remember there are risk to having an abortion the same as there are to stay pregnant. If there is absolutely no way you can keep this baby maybe try adoption.

Answer 6

I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant & I've been living with my boyfriend since we found out because my mom is the same way. & no, your mother can NOT make you get an abortion, regardless of age, or the state that you live in. My mom threatened that as well so I went to my local Health Department and got the facts. I advise that you make the decision that YOU truly want to make, although I do not support abortion (because it's a human and there are serious health risks). I wish you the best of luck. Find a Health Department in your area, they're truly a big help.

Answer 7

I don't mean to sound evil, but you made that bed, now you have to lie in it. Don't kill your baby- there are plenty of wonderful loving couples out there that would be happier than you could ever imagine for you to allow them to raise your baby.



You could have an open adoption- meaning you could still be i touch with the family and the child through the years. You would even be allowed to choose the adoptive parents. They may pay for your medical expenses, you would likely grow very close, and you would be able to decide to let them be present or not at the birth.



Babies are hard to come by for adoptive parents- there is a lot of competition. Most couples wait years, or simply adopt from other countries instead of waiting. You could be EXTREMELY selective! And you would be giving your child the stable, loving life that you are just not able to provide at this point in your life.



There will come a day when you DO choose to have a child and raise it, but you're right- 15 is not the time!

Answer 8

Well your mother can't make your decision for you she legally can't. If I was you, I would tell the guy also informing him either way he will be paying child support, then decide if you really want to take care of it and have a relationship. If you decide you can't, then set up an OPEN adoption. That way you can still have a relation with your baby but not be responsible for it. The thing is, you are not alone, there are many teenage mothers who had to make this decision. I know a girl, she got pregnant when she was 12 and kept it and said it was the best descion she ever made. Just remember, if you're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough for the consequence.

Answer 9

As you know you are in a very difficult position so you have to suck it up and act like an adult. One of the down sides of teen sex is that it forces you to grow up overnight. You must make a decision now no matter what your age and maturity level. Yes your mother is probably being a bad a$$ she is mad, she is sad, she is hurt, she is scared, and, yes, she loves you and wants the best for you. Running away from your mother is not going to help you or her. You friend may support you at this point in time, but I am sure you will not be able to live there with a baby. So if you have the baby you will be forced into another adult decision of where are you going to live and how are you going to feed and care for the baby. I think you need to go home, let your mother rant, then the two of you make peace. Once you have done that sit down and have a civil conversation about your condition, your options, and how each of you are going to handle this to be sure all parties will experience the best possible result. I think your mother is correct in wanting you to have an abortion and I think you should seriously consider that. However, this is one of those adult decisions you now have to make. Your mother can not make you abort, but she sure does have the right to tell you what she thinks. This is why you need to talk to her, listen to her, and express yourself. Do not fight with each other, but have an honest discussion. There is no way anyone can tell you how to be an adult and make adult decisions, you just have to do it. One place to start is to understand your choices - give birth, adopt, abort. Then for each choice set up a page with two columns one for positive results and one for negative results. This may help you at least narrow down your choices. If you want to ask any specific questions or discuss your situation in general send me a message and I will offer whatever advice I can, or I will just listen if that is what you want.

Answer 10

I had my first son at 15, it is hard but lucky for me my husband has always stayed with me. You are not old enough to live on your own because if your mom is really a big B like u say, she can get your friend's parent in trouble, I don't know what else to tell you, because my mom never threatened to make me abort. But i really doubt that she can force you it is your body and hey your baby! Think about it real good but don't regret your decision. Try to talk to your mom just to see in which level she is in right now? What about the baby's dad where is he? What level is he in? GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 11

Don't ruin your life, get an abortion. I got pregnant at 16 and thank goodness I had a miscarriage. If I had the babies (it was quadruplets, how totally awful!) I would never have finished high school, went to college, started a great career, met and married a wonderful man and had a legitimate child with two married and successful parents. I could have had the babies and been another uneducated welfare mom, poorly raising children while a child myself, no hope of a good career or husband. Yes, if I hadn't miscarried, I would have aborted and never regretted it for a minute!

Answer 12

You need to put the baby up for adoption. I don't believe in abortion at all. But your 15, and obviously your mom would not help with the baby. There is no possible way a 15 year old could take care of a child alone. It woulnd't be fair to your child if you kept it.

Answer 13

You should really sit down with a counsellor, call planned parenthood, speak to a guidance counsellor at school, or talk to your doctor. Your mom is angry and disappointed and she has every right to be, you made a stupid choice. Every parent has a dream for their child, and no parent dreams their child would have a baby at 15! That being said, no, she cannot force you to have an abortion.

Look obviously you're gonna get your share of angry pro-lifers calling you a murderer on here. The decision is yours and you need to be able to live with it. Personally I think adoption is a better option, but it's not me that would have to carry a child for 9 months then hand it over to someone else. This IS way beyond your maturity level and you need to realize that. Alot of pregnant teens just so ignorantly declare they're going to keep their baby, but they have no plan and no way of raising a baby, that's the epitomy of immaturity and countless children suffer.

Answer 14

First of all Charlotte Love STOP GIVING ADVICE YOU SUCK AT IT!!!



2nd of all I am not going to lecture you because what good would that do, you've had sex, you're pregnant. Now comes the tough part. At your age there is no easy answer, abortion will most likely haunt you for the rest of your life. Trying to raise a child on your own at 15 when you're not even legally allowed to work will most likely put a huge dent in any future plans you had for yourself and adooption while a great choice will leave you and your child with a lot of unanswered questions for a lot of years.



My advice ask yourself if you were your unborn baby what would you want? Would you want a chance at life no matter what it brought? There are thousands of good families out there that can't have children and would love to adopt your child. Whatever you decide I will be praying for you!

Answer 15

attempt to spend it gradual with your mom to chat approximately this. Your Dad is disenchanted. He in undemanding terms needs the right for you and he's hurting in view which you have been harm. at last he will quiet down. Your teenage years is a time to be enormously idealistic. regrettably, you now no longer have the luxurious of being idealistic, you are able to desire to be useful. you have 3 innovations: you hold the toddler - forget approximately your super occupation possibilities and settle for some thing much less problematical and time eating. develop up over nighttime and placed your existence on carry for the subsequent 20-30 years. settle for you will in all danger have an entire life of poverty as will your newborn and the strain you would be under would possibly bring about you abusing your newborn. the 2d determination is putting toddler up for adoption. no longer basic. the percentages are toddler would be nicely stated. yet at some point whilst he/she comprises discover you, you will would desire to describe relating to the theory. Then there is abortion. In concept i'm completely antagonistic to abortion. although, I truthfully have considered adequate infants starting to be up in such poor circumstances to appreciate that they might have been greater acceptable off in no way being born. i'm hoping your mom provides you with area to chat all of it the way via and make up your recommendations. you have 3 options and that they are all undesirable ones. on occasion existence is in simple terms extremely no longer basic. despite you come to a determination, your existence should not be the comparable back.

Answer 16

No, they cannot force you to have an abortion. My suggestion to you is to have the baby and give it up for adoption. There are lots of agencies out there that deal with that. You are very young and have a lot of living left to do and a baby is a big responsibility. Trust me, I know. I kept my baby (I was 17 and pregnant) but I went to LDS family services to learn about my options and they have a program for birth mothers that gives them a place to live until the baby is born if they are uncomfortable living with their family. I'm sure there are other programs out there like that. https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/pregnant/

Answer 17

I suggest you talk to a professional. I'm not sure if your parents can make you have an abortion, but you are a minor, so I'm sure there's a chance that's possible. When I was 15 I had a friend commit suicide because her parents were forcing her to have an abortion.



I suggest you speak to a guidance counselor at your school. They are there to help and protect you.



Good luck!

Answer 18

I can't tell you what is best for you because I don't know anything about your personal situation. But I will say that if you intend to keep your baby you had best be prepared to grow up quick. Its not fun and games, its hard work. i hope your prepared for it. Yes its worth the price but are you ready for the price? sleepless nights, long hours of work. No free time. No money. its messy and your child won't always realize everything you have done for them. good luck If you need someone to talk to message me.



Being a young mom is hard. I have my own kids and my fiances its hard

Answer 19

I'm sorry that you are in this position. You really and seriously need to look at each option available to you. It's sad to me that your mother is set on your aborting the baby. If you are unable to care for the child then please look into adoption, there are thousands of people who would die to be able to carry their own child and who would gladly adopt your baby. Your mom can't decide this for you, and I think it's great that you have a friend who is supporting whichever decision you make. Talk to someone at Planned Parenthood or join a support group. Good luck.

Answer 20

I would suggest talking to a counselor. I don't necessarily believe in abortion, I believe that adoption is a better way to go. There are so many couples out there who are unable to conceive. However if you wish to keep your baby that is also your decision. Raising a child is a hard thing to do but it is so rewarding. :D

Answer 21

You know whats worse than a tough start in life? Being dead... if you really feel that you cannot raise your child (and at 15 you probably cannot) then consider adoption. If you thought this was so far beyond your maturity level than obviously so was having sex. Best of luck

Answer 22

You already made a decision WAY beyond your maturity level by having sex. Condoms aren't 100% which is why you should also use birth control.



Keep your legs closed next time, until you're actually prepared do deal with a child.

Answer 23

You had sex at 15...you ALREADY made a decision way beyond your maturity level.

Answer 24

15 and pregnant does not make you mature. It makes you irresponsible.

Answer 25

I think you need to talk to a school counsellor or an adult that you trust. In my personal opinion, adoption is worth considering, don't listen to people who tell you to have an abortion.

Answer 26

its not your flaut the comdom spilt i could understand you mum if u had unprocted sex but you didnt stuff just happens and this just happned its not your flaut or your boyfriends. i know your mum is upset beacuse your still young but at the end of the day she should spport you its up to what choice you make and you have got your friend to help hopefully your mother will come round to it

Answer 27

no one can make you abort its your choice. their is lots of help and support out there speak to your gp or a teacher don't go it alone.

Answer 28

If you are old enough to have sex then you are old enough to accept the consequences. Go to your nearest clinic and learn about your options.

Answer 29

New account, very suspicious.

Answer 30

I'm against abortion but thats very besides the point. I say go to court you may be able to prevent her from making up your mind for you.





Good luck with everything.

-hug-



also it takes maturity to realize when your not mature to handle something.





3 down wtf?

Answer 31

No one can force you to have an abortion. Please give your baby up for adoption!

Answer 32

Simple, abort. Think about what a miserable life your baby would have if you didn't. You have your future to think about, not a kid!