Is this "normal" behaviour for a 6 year old? Should I make a big deal of it or not?

Question

A few days ago I found some pencil crayons and felt pens that my daughter had brought home form school. She denied it, said that it wasn't her and refused to talk about it. They were stuffed into the waistband of her tights so I am sure it wasn't anybody else! Today, whilst looking for a missing toy in her room, I found a whole pile of stuff that isn't hers. I don't know where it came from and nor does my husband. Some of it is old stuff that I guess she has picked up when we have been visiting people, other stuff is new and must have come from a shop. She refuses to say anything about it and seems completely oblivious to the fact that she has done wrong. We've explained what stealing is and she knows that you have to pay for things before you take them out of shops. Is this normal? Do lots of children go through a phase like this? What do I do? The crayons and things can go back to school but I don't know where the other stuff came from so I can't make her return it.

Answer 1

Yes it's normal for children to test boundaries. She needs to learn consequences and fast. In our home Lying, Getting in trouble at school, and Stealing all on there own earn a spanking. I recommend she get a VERY serious one (pants downer) from either you or your husband. Then be made to think on it in her room for at least 1 hour. You sound like you've done a excellent job explaining what's right and wrong. She knew what she was doing was wrong because she hid them in her tights. Now it's time to send the message home for breaking a rule. Not punishing this is giving her the green light to do it again.

Answer 2

6 usually isn't a normal age to start stealing usually that's teenage phase but all children are different. Does she have older siblings or cousins she could of picked this up from? If you researched it and you know it came from her you need to punish her and find out where the stuff came from. Since she is only 6 i wouldn't advise you to make her bring it back to the stores but maybe make her bring the crayons back to the school and apologies with you there. And take the stuff she took away from her. But deffinalty punish her and explain to her why she is being punished and that stealing is wrong and so is lying.

Answer 3

You have to give kids a 'get out'! She obviously knows she shouldnt have taken the things... but doesnt know how to sort it!

Try to, get 3 plastic bags... label them SCHOOL, SHOP, FRIENDS tell her you know she has taken them,because you didnt buy them & she hasnt got any money... but maybe it was by 'accident'& she just wasnt thinking right....so u want her to put the things in the right bags depending where they come from so that you (not her) can give them back.

Tell her she wont get into trouble.. u just dont think its fair on the other children.

then leave the room.... it could take a while.

IF she does it... even just a few items in the right bags. Just pick up the bags & say thank you... no other discussion about it.

Whatever you do.. dont make HER return them or apologise or anything like that... just let it go. Then in a couple of weeks...you can talk about stealing in a matter of fact way... but not about these incidents.

Kids do things for curious reasons that eve they cant explain. So to moan on & on about it.... will upset her & achieve nothing anyway. YOu dont want her to feel that everytime she does something wrong she will have to hide it from you.



If she doesnt do it... then take the things away & take her to a charity shop to give to people who cant have things thats she has.

Answer 4

This is okay. Far from ideal,but it doesn't mean she's going to be a criminal. Chances are that it's just a phase she's going through. Don't be too hard on her, although you should remind her that it's not a good thing to take things (I'm sure you already have). Talk to her teacher in confidence there may be something bothering her. Don't worry too much though, I'm sure she'll be okay. I can remember having a little phase like this when I was young and I turned out fine! I haven't encountered it yet with my kids but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

Answer 5

I would try to find out where at least one thing came from so she can return it herself and face what she had done. I would also take all of the stuff away from her so she knows it is wrong and that she cant keep the stuff. This is most likely just a phase but it will not go away on its own. Take a look at who she hangs around at school. She may just be doing it because a friend is doing it. Is she doing it for the rush, attention, or to fit in? Research this question. At this age she is trying to find herself and trying to fit in. You want to pay good attention to what is influencing her right now (TV, Friends, Family, ect.) good luck.

Answer 6

She is old enough to understand that you aren't supposed to take things that don't belong to you, and the fact that she hid the crayons and pencils in her tights is evidence that she knows she is doing something wrong.



You need to have a serious talk with her about stealing, and more importantly, trust and respect. Ask her how she would feel if one of her friends came over for a play date and took some of your daughter's toys home with her.



Obviously, you need to take away the stolen items, and you should check her backpack and lunchbox when she gets home to make sure there isn't anything in there that isn't hers. Go with her to school and make her return the crayons and pencils to her teacher personally, and make her apologize for taking what wasn't hers.



And tell her that the next time she comes home with something that doesn't belong to her, you will take something of hers away, permanently.

Answer 7

First of all I would like to say congratulations and good job! I work in the school system and so many parents of autistic children have their children living in a bubble. It is much easier that way but taking the harder route although more difficult for you will make for a much more enriched life for him. I would talk to your child's teacher and find out how they are dealing with negative actions at school. If at all possible you want to keep consequences the same at school and at home. Also, they may be using ABA therapy at school which causes for ignoring bad behavior completely.

Answer 8

theres a reason that shes doing this.has something happened in her life that may have caused a change-new baby? death? etc.its a way of attention seeking.she knows shes doing wrong.make her return the crayons herself and apologise to the teacher-she has to realise there is a consequence. she knows you're onto her now so it may stop. in future whenever you leave someones house ask her-without accusing her-if there is anything that she may need to leave behind, or that she may have accidentally put in her pocket.do the same in a shop. tell her that if you find something when you get home then it will have to brought straight back.this gives her the chance to empty her pockets if she needs to! dont tell her off if you do find something before you leave-praise her for being honest

Answer 9

My wife and i believe it is normal behaviour but it doesn't make it right if you feel strong about it maybe you should make a big deal out of it, try asking the police to come round and have a chat to her about it, they can tell her what happens to her if she got caught, that's if you feel strongly about it.



If you feel it maybe a faze try talking to her yourself let her know if it happens again you will phone the police, i wouldn't worry to much about it though she needs to try things at least once hey. You sound like a good parent so i am sure you and your husband will know what to do.



Good Luck

James



P.S. i have a 10 year old boy and two girls aged 2 and 8.

Answer 10

I would speak to her teacher to see if all is ok at school and if she is happy there,also the teacher can keep an eye on her so to prevent her taking anything else.

This is not that rare in children of your daughters age but it doe`s usually mean something is bothering her in some way .

Children do have their worries just the same as us,so have a chat with her ,but I wouldent make too much of it all.

Answer 11

Ok, here's what happens in our house when my 6 year old son comes home with stuff from school that is not his, OR comes home missing his stuff. I found out that there is alot of "sharing" among friends in his class. Someone has something nice and since they are learning about sharing then they are more willing to share with their friends. I do believe him because he wears his heart on his sleeve so to speak and I have seen the exchanges go down in the hallway when I walk him into the school. It could very simply be that. Maybe you could ask her teacher if that's what is going on since she won't tell you!

Answer 12

dont worry-maybe get some of the stuff and say to her that you are going to sort it out together and ask her if she remembers who they belong to-make an interesting task out of it-you could write a list together e.g teddy for mary.

dont make a huge deal of it or you might make her fearful of telling the truth.I think its always better to make it easy for a child to tell the truth,in fact you could say that you have something that belongs to someone else e.g"i must remember to give that *** back to ***, she will be wondering where it is "-then deal with the things she has.Most kids do such things -its fine.But maybe she is worried about something-have some chats with her about friends/school etc

Answer 13

Good for you making her return it. I wonder about some reverse psychology. Maybe she doesn't understand WHY it is such a big deal. I would steal some of her stuff that she REALLY likes. I would steal it and not tell her. After a few days, I would explain that mommy showed her what it is like and would give it back to her.



Just a thought... sometimes showing kids why works better than explaining why

Answer 14

You have already explained to her that stealing is bad, and thats great! Explain to her that you know she has stolen these things because you did not buy them. Finally I would donate all of the toys she has stolen to Goodwill, or a similar organization, to take the toys away from her, yet give them to another child.

Answer 15

I would say so yes, my 7 year old has brought a few things home from school, to be honest I hardly said anything about it, just told her to take it back, and she has done, it seems to just have died down by itself really.

Explain if she wants it, she can ask you to buy it, ( as crayons are inexpensive ) and not to take it.

I am sure it will stop soon naturally.

Answer 16

This reminds me of myself when i was little. I actually had a "stealing" problem. When I was about your childs age. I simply wanted what I did not have. You should just remind your daughter that it is wrong, and the consequenses of her actions. My parents never found out about my stealing, but the guilt of it made me stop doing it.

Answer 17

Well, use what you know. Make her take the stuff back to school, and apologize for taking it. Tell her you absolutely know she did, since you found it on her person. Yes, it is normal for young kids to want and take stuff that isn't theirs...and to lie about it. But she must be taught now that it is not acceptable in our society to do so. Tell the teacher ahead of time not to make light of it, but to be firm in correcting your child. When you leave a store, check her for stolen items. If you find any, march her back in and make her return it, and apologize to the store owner. Don't let them make light of it, either.

Answer 18

she should be watched all the time. I grew up with two brothers, and apart from eating coal they didn't do stuff liek that. They occasionally brough a pencil home from school. but returned it the next day realising they had made a mistake. I recommend searching her before she leaves school and shops. it seems a little harsh, but telling her off if she does steal something is bad. Or just take it out of he rpocket money when shes older

Answer 19

she is now at the age when she is no longer a baby, it is now you teach her right from wrong, i know you love the little might, but what you do now will carry her through the juniors and then the seniors school, get this right without to much embarrassment to her, but you must for her sake solve it now good luck.?

Answer 20

I would watch her alot more when you are out, to prevent it form happening becasue well i have a 2 neices and a nefue and they NEVER stole anything they just asked there parents for it. Remember you child being able to go out and play and go shopping with you and not staying hom with daddy is a privledge and if she doesnt stop steeling she shouldnt go anywere but to school and her room.

Answer 21

Well, she is only six and she is learning about the world and it's ways. Try not to be too hard on her. She could be trying to make up for something. You will have to find out, but it is not the end of the world. I have a daughter and she was 6 once, she did things that worried me at the time, but she has turned out fine. Your little girl will be OK too, just have a little chat, then let it go and see how things turn out.

Answer 22

never make a big deal out of anything a 6yr old does

they are just learning right from wrong you just guide them

getting a bit of attention is usually their idea of fun

Answer 23

Take every toy she has and tell her when she tells you where the thing she took came from you MIGHT give them back and make her take them back and tell the person she took it.

Answer 24

you might want to have another talk with her. try talking to her teacher. teachers can understand this sort of thing.