Go with your Gut on this one - help solve a family conflict?

Question

I have two sisters. Corrie has 2 kids, 4 and 6. Kelly has a 1 year old.

Corrie is always giving her used stuff to Kelly (crib & changing table, clothes, etc.) Recently she gave Kelly a big box of hand-me-down toys.

A few months later, Corrie's 4 year old asked where one of the toys was because he missed it. Corrie asked Kelly if the baby uses it and she said no.

So Corrie asked if she could have it back and she said yes. Then something happened and suddenly now Kelly's saying that the baby loves it and she's going to keep it.

I can see both sides, but i think I see one side a little more. What do YOU think should happen?

Answer 1

Well, when you give someone a gift, a transfer of ownership has taken place, so technically speaking, Corrie has no right to the toy.

However, when she asked for a toy that Kelly's child was not using be returned, it should have been.

BUT if Kelly's child really is enjoying it, and is in possession of it, it is not fair for it to be taken away. I am sure Corrie's child is not consumed by her want for the toy. When she asks for it again, she should be told that since she was done with it, it was passed on to her baby cousin who is now enjoying it and she should be commended for being generous and sharing it with the baby. Perhaps Kelly could get Corrie's child a small gift to thank her for the baby's "new" toy.

Answer 2

Kelly should have the toys. Corrie should explain to her four year old that his/her cousin likes the toy a lot and it's only fair since the toy was already given away. That's the way I see it. The minute you give someone something [hand-me-downs or gifts] it's the other person's object. It really isn't right to ask for something back once you've already given it away. If the child really loves the toy then Corrie can go out and get her child the toy again. Corrie should have thought about all of this before she gave the toys away. I don't know if this is how you feel but that's my gut instinct. Best of Luck!

Answer 3

Well, although she did give the things away, I think Kelly should give the toy back. She first said that the baby didn't use it, anyway, so why didn't she put it aside until Corrie got it back?



What's more, considering Corrie is always giving things to her sister, I really think Kelly should give that one toy back. I don't know, she could be a bit more thankful for what Corrie does.



Also, Corrie gave the toy away because she thought her kid didn't play with it anymore. She made a mistake. Fine. So what? Kelly DID say she would give it back.



And, once again, Corrie gives her plenty of things. If it had happened to me, I would have given the toy back straight away. I would be ashamed not to! Plus, the baby is only 1! He'll forget about it in 1 day! Sounds like your sister Kelly is a bit of a ***!

Answer 4

This is tough

well... corrie has right as in being the innocent one a this situation makes her look better but Kelly has the irghts to the toy.

I would say Kelly should be the one to either give back the toy or pay fo a replacement. this is because the toy is not the only thing that Corrie gave her, she should be happy with everything else she got from corrie or this situation is going to make her look really selfish.

Kelly could also benefit from giving the toy back. she is much more likely to recieve more stuff from corrie if she does the right thing



overall, both Corrie and Kelly would benifit from Kelly giving it back or replacing it

Answer 5

I think Kelly should give it back. As you mentioned, Corrie is always giving things to Kelly some items are pretty big (crib and changing table). If the baby loves it, she should use the money she saved on not having to buy a crib and buy the toy herself. I think she is being pretty selfish to keep a toy that belongs to the 4 year old. She should keep in mind that someday her child will be four and how would she feel if it was her child that wanted the toy back.

Answer 6

I think Kelly shouldve given it back - that baby cant be that attached to it since 5 minutes before it seems it wasnt even playing w it. The older child obviously would be more attached to it(based on age and length of memory alone) and the child shouldnt be punished for the mother giving away a toy too soon. Someday Kelly might find herself in Corrie's shoes and I am sure if her child really wanted a toy back she would try to get it for him/her.

Answer 7

hey stuff like this happens all the time i think that corrie should just buy her kid another toy that looks just like it since she gave her toys away thats her fault that one of her kids wants it back and the kid dont know what happend to it. or maybe kelly can buy corries 4 year old a new toy that looks like it i mean there sisters theres no need to start fighting over a toy. they should just go out and buy a new one its just a toy.

Answer 8

Have Kelly buy her sister a new toy. Seems fair, for what Corrie has done for her.



I am not saying this answer is well thought out, or even what I would do, but it's the first thing that popped in my head, lol. You wanted gut, you got it :):)



Good Luck

Answer 9

Corrie could be making a lot of money on all of the used stuff, selling it on ebay or having garage sales. She chooses to help her sister out, and Kelly should have enough decency to give it back. Corrie made a mistake-Kelly should give the toy back.

Answer 10

Well on principle I'm with Kelly. The baby may not play with it, but Corrie gave them to her. Did Corrie give toys away that the kids were still playing with? If so, that was wrong. If she gave away toys that the kids hadn't played with in awhile, I find it hard to believe the 4 year old suddenly remembered it.



Hope they work it out.

Answer 11

Kelly should absolutely give it back. Doesn't she want her nephew to be happy? The baby won't know the difference and I agree that Kelly could buy an imitation toy or something the same. It's one silly toy and if it means so much to a four year old then just let him have it back. They are sisters and family and a toy is not worth such a hassle! Let the little boy have his toy back! Kelly is kinda punishing him and its not his fault his mom gave his toy away.

Answer 12

Before you make up your mind, consider the possibility that, after Kelly said yes, she tried to take the toy from the baby and the baby changed her mind for her.

What happens if the baby and the 4-year old are in the room with the toy? You don't necessarily have to get anyone to agree to anything to set that situation up.

Answer 13

I think Corrie should just buy her kid a new toy. She should explain to her four year old that the baby has that toy and really likes it and it is a baby toy he can have a new big boy toy.

Answer 14

The one that was given the toy should give it back. The other girl gave the toy out of kindness. She made a mistake and asked for it back because her child misses it. I dont see why she just cant give it back especially after the other girl has given her so many other things. Also, if she wants to be given things in the future it would be a good idea to give the toy back.

Answer 15

Well, I think Kelly is acting more like the 4 year old, than the real 4 year old! Her baby, being only 1, is not yet old enough to over-attach to something as would one who's 4 years of age. The more the mind is developed, the stronger become your associatons with things. So it's not her baby wanting the toy, it's Kelly, for the wrong reasons! She should wise up, give it up and realize the 4 year old needs it more than she does! What a thing for an aunt to do to one of her own? Is she so poor she couldn't go and find a similar item, if it's something she wants her own child to play with? Like give it up already! And what a way to treat your own sister who has always been so generous with her? It's kind of very caddish behavior! I hope she snaps out of it!

Answer 16

well the whole thing is very complicated but the way i see it is that if it is taken away from the one year old, they will barely notice, but a 4 year old will whine about it until it is replaced. so Kelly should be a nice, understanding sister and give it back, the baby will never know.

Answer 17

It is my opinion that the toy should be returned. I don't see why there would be a conflict over this.



I am sure your sisters will work this out. If not, don't allow yourself to get pulled into the middle of it.



You know this toy is probably still available in stores if it is a simple answer would be to go out and buy one for the kid that gives it up.



That is why I donate out of the family. lol It really isn't worth a family conflict. there are just to many ways to settle it.

Answer 18

not knowing the family dynamic i say that kelly has the right to keep the toy and corrie should be more careful

Answer 19

well, it belongs to the baby, and the mother of the older child is going to have to explain that she gave it away to a younger child, if she had not given it to family, it would have gone to good will, it would be impossible to get it back then, she should check with the child before giving away her toys, and when she does explain about giving things to others, it's the mother to the older childs fault she needs to make it up to everyone in some creative way

Answer 20

I would hate to think either one of your sister's are trying to be petty....can't someone just buy another one and everyone will be happy?

For arguments sake, Kelly is under no legal obligation to give it back...it was given to her children and now it belongs to them.

But the moral thing is not the same as the legal thing....good luck

Answer 21

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Answer 22

I think the 4 year old has a stronger attachment to the toy so it should be given back to him/her. The one year old can be satisfied with another toy.

Answer 23

Corrie gave it away - she should buy another one.

You always want something after its gone -- it starts when your young!

Good luck and don't make the babies cry!

Answer 24

The toy was given away and I don't think it's appropriate for the sister to even ask for it to be returned, regardless.

Answer 25

I would give it back to the 4 year old.

Answer 26

give it back to the 4 yr. old

Answer 27

just go to the store and buy a new one

Answer 28

give it back and buy a cheap replacement.