why is my daughter like this??, how can i get her to stop?

Question

this is not I'm the quileute wolf pack princess, it's her aunt

ok, at the end of November my brother came over with his friend\roommate to our parents,
& they have been coming over since just playing games & stuff like that.
at the end of december early January we started going out & we go up to his house every weekend& my daughter liked him until that point now she hates him but i tell her i'll get her something if she's nicer
so she acts a little bit nicer around him but is still a little *********.
he does everything to try to get her to like him but nothing works
she has her own room at his house
we do what she wants
he talked to his friend that has horses & they are going to make a stable (sorry not into horses so i don't know what it's called) for her to get her own horse.
she said "i found the horse i want" so i said you need to chill they haven't made the thing for your horse yet & she said ya it'll probably be done when im dead then.
ever since me & him started dating (it's been about 5 weeks) me & her have been fighting alot more (she starts thim all) & she gets mad because "i don't spend enough time with her?" i work from 8am to 7pm & talk to him for an hr after i get him & on weekends is the only time i can see him so i'm going to spend that time with him. (well sometimes she goes to her great-grandma or grandma's house so i can see him during the week) & she always says "well i wouldn't be like this if it was my real dad" or "i'm going to live with my dad & you wont even care" so i say "fine email him on facebook but you can't be friends with him" she doesn't even know her dad, her dad has been in jail for 6yr & she yelled at me for smoking once. she said "kids learn from their parents stupid. good thing i'm not stupid so i don't make the same stupid mistakes you did"

Why the hell is she like this??
what can i do?
i ran out of idea's of what to do, what should i do?

Answer 1

It sounds like you're just not a very good parent. I get the impression that you are flaky and irresponsible, and that you have a tendency to put your own happiness first and then take the kid along on your joyrides, as in the tale related above. When kids are young, they will put up with anything because they don't know any better. Now you find yourself with a moody teenager with whom you have absolutely zero credibility.



As another poster said, you work from 8a-8p and then disappear with some guy. Oh that's right, you don't always disappear, sometimes you drag her along with you. That way you can spend the quality time you want with your boyfriend and not feel like you are ignoring your daughter (niece? What is your relationship btw?), even though her share of your attention during these visits is probably nil. It sounds like at this point she is blaming the boyfriend for this, which is very typical at a certain age. In reality you have created this situation, but it would induce a lot of internal conflict for her to resent you for it while still loving you as a parent and seeking your affection.



Now, lacking any actual parenting skills, you are A) posting private info online to strangers using your daughter's alias, and B) locking her in a room with no food,water,or bathroom- something that might be considered "torture"- in a desperate attempt to impose control on her behavior without earning her respect by putting her needs first for once.



You definitely can't do what you did- lock her up in a room like that. That would be considered child abuse pretty much everywhere. What you could do is start showing some consistency and responsibility, which in time would earn you your daughter's trust and respect, and make her do more of what you say. I suspect that you don't have the skills for that, so my recommendation is that you back off and simply let her do what she wants. If you are going to continue pursuing your best interests without thinking of hers, then at least give her the autonomy to take care of herself.

Answer 2

You sound like a very selfish person. She's acting out because you aren't giving her what she needs, a relationship. You are investing your time (the little time you do have) into your boyfriend, who you've only known for, what? 3 months?? You shoul be putting that time into growing a daughter and, by the way, she's old enough to have developed instincts about men, it sounds like all the men you have been with have basically taken over everything with you. Really, the guy needs to back off so you can have some time with your daughter, if he's not willing to take things slower, he's not worth it!

Answer 3

You have only been dating the guy for 5 weeks and your daughter already has a room at his house? I think you are moving to fast and seting a bad example for your daughter sounds like you need to slow down and see a little less of the boyfriend and more of your daughter.... And buying her something to make her be nice? that is just teaching her to act out and she will get stuff I think you realy need to read some parenting books and maby take some classes...

Answer 4

well, if you are at work from 8 in the morning to 8 at night, then you go off with your boyfried, it sounds like you really don't spend enough time with her. People, especially youth, need love - and youth tend to look toward their parents for that, because thats what parents are for.



And also, im pretty sure it is considered cruel and unusual punishment to not allow her to eat/drink/use the bathroom. That is not allowing her to have basic human needs.

Answer 5

She's your daughter. You're her mother.



Your daughter is acting out because she wants your attention and feels this guy is a threat to your relationship with her. I know kids seem like they want your attention all the time, but they don't really want it ALL the time. She just wants more attention. You may think you're giving her attention, but you're probably actually lacking a lot in your relationship with her. You can't just spend time with her and think that you're paying attention to her. Cuz you probably really aren't.



Kids need to feel like they're wanted too you know.



Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your mother were dating some random guy when you were her age, and you wanted a little mother daughter time, but you felt like you weren't really wanted at that time cuz your mom wanted to spend time with the guy more? How would that make you feel? Unwanted. Less important, even though you guys are blood.



Your daughter needs you in her life right now more than ever. These are the years where she discovers the realities of life and who she is. And if she keeps taking everything in a negative way, she'll just have a negative view on life and have a sh*tty life forever.



She said to the guy, "you already did enough of that". She thinks that he's messing up your mother daughter relationship with her. She feels you're putting the guy first. Well, are you?



If it were me, I'd come home from work every day and talk to my daughter first before I talked to my BF. My daughter comes first.



If it were me, I'd be explaining to her that moms are people too and they also need their own personal time, and that she needs to learn that you have your own life too. Not that your life is more important, but that you just need some personal time too, just like she does.



If it were me, I'd just be seeing this guy strictly on weekends and not sending her off somewhere else to be with the guy during the week. Sending your kids off somewhere else sends a big message to them that they're not wanted. Because you're sending her off somewhere for someone else to take care of her.



You're her mother. You need to take care of her first.



If she feels unwanted, she's only gunna get worse and hold it against you for the rest of her life. She'll go get attention from other people. Sometimes, not so nice of people. And those people can end up ruining her. You need to pay attention to her.



Ask her how her day was. Ask her how she's doing. Ask her about how her friends are doing. Make special plans with her so she knows you're not just throwing something together so she gets her way once again. Making special plans makes her feel more wanted than just getting the attention when she asks for it. Make plans to go to a movie, go shopping, go to a park, on a walk, whatever. Do simple little things for her. Acknowledge her. Listen to her.



She's your daughter. She needs you. Don't ignore her. She's just a kid, she should come first before anyone.



Be smart woman!

Answer 6

my be a issue about her real dad, either a psycologist or put her up for adoption

Answer 7

You should not stop her dong it. you can help her learn it all the way