Is it a coincidence that all the kids I've seen who are put in "time out" behave awfully?

Question

I work at a portrait studio so you can only imagine how many kids I work with on a daily basis. Some of them are very behaved and polite and take direction wonderfully. Others----wow.

I've started to notice that the ones who, in my opinion, behave awfully are constantly being told by their parents "Do you want a time out?" It doesn't stop the kids at all. Even if they go through with their threat and put them in time out, within 5 minutes they are back to doing what they were doing.

Of course, there are kids who act out and their parents will say "Do you need a spanking?" and they stop pretty much instantly.

Is this just a coincidence? Because I can remember being little and if I acted like these kids act I'd soon enough be on a trip to the bathroom to get a swat on the butt. I've yet to see one kid come back from a "time out" who actually learned from it in any way, shape, or form.

So, what's up with time outs? Why doesn't hardly anyone use real discipline anymore?

Answer 1

Because you're not supposed to actually use any discipline that might upset the child, didn't you know that?



From my observations, time outs only temporarily stop the behavior. It's a bandaid on something that needs stitches. Sure, put the kid in the corner for 5 minutes and they'll stop hitting the dog. Why? Because the dog is on the other side of the room...duh. But it's not going to teach them not to behave unacceptably, because it's not a big enough consequence. Removing them from the situation doesn't teach anything. It's simply removing them from what they're doing, not teaching them why what they're doing is wrong or that there will be bad consequences if they keep it up.

Answer 2

We use time outs for the most part (sometimes spankings but very rare and they have to be very bad to get one) and my kids are actually pretty good to most I have seen. Sometimes my kids can be a pain but then again every kid has their limits and like if they get out of school and i take them straight to the store or drs office just for them to sit still even longer thats when they get to be pains because there tired of sitting and want to do something. Kids are not good with waits and don't have large attention spans and I know at the portrait studios here the waits can be long. Oh and just because some of the parents don't threaten their child with a spanking in public doesn't mean they only give time outs. There have been incidents where a parent spanks their child in public and someone who sees it calls the cops on the parent all because they believe in no spankings what so ever. This actually happened at a store where I live and even though nothing happened to the parent do you really want to take the chance that some nosy person next to you will call the cops/cps on you for disciplining your unruly child in public especially when some workers wont know how to handle it and will take the kid away.

Answer 3

Well asking a kid 'do you want time out?' do you know any kid that will say 'oh yes please?'



The other parent is asking if the kid needs a spanking. No one needs a spanking and if either parent had any actual authority neither would need to ask or threaten anyway!!



I work in schools. In my experience some kids behave really well and some do not. Some of the ones who do not are either really scared of their abusive parents or just as bad at home as well. The ones who are good are often naughtier at home, with some more so than others. The difference is usually in how the parent disciplines and not the method, Some parents spank and some use time out, some use both but as long as they teach as well as discipline then the child is usually better than children who are just punished without any teaching or reflection.

Answer 4

I think that time outs do work as real discipline, but it has to be carefully implemented. It's quite possible that the families you're seeing don't even use time outs except as a threat, which would not work at all.

But I've seen many cases in which parents have used time outs effectively and the children behave very well.

My parents did use spanking but only rarely, their preferred form of punishment when I was little was time outs and I'd like to think that I turned out pretty well. In any case, I know my parents were often complimented by friends/co-workers on how well behaved my sister and I were, all throughout our childhood and into the teen years.

It doesn't work all the time, but time outs can be a great form of real discipline when done correctly.

Answer 5

If a child is constantly being told by a parent, do you want a time out, that parent isnt using it effectively - sounds like they are inconsistent with following through on their threats. Its not the time out thats not working - its the way the parents are using it.



Also, a photograph session is pretty boring for most kids, considering the time it takes. We have an amazing photographer now who not only takes great photos, but is wonderful with the kids and keeping them engaged. Even with multiple children in a session. We've also had ones, that sound a little like you, who want the session ran nice an orderly, and arent really working with the nature of children either - so I have to wonder if you are even capturing that in your photos. I can just picture that forced smile on the spanked child.

Answer 6

Real discipline is spanking? What could they possibly be doing in a portrait studio other than tearing up the equipment that would require a spanking? Are they yelling? Fighting? Perhaps if the parent would stop putting up the facade that their little angel comes from a perfect family and pay attention to their child instead of hauling off and whooping them then they would behave well. My children are well behaved, rarely ever spanked unless the offense is completely outrageous and a simple "there is a nice wall over there would you like to place your nose on it" seems to do just fine. They're 3 and 4 if that makes adifferencee.

Answer 7

Time outs are real discipline but I still find the need for a good spanking from time to time. In the cases you are referring to it doesn't sound like the form of discipline is the problem it's the constant threat of discipline. Threats mean nothing to a child if they know you aren't actually going to follow through.

Answer 8

Just a coincidence. You're probably seeing more of discipline vs. no discipline (not just spanking....since that is not the only "real" form of discipline.) Those that are "threatening" without following through...of course their kids are going to keep up the naughty behavior.



Also remember, you work in a portrait studio. Places that kids don't frequent often tend to bring out the rowdiness in them. So you are probably seeing a lot worse than they usually are.

Answer 9

No matter what you sadistic lazy parents would like to believe, time-outs ARE discipline. My niece was never hit. Ever. And she was always one of the best-behaved kids at pre-school. Now she´s 12 and she´s such a sweet little girl! I hardly have to discipline her. Even if I have to, I just tell her what she´s done wrong and she never does it again.

I don´t agree that kids who are disciplined by time-outs behave awfully. It´s just your view on the parents and the kids. I worked with kids a lot, too. I volunteered at a kids´ corner and I had to deal with many various kids and parents. And I never noticed anything like this. I only noticed that the kids whose parents threatened with spankings started running wild as soon as the parents were gone. But that may have been a coincidence, too.

Answer 10

I agree with you. All of the kids I've known that get "time outs" don't learn a thing from them and are just as bad after them if not worse (to push limits farther) than before they got them! We use spanking as a method of discipline (and NEVER use it unless it's 100% called for). Young kids don't understand the concept of time out,they don't understand the concept of "grounding" or why their mom and dad took their toys away,etc. All they see is "I made them mad by doing this,and got a reaction out of them. All I had to do was sit for five minutes for doing this" Or that their parents are being the "bad guy" because they're taking their toys away/not letting them do anything. If you try to explain the concept of grounding/time out to a 3 or 4 year old,most of them are NOT going to understand it. The only way children should be spanked is with an open hand on the bottom. As long as you're not abusing your child,what's the problem?

Answer 11

No it's not a coincidence. Time outs is a lazy parenting. It's like saying, I don't want to deal with it, go stand in the corner, please. Yeah, that works.

Nothing works like a good pop on the butt.

Parents who are easy on kids, have kids who are hard on parents.

Answer 12

Rock with you, Michael Jackson His eyes in the video are somewhat super. It conveys genuine love and happiness. sigh - I want i became the only he became thinking of whilst making a music that music!

Answer 13

"Why doesn't hardly anyone use real discipline anymore?" shows that it's not a coincidence.

It's your opinion and your perspective.

Answer 14

Believe me, people still spank.

You can tell. they have the well behaved kids

Answer 15

did you survey the kids who aren't misbehaving in the first place? because some of them are getting time outs.

Answer 16

That's because that time out sh** don't work all it does is make them mad and give them more time to think about what bad thing they are gonna do next. You better discipline your bratty kids that's why they're so bratty because people don't, give them a good spanking A LOT of kids need it.