Girlfriend punished her son for shoplifting. Did she go too far?

Question

My girlfriend's 13 year old son was caught shoplifting some girlie magazines from a card store. The cops were called, but the owner didn't press charges. I drove her there to pick up her son.

When we got to her house she yelled at her son, he cried, and she grounded him for 4 months, until June when school ends. I thought he would just not be allowed out of the house. But his mother said "No TV, computer, video games, phone. You stay in your room!"

I didn't say anything to her, because he is her son, not my child. But I think this punishment is too harsh. I feel so bad for the kid.

This Friday her and I picked him up from school, and he was real quiet in the car. When we got to her house, she told her son "All right, now go to your room" He got weepy and went to his room. Probably to cry. Later we had dinner like at 5, and then she says "All right, now go to your room, bedtime at 7" 7 PM? Whatever...

I'm not sure I can date this woman anymore, I couldn't sleep at all last night thinking about it.

Answer 1

✿¤·ஐ I think she is doing right. She is making is clear what he did was very wrong, and he is paying the price. If he was older and got caught stealing, he could go to prison. She is just scaring him so he won't do it again. I think she is just upset with him, and hoping this punishment will stop him from doing it again. ✿¤·ஐ

Answer 2

The punishment doesn't fit the crime I dont think. I think grounding like that just keeps the kids out of the parents hair because he or she doesnt want to deal with them and thats really sad. He needs friends he needs to go outside. If anything make him give up his free time for a good reason. Id say talk to her and ask if instead of this he volunteers at a hospital or something. Uses his time for good. It will look good on a resume and will keep him out of trouble but he will be able to talk to people and learn things from him. What she did was way to harsh hes just a kid and is curios. Maybe its time to have the talk with him as well about women and such.



EDIT- For everyone saying he would go to jail if the store manager pressed charges he wouldn't. Hed get a fine and have to pay it, seriously they don't toss a 13 year old in jail for stealing a playboy. My sister was caught steeling at that age and they showed her what they did and they also didn't press charges but if they had the police told us what they would do.

Answer 3

I believe that it is too harsh. Heres why:



I have had countless friendsthat were overpunished like that. Every little thing they did wrong (he is a 13 year old boy, give him a break) got them in immense trouble. Now a lot of them (were college age) are doing everything they can. They love the freedom and it is ruining them. Now that they can't get in trouble by their parents they are experimentin with drugs, having one night stands, and partying a LOT. They are so exited to be free from overpunishing parents that they are ruining everything. This is not an "it might happen" thing. I am about 95% sure that it WILL happen to him. She needs to find the happy medium in how to punish her kid, because if you don't stay on that line, bad things are in the kids future.

Answer 4

Well not having children that old myself yet, I can't say what's right or wrong but personally I would not have gone to that extreme. Maybe grounded him for a month with no privileges. Supervise him with homework etc but certainly not confine him to his room, maybe send him outside to do some sweeping of the pavement or something where I can watch him but hey, that's just me. he's definitely lucky that no charges were laid and I think from your description that he is truly sorry and regrets doing something so silly, I hope he learns his lesson and doesn't do it again. Whether or not you can date her anymore is only something you and her can agree on, maybe you should put your feelings out to her and see what happens, I'm sure you'll get your answer then as to whether to continue the relationship or not. Good luck and all the best.

Answer 5

While I cannot agree with the early bedtime, I do not personally think this punishment is too harsh. If the owner had pressed charges, even for something as silly as "girlie magazines", she as the parent would have been responsible for the fines, not to mention the fact he could have been sent to juvenile detention. She would have been responsible for driving him to and from community service, and he would have had a record.



If she is strong right now, he may not get into more potentially serious trouble later. So he doesn't have the television, computer, phone, or video games? He would have a lot less if he was to be placed into juvenile detention. It is only for four months, and in this time, he can discover books and other activities to keep his interest. Of course he is going to test her limits, but stealing is not something he can play around with. It is a very serious crime with real consequences. Also, of course he is going to be sad and teary eyed - he is realizing she is serious about continuing on her punishment, and he does not like being without his computer, television, phone, or video games. She may loosen up as the months go on, but right now she needs to stand firm by her decision, or else he will learn he can walk right over her whenever she grounds him.



If you have a problem with her parenting techniques, now is the time to talk to her about it. If you cannot agree with them, perhaps you are not ready for children yourself, nor are you ready for a relationship with her.

Answer 6

what's the question right here...... i think of it somewhat is stable you disciplined your son for stealing your telephone, he had no genuine to take it from you and use it without your permission. in spite of the undeniable fact that your coming off as a actual tyrant and hypocrite with regard to the g/f concern. i'm confident once you have been his age you have been chasing the girls around the playground (possibly even had a g/f or 2 to boot), so truly why is it ok which you will have finished that, yet yet its no longer ideal for him? additionally he's not doing something incorrect approximately having a g/f, he's at that AGE the place he's involved interior the different intercourse... that's in comparison to hes boozing it up or getting extreme each evening, you could desire to severely loosen the ball and chain you have around him, because of the fact in case you keep this up, he will revolt against you making this occasion look as though toddler play.

Answer 7

If they would have pressed charges he could have been in serious trouble. I don't think being confined to his room for that long would be healthy for him-- everyone needs social interaction, even if it's just the family during a grounding. Do you think she's really going to follow through with it for that long?



For a week or two, it'd be fine. All that and just not having to stay in his room would even be fine. But I think four months in his room with nothing but books won't be good for him, that's just me.

Answer 8

I applaud this women. She is actually following through with her punishment.



This child is 13, he is already starting to break rules, what happens when he is stronger and more determined, she won't be able to stop him when he's older, so it's better to enforce rules when they are younger.



Of course he's going to be teary, he got caught! and now he's being punished. Sucks to do the time, but he'll be a better person in the long run.



Thankfully for him, he didn't get charges pressed against him, that would definilty be a cross against his record. He'll be a more decent citizen and question his actions in the future.



The punishment will help him think about being a better person next time round.



A jail cell is more limiting.

Answer 9

She did not go too far. When you are grounded at my house this is what you get. They don't do things to get grounded very often because they can't stand it. That is the whole idea of punishment, to not like it and to deter you from doing the same thing again.

Answer 10

if you think you can't date her because of this tell her

"You are too harsh on your son" or what every it is you think about the way she treats her son and tell her you can't be with someone who treats her own son like that.

Maybe she'll change and it'll teach her not to be so harsh.



I think that's is WAY harsh.

I got caught shoplifting when I was 14 and I barely got grounded, I just couldn't go anywhere without my parents knowing exactly where and with who.

Answer 11

i think 4 months is too much try like 2 months and he can earn his privlages back

Answer 12

Yes, she is a crazy woman, and she has him under house arrest. Don't YOU ever do something wrong, imagine what she'll do to you.

Answer 13

He stole something, and deserves what came of it. I don't feel that the punishment is too harsh. It's only four months and it's going to work as a great theft deterrent in the future.

Answer 14

OMG she has gone way to far. not that its okay to shoplift, but.... geeze. he is going to grow up resenting her

Answer 15

damn crazy mama..

just sit her down and let her know that you think what she did was harsh. And make sure she knows ur not trying to tell her what to do with her kid. i feel bad for him =[

Answer 16

She didn't go far at all.

At least there are still some worthy parents out there..

Answer 17

Ya, that is sooo old school of her! Now days people realize that kids need exercise, sunshine and fresh air! Not to mention social interaction. Sorry but she sounds like a cave woman.

Answer 18

She's his parent, you are not. It's not like she is starving him or beating him, all she is doing is reiterating the fact that what he did was wrong. After a punishment like that, I doubt he'll do it again.