What to do if your mom is racist but your babies dad is mexican?

Question

This is happening to my friend not me but she doesn't have a yahoo account so im asking for her.

Shes getting induced to have her baby on the 14th. Her mom is racist & her boyfriend (& babies dad) is mexican/white. Her boyfriend isnt allowed in her moms house at all, They dated 3 years and her mom would rather have them be alone in his house or movies or places with not that many people because she didn't want people to know her daughter was with a mexican(which them being alone is how she ended up pregnant, so that plan probably wasn't the best) but the babies due in 4 days and her mom always said she would accept the baby and love the baby but will never accept Micheal or consider him family even if they get married. She told Kaitlynn that she wants to be the one in the room when the babies born and Micheal can see the baby after. Neither Kaitlynn or Micheal are okay with that, But her moms saying its either that way or she doesn't come see the baby at all. Kaitlynn's upset and doesn't know what to do because she wants Micheal in there with her but doesn't want her mom to not want to see her baby. I would tell her that her mom will come around eventually but i don't want to say that when i cant be 100% sure...If her mom is as racist as Kaitlynn says and then she picks someone that her mom hates over her mom then idk how that would go with her mom...What should she do? Would her mom come around eventually?

[Im not trying to offend anyone with this question. Im not racist, my friends not racist & we can't control how her mom feels. She just needs advice on what to do about this]

Answer 1

My mother's side of the family is also racist. My husband is a black Saudi and none of my mother's family likes him, both for his nationality and his race. Even my own father hates my husband, not because my husband is black, but because my husband is Muslim. My father also hates me being Muslim as well as my entire mom's side of the family. People who are ignorant rarely come around in terms of acceptance. I would not put the father of the baby in the hallway. If the mom is going to be a jerk to her son-in-law than she doesn't deserve to see the child or have any contact with it at all. Becuase my family doesn't accept my husband and will never accept us for our religion and for our children being half Saudi, they won't be allowed to see our children. I am not going to put our children in a family that will discriminate against them for being Muslims and for being half Saudi. Your friend needs to tell her mother to get a life and let her husband be in the room with HIS child. If your friend's mother is a racist, than she doesn't deserve to see the child/children. Neither does the child/children deserve to be around a racist grandmother. It isn't fair to the child/children AND the father. We have been married 3 years and 6 months. When we went to my mother's for X-mas 2009, my husband was not allowed in the house. He had to stand outside, actually he left and made me go inside to spend time with my younger siblings. It really hurt him, not being allowed in the house and being treated like a dog. I do not know if your friend's mom will come around. Some do, and some stay ignorant forever.

Answer 2

Well it's obvious that the Mom needs to grow up and get over it..What if there were absolutely no people in her life to say she knew or loved? I mean no one. If she had a mental problem, maybe she wouldn't mind the loneliness. But what if there was no technology? No TV, no cars, no cell phones, nothing but the knowledge that people share with one another. Wouldn't we need someones help and love no matter what race they are.



So if the Mother is just plain racist because her own ignorance...well I don't know if there is anything than can be done to change her. She is the kind of person that dosen't open her mind to anything different. She's stubborn and may not ever change. I guess if she ever actually holds the baby,that could be a good sign. One of the only times a person feels an instant life change is when they hold their brand new baby. (or Grandbaby) Another time is when you have a near death experience.



So don't stress yourself over other peoples problems even if it's your own Mother. This kind of thing is for her to resolve herself. If she loves you, she will eventually come around.

Answer 3

Yes your sister has the right to say who will or will not be in the room when she gives birth. I think minors who have children automatically have some sort of semi-emancipation (I have no idea how it's called). What it means is that while they are still minors and under their parents' authority, they get to make the decisions when it comes to their child. In your case, maybe call a social worker and see if an arrangement can be made for your sister to live with you. Your sister can also make the decision to have her child stay with you even if she can't live there herself. I just say this in case she can't get away but wants her child away from your mother. I'm just saying this because I'm unsure of the technicality and how things go when the choice of the mom of a minor who has a child conflicts with the choice that minors makes for her own child (in this case your mom technically can stop her daughter from moving out, but your sister can decide her baby shouldn't live there and cannot be separated from this baby, so yeah full emancipation might be an option here).

Answer 4

I think that your friends Mom should consider her daughter's feeling's and too God made us all in his image even if different colors he does not discrimanate and nor should your friends Mom she should have aright to be with anyone she choose's whether Mom like's it or not , it's kaitlynn and micheal's life to live not her Mom's idk how kaitlynn feel's about prayer but maybe she should try praying for her Mom to see only the beauty with in not the color , they say prayer is very powerfull it may help ,as for her atitude about the hospital i think Dad should be in the room with kaitlynn it's not right for him to be the last to know ,



and what about whenever she look's at the baby and see's micheal each time constant reminder to her , idk i still feel that kaitlynn and micheal should just do what ever they feel in their hearts is right the mom don't have the right to run her daughter's life , just tell kaitlynn to go with what she feel's in her heart if her Mom won't come around then she has major issues to deal with and should seek help , i wouldn't care if my son's gf or wife were purple that baby needs family and grandparent's to love them no matter what hopefully she will see the error of her ways and get help .

Answer 5

A father is the one to be in the room to see his child enter this world. Grandma had her turn with her kids. She will come around even if she gets mad. A grandma will see her grandchild, believe me. Hope she grows up someday about the race thing.

Answer 6

Eh. I wouldn't sweat it. Children have a way of melting even the coldest hearts.