Why do people act like you are a monster if you DON'T want children?

Question

I am 22 years old, I own my own home and have a successful career. I also have a 30 year old fiance. We are both very happy, driven adults who love to go and have fun. When we first met I loved his family, but we both agree that they have now become over bearing. They exclude us from holidays because we don't have children and constantly barage us with questions of when we will. The thing is I use to want children, and we may have them at SOME point, but no time soon. We both agree that regardless of how we are treated once we decide to procreate we are both digusted by how we were treated before, and how we have not been accepted. His 3 brothers all have at least 2 children and all inpregnanted their wives/gf's before the age of 19. Why are they treating us this way? and how can I appropriately respond to these rather intrusive questions?

Answer 1

Hello my fellow childfree... No you're not a monster.



Because more people (parents and future parents) are ignorant, stupid, and can't accept the fact that some people just don't have the desire to want children.



I don't want kids and I get the same kind of heat from these monsters (parents) calling me an animal, selfish, arrogant, gay, I'm never going to get a girlfriend.



I'm 19 and I've been feeling this way for 4 years. I was 15 when I knew I never wanted kids. I'm not too young and I won't change my mind, which these "monsters" judge us and predict our futures. Its our lives, not theirs!



You can respond by saying "Kids just aren't for me", "Kids are expensive".

Answer 2

You should sit down and talk to them. It could be that they are not excluding you for reasons you believe. Lots of folks hear all over the place that those that don't have children aren't that thrilled to be around other's children. Maybe they think they are giving you a break. Talk to them instead of getting angry over it.



As far as asking when you plan to have children, try TELLING them an answer. Just say that "we aren't planning to have children in the next 5 years. We may change our mind, but we'll let you know when there is going to be a baby bump." People always ask questions. It's called social interaction.

Answer 3

No, you are not a monster if you don't want children. Also, it isn't any of their business if you have or don't have children. You don't owe them any explanation at all, so don't answer their intrusive questions. If they still keep on and on and on--as they sound like they might, then just tell them it is none of their business. That should shut them up. It sounds to me like they more than a lil annoying and nosey. I think they are trying to put a guilt trip on both of you for not having any children, so don't fall for that! They are very rude and hickey people--narrow minded as well. I would probably say this, "Well, we have thought about hav ing children, but we are scared our children might act like ya'll do", and trust me. that should shut them up. I guess they think you are behind since the other ones had children or were starting to have children at the age of 19. You have plenty of time for children, so enjoy wat you have and be happy. Good luck!

Answer 4

Thats terrible excluded from holidays!?! You know its a statistical fact People are getting married later & having kids later I dont know what to tell you I avoid my family when they get like this with no regrets (whole years can pass I dont care) Reassure them that you may have kids when you're ready & Cut off contact for awhile until they get the message & realize they can't treat you this way

Answer 5

Some people just think they are right and better because they beat you at something. Sounds to me like they are overly competitive about everything including impregnating their wives. Theres nothing wrong with waiting to have children. Tell them your waiting until you have enough money set away for a childs education. Don't be afraid to get in their face.

Answer 6

I can't imagine having a child at 22, and I think that you and your partner are perfectly entitled to take your time and live your life together.



While I love my children, they do change your life dramatically. It's perfectly reasonable to decide against parenthood. Or to simply choose to wait 10 or 15 years.



So I'd simply say, "We're not ready." And smile, if you can.



If they push it? I'd pull the pushiest of the people aside and say, "I respect Jim and John and Joe's choices to have their family at a young age. But we have other plans. You're making me uncomfortable by continuing to ask about our family. We may have them in ten years. We may never have children. But it's our decision, and I'd like you to respect that."



Afterwards? In group settings, you can quietly say, "I think we've made ourselves clear." And then excuse yourself.



Or, hey, humor might work. My (dear, departed) grandmother used to say, "I want to see all of my great-grandchildren before I die." I used to smile and tell her to plan to live to be 110. (She was in her 70s when her last granddaughter - and first great-grandchild - was born, so really ... it wasn't entirely a joke!)



It's unfortunate that your partner's family isn't supportive. Dignity and directness will serve you well, if humor fails.



Good luck!

Answer 7

It's cause they are jealous and wish they hadn't of had kids in the first place...thought it might make you giggle...



I always had a problem when people found out I was married their first question was, 'You have any kids?' Like the two are intertwined...always frustrated me. I agree with the other answerer...just tell the truth that you aren't ready yet and when you are you will let them know...



Hope this helps...

Answer 8

I think you are being wise. And why would any one want to be guilted into having children. Enjoy your hubby while it is just the two of you. I have 3 soon to be four and never have time with my hubby.

Answer 9

My husband and I have decided not to have kids.



I feel like people look at us like we aren't a family because we don't have the kids to complete it.



I understand completely what you are going through, I just can't stand the intrusive "when are you going to have kids?" question and the looks I get when I say never.

Answer 10

If tell them like this flat out:"It isn't any of your business if/and when we ever have kids. If the badgering on the subject doesn't stop then you can rest assure that we will not have any desire to be around any of you."



I guarantee they wont ever bring it up again.You also will be letting them know to back off and let you two be.

Answer 11

Because many people are nosy morons who think it's okay to harass childless/childfree people. : ) Next time ask them why they had children, and tell them it's not too late to give the kids up for adoption. You could also just tell them to STFU and MYOB.

Answer 12

you say when the time is right we will have a couple, right now we want to enjoy each other, you have plenty of time.case closed.