Why doesn't 'parenting together' count as 'couple time'?

Question

while any other thing that you do together (bowling, going out to dinner, taking classes, travelling, volunteering, going to church, going dancing, watching movies, etc) does?

I often hear people saying that couples need to carve out time for themselves to just be a couple, because one day the children will be gone & they'll be left with just the two of them again.

How are they being any less 'a couple' when they are parenting together than when they are remodeling the kitchen together (or any other thing that couples like to do together)?

I find that meeting challenges with my husband with regards to the children that we both love and both feel responsibility towards is just as 'bonding' for us and even more so, really, because it is so much more meaningful & important to each of us, than going out to dinner & a show.

Answer 1

Most women forget that you NEED to keep your relationship strong in order for your family to stay healthy and intact. That means time for just husband and wife, not always mom and dad.

Answer 2

Wow, you make a great point! My fiance is not my daughter's father, however it is extremely enjoyable for us both to do things with her and for her. We share experiences together and learn more about eachother and learn from each other. So many times we will all 3 be out and I will look deep into his eyes and we realize how much in love we are. The couple time we refer to is so that we dont have to tend to a young child and we can maybe watch an R rated movie. But I would say that we probably bond more while having Family moments. We feel the love so strong while doing something as a family. Going out Dancing is fun but not rewarding! I think that may be the difference, some people need those times more than others.

Answer 3

Well "remodeling the kitchen" isn't parenting. It's remodeling the kitchen.

"couple time" is referring more to couples doing something other than doing something together with the kids and/or about the kids.

Kids take away so much of your time to do things as a couple. You become limited in what you can do together as a couple only. Not because you want to but because you have to. If you don't make a real effort to get at least some of that time and do those things you used to they can get lost.



Yes. The kids will be gone one day. That doesn't mean you have to share every single moment of your life with them.

Answer 4

Well I feel parenting together is very important both to the couple and the child/children. However when I think of "couple time" I think of doing something that has the two of you and only the two of you communicating and connecting with each other.

I know in my home my husband and I parent together plenty but try having a conversation with the kids near by is nearly impossible. We need our time for just us as well. It's not saying that both times aren't important just that they are equally important. BTW going to a show is fun but not really couple time since there is no real communication going on.

Answer 5

Because 'couple time' implies that the couple in question are spending time together without their kids. I think it's great that you and your husband consider parenting as couple time, however, not everyone else does. Most couples need alone time with each other so they can just be "husband and wife" or whatnot rather than "mommy and daddy". It doesn't mean that they are any less of a couple or less of a parent, their needs are just different than yours.

Couple time does not necessarily have to be a date type situation (like dinner and a movie). Many times when my husband and I have our alone time (the rare times we do! lol), We enjoy just hanging at home and talking. Or we do our food shopping. Not very exciting, I know, but it helps us reconnect and relax.

Answer 6

"Couple time" for myself and husband is raising our kids, taking them to the park, routing for them on the side lines, watching a movie with them or playing with them in the playroom. It's also when we go shopping for furniture, unpacking boxes while moving, redoing the kitchen, ripping off wall paper (TONS of fun!) etc. During all those times were talking, taking care of responsibilities and learning something about the other person. And yes, after being married for 12yrs, which really isn't very long, I still learn things about my husband. I learned yesterday that he can sow! My son's lacrosse uniform ripped and he was sitting at the table sowing the number back on and did a good job at that. Who would have thought!

But in addition to "couple time" and "family time" we need some "alone time" every once in a while. Time to go out to a fancy restaurant or see a movie that isn't rated PG. Time to take a walk that is longer than 10 minutes or go out with dancing. It's not that I don't love my kids or enjoy spending time with them, they're my world, but sometimes I just need some time alone with my husband.

I also do it with my kids. I'll take my 10yr some where, just mean and him to go to do something that my younger three can't do that he enjoys.

Best Wishes =]

Answer 7

Family time is family time. Couple time means just the two of you. Both are very important. Don't forget that you need to maintain a bond with each other as adults-- and not just as parents. A lot of people lose sight of this and find that when their kids move out, they have nothing in common anymore.

Answer 8

I agree that it should count, but at the same time, there are things that cannot be said around children and your behavior is different around your kids than it is when you're out and about, whether you realize it or not. Now, I'm not saying to go out four times a week, but once every month or two could be really nice for you to sit and have an uninterrupted conversation that isn't two minutes before you fall asleep.

Answer 9

i think that's a good point and it certainly sounds like you have a great marriage and a great family.



but i do find that i need to find time to discuss with my husband what went on in his day and what went on in mine (okay, my day *is* the kids, but there are aspects of it that are more appropriate to talk about when the kids aren't there), talk about politics, finances, and other things that aren't really appropriate for conversations with young kids around. so in addition to "couple time" *with* the kids (which i agree is great), i think it's also important to find some "couple time" without them.



hence the fabled date night, which we used to enjoy weekly when we had fewer kids and which now i remember in some kind of dim haze as something that used to be fun back in the olden days. you know it's bad when your babysitter keeps calling you to tell you you need to get out with your husband more often. :-) so i know it's challenging in practice to get time alone as a couple, and may get put at the bottom of the priority list especially if you both enjoy time with your kids, but i think it's worth it, too.



edit -- lol, do couples actually enjoy remodeling the kitchen together? that practically brought my husband and me to blows. i'll take the restaurant option.

Answer 10

I think what people mean by "alone time" because a lot of parents need to talk about/deal with things other than their children. 2 me if you have meaningful conversations about other things in life, then what's the difference. 1 thing, date night is kinda fun-more the older the kids get!!

Answer 11

the point is that sometimes you need to get away from the kids and just spend time together not worrying about the kids and such because kids can be stressful and sometimes you need a break



this will also help you become a better parent because it's cool down time to



everybody also needs a little romance to fall in love again and whats more unromantic than children

Answer 12

I guess it depends on how you look at it. I do not think parenting together is couple time at all. The focus of couple time is on one another and spending quality time nurturing your relationship as husband and wife. When you are "parenting together", to me, that means you are both intently focused on your child at the time and whatever circumstance surrounds it. Of course parenting together has benefits because you are both likely to be on the same page with discipline, values, important decisions to be made with reference to your children. Couple time is just that...time spent as a couple with no one else involved in it.

Answer 13

I agree with you.

I find parenting together to be very bonding. It makes me love and appreciate my husband even more.

But it is also important to have "couple time" where the sole focus is on one another. Although, we (me and my husband) tend to talk about our kids :o)

Answer 14

Great question....I adore when we spend time as a family doing something fun...everything is sweeter and more loving. He and I have our alone time at night under the covers. But our child is a part of our lives now, so our couple has become a threesome when it comes to activities outside the bedroom.

Answer 15

I believe parenting together is couples time. I love your attitude I am sure you and your husband are phenomenal parents and your child/children is/are very lucky indeed.

Answer 16

Finally someone who gets it! We have three small children and we are getting so sick of people telling us we need to get away from them. I don't want to get away from them! Neither does he! I don't want to go on vacation without them. I don't need to go out to the movies without them. We have a strong marriage and we don't separate our kids from that. It's not "us" and "them". It's all of us together, all five of us. Others, feel free to thumbs down me. I don't care.

Answer 17

because its not technically "alone time"