how do you know not spanking your kid leads your child to use violence against other people later in life?

Question

i recently asked a question about my son hitting me and i added i or my husband never spanked him and by some other mothers i ve been told i hould be ashamed becasue i dont use violence on my son and some said people who shoots people in a killing spree in a school or murders someone probably never spanked by their parents! now thats a bit odd ! well its a serious matter and i wonder HOW DO YOU KNOW MURDERERS KILLERS WERE NEVER SPANKED WHEN THEY WERE CHILDREN BY THEIR PARENTS? is there a proof of that?

I dont spank my child because simply i believe spanking demonstrates that it's all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people.

now people saying earlier killers murderers were never spanked by their parent and thats what made them killers ..do you have a proof of that? and please dont give me bible talk. iam and atheist.

Answer 1

That's just like the other FALSE nonsense people spew around here about "all death row inmates were spanked growing up"



Who really cares how people raise their children. Our family spanks, others don't. Just leave it.

Answer 2

My parents would give me a quick spank when I was out of line and I'm not a violent person. I've defended myself from violent school bullies in the past though. That is the only time I've ever been violent.

Within reasonable use, kids will know the difference between pointless hitting and discipline.



Fair enough you believe spanking is wrong. Bible belief or not, it's not for anybody to really say or judge how our kids will turn out if we spank them because you can't use the same example for EVERY child who was ever spanked.

Answer 3

Statistics once said that children from single parent families are more likely to be come criminals, be less successful in life etc. Having been a single parent I brought my eldest son up with manners and respect for himself and others, he is perfectly normal and currently in university doing well. I know children from two parent families who have gone off the rails despite having both parents and it is happening more and more.



I do not believe that not smacking a child can lead them to murder, there are other forms of discipline that involve no hurting of one another. I can imagine a lot of people quoting 'spare the rod spoil the child' this is so out of date. Myself and my siblings were never spanked as children and none of us are killers or criminals. Our parent brought us up to respect ourselves and others and to be polite, I took those lessons and passed them on to my eldest son and will continue to do so with my 1 year old.



Hit a child and they learn to hit back.

Shout at a child and they learn to shout back.

After all this is how children learn by example.



What makes a killer, lack of attention, abusive upbringing, peer pressure, it has also been said that video games, violent movies and music can make someone a killer. Some are even said to have been born a natural killer because of some chemical imbalance. These things I can give some creedance to but NOT spanking a child turnes them into killers just sounds like a load of bull to me, I don't think there is any proof of it. Statistics have been used to proove lots of things then have been shot down (pardon the pun) the next year when some other bright spark finds another reason we have so much criminal activity.

Answer 4

I have never spanked my daughter. She is well behaved and polite and lovely 14 year old now. I did, however, discipline her by taking away privileges and by giving time outs. I did not indulge her every whim.



Those people telling you supposed statistics are dead wrong about the benefits of spanking or any other violent act. It is how you treat the child that matters, and if you apply both love and discipline to their lives. I think they are bending statistics to their view.



Spanking is just a way for the adult to vent their frustrations on the child.



Violence in any form is never acceptable. Some people are too blind to see this. They think that by intimidating their child into politeness or manners makes the child somehow better. Inside, they may be crippled and emotionally unavailable to others.

Answer 5

I am not positive, but I think that you would find that many murderers and violent people were abused in their past.



Also, many serial killers like Ted Bundy are mentally ill and socially inept which would have little to do with spanking or not spanking.



I think that your decision not to spank your child was a good decision because it was the decision that was right for you and that you felt comfortable with. I think that all children, spanked or not, will test the boundaries of hitting. While it is not acceptable in your home it is used in other homes and children learn hitting from other kids. Being consistent with your not corporal forms of punishment when your child chooses to hit will eventually curb the behavior.

Answer 6

I have 4 boys and am raising them without spanking and they are great kids. My oldest are 13 yr old twins and are honor roll students. They don't get into any trouble and are certainly not violent.



Whether someone grows up to commit crimes or be violent has to do with a lot more than whether a parent spanks or not. Most bad criminals were abused (not spanked but abused) or neglected all together.



kids who come from loving, caring families whether they spank or don't will grow up to be great people. There is a lot more to good parenting than whether you use that one form of punishment or not.



The reason why young children hit even if they have not been spanked is because it's a reaction when they don't have the verbal skills to use instead. When parents use words to teach their children then children catch on and learn to do the same.

Answer 7

I raised 5 boys and ; yes I did spank them when they deserve it and today they are all grown up who are very polite and highly educated and they are NOT violent with anyone ; its just the opposite they are full of empathy for everyone who is suffering ; plus I just cannot count how many times I had been told ;; All your kids are so well raised and so polite ; what is your recipe and I just smile ; but my daughter in law never spank her 2 daughters because she believe in that stupidity ; that if you spank a child he will be violent ; but one time I was there and the 4 yr old when I was playing with her she decide that it was time to quit playing with the old lady [me] and she gave me a good slap across the face with the blessing of her mother No consequences of any kind for her gesture ; so tell me now who had raised better her children me or her ; plus her daughters cannot keep their friends at least my sons had so many friends that sometimes they were telling me ;;mom tell him I am not here I know my story doesn't fit in your frame of thinking about raising a child and I am stopping

Answer 8

I don't think spanking is the issue, as much as parental involvement and being consistent with discipline.



Whenever I get together with either sides of the family, the stories that get told over and over are the ones when they got a whipping. We laugh our heads off. No mass murderers. My generation was raised that way. It wasn't considered abusive.



I have not used that tactic with my child, except on a few occassions I did spank on the bottom.



Children who commit mass murders are usually not very connected to their parents.



ETA:



You do what is right for you. You are not raising a mass murderer because you don't spank your child.

Answer 9

i think if you have a different way of discipline that works then it is still discipline i dont think not spanking your kids will make them do it later in life i think raising them a certain way on the whole may make them that way, we do what we believe is working for our children if they will listen by giving a certain punishment or time out then why hit them, some kids dont listen and that type of discipline doesnt work for them and some need a little spankin to stop them in thier tracks, i thinks it depends on what works and i think if someone grows up to be violent then it is something phycological and goes alot deeper than spanking or not spanking

Answer 10

I was spanked for a little while as a child and I plan to spank my children. The thing is that children do need to be disciplined and they have found the the most effective way is spanking if done right. There is a difference between beating and spanking. After you spank them you give them a hug and a kiss on the forehead and tell them that you love them they learn that what they received was a punishment but you still love them. In this way the child learns both how to behave properly and how to show affection. The problem is without the physical punishment the child learns slower if ever.

Answer 11

what message does spanking a child tell the child? that if someone does something wrong you hit them?

a good telling off should do the trick, no need to hit to get your point across!

Answer 12

I just read an article that said only 5% of children who were not spanked became abusive as adults compared to 25% of those who were spanked.



Edit**I think it is funny how the thumbs down people do not like it when scientific facts are put in their face.



Edit***This same study said that there was NOT ONE POSITIVE effect that was shown by spanking. It went on to say that children who are spanked grow up with less self esteem and are more likely to solve problems by hitting others. Children who are not spanked also do better in school and are more successful in marriage.

Answer 13

Well, a lot of people would find amusement in your situation. With a lot of anti-spankers insisting that spanking is what causes children to be violent and hit, you don't spank and you have a son who hits you.



All I know is I have a so called friend who was given time outs only and he hits his mother, calls her every name under the sun, tells her to shut the f up and go f herself. etc. etc. etc. He's 21. I was spanked and i would never dream of doing that. I don't think spanking is the only way to discipline a child. I think if parents don't want to spank, that's their right. The only time I'll get mad and call parents out on it is if they try and force their opinion on everyone else. Your opinion is your opinion. My opinion is mine. Move on. Some people spank, some people don't. No one is going to change other people's mind so why even waste your time? Post your opinions and let others do the same.





Edit: I say it's up to the parents and spanking isn't the only answer and I still get a thumbs down fairy.. hahaha. Whatever.



And Hello!!!1111!11 What happens when your child is 18? Are you going to say "My child is ONLY 18!" ?? Please. Your right not to spank but I don't understand how parents can make lame excuses like that.

Answer 14

Its that saying what makes a person who they are, nature or nurture. I think its definatly nature, I violent person or someone that kills must have something wrong with them mentally and no matter how they are brought up, whether its in violent household or a loving one where they never see anything but love will change them as a person.

Answer 15

How do you know that murderers and killers were or were not spanked as children by their parents? You don't. Just like it's a poor assumption to say that children that are spanked make up our population of murderers and violent people.



I have known and do know many adults and children that were spanked and are loving, caring, gentle people, just as I know people who were not spanked that are loving, caring, gentle people. Spanking does not determine whether or not a person grows up to be violent or a murderer. It does not increase your chances either, just like not spanking does not decrease your chances. It's all in the decisions one makes as an adult. You can't blame all of that on spanking alone.



As for the Bible talk, well I believe we are entitled to freedom of speech, Christian, atheist, muslim, what have you.

Answer 16

The reason that my parent spank is because God told them to raise a child and all of their children that way. A simple swat on the butt will show the child that pain comes when you do not listen. The pain is not so great the it leaves a bruise, but makes the rear a little red to make the child feel a little pain for a minute and that is it!

Answer 17

when you grow up accepting violence as the norm, it takes some quite a while to break the cycle .. some never do, they accept it as normal every day life ...



but then theres a spanking and theres a spanking ,,,

Answer 18

lol no we don't and i don't say things like that but its the theory those murderers were never taught strict discipline that makes people say that, i will hit my children within reason not on the face when they do something bad because it will teach them not to do it again ever, my parents did it to me and were quite harsh with me but i think it was for the best.

Answer 19

i have no idea to be honest, if you have the right sort of discipline for your son one that works, then it shouldn't matter if you spank him or not. i got a good hiding when i was younger a few times when i had done something wrong and it hasn't done me any harm like.



i'm sure i answered your question earlier but can't find it

Answer 20

My parents hit me a lot and I am not violent to anyone. I am nicer than most people I know.

Answer 21

I'm thinking that if they did a study on the general prison population, the majority of them were probably spanked.



This study shows that the majority of violent inmates at San Quentin were: http://stoptherod.net/research.htm

Answer 22

what makes people do bad things is purely that they had no love,or maternal love specifically,in their formative years to gently guide them into non violent ways...Violence is never the answer to ANYTHING.I think you're wonderful parents...stay strong,with love,not violence,of course...love and hugs always xxxxx

Answer 23

If your son is 2 years old, he doesn't know any better. I kick peoples *** and yell at them if I see them hitting their young child. When there older and can understand that they've done something wrong, don't hit them tell them to stop. If they do it again, go ahead teach that little bastard a lesson.

Answer 24

Well I did and my kids show everyone respect and are good people as a result.

What sort of total fool gives me a thumbs down for this? JESUS this site gets worse