Found out my 13 year old son has been smoking..need advice how to handle it?

Question

so I found out that my 13 year old son has been smoking for about a month now. I'm not sure how I should handle this if I should ground him if I should take away privileges or make himn go to classes I just need some advice on a good way to handle this so he doesnt continue smoking.

Answer 1

Don't punish him. This is far more problematic than that and punishing him will make it worse. There are several reasons why he might be smoking- he is stressed and wants to relax and thinks smoking helps, peer pressure, or his friends dared him once and he got addicted, for example.



Sit your son down, tell him he's not in any trouble, you aren't angry, but you need to know WHY. If he doesn't tell you, tell him you aren't angry, but you want to help, and if he can't tell you, then if he ever wants to, he could write a note and leave it for you or something. Make sure that he feels he can communicate with you- even if not face to face.



Secondly, figure out how he's affording it. His friends and him splitting the money? Inform the parents of his friends quietly and carefully without him knowing, and stop his allowance, give him money when he asks for it, ask for receipts, and buy snacks and treats which he wants and make him pay the money for you. Make sure he physically can't buy cigarettes.



Then, contact your doctor, or the American Lung Association for advice. As well as adult styled quitting help, you might be able to find counselling or therapy for him, which should help.

Answer 2

Punishments do NOT work, and are usually counter-productive. If you punish your son, he'll simply find ways to be more sneaky and underhand.



Far more useful would be to sit down with him, tell him you love him (and will always do so) and then say that you're concerned that he's started this habit. It's pretty unusual for a 13yo to start smoking unless it's something encouraged by other family members - so if you or any of your relatives smoke, you're on very shaky ground. It's a disgusting habit as well as being unhealthy (and expensive!) but saying that to a teenager isnt going to help in the slightest. He needs to see it for himself, and if it's something he sees parents/siblings/aunts/uncles doing then you're going to have a hard time convincing him not to. And I'm assuming that there must be someone in your home who smokes, otherwise you would have noticed it instantly he started - the stench of cigarettes is so strong (and vile) that it's impossible to disguise under normal (non-smoking) circumstances.



However, if there really isn't anyone in the family who smokes, then it's more worrying from a psychological perspective. Either he's seriously passive aggressive or he's succumbing to peer pressure in a very bad way. That makes him an insecure troubled child.. who needs a lot of love and attention - again, NOT punishments.



So don't criticise, or judge, or scold him. Just say that you're concerned about his potential health, and perhaps about where he's finding the money to smoke. Say that you understand that if friends do this, it can be hard to say no. Wait for him to talk - he should be able to talk about anything without criticism - and see if you can figure out a way forward together.



I'm sure he knows all the health problems associated with smoking - schools talk about them all the time, and he's probably well aware, but doesn't see them as relevant. So don't try and talk about them or your son will think that you consider him stupid. Instead, get to the root of what has caused this, and let him know that you're on his side. He would probably love to give up, but will only do so with your unqualified and unconditional support.

Answer 3

well seems like hes mature enough to have sex, I'm sure hes mature enough to spend a few hours on himself and nuke some mac and cheese. and just for the future, I dont know whose bright idea it was to get a 16 y old girl to 'babysit' 13 y old boy..and I'm sure he was willing so its not like shes a predator, they are both underage so nothing you could do about it anyways but that film is child pornography so I would destroy it asap. all of you can be charged with having childpornography if the tape leaks out I mean I can see how youcould think that they would be like a brother and sister but at that age hormones take over. Just because they were raised in church doesnt mean they dont have the same urges than everyone else.. just move on and dont let them be alone together anymore

Answer 4

I smoked for the first time when I was 13, mostly because I was bored and kind of depressed. I also just wanted to see what it was like. After trying it, I found it pointless and stopped.



Don't go too hard on him, maybe he's just curious. Tell him that it causes permanent damage to his lungs and isn't worth it.



He is too young to be making the decision of weather or not he should f*ck up his lungs in exchange for the other "benefits" of smoking. But, telling him that will probably only piss him off.

Answer 5

flat out banning him from smoking and telling him he must never do it again, will probably do very little, if anything it is more likely to drive him into the opposite. i also think taking away privelages would have very little effect on his smoking habits.

first off make it clear smoking is not welcome anywhere in your home whether inside or outside. also if you find any cigarettes on him you will be destroying them.

discuss the dangers, im sure he is aware of the dangers but it never hurts to remind him.

i would also tell him you will support him in trying to get off them.

you cant control what he does at school and when he isnt with you, but if you show him an open line of communication with you he will be less likely to hide stuff.

i would say most likely he started smoking with some of the friends he hangs out with a lot, if you find out who they are i wouldnt let him hang out with them.





i am not suggesting you try this at all, but one of my friends was caught smoking by her dad when she was 13-14 he made he eat an entire packet of cigarettes and she never touched one again, (she is now 40).

i have also heard of people making there children smoke an entire packet in one go, obviously it makes them ill and supposedly they never do it again. but that seems a bit cruel to me.

Answer 6

my brother started smoking at 13, it is the normal these days, everyone dose it and if they don't their 'not cool'. We know smokings stupid! don't make him go to classes because he probably will only be smoking with his friends if his only a month down the line, tell him you know and see his reaction. Don't go tough on him because he probably got into it because his friends, tell him the bad points about smoking and that your disappointed. Ask him if his willing to give up, and if he says no bring in consequences, make sure he knows your there to support him and help him quit too!! Good luck

Answer 7

teach him the dangers of smoking. I thought that smoking leads to lung cancer but I found out it happens to a small number, but that doesn't excuse the fact it harms his health and some of it's ingredients are addicting in nature. when I was in an instacare facility I was asked if I smoke.

Answer 8

i'm 14 and started smoking when i was 12, i told my mom when i was 13. she was shocked at first, and consequently, didn't do anything, but after a few months, she got strict and once she took my pack and ripped it up in front of me. so i told her i quit, but i didn't. you could try to stop him, but you'll just make him want to do it more by stopping him.. if i was you, i'd tell him that you don't want him to smoke, and that you're really disappointed in him, and then wait for him to realise in his own time what a waste it is.. he may never stop, but that isn't up to you. ground him if you want to, he'll just get into more trouble by getting people at school to give them to him, and then he'll just smoke them in the back garden at like 2am



good luck :)

Answer 9

I'm 15 years old. I don't smoke. But I know that if he smokes he either copied it from you or his friends. Warn him not to smoke and take any cigrettes he bas on him and continue to take them until he stops smoking, maybe get him help like quitting things aswell x

Answer 10

open the yahoo images on the internet with photos of black lungs,cancer patients , death rates related to smoking and scare him.

Answer 11

Tell him nice like not to do it any more check his room and throw any smokes away if he continues punish him also check phone messages to see who gives him the smokes than tell there parents

Answer 12

Let him learn on his own, cancer will shape him up just fine. Happened to my Uncle, he survived cancer and never went back to smoking. Taking him off cigs will make him just want it more.

Answer 13

Beat the S*** out of him. No, but seriously make it stop. Lock him away and restrict him from everything if you have to. He will die unless you do everything to stop it.