do non-only children all think the same?

Question

heya,

i asked a q a minute ago about how many children u wanted etc.

im an only child and im expecting my 1st.

i was shocked at how many people said 'they didnt want thier child growing up alone' as i said i only wanted 1 myself, many thought being an only child id want more.

obv im not deciding anything untilli have my 1st.

but do people really think that show it is for an only child? i loved my childhood, i ahve so many friends and it was great x i never felt as though i missed out on anything.

i dnt mean this as a slur on those with siblings, but is it ur automatic thought that only children are lonely?

im very very close with my 2 aunties and my mom and they are like my sisters, so i guess in a away the only thing i would say iv missed out on is the closeness they share now im older.

personally i believe that no matter how large or small ur family u can be happy.

im just wondering if thats what most people thought about only children? xxxx

Answer 1

Hmmm



i wouldnt like an only child..the only children i know are lonely and extremely spoilt. I think siblings give them a bit of competion and prepare them for adulthood a little better.

i would like one of each but i'd be happy with two boys.

Its a bit morbid but when me and my partner are gone i'd like to know that Nate isnt alone - he and his future siblings will look after each other all their lives.

me and my brother are very close - our parents were....crap, basically. lol....so we sort of raised each other.

Answer 2

I am one of two. My sister and me were fighting until there was blood on the carpet when we were younger, BUT we also loved each other and comforted each other. Nothing, absolutely nothing can come as close a a sibling can. I do somehow feel sorry for only children, because we all know that by the end of the day, blood is thicker than water. Once your parents die, you would be on your own without a sibling in some ways.



However I do appreciate that some siblings don't ever get own and make each others life a misery, but I don't think that in general. I think most people take comfort in knowing that there is somebody else there.



I think everybody can be happy in there own way and when I was a child I sometimes thought, that it is sooo much easier for only children and that they get everything. Now I can't really see how this is true, because they are missing out on something very special, too.



What adds to my view of only children is that my partner and some of my friends are and none of them had a happy childhood and all of them wish they would have had a sibling.



However I understand where you are coming from. If you had a happy childhood, it was possibly not that important to you.



To me there is a closeness (sometimes too close for comfort, lol) between siblings that you can't have with your parents or friends or whoever.



Just having one child would make me feel like I am depriving my son and my partner (a very unhappy lonely only child himself) would definately not want to do this either.



However you need to do what is right for you and your family.



Alina :)

Answer 3

I am an only child ( i have a half brother but didn't meet him until i was 15 years old). I had a lonely childhood my parents worked a lot and even though i had all the material things i spent a lot of time moved around from childminders to babysitters. I have 2 children aged 3 and 2 years they are so close, i love it when they giggle together in the back of the car or my older one mothers the younger one i know they will always have each other plus the one i am expecting. I agree about only children being spoilt i have watched back childhood videos of myself when i was young and i was very bosey and spoilt but did grow out off it quick. Also this is my personal opinion but i can find some only children harder work, when i babysit a friends only child i find she constantly tell tales, moans and mithers for attention, where as with having two the attention is divided and because you are dealing with one the other learns how to do things for herself quicker.

Answer 4

Not at all, the myth I've always heard is that only children are very spoiled and selfish. But I don't think they get lonely. I think some of them love having all the attention and there are many children who get jealous when their parents bring a new baby into the home. They no longer receive the attention they once did. My brother was 5 when I was born and I guess since he had been alone so long by himself he was fine when I came along and in fact my mom told me he sat and starred at me constantly. But then I got the opportunity when I was older to be an only child because he moved out and went in the military when I was 13. I honestly loved being alone at that point. It was so great. So I understand what you mean about having your friends over and then having your own space when they left. It's kind of how it was for me. :)

Answer 5

My siblings are all a lot older than me so mostly my memories of growing up are of being alone,i was happy and fine and had friends to spend time with,i am not especially close to any of them.



I have 6 children myself,they are close but they are still young,my eldest is 15 and i don't think he would have cared if he hadn't had his 5 younger sisters,the twins are really independent of each other,my 8 year old is happier when she has us to herself and the two youngest who are 2 and 4 are incredibly close,its a lovely bond a stronger one than the twins have but i really don't think that it is a valid reason to have more than one child if you don't actually want one.



I am sure my children have times when the idea is very appealing although they do love each other,there are pros's and cons like sharing the care of my elderly mother for me and when i think of my own i hope they grow up and are a support to each other when i'm gone but they will probably have their own families too and i know i rely more on my husband for support than my siblings.



I do think that having more than one child should be based on the wants of the parents and not the first child.

Answer 6

i guess in a way id assume only children to be lonely, but mainly because only children ive known have felt lonely. im the eldest of 4 so i was always around children. i wanted to be a mum from a young age and have a big family but not because of my siblings. i have 1 baby daughter and will probably have another 3-4 more. if you had a great childhood and close family relationships thats good, i guess having just one child helps you focus on them constantly more than when you have to share time with a few children. i wish i was an only child, i have never got on with my siblings or mum, and i had a bad childhood but not completely to do with that. but each family is different, it varies from person to person.

Answer 7

I don;t think that only children are automatically lonely...but I have heard that once you get older...like over 60...then is when it really comes into play....even if you have children, there is nothing like a sibling who remembers your childhood in the same way that you do...once your parents have gone, your siblings are your family...Aunties are good too...but siblings, being of a similar age...stay around for the same length of time. You can of course have a happy childhood if you have no siblings..I have friends with no siblings...they are well balanced...but I think if you weigh it up..there are no obvious benefits to having no siblings but there are many to having siblings.

Answer 8

Well...I have quite a few only child friends who don't feel like they've missed out on anything and they have loads of friends.



I have no idea how many children they want or if amount of siblings they have affects this.



I have one friend who has 4 brothers and sisters and loves this but thinks in the future she would only be able to cope with one, I think this kind of shows that the amount of siblings you have isn't necessarily related to size of family you want (although it can be)



So i guess i agree with you....i think.



=)

Answer 9

I know of a few only children, some are as happy and polite as others with big families, others are stuck up pretentious little sh!ts!

The lad down the roads lovely as anything but hes really bad tempered with his mum and dad, he can be thought of as spoilt, but hes not. Once I got to know him I realised he was a sweetheart who'd do anything for anyone. Like all of us he gets peeved with his parents.

Ive got 2 brothers and 2 sisters, I wouldn't change any of them but there's always a time when someones not talking to someone. As the youngest I got on with the second youngest boy, my sister in the middle was a bit of a floater and she tends to be the one in the middle of all the rifts, and my eldest brother and sister liked to pick on us 3 and occasionally we'd all gang up on mum and dad.

One of my mates has a big family and she gets really lonely being the only girl.

The only thing that only children are missing is another mouth gobbing off, pinching, someone getting you in and out of trouble and another person to buy presents for. Siblings are the mates you love at times and wonder why you even like them sometimes but they're incredible to have on your side of the argument!

Answer 10

I only was good friends with one only child (that I can think of) and she was not lonely. She had tons of friends. BUT she was also pretty self-centered and not big on compromise. I don't think all "onlies" are that way, though. I just have such a close bond with my siblings--they are two of my best friends, honestly--that I have reservations on having one child, myself...but then again, not all siblings are as close as we have grown to be! But no, lonely isn't what comes to mind when I think of an only child.

Answer 11

I would have to agree with you.



I have 2 brothers and a sister (im the youngest) my brother is 34 this year and im nearly 22, my other brother is 28 this year and my sister is 26 in july.



We're not very close , me my mum and my sister are the closest but i still never hug my sister even though id love to.



We didn't have a great childhood and ithink that's why we're not one big family group.



i think with whatever size family you have you Can be happy.



xx

Answer 12

I don't understand why people think that being an only child somehow means they miss out on something - it's rubbish.



I wasn't an only child, i had an older sister who bullied me mentally and physically throughout my childhood and made my younger years an absolute misery.



As long as all children have great interaction with other children through school, activities etc then i don't see what it matters whether you're an only child or a child with siblings.



I grew up wishing i was an only child!

Answer 13

If I only have the one child, I don't think he/she will be lonely - I have lots of friends who have children around the same age who I hope s/he will mix with. Sometimes my sister and I would fight like cat and dog when we were younger, and I wished like hell my mum and dad had stopped after having me, she used to annoy the hell out of me [and still does sometimes] Stereotypically, only children are spoilt, however, this is just a small amount of children - you, my friend, are very well adjusted!

Answer 14

I suppose if I were an only child or weren't close to my siblings, I would be fine w/ having one child.



However, I have 2 siblings who I am extremely close to and love to death. I, personally, want the same for my children.



I do agree that no matter how large or small, your family can be happy. Do what makes you happy and is best for you!

Answer 15

I was an only child, i had a great child hood. I was in plenty of activities, always busy, I played with nieghbors and knew how to entertain myself. On vacations I made friends.



My daughter may also be raised as an only child, i'm not worried about her being lonely.

Answer 16

I was an only child and I was VERY lonely. We lived in rural new jersey and I had no one to play with except my mother. I would have done anything for a sibling.. and I would never want to do that to my son.. I think 2 very close siblings is wonderful!

Answer 17

I want to give my son a sister, and maybe one more brother. I have brothers, and I love them dearly. I feel like they would be lonely, and they do kind of miss something that sibling children have.

I mean, friends come and go, but your brother is your brother for ever.

Answer 18

Nope, all of us "non-only" children (or more politically correct, multiple children..... ;) ) think the same. Honestly, I have two views on the subject:

1. It is economically more feasible to have only one child as opposed to multiple children.

2. I love the fact we have multiple children although we are struggling because I live my boys and would not change it for the world.

Answer 19

i have 2 kids who are 20 months apart and they play together beautifully most of the time. my son misses his sister when she is at school because he has no one to play with. i think each to there own. if you want one child then that is fine if you want 10 kids then again fine. as long as you can provide for them and they are happy then it shouldn't make a difference to anyone. i have 2 brothers myself and am not particularly close with either of them so it is different for everyone.

Answer 20

You were lucky, you were close with your mom and aunts. Especially now-a-days, most teens aren't. Don't you think you'd feel a little different if you hadn't have been close with them?



I have a 12mnth old, and I am currently 10wks. (still engaged.)

------- I hope to have three kids. I'm only 19. So maybe when I'm a bit older...

Answer 21

I only want one as me and my brother hated each other as children and still do now! My fiancé was a only child and his thoughts are the same as yours. Xx

Answer 22

I would like two with my future wife.

A boy and a girl.