Help needed if you can please with my 3yr old son?

Question

Help needed if you can please with my 3yr old son?

Answer 1

I know you'd hate to do this, but a friend of mine was having the same problem as you. They finally as a last straw, put a lock on his bedroom door so when they put him to bed they could lock the door so he couldn't get out. I know it don't sound good but the kids dr. actually told them to do it. and after a while he got the idea it wasn't ok to go out of his room and reck the house. They didn't have to do it for very long, but it worked. Try it for a few nights, then see if it worked, if not lock it again. He'll probably pitcha fit if he wakes up and thw door is locked, but he'll get the idea.

Answer 2

do not blame yourself at all and dont listen to anyone one who say it you it not i aslo have a three yr old and she is a great girl but she aslo have her bad days you should move the suger up high all kids dont like to listen to there parents just be patient with him shouting dont do be patient when you tell him that that is wrong and that he shoulnt do it it will take time but as they say time makes perfect

Answer 3

Well, I got 5 kids and it dont sound like "normal" 3 yr old behaviour to me. Your health visitor should be giving you more help, well done to you both for asking! Its not easy to ask when you know you're prob gonna get criticized, trust me I know! He reminds me of my son (he's now 12), but it turns out he had ADHD, which i wouldn't wish on anyone's child! and I've had to fight tooth and nail every inch of the way to get any help with him. I hope you find something that works for you, but if you don't, don't be afraid to keep asking. Parents need support, after all, we do the most important job in the entire world and there's no blooming manual for it, so don't ever feel like you're failing!! Good luck guys.

Answer 4

I had the same problems with my now 6 year old son. I felt as if I was failing and I was opposed to put him on meds. Finally I saw a really great doctor and he is taking Adderall XR And it helps alot.

It is Called ADHD!!!

Answer 5

First let me congratulate you on having the courage to ask for help. Parenting is the most difficult job in the world, and you're obviously trying to do the best for your son, to keep him safe, and to help him grow to be a responsible adult.



Next, keep a journal of all the behaviors you feel are not normal for a child his age. Write everything down, what happens, the time of day, was it right after a meal, what he ate that day, and anything else you can think of. He could have food allergies that cause erratic behavior. He could have a neurological disorder, perhaps he really does have a hearing problem. There are many possible explanations, and your medical professional will be your key to finding the answer.



Remember, this is NOT an evil child. His behavior is a symptom of something else that is wrong. Continue to love him and support him, and try not to be angry with him. He is struggling too. Anger and physical punishment do not solve the problem. They place a barrier between parent and child that is difficult to take down.



I went through similar situations with my son when he was 3 (except for the escaping out the door part). I really thought he was ignoring everything I said to him. After nearly 2 years of searching for answers, we were told by a neurologist that one of his many health issues is that he has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism. Do a websearch on these 2 topics and see what you think.



Until you know the cause of the behavior problem, it is very difficult for anyone to tell you how to deal with your child. Be compassionate, be firm, and be as consistent as you can. Do not allow him to do things that are unacceptable, for he must learn what is expected of him. Try praising him when he does things the way he should, or when he even attempts to do them that way, even if he is not entirely successful. You may find he responds better to praise than to punishment. Don't eliminate punishment for behaviors that are dangerous. He also has to understand the effects of his behavior on himself and others.



Good luck to all three of you. You'll be in my thoughts.

Answer 6

hi, i tried to send you both a private message but couldn't. i really sympahise with you, i am going through th exact same with my 2 yr old daughter. like both of you i am only 21, and my partner is called daz as well. my daughter escapes through the front door, ect, i have exactly the same problems. and for people to say it is neglect, are far from the truth. my daughter is very much cared and looked after. i think people who say things like that, proberly don't have a hyper-active child. they say when a child is quite naughty it's a sign of great intelligence. my duaghter is very clever, forward for her age and extremly independant, proberly the same as your son. due to my daughter's behaviour i have had to look at her diet, i rarely give her sweets and NEVER GIVE THE DRINK ROBINSONS FRUIT SHOOT, i find this adds to my daughters behaviour. i give her water, or you can buy 50% juice or water down pure orange juice. to get rid of my daughters energy i take her to a field and let her run around, to make herself tired. if you don't drive, try and walk him into town instead of the bus to tire him out for when you have to go shopping. how is his sleeping and day routine? i'm lucky my daughter sleeps well at night but i still need a stair gate on her bedroom door. does your son interact with other children? my daughter is an only child so i try and go to mother abd toddler groups, but haven't been for a while due to her bad behaviour when i'm out with her. don't quite know how to get her out of the trantrums and throwing herself onto the floor when we are shopping. i hope this helps, if you could give me any advice i would be more than grateful as it sounds to me our children are quite similar in their behaviours. ps, try and make time for each other and let each other have a night out once a week. if i didn't have my saturday night out and think i'd go completely mad. best of luck!

Answer 7

You have way to many responses for me to read through them all to see if this advice was given...so...I am going to be politically incorrect and say a swift swat to the behind would do a world of good. And i am not judging...my middle son walked out of the house while i was cooking breakfeast and i only found him before he walked into the street b/c he left the door open, my youngest son got out the back fence (which I did not think possible) and was returned by a neighbor who found him walking down the sidewalk. If you are having constient problems though and the child is making your life miserable (in a good way - lol) then i think you need stricter disclipline measures. Be constient and sometimes you can swat them. I'm not saying brutally beat the child or spank for small stuff, but a child of 2-3 cannot understand reason and if they run in the street, you spank and that is and immeadite response they don't like. TIme out is also good use your judgement.

Answer 8

Well, this has nothing to do with how much time you spend with your child. It's a matter of facing consequences for bad behavior. Did you discipline your son when he disappeared? If so, how? There are many forms of discipline, some good, some bad. First of all, you need to be up BEFORE your child is. So set your alarm, if need be. It's YOUR responsibility. Fix his door so that you hear him open it, if you have to, by attaching a bell at the top of it. Fix your front door so you hear him open it. I hung an indoor wind chime in front of mine. ANYONE who opened the door, I was alerted. Your son is 3 years old, but seems to have the rule of the roost. Stop being a child, and become the parent. My daughter hated sitting on her bed. That was her punishment. She wasn't allowed to lay down, watch tv, play, read, color...nothing. She had to sit...5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15, whatever. Second, follow through with a threat. Don't count to 5. Don't warn him or tell him more than once. Tell him one time, then say, "This is your discipline. Go sit on the bed." It doesn't matter if he gets off. For every time he gets off the bed, add a minute. If necessary, stand in the room and watch him for 5 minutes. If he lays down....add a minute. 3 year olds are smart. Don't allow him to hit you for any reason! If he hits you...back to the bed. Don't allow him to throw a temper tantrum. Tell him, "The longer you act like this, the longer you'll be on the bed." It will take time to establish this, and you will have to be willing to stop what you are doing and follow through YOURSELF by watching your son sit on the bed, but after consistency, it will begin to sink in, "I can't do this anymore." Establish an 8:00 p.m. bedtime. That means, shower done, prays said, stories read, but at 8:00 p.m., he's in bed. If he gets out, you get to stand in the doorway until he's asleep. This will give you time to spend with your spouse, and it will benefit your child as well. Whatever you do, stop telling your child more than one time to do ANYTHING!!! Tell him once. If you are out with him, he gets to go sit in the car with you. No toys. Nothing to play with. He has to sit!!! DO NOT COUNT TO 5. This gives him 5 chances to disobey. Tell him ONCE!!! When my children got older, I said, "You have a choice. You can do this with a spanking, or without, but you WILL do it!." I only had to tell them once. But if the bed didn't work, a light spanking (once on the bottom was enough). Also, kids want to know you care about them enough to discipline them. They will deliberately act up to see if you really love them. When this happens....back to sitting on the bed. My daughter is 19. The other day she got really smart mouthed. I looked at her and said, "Do you want to go sit on your bed?" Do you know, her attitude changed? It wasn't that I could make her sit on the bed at 19. It was the message, "I am still your parent and you will still obey me when in my house." I had no more attitude problem from her. I never had kids disobeying me, running rampant in the stores, throwing temper tantrums, or being holy terrors. They knew I was consistent with my discipline, so they didn't push me to the limit. They knew better. Each child is different. My son, I could just talk to, and he would stop misbehaving. My second child, she had to actually face a harsh discipline before she would listen. My youngest child, it was sitting on her bed. But they are all close to me now, and have good memories of a well disciplined, well organized house. Organization makes a world of difference in the behavior of children. Get your ducks in a row. Prepare for quality time with your child, but be prepared for some form of discipline when the child is misbehaving. And then prepare for quality time with your spouse when the child is asleep. And you know what? A firm hand on the seat of knowledge won't hurt him. It will only enforce you mean what you say. Just one swat is enough, usually. If you don't get him under control now, you'll have a terrible 5 year old, an out of control teen, and have trouble with authorities all your life. You KNOW to be consistent. Now do it.

Answer 9

He's not bad luv, just curious, and it sounds like he's also very intelligent.



Look into having his IQ tested, they don't normally test children so young but ask his doc anyway, can't hurt.



Buy him more challenging toys, toys that are educational but meant for a child a bit older.



There are handle covers you can get to cover door handles, he may be able to unlock the door but shouldn't be able to open it. Just remember to be careful where you install them fire safety and all.





Place keys up high, tops of cupboards or the fridge, hooks out of reach even if he drags over a chair.



Get child safety latches for your cupboards they cost a few bucks, or a good old fashioned buggy cord pulled tight will work, one that you and your wife find hard to get off. You can use this to buggy the fridge closed too.



Set out cereal for him so he has breakfast there and doesn't have to try and make it himself.



Leave the TV on at night, volume turn low, set it to a channel he likes so he can just sit and watch, if again he doesn't get you up.



Some of what you've described sounds like he's just trying to be independent, find ways to allow him that. The trick is to do things for him but, let him think he's done it himself.



Hope that helps abit and good luck, 3 is a hard age, they don't call it terrible threes for nothing.

Answer 10

It sounds like you could benefit from a parenting class or reading some literature on it (after all, we seek instruction and advice on all other topics...why not the most precious and important of all: our kids?). You need to define your role as parent and establish your expectations and limits. Give him the choice of following your rules or not. BUT if he chooses not to listen, you must determine and apply some firm punishments. This can be anything reasonable that works for you. We have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. We use everything from redirection, to time-out, to removal of priviliges, to spanking (a last resort--and only a swat or two with an open hand on a clothed bottom). Find the method that works for you and BE CONSISTENT. Your child must know that you have expectations of him and that there are consequences for misbehavior. Let him know what is unacceptable and back yourself up. Otherwise, at his age he will test the limits as he explores his independence and the exciting world out there.



Good luck. You can do it!!

Answer 11

Discipline, no not smacking but some other sort of punishment works wonders. have you ever watched nanny 911 or supernanny? The naughty step works wonders so does the confiscation of favourite toys.



Sit your son on the naughty step for 3 minutes (a min for every year) where he can't play with anything but has to think about what he has done. Then ask for an apology and give him a hug.



It works for my 3 year old daughter

Answer 12

at aged 3 yrs he has little concept of conciquences so he won't worry about dangers. If he finds he can open a door, lift up a lid, turn something on or off he will do it again and again. The mess he makes in the kitchen could be him discovering how the world works, pouring and tipping ect. Give him things he's allowed to make a mess with. Boxes containing more boxes so he can explore within a safe environment, make sure he understands that these belong to him. If he goes near a door give him an alternative to open and close, maybe a box with things inside that he hasn't seen for a while. If possible maybe getting him a placement in a playgroup would help to give him the input he desires. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way suggesting you are a bad parent but the facilities available to him would increase and would also give you two a break. They may be able to suggest ideas for occupying him whilst you do those necessary dishes ect. I have been there myself and keeping him busy sounds like a full time job. You could try a sensor for the kitchen door so if he opens it the alarm will go off,but, it'll scare the pants off him the first time and wake you up. It should discourage him next time he decides to go exploring without you.

Answer 13

It sounds like your son is going through the terrible twos at the age of three. There are two rules of thought here,one more harsher than the other. The first is obvious when ever the little one gets out of line give him a whack on the behind and let him know why he is getting whacked.That is the adage of spare the rod spoil the child if you will. The other is try using a reward system. When the little one does something that he is supposed to do reward him with a treat. If he doesn't listen to you then punish him severely. ie No TV, toys or what have you. If that don't work the only other suggestion that I can offer is have him see a child psychologist.

Answer 14

Wow sweety seems like you have your hands full.I have a 14 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and she is alot different than my son was.He was pretty good as a child.On the other had my 3 year old daughter is a HANDFULL.We have a gate near the stairs and she has found a way to get over it.She is so full of energy and non stop.Maybe bring your son to a play group?day care?have someone come babysit?Maybe he needs to be among friends his age and this way you and mommy can have some relax time if thats at all possible.My daugter loves playing outside but when she is inside she is kinda like your son...she is into everything and throws things all over the place.The 1-2-3 semi works for her.I am really looking forward to my daughter starting daycare..as I am writing this she just took all my clean clothes and threw them all over the floor.lol Daycare will help with alot of things that I can't seem to figure out.Good luck

Answer 15

Right set an alarm to go off ten minutes or so before he generally gets up the you will be aware of your surroundings even if not fully awake. The door just needs a bolt near the top that he cant reach, with his behaviour try and be consistent (i know its hard) when you say no mean no if he keeps deliberately disobeying you put him in the corner for a few minutes. And last but not least you are not a bad parent children dont come with instruction manuals and each one is unique and anyone that thinks they are a perfect parent needs a reality check, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. good luck.

Answer 16

Oh my goodness, you definitely have your hands full! I can't imagine what you must be going through as a parent, but don't feel like a failure, because he really needs you to be strong and not give up. He sounds like he is very high functioning for a 3 year old, but there also sounds like there are some other things going on here. If he is waking up before you, then you need to set your alarm and make sure you are up when he wakes up. A 3 year old should not be allowed to wander around the house unsupervised, which I'm sure you are aware of, since you've asked him to wake you up. But the impetus is on YOU as the adult to wake yourself up. Don't ask a 3 year old to get you up, because they can't be trusted with that kind of thing. He sees it as a time to cause mischief and "have fun" while mom and dad are sleeping. If he's not listening to you, is it because you aren't disciplining him when he acts out? Are you consistent in the way you handle his behavior problems? Are you and mom on the same page? Do you back each other up in your decisions, or do you argue about it in front of him? Does he do anything "right"? Spend time acknowledging him when he does something good, but discipline him without emotion (ie no screaming or yelling and telling him he's "bad") when he acts out like this. I think the biggest thing MOST of us as parents FAIL on is being consistent. DO what you say you're going to do and he'll stop. A lot of people don't spank their kids. I do. I do not EVER spank with my hand or in anger. I use a small switch from a tree or I use a paint stirrer. I switch on the behind only because it's padded. I calmy explain to my kids BEFORE I spank them why they are receiving the spanking. Then I spank them. I don't have to do it very much anymore, to be honest, because it's an effective discipline tool. If you dislike the idea of spanking, then put him in a time out. If he gets up, keep taking him back to the spot. Just don't put him where it's interesting (like his room). Pick the most B-O-R-I-N-G spot you can find and keep putting him there until he'll sit quietly for 3 minutes or so. You are in charge, you're going to have to keep a better eye on him, knowing that he's so active. But you can do it - just take a deep breath and commit yourself to the fact that it's a 24-7 job with no pay and no 15 minute breaks. The pay off is that your son will grow out of it if you do right by him and discipline him. If you don't do it now, think of how he will be when he's 16 and as big as you are. Kids need discipline - they crave boundaries. Give both to him because you love him.

Answer 17

This sound like the same problem I have been having with my 4yrs daughter. I was talking to a doctor about a month or so ago and the doc said that this is just your child trying to tell you something. You might need to sit back for a while and keep a close on your son. Just watch him and write down any notes that you think that might improve things. If your child is bored try to work out what and what is making your son bored in a way for him to unlock doors and take off. This might just have to take time to get passed this hard period. GOOD LUCK! :)

Answer 18

First thing I would do is talk to his pediatric doctor to make sure he doesn't think that ADD or ADHD is occuring. That is young for that but I wouldn't say too young. About him getting up and letting you guys know, solve that by putting a baby monitor in ya'lls room so you can hear him when he gets up. As for the messes that he creates, make him help clean them up and use TIME OUT. I have a 2 1/2 year old and time out works wonders but I also whip him when needed. I take things away from him that he likes such as toys, movies, etc. I also have a 5 1/2 year old nephew that did similar things and he has been recently diagnosed with ADHD. They do have to get on to him constantly and he doesn't understand danger what so ever. They finally started talking to their pediatric doctor and they all worked together to find the problem. Hang in there. I know it's scary but don't show him that because it will then be fun to him. Be sure to talk to the doctor and try the different discipline ideas. Parenting is difficult. Just hang in there.

Answer 19

Remember that you are the parent.



Have a punishment for trying to get out of the house, and do it every time he does it. Consistency is key- sounds like you have fixed his escaping problem. You can use doorknob covers too- that's what we use.



As far as the waking up early- put a gate up at his bedroom door so he can't get out of there by himself. He can't be allowed to run around and do that.



My son was a lot that way too, getting into everything, etc. He is finally calming down some- at 3 1/2. We just make sure that EVERY time he is told to do something he does it, and EVERY time he breaks a rule and doesn't listen there is a consequence. He will eventually get tired of it and settle down.



We all feel like bad parents sometimes, chin up!

Answer 20

First off you can put one of those eye and hook things high up on the door. He might get the door unlocked but he won't be able to get out.



Secondly he is three you can't count on him to wake you up. He is not your alarm clock. You have a child now you can't sleep until you feel like it. You need to figure out when he wakes up and make sure you are up and out of bed before he does. My mom would get up at 5 am to shower and get dressed to be downstairs before any of my younger siblings got up. A three year old doesn't know what is right and wrong so he is going to do what he think is fun. You need to be up so you can teach him.



Also he's three years old he is not able to use reason and logic. His brain is not that developed. Still talking to him and explaining to him what he did was wrong you still have to do something that he doesn't like, time out, take away tv time (toys etc). Because if he does something big like run out of the house just talking to him gives him the idea that if he runs out nothing is going to happen. You need to show him that his actions have conseqences. Talking to him is not a consequence. You should discipline him and than tell him why.

Answer 21

My 2 1/2 doesn't listen to me either and he's a boy, he goes out the back yard all the time that we had to put on another lock. My daughter now always listened and did what she was told. It's really hard it is. But do you spoil him? Because I was told I was spoiling him. I think theres some truth in that. With my daughter we didn't have alot of money at the time so she got what she needed and a few toys but now we have good jobs and have the money we buy them a toy every time we go to the store, we are always giving them whatever they want and it's been that way since our son was born and he's living terror. Try to not spoil him. That's what we are trying now and he's slowly starting to listen sometimes but it's more then before.lol. Good luck

Answer 22

Hello! Firstly may i say I don't in any way think you neglect your son. Anyone who thinks that without proof is either damn lucky with their kids or they don't have kids.



He is showing all the signs of being a very intelligent, inquisitive little man. He would probably benefit by mixing with other children his age or older so he has something learn. I have three children and my son was very much the same. He drove me to distraction at times but i had a brilliant health visitor who helped me by encouraging him to learn simple things at first then build gradually to more complicated things. He loved learning and after a while his behaviour improve immensely. Remember to praise him when he does good but if he does wrong, explain why it's wrong and that you don't want him to get hurt.



My son is now 32 and runs his own hotel so please do not worry too much, stay calm (sorry, i know that sounds impossible) and have faith.

Answer 23

I totally understand. My hubby and I are also 22 and we have a 3 and a 4 year old so they feed off each other. I know you can't keep your eyes 24/7 and people on here need to realize that parents pee and shower and you can't save it for only when he is sleeping. My advice is talk to the neighbors so they can keep their eyes open and you may want to get the little door/window alarms. you can put them any where. we also keep them on the fridge. the other thing is a chain lock on the top about 4 inches from the top o of the door will keep him in. Good lick you have not "gone wrong" this IS normal and is just hard to deal with

Answer 24

First of all I do not think you can say your son is naughty he just has a curious mind and does not realise the danger. Have you got a baby alarm in his room linked to one in your room this would alert you when he wakes and starts roving around. Another option would be to fit a lock on his room for his own safety but this could be dangerous if he needed to come to you. Have you encouraged your son to come into your room and have a cuddle when he wakes.I should ask at your local playgroup or nursery if there is a place for him so he can mix with other children. If he is kept busy during the day it may tire him out. You state that you play with your son but the house has to be seen to. Please your house can wait your little boy needs you now. I should make an appointment with your local health worker. I believe thre is a helpline for parents to ring when challenged with children. Your boy is 3 he does not understand reasoning he is not doing this to punish you.

Answer 25

hi ya, i have 4 children and not all children are the same thats for sure all kids act differently to different punishments, a good thing i have learnt is to be consistent and never and i mean never go back on your word, once a child knows your weak spot youve had it, the timeout theory is a good way of trying to get him to realise what he has done wrong and also locking him in a room for a few minutes if the sitting on the step dont work, but you will also benefit from praising him when he does something good, go over the top if you have to but truthfully whichever way you decide to deal with this problem you really have to stick to it, you cant try this for a week or two and if it dont work try something else because your showing your weak spot and also never lose your temper or shout at him that is showing him that you are losing control and he will have won, i sincerely hope this helps as you obviously love him dearly, good luck

Answer 26

this is not typical three year old behavior. i have a three year old and he always comes and gets me.he can unlock doors though.if you have a screen door. lock it. also i know it will be an inconvience but try putting a gate or two gates one on top of the other at the top of the stairs. and also at the fron door if possible. you both need to train yourselves to hear him when he gets up. theres no excuse for this. you will get investigated by clild wlefare services if he keeps getting out. this is a clear cut sign that you arent watching him. it is neglect. also swat his butt just not hard and not in front of people that dont know you, you are setting him up for loads of displine problems when he starts school in a year or so. punish him and get off of your butt and watch him. be a parent

Answer 27

first off I would put up baby gates to limit the amount of access he has in the house and when he gets frustrated he will scream and it will wake you. Second, if he isn't listening when you have a talk to him, then I would come up with a punishment that would make him listen. I am raising a 2 and half year old grandson and we have found that time out and not letting him go outside for a while helps.

Answer 28

A 3 yr. old is not going to remember to wake you up so here is my suggestion. Make sure one of you gets up before your child does. That way your child has constant supervision, which is a must at that age. Take turns so that one parent isn't having to do it all of the time. Also try a door alarm on the child's bedroom door as well as the front and back doors. That way if you don't get up before your child does, the alarm should wake you before anything bad happens or messes get made. Good luck!

Answer 29

Wow, first what I would do is to sit him down. Or rather corner him in his room. Flop casually on his bed and just start talking to him like a friend not a parent. Babble to begin with by commenting on the things in the room. Don't be afraid to be a bit corny. He may laugh and this will be a good way to break the tension that you and he may be feeling.



Being his friend will get you further than strict parenting. Now like a friend ask him what he thinks of his life. What he likes doing, tv programs and music he likes. Be sure to add what you like also. Include food and what clothes he likes best in his closet. He probably dream about stuff that he wants, places he wants to go and things he wants to do now and later. Throw in some off the wall stuff to and things that you like and dream of having doing and places to go. Be a little corny. But be sincere. Make sure that it's a two way conversation, like best friends do.



Sort of let it out that his behavior is making you worry and be sad. If he wants to leave home he can but he will need a ride and a note from his birth mom and or dad. It's the law and not in your control.



You will also need to know where he is so that you can write to him from time to time. Need to know where to send birthday cards and presents too. And of course Santa needs to know.

So that he doesn't miss out on Christmas just cuz he moved..



You may now be thinking, gee this person is nuts. Raising a child and helping other parents with their childrens behaviour taught me what I know today. Being a friend first leads to easier parenting. Fantasy land was often where we had some most revealing answers to questions I had regarding her life and behavior.

Answer 30

Very sorry for being so blunt, but I want to unambiguously tell you what happens.



Problems like this often pinpoint to inexperienced parents, however good and assertive you think you are.



It is the child who needs help to put up with his parents, not you. But because the child is so young he cant speak to explain, he expresses it in this way. Could be for things like you eat or drink and not invite him to join, (dont drink alcohol there since you cant invite him); or you force him to eat food he does not like (you dont eat what you dont like do you?); or you dont give him potty training in time; or you speak over him when he has something to tell you; or you wrap a scarf around his neck but you dont realise his feet are cold.



At worst he could have some learning disability that impairs him from understanding dangers and makes him underappreciate his parents' efforts. But this again shows your inability to notice and do something about it (to care for him properly).



Please dont take me wrong, I dont mean offending you; I just get on well with children and know how they feel. I cant tell you more unless the child tells me his side of the story, but join others parents or ask you GP for your nearest support group and advice.

Answer 31

Update 5: hi there this is the mother of the child in question, thanks for all the tips from the helpful people but again i dont appreciate being told my son is neglected, if he was neglected we wouldnt take time out to ask for advice now would we? secondlt it only takes two minutes for you to take your eyes off your child i.e being in the kitchen etc for them to wander, we just didnt realise he could put a key in the door and unlock it which has resulted also in bolts being put up so the same mistake isnt made, i think tactics need to change now as he is growing more and more intelligent, when this happened i was at work and a distraught mother not to know where her son was as you can imagine so it isnt appreciated being called neglectful, i have tried some different types of discipline, i tried telling him his toys would be gone if he didnt start behaving etc and he used the revrse psycology on me and told me he would put his toys in the bin for me, thats how clever he is, timeout sounds good!

Answer 32

Has this started or become worse since having the second child? You had the two too close together, before he separated and "cut the emotional umbilical cord," so to speak, by completing the transition called "Terrible Twos" before #2 arrived on the scene. Therefore, he may resent this. Consider whether he is more "rejecting" while or after you attend to the new baby. Also consider your need to be loved. It is not his obligation to love you, but solely your obligation to love him through responding to his needs. It doesn't matter whether he loves you or not, only whether you love him or not. And third, children are naturally closer to one parent or another, one grandparent or another. Since this child has warm relationships with the other parent and other relatives, there is nothing really "wrong" with the child (e.g. autism, etc). Also, relationships with one parent or another change at different developmental stages: up to age 3, mom is the critical relationship; at 3 horizons expand to other people; at 4 - 6, dad is king of the hill; and at 7, mom again becomes the most critical relationship. This process of developing different relationships with different people continues through teens and onward. So ease up and don't stress so much.

Answer 33

I totally understand your frustration. My son is 5 and when he was that age was-not to the level of getting out of the house-but he liked to drop eggs on the floor because of the cause and effect(drop egg-big splat)..we had to take the door knobs off of our entertainment center but he figured to take a toy screwdriver and pry them open. He eventually grew out of this stage. Your son sounds very mechanical and interested in how things work and go. You ARE NOT A BAD PARENT-DONT EVER SAY THAT! you have a son who is and will keep you on your toes. If he goes to preschool(my son was kicked out of his first preschool-the hags that owned it said he was the worst 4 year old since 1964)-they will say he has ADD or ADHD(it doesnt hurt to have him evaluated but-and i do mean but-he is way to young for it to come about). Talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. You can email me if you need someone to talk to about it. Your son sounds a lot like mine and mine grew out of it-its a stage that he is going through. This doesnt sound like you are a horrible parent-it sounds like you are a good parent who has a mechanical minded kid. I do recommend taking him somewhere that he can take things apart or build(introduce him to leggos)go on line and find recipies to make playdough or stuff with his hands. Give him crafts to do. Your son is a wonderful child you just have to be a little more vigilent on him. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 34

at that age you need to keep them busy, i have a five yr old girl who had lots of energy but you need to channel it. they say if you dont disciplin a child before three you have lost them for life (as in control) but hey at the end of the day all people are different so you should take all advice with a pinch of salt. it worked for me (keeping her busy) and it might work for you. se what everyone else says and take what you need from each answer. I suggest you keep him busy, teach him stuff, he probably is very intelligent child and maybe you are limiting him in some way. i hate talking down to a child but at a young age you cant help it and forget to change as they grow. his mum must be supportive 100% coz in the long run you may get him under control but he will be a headache to her and it will be her fault but you know us females she just might end up saying you have turned him against you. if he has friends make sure they dont influence him too much, children pick up bad habbits fast.

keep in touch with me if you like we can share stories and experiences. and wish me luck too...my son is ten months!

Answer 35

Hiya, Thank god im not the only parent with a 3 year old who never stops trying new tricks.

Instead of always shouting No don't do that ect..ect...my hubby & i are now trying the guilt trip....You'll make mummy & daddy sad & unhappy if you carry on doing that.

We only started it on Mon & now we're seeing an improvment (its Thurs )

So don't give up & keep heaping praise for every little effort made.

GOOD LUCK Looby

Answer 36

LOL Sounds like a normal 3 yr old to me! Keep everything potentially dangerous out of reach and get a good carpet shampooer. If it's really a behavioral issue try asking your pedi if there are any parenting specialists/coaches in the area. If worse comes to worse, apply to be on Super Nanny. Really just sounds like a curious kid to me.

Answer 37

OK--it is important to realize that children ARE human beings--they are all wired differently, they all have different motivators, and above all, they all instinctively know how to push parents' buttons!



With that said, I highly recommend two books, and even better, if you can locate the seminars, you should invest and go: Love and Logic (Jim Fay and Foster Kline) and Kids are Worth It (Barbara Colorusso).



Additionally, you have a high-stress situation on your hands, just trying to keep up. Don't be ashamed, but consider that counseling may be beneficial--just to keep your self-confidence up and to keep your wits about you.



You are wise to ask advice--but get with professionals (and I'm not talking counselors--I'm talking someone who teaches parenting and discipline).

Answer 38

Your kid needs a spanking.

He doesn`t respect you, and you have let it go for to long.

I had to spank my boys each once in their whole lives when they were 3 and 4. No I take that back I had to spank Eddie twice.



All I do after that is give the look. It still works and they are 20 and 23.

By the way they love me very much and I am very proud of how they turned out.

Answer 39

my god mate i know exactly what your going through my youngest is the devil incarnate he can get out of a straight jacket i have found him in the street riding his bike at 3am you just have to persevere & keep telling him that its naughty & that some naughty people will take him away & he will never see mummy&daddy again you have to keep a calm voice & a calm head otherwise he will feel your uneasyness & play up to it even more...my youngest son did all those things & more for a prolonged period in the end i took him to see the doctor & he was diagnosed with adhd(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) its not great but theres help available im not saying your child has adhd im saying there might be an explanation but it might just be a phase that hes going through persevere & praise him loads when hes good...good luck my thoughts are with you.x.x.x.x.

Answer 40

i want to say i am not being judgemental at all . i have been through this all before , and this is what i did . please dont feel offended by what i am going to say.

first off take a look at what you and his mum are doing while he is taking off. by others saying pay more attention to him they are not meaning do more things with him beyond what you are already doing , but be more alert as to what he is doing .

if he knows you guys are busy and not paying any mind to what he does he will take advantage of it .

making sure he can not let himself out is very important . if you guys are busy in another area of the house make sure one of you are keeping tabs on him and his location every 10 minutes or so . [ this is what we do when we are working in our basement ] also using a baby monitor can be a great thing too . we use our phone to keep track of what is going on when we need to be in a different area in the house [ including the potty it is amazing how much your child can do when you take a pee break !] our phone has a speaker base with a mute button [it is great]

as far as him not listening . make sure you are using language a 3 Y/O can understand and dont over do the lectures . keep it short and simple . think about it yourself when your other half is complaining about something you did wrong , many women [ i am a woman ] will keep going on and on about you did this ,you did that and with in about 2 minutes guys will block out what we are saying because it just seems like it wont stop and we dont stick to the point . same with kids . if he misbehaves make the point short and simple and keep it that way . you dont have to go into detail at this age just a simple NO dont do this .

we have a time out chair that is placed in the most boring spot possible . and it faces the wall . you can start working with using a time out . which ever form of punishment you use make sure you follow through with it . and dont make threats you can not follow through with . if you keep things realistic and follow through with what ever punishment you choose he will know you willl keep good on your word .

as far as demolishing the house while everyone is still asleep. someone needs to be supervising him while he is up . it is too much for you to ask him at his age to wake someone . i would stack a couple of baby gates in his door way and keep your bedroom door open so you can hear him . or if possible try to figure out what time he is waking up and try to start waking up at this time . we have also used these little alarms we got from a home and garden store that are little window alarms . attach one side to the door frame and the other side to the door and when they loose connection an alarm goes off and it is annoying , but does the job.

also something else is does he have too early of a bedtime ? does he take too long of a nap ? try changing these around a bit . maybe shorten his nap and keep him up an hour later and after a couple days he may sleep a bit longer. i have no idea what time he is waking up . my son woke up every morning at 3am , went down stairs , trashed the house and went back to bed about an hour later . we started setting our alarm for 3 am . i would sit on the ground out side his room reading a book he would come out of his room see me and go back in his room and keep peeking at me till he fell back to sleep around 4 . after a while of rearranging his napping and sleeping schedule it stopped .

i would do what i could to stop what he is doing . there is always a chance that if he takes off again you may find yourselves in court to get him back . child protective services is no fun to deal with at all . i know this first hand .

good luck and hope i helped out some .

Answer 41

i have a 41/2 year old and a just turned 2 year old last week so i know what u mean about needing eyes in the back of ur head my youngest gets up to a lot more mischief than my oldest ever did. i dont think ur are neglecting ur child and people who think u r obviously have very well behaved children i learn a lot of things from super nanny u should watch that

Answer 42

The only advice I have right now, is you can try two gates in his bedroom doorway, one on top of the other. We had to do that at our house for the little ones so they couldn't go upstairs. Also, as for the sugar, put the cabinet latches on the cabinets so he can't get into them to get things to make a mess with.

Answer 43

Please please tell me that you are shitting me? Are you serious about this? I am not trying to be disrespectful here, but don't you think its time to take back control of your lives? I mean, love your child with no boundaries at all and that includes discipline hun. Some people don't like disciplining their children, but do you have any idea of what you are doing to his future if you allow him to get away with anything and everything? He will never be able to accept authority and will be labelled "a brat" oneday. And the worst is, it won't be his fault that he is used to getting his own way - it will be yours. So again I say, love him with no limitations, including disciplining him... for his own good and for your own sanity.

Answer 44

Hi there... i also have a 3 yr old girl and she just has a mind of her own... its like she has no respect.... I'm not judging you and so i totaly understand you. I realised that i should start taking more time in talking to her rather than telling her what to do... giving her more options and getting her to herlp with chores around the house...she really enjoys that.... kids just want to be included.... and they want to be the center of attention... but its also important they realise that its not always their time... I also admit i learnt heaps just from watching Super Nanny.... maybe u should to.... Also i was recomended a really good book calle THE INDIGO CHILDREN...or INDIGO CHILDREN.... it was good to read and understand the mind of my child... i think our kids these days are verry special kids and just need to be guided the right way.... Good luck!

Answer 45

You neeed to be up and out of bed before this little one gets up every single day. No excuses. He could be bait for a predator or get hurt.

There are locks you can buy to put on the top of the door, so he cannot reach them. Lock him in the house.

He must be getting hungy, so get your bum out of bed in the morning and feed him some breakfast.

Answer 46

I believe the abbreviation ADHD is overused, but your child is active. Get a good night sleep and wear him down in the day.

Take him outside and use up that energy of his. Make a switch,you bug him to do stuff.

If he's not in preschool or some kind of play group, you might think about it to stimulate him.

Answer 47

i dont think that you are a bad parent at all, 3 year olds are hard work!!

I use a sticker chart for my daughter. We have drawn some clouds and they lead up to the sun, each time she is good and does as she is told we put a sticker in one of the clouds but each time she is naughty or does not listen, we take one away,when she reaches to the sun we reward her with a treat of her choice (nothing to major or expencive). It works a treat, i hope you try this one and good luck

Answer 48

What he needs is some type of discipline.



He needs time out, and I don't know how you feel about spanking but that would help.



You have to be stern with him, don't let him slide, be consistent with your punishment. Yes a 3 year old understands when he is being bad.



You have to buckle down on him, you and his mom.

Answer 49

Have you talked to your pediatrician about ADHD? I know, some will say I'm an alarmist but he honestly sounds like my daughter at that age and she was diagnosed with a severe case. She was running out of the house into traffic at the age of four.

Oh - and they have door alarms that you can install so you know when he leaves his room.

Answer 50

hi. i would not dare even suggest that you neglect your son. i totally understand what you are going through. my youngest of my nine children is hard work. he will be 3 yrs old in oct. he can open my front door-even from locked and climbs my fence and runs into street. no matter how many times a day i dress him- he strips of at the first chance. i have window locks,cubboard locks, stair gates, fireguards-i make no appologies for being very safety concious.but he still gets into mischeif.

he constantly climbs on worktops ,emptying cubboards ,pouring washing powder out, can work dvd/video players,xbox,playstation2 etc.

he is on the look out for trouble from the minute he wakes up. somedays i feel i cant keep up with him. i m still trying to clear up one lot of mess when he has moved on to the next.

so as one parent to another- i understand what youa re going through here!



only advise i can offer-is maybe you can swap rooms with him so if he passes your doorway before heading downstairs -then you have more of a chance of intercepting the rascal before he starts his demolition derby!

we have put a hinged gate on the bottom stairs -with a hard to open lock so once he gets to the bottom of stairs he cant get over the gate.

i hope this helps. ignore unhelpful opinions of strangers, it is not up to them to judge you.

p,x

Answer 51

when my daughter was three i got up one morning to find her out in the yard alone with our dogs in nothin but her bathrobe.its not neglect.children can be very sneaky!my daughter also learned to open the new locks we put on our doors.children at that age are incredibly smart.

i know how frustrating it can be telling your child over and over...but keep talking to him.try not to yell or get angry.my daughter tunes out if there are voices are raised.we kept telling her over and over wats right and wats wrong. as for the sugar on the floor and a destroyed house, try and lock up everything he can get his hands on when you're sleeping, because they do get up when ur asleep!!

when he gets too out of hand remember to breathe! don't blow your top! remember how sweet he is and why you wanted him in the first place.children are a joy, they just go through the "drivin mum and dad crazy" phase. just wait til he's a teenager!!! :)

Answer 52

my friends son went through this stage and my three year old girl is just hitting it. Just be firm and punish him if he does something he's not supposed to. Like take away his favourite toy. he'll grow out of it but I'm afraid you'll have to put up with it for now. Best wishes.

Answer 53

Look i know its hard but have you tried timeouts and maybe a spank on the butt.i know alot of people dotn believe in that but believe me if i didnt spank my kids they would be running all over me.my son is now 4 abd he still wont listen to me much.just be stern with him its hard at first but he will have to learn that the stuf he does is wronge so i hope this helps alittle

Answer 54

Don't be afraid to give him a good smack on the butt!! He is in danger when he is getting out of your door, so I would say a spanking is in order. If your son is in danger, a firm smack on the butt will definitely get his attention! I am not telling you to beat him by any means, but , when I see one of my kids doing something that can seriously hurt them, I smack their butt, and they usually don't do it again! Try putting a baby monitor in his room so that when he wakes up you hear him. Good luck!

Answer 55

i certainly dont think your son is neglected or that you are failing him in anyway. he sounds like a typical 3 yr old and will soon grow out of it. but keep at you health visitor and see if she can suggest anything. good luck

Answer 56

YOU ARE NOT BAD PARENTS!



it's a new game. at this age they don't understand danger.

2 minutes my @ss! the blink of an eye is more like it. lol.



my mom had 6 who did this all at once - while she was sleeping (after cleaning all night for the easter bunny!) needless to say she screamed so loud when she saw the house that the neighbor came over and took them out of the house so she wouldn't KILL them. literally.



sounds to me like he is fortunate to have understanding and patient parents such as yourselves.

Answer 57

I dont think you are a bad parent , the only thing i can suggest is to make a appointment with your health worker to sort this problem out or it could make you ill. and p.s. dont smack him as it would make him a lot worse.

Answer 58

Boy you have your hands full,my son was also a nightmare.This sounds cruel however have you thought about putting a chain lock on the outside of his bedroom door.It will give you peace of mind

Answer 59

hi i have 3 kids my middle one (who has autisim) used to run out the house (naked) until at least 5 years of age her younger brother copied her we to had to get an extra lock fitted to the door and keep it locked with the key removed.



we just had to wait till they grew out of it, which did happen eventually.





they also at time managed to creep downstairs and get stuff out of the fridge so we put a lock on the kitchen



in fact my autistic daughter proved very resoceful when visiting friends on one occassion



she ran out the front door

we locked it



she ran out the back door

we locked it AND the windows



they had a large cat flap she crawled through that



kids can be very resorceful and quiet when they want to be



it may help to tell him a story about a little child who ran off and got lost or hurt on the roads etc try to get him to tell you how he thinks the child may havce felt being hurt or lost not knowing where its parents were and get him to try to tell you how he thinks the parents might have felt ( this was something the school did with my autistic daughter and after a couple of goes it helped, she would run off and often into the road)



this may work as he is thinking and working it out for himself what the consequences could be if he runs off





if you are a bad mother just because your child has run off on one or more occassion then most mothers must be bad mothers i have seen several kids run off and many into the road

3 year old kids are very fast on their feet



good luck



(in my experience he should grow out of it but it hard waiting for that to happen)

Answer 60

Try the taller gates that are walk through gates with a latch. The smaller one can easily be climbed over.

Answer 61

3 years old is a bit young to allow the priviledge of being alone in the morning. Please adjust your schedule so that one of yu is awake in the morning with him. Also, consistancy is vital. If you don't nip this in the bud now, you are in for a mess of trouble. You must not allow hiim to run the house.

Answer 62

i would say ,bust his as$ the next time he done something like that ,i guarantee you he wont do it again. i would tell him how dangerous the out side is that someone could kidnap him running away like that. so what it going to be, get an as$ busting or a lost child that you'd never see again.

Answer 63

Sounds like the poor child's bored and neglected to me.

Answer 64

have you been to see his health visitor, maybe he has some kind of health issue or is he doing this for attention, is he the only child, i think the best thing to do is to seek proff advice, something fatal coul happen next time and you dont want to risk it.

Answer 65

I think you should watch nanny 911. she really makes sense and it seems to work. And about wrecking the house I would have to give a spanking for that he is too young to be ruling the house. You two are the bosses.

Answer 66

I think you would benefit most from super nanny she has all sorts of techniques that work wonders on kids worth a try right?

Answer 67

First off you can't reason with a 3 yr old, its normal for them to wonder off they seem to have wonder lust at this age.Constant supervision is all it takes, good luck this to shall pass.

Answer 68

you need to pay more attention to your son. you should know what time he usually gets up and you one of you should be up before that happens.

and why are the locks on the door low enough for him to reach?

Answer 69

I think it may be worth spreaking to your health visitor for some advice. Its sounds like your son has behaviour problems of which your health visitor may be able to help you or she may be able to refer you to someone.

Answer 70

take no notice of these idiots, they dont have a clue im sorry i dont have an answer but just wanted to reasure you you are NOT a bad mother good luck

Answer 71

disapline is the key just dont spank also spending lots of time will prevent him from taking off

Answer 72

have you tried a good thrashing?worked on me!