What age should a father stop doing stuff for his daughter?

Question

I'm a Social Worker, which makes me more sensitive to certain behaviors than other people. My spouse is a wonderful man, who has a daughter from a previous marriage. We have her 50/50 (one week on, one week off). We also have a son together.
Before I came into the picture, my spouse handled the care for his daughter by himself.
I know he still feels guilty for the divorce and everything she has gone through, but I feel that sometimes it goes over board. I think that there are certain things a young female should be doing by herself and that there is age appropriateness for certain behavior. But she always wants her daddy to do stuff for her and he does it, or he likes taking care of his little girl and does things for her anyways.
For instance, when they go to a mall somewhere and she needs to go the bathroom, her father will go with her into the men's bathroom instead of waiting outside the girls bathroom for her.
And he still runs her shower for her, while she gets undressed and ready. And sometimes she crawls into our bed without underwear on...which honestly just makes ME feel uncomfortable.
Now, I absolutely DON'T think there is anything going on sexually, which I know some of you are thinking. But I DO think that there is a certain age for a young girl when her father should not be doing these things.
My question to you all is...do you agree? If so, what ages?
Thanks. I just want some extra advice on broaching the subject with my spouse. He's done a great job with his daughter so far, but I think she is maturing and he is not seeing it.

Answer 1

hi, I am a married father of 4 kids (2 mine, 2 not mine) but one famiIy. I take care of them. 2girls, 2 boys. The two oldest girls, I have been raising since they were 3 and 1. They are 14yr old and 16yr old now.. When my wife would work nights, I had to totally care for them. My wife told my exactly how to wash them for optimum hygine. It felt a little strange at first, but they had no one else. I truely haven't seen my daughters naked since 5 yrs old. They were very quickly to tell me " I wanna wash myself, daddy" I would still make sure the water was at a good temp. Six years old is about the right age for a father to not do the personal things as bathing. As for a public bathroom, I still don't let them go alone, its together or me standing RIGHT OUTSIDE.



On a very personal note:

You have a son together, but daddy little girl will always come first. My wife and I now have 4 total. The two boys are 12 and 10 (ours together)Have you been hit with the "you're not my mother", yet? Its coming!!! she will continue to get away with everything, until you make it clear, that it concerns YOU. YOU are his wife NOW. My wife made me become the father to her girls. It made me feel proud. They still, sometimes, get away with a lot of stuff that their mom allows, but I will not. Its the difference between parenting and friendship. If this causes a problem between the two of you, Maybe parenting counseling my help or this is not the man you thought he would be for you. Being a social worker, I'm sure you have clients in the same situation, LEARN FROM THEM, OR TEACH THEM, vice verse. Hope this helps, have a happy holiday and if I never met you have blessed life.

Answer 2

Well, I guess I would have to ask you.. when is it no longer appropriate for a mother with their son? I don't think there is any problem with giving my son a bath at the age of 6. If he is not abusive then there should be no problem. I know that your line of work makes you more cautious than most, but any normal, emotionally healthy father/man is not going to do or feel anything wrong, so therefore it isn't inappropriate. I think by 10 years old a child should have no reason to be nude in front of either parent unless it is really needed. That's around the age children start becoming more aware and need their privacy anyway.

Answer 3

Some of yall are making a mountain out of a mole hill, no one said that there was "inappropriate touching" or whatever. He seems to be overzealous in the "care taking" mode but it's probably some type of compensatory action triggered by the guilt that he allegedly has.

My daughter is almost 8 and she does most everything on her own. I'll still fix her food and tuck her in but for the most part, my wife and I let her do as much as possible for herself, but she'll always be "daddy's little girl" even when she's 60.



What if....any situation that arose that required "assistance", ask if you may intervene. Offer your help to save him the "discomfort" of his daughter in the Men's Room.

Anyway, since this will be from now on, I would think that a resolution would be easier to achieve early rather than later.

To fix it, ya gotta love it!

Peace and good luck.

Answer 4

I'm a mom to a 3 year old girl so how would I want it handled in my house, the bathroom, yes i think she should go with her father if its just the two of them (he should announce himself, while hes entering) - But he's not wiping her right? She's taking care of her own bathroom needs, hes just going with her, right? I would not let my son at 6 go in to the boys room by himself. Bath question, I still don't think 6 is bad for dad, she should be drying herself off but 6 is still young in my mind. Now bedtime needs to equal panties. If she gets out on a regular basis make it an absolute rule you must wear panties to bed.

I think all in all 6 isn't too old to be doing anything that shes doing (panties excluded) Shes not old enough to be self conscious about nakedness or the implication that it may or may not have. They should be drawing their boundaries soon enough in the next few years.

Answer 5

yeah I think 6 is too old to have her father be doing certain things for her, you may need to bring these things to his attention and maybe offer to do these things for her instead of him. She is at that age when a woman should be stepping in and helping her instead of her dad, also tell her that it is wrong to be naked in bed with her father. She is to old for that and she needs to understand that it isn't acceptable anymore. She needs to set some boundaries and so does your spouse.

Answer 6

I think you should explain to him how it makes you uncomfortable to your husband and and let him know that maybe he should slowly start having you help him in those areas...he should be able to understand the way you feel and let him know that its not a good idea for her to climb in the bed w/o underwear have her wear footsie pj's and have her pick it out make her exited that she will get to wear them before bed and explain to your husband that she have pee accidents in your room and you are not looking forward to clean that up...the best age is 3 or four by five she should be alone and with minimal help from dad with any female areas...

Answer 7

Well, it depends on these "stuffs" you're talking about and the child maturity. I'm pretty sure this divorce impacted her in some shape or form. It will probably take some time, but if it continues, I'm sure you're going to draw the line sometimes near the future.

Answer 8

How old is she ? I have never in all my life heard of a child who crawls in bed with her father without underwear .That should not be happening at any age . Are you sure he is not touching her inappropriately ?

Because that is wrong that he would even alllow her to do that.





Don't ask a question if you don't want others views .I read your lengthy story . Do you know how many kids are molested by their only family member without the others knowing ??? I was one !!! I was molested by my older male cousin while my mom was busy tending to other things down stairs.

I didn't tell her to many years later.

I think your a bit of a fool if you can't look at all the possibilities .

Answer 9

Well IMO she should always have underwear on, but besides that at age 6 she is still a baby. Let him baby her and take care of her -it's really not a big deal. He probably feels a little guilty about the divorce and all that. WHen your child together is 6 and you still think of him/her as a baby, you will understand.



Poor girl..hope she doesn't feel any resentment from you b/c it sounds like you are a little jealous of their relationship.

Answer 10

16

Answer 11

At six years old...I mean she's still little. I don't think there is anything wrong with him running her bathwater for her or taking her to the restroom even. Now the bed with no underpants thing...bothers me.

Answer 12

I think around 10 years old, a girl should learn to do things by herself, or have a female help her.

Answer 13

around 4th or 5th grade.



but btw, the dad is always going to spoil his daughter. a lot.

Answer 14

13 would probably be good. :)

Answer 15

how old is she?

Answer 16

how old is she?

Answer 17

if she is above 5 then what he is doing is a little sick...............