How do I make my 10 year old do her chores. We use a chore/reward chart but it doesn't work?

Question

She is a continuous WALKING ATTITUDE. She drives me insane. My perfect day often quickly ends as soon as her and her 9 year old sister come home from school because then its all attitude and nonstop fighting and back talking out of this world. What do I do??? We've taken everything away from her and use the chore chart and when she DOES do the chore she gets a sticker on the chart. If she DOESN'T do the chore or lies about doing it she does not get the sticker and will not be paid for that day, but still ends up having to do the chore. At the end of the week the days get tallied and she receives money.

Answer 1

I have an 11 year old and a 7 year old. I use to have the same problem with them. They would walk through the door and the "verbal bombs" would just start.. I mean as SOON as they walked through the door it was constant fighting and bickering and interrupting one another.



I sat them down after they started one day and told them that I am sick of them coming home, and as soon as they hit the door, the verbal bomb starts. She ran away from me, she hit me, she didn't do this, she did that, she...NO the verbal bombs stop...I don't care if she ran away from you, you both know to keep your hands to yourself, unless one of you does something that is putting one of you in mortal danger..I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! Work it out between the two of you, don't interrupt each other, and talk nicely. If she is safely walking down the sidewalk and is two steps in front of you...I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, if she decided to talk to her friend for 10 seconds instead of waiting for you...I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

Now, if anyone starts verbal bombs when they walk through the door...they are sent to a room...both of them and they are to work out their differences and until they do, they are not to come out. I do not need to solve every little indifference they have with each other, they need to figure out how to do it on their own.



A chore chart/reward chart doesn't work, believe me I've tried them. They just reinforce the fact that they are going to get something in the end, and sometimes they reinforce the negative behavior. Think about it, your daughter does her chore and doesn't get money for the day she lied...but she still gets money in the end, so in her mind, who cares. No, it shouldn't work that way. If you are going to continue with the chore chart then if she lies or fights you about doing her chores then she should get nothing for the whole week.



Eventually you will get to the point where it is just not worth it and throw them away. When they are doing good for the week you can go out and get them some nail polish or give them some money, and tell them you are proud of them for doing everything so peacefully this week.

Answer 2

Chore Chart For 10 Year Old

Answer 3

Chore Ideas For 10 Year Olds

Answer 4

Well, all I can think of is to make up a list for everyone, of age appropriate chores. I mean everyone- your husband included! Your 4 year old can be responsible for picking up toys, helping clear the table or any other odd job you can think of, and your 2 year old can help your 4 year old or help you sort and do laundry, wipe things off with a wet washcloth etc. Your step daughter should be responsible for her cat, jointly with your husband- there is no way you should clean that litter box. So on your list, make it their job and they can trade off doing it. Include yourself on the list too, with chores that you would normally do such as making dinner or doing dishes. You've got enough to think about right now without the added stress, so be creative and present your idea in a way that they will WANT to help YOU- you're very pregnant and need it! Enlist your husband and stepdaughter's help more often- it never hurts to ask. And if you find anything that works that I haven't mentioned, let me know. I'm always looking for new ideas to get everyone to chip in around the house!

Answer 5

Why would a ten-year-old care about a sticker? Or even about money, as far as most children that age are concerned.



Chores need to be logical and appropriate, and agreed together as a family. There should be logical consequences when they're not done... for instance, if an animal is not fed, the animal may get sick and the parents may decide - after discussion - that it should be given to a family who can look after it. If teeth are not brushed, the child risks toothache/tooth decay. If a table is not set, the meal cannot be put out. The reason for chores is to help a child learn to do things that will be useful to them, and also to help as part of a family.



When your daughters get in from school, they're probably tired and need a hug, and perhaps a snack, and for you to let them know you're glad to see them. Then later they can talk about chores - but a schoolday is a long one for a child, and it's not really fair to expect a lot of them when they get in.

Answer 6

I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone but do you know where she gets this "continuous WALKING ATTITUDE" from? In order to take away this "attitude", one has to look at the factors that made this.



1. Is it that she is seek attention? In that case, show that she is not receiving attention with that and show that "doing chores" gives her a better view in you and the family.



2. Is this coming from friends? Influence in school affects many and showing your daughter that this is

wrong.



You should give better incentive and it's clear that the chart is not working. The incentive shouldn't be money. For example, if she gets a week of chores done, the family can go out for a day and have some fun. If not, everyone has to stay home until she's done with her chores. And since this is ONLY A DAY, it would be very hard to procrastinate and she learns to do her chores to have fun.



Which adds another thing, everyone should have chores (I know, boo hoo). Actually, if everyone has something do, everything gets done faster than one person doing everything. It's somewhat a "win-win" situation.



Be a role model and show that you are the same. Meaning that if you don't get work done, you don't go out to have fun. Sacrifice a little bit of joy for being a better role model for your daughter. Also, show that you give her more trust. Show that since she's older, she has more responsibilities.





This is just my opinion. I'm just putting whatever I thinking. Feel free to disagree.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

According to B.F. skinner there is positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, positive punishment and negative punishment.

In Positive reinforcement good behaviour is enhanced by a reward which instantly follows the behaviour (Ex giving a dog a treat for obeying your command) In this case giving your 10 year old daughter a gift for doing the chores that very instant and congratulating her on what a good job she has done.



How ever in negative reinforcement a painful stimulus is used to get what you want (reinforce) what you desire the child to do (Ex You tell your daughter she cannot watch television unless she apologises for refusal to do the chore) Make sure you stand your grounds.



Note: Skinner stated that "punishment is not simply the opposite of positive reinforcement; positive reinforcement results in lasting behavioural modification, whereas punishment changes behaviour only temporarily and presents many detrimental side effects". So in theory punishing the child doesn't always work, it might work for a while but it won't ensure that the bad behaviour would change.



Positive punishment: I know you are thinking how can punishment be positive?

In theory Positive punishment is simply adding aversive stimulus after a behaviour in order to decrease the likelihood of the behaviour happening again in the near future. (Ex You're late for a job interview and decide to go over the speed limit into a elderly zone and you get caught by the police speeding you're then giving a ticket. Now you know to slow down for the time being. But that does not ensure you won't speed into an elderly zone or a school zone again. In addition hitting a child is also a form of positive punishment.





Negative punishment: This in simple terms if your daughter displays bad behaviour simply take away a reward, this is a good form of punishment. ( Ex my two boys were fighting over what they both wanted to get me for my birthday and the pair of them wouldn't agree on one thing, to defuse the tension I told them I didn't want anything for my birthday, this is a form of negative punishment.)

Answer 8

a sticker chart...



for a 10 year old



did you actually think that was going to work? Weren't you a 10 year old girl once?



geez louise.



you want your 10 year old to do a chore.. easy... just make them sit in a chair in the kitchen or whatever until they do it. You sit there too, the whole time staring at them saying nothing. Obviously she is going to sit there for hours, the first time. The next time will be 15 minutes or so, the third time she will complain but do it right away. She will do them for a while, then start to back off just to test, and its back to the same method.. Once she knows your serious she will relent. Kids (and people in general) always take the path of least resistance, its your job to make that path doing her chores (because long term it is the path of least resistance for you)

Answer 9

Boys Town….Your Answer:

I'm glad you're reaching out and looking for help. This is a serious concern. You may benefit more from talking to one of our trained counselors at the Boys Town National Hotline. Please give us a call at 1-800-448-3000. Counselors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Take Care

KO, Counselor

Boys Town National Hotline

www.yourlifeyourvoice.org

Or go to

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Answer 10

Of course it doesn't work.

Are you retarded?



She gets NO privileges unless her chores are done for the day.

No TV, phone, computer, friends, going out, candy/cookies/dessert/sweets,



She can go to school, do her homework, take a shower, and read a book.



The end.

Answer 11

One thing that always seemed to work with me and my little cousins was making the chores into a game. For example to get us to sweep the kitchen floor my mom would make a square out of tape on the floor try to get all the dirty into that square while racing a clock. It make chores fun.

Answer 12

Our kid, 11 tomorrow, has a chore list......no stickers, no allowance ......he LIVES here and needs to know how to deal with his home and environment.



Dishwasher, laundry to the laundry room, feed the dog, shovel snow, poop scoop and whatever else needs doing cause we all live here.



I don't think you should provide money for something she needs to learn because its her life and you job is to teach her to become independent.

Answer 13

Corral punishment always works! Gets there attention and makes them think twice. Just know in 3-5 years, she will be worse if you do nothing. Yes, I know there are those against spankings but I'm against stickers after 5 years of age.

Answer 14

Take away everything! I mean everything! Give her one set of clothes and one pair of shoes. Take away all of her stuff, store it in the garage or storage unit. Give her a mattress, fitted sheet & a blanket. No toys, pictures, mirror, no books, electronics nothing!

Tell her you will do these chores or I am taking all of your things and you will have one shirt, one pair of jeans and one pair of shoes, if she does not do it, take her stuff! It won't take long of her wearing the same outfit to school everyday that she doesn't act correctly.

and do not argue with her! Why are you arguing with a child!

Answer 15

kick her azz../