Is it wrong to ask for help when you really need it?

Question

I have one child, a 4 yr old boy who is always going bonkers. He's super active (not any disorders or anything, it's just his personality) and never seems to do anything on his own. All he does is interact and hang on me. My ex-husband is out of the picture so I am alone with this boy all the time and frankly I get exhausted and overly frustrated. Sometimes I ask my mom to watch him for a few hourse while I just spend some time alone. For some reason, i've gotten a lot of scornful reactions from other people about this . "Well, I took care of my own child." "What's the matter with you, your his mother, it's always your job." On and on. I figure I can only take so much...and when I start to get so frustrated and exhausted that all I do is walk around crying, it's ok to ask for help. I'm not a superwoman. It was not my intention to raise this child alone. My husband and I planned him and then after I get pregnant he left for another woman. I can't do this alone. Is that ok to admit?

Answer 1

Do what you need to do. Don't take any notice of these people, yes you are his mother that is why you ask for help because you want the best for your son, what is better you asking your mum to take him for a few hours so you can have some "me time"( which we all deserve) or you standing there yelling at him because you just can't cope with his demanding behaviour.Not putting you down or saying your a crap mum because your not.



My daughter she did not sleep through the night until she was 6. I used to be up half the night and would have to go to work. My ex before he became my ex stayed at home and looked after her while I worked, that was ok until she was 3 and he just packed his bags and left.

I had to give up work and spend all my time with my daughter and I found that extremely hard going not sleeping at night and all her demands so I had to look to my family for help before I went insane. I was like you crying and just feeling so very low that just had to have time to myself. Your mum adores him he adores her so what is wrong with what you are doing?



Good Luck

Answer 2

It is ALWAYS ok to ask for help! You know if more people would get off there high horses and ask for some help once in a while there wouldn't be so many kids killed from shaken baby syndrome and you wouldn't read about women killing there 11month old daughter and putting her body in the attic then reporting her missing!!!! You have the right idea hunny!!! Sometimes EVERYONE needs a lil brake!! Does your son go to pre-school? or have playdates? Some good interaction with other kids his own age could be REALLY good for him! Not only will he be a lil more tired, it will teach him independence and help him when he goes to start kindergarten next year, he won't be so behind. Your doing a good job!!!!!!! All kids should have sometime with grammy!!

Answer 3

I do not think that it is wrong to ask. If someone is willing to help you out for a few hrs every once in a while then take it. It is hard to be a single mom to a hyper active child. I know frome experience. True, some ppl might have issues with it, but that is THIER OPINION!! You need to get your ex to court for child support and so some of the burden can be lifted off of your shoulders. Make him take up some of the responsibilty also. That is what fathers should be there for.

Answer 4

Wow! I'm so sorry people have treated you like that. Of course it's fine to ask for help when you need it! I'm currently pregnant with my second and some night I just can't chase my one and a half year old around so I ask one of the neighbors to keep her. Also, a couple of weeks ago I had to go to the hospital due to complications with this pregnancy and a friend of mine came over to watch my baby. There is nothing wrong with that at all! You need time to be alone and regroup. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You'll be better able to deal with your son if you take a break every now and then. And it's not like you're locking him in a room or something! He's getting quality time with his grandmother! You certianly can't go wrong there! Anytime spent with grand parents is well worth it! Kids need to know their family and spend time with them (as long as it's in a safe environment). I say to heck with those people! You live your life and if your mom is willing to help with you son... more power to you!!! Single moms have it hard. I was raised by a single mom... I've seen the toll it takes on your mentally and physically. Good luck and it's good to see you're not pinning his behavior on ADD of ADHD. Too many people opt for that choice when the kids only need to get out a little excess energy. Let them be kids!!



Edit: To Iluvjdeere... even with one kid you sometimes need a break. Do you even have kids?? With a comment like that I highly doubt it. Even on child can be taxing on your nerves especially if they have lots of energy. Most families have two parents to kind of "tag team" the kids... this lady is a single mom so she has no one to tag team with her. Yes quality time with your kids is great but if your stressed out all the time you can't enjoy that quality time and your child still ends up paying a price. There's a fine line there...

Answer 5

Well, of COURSE you need help, and people who don't think you do are ignorant idiots. There's a reason why kids have two parents -- because at some point, you need one parent to keep the other from killing the child! JK, of course, but most kids have a mom AND a dad, and they work together to raise the child -- dad watches baby while mom grocery shops, mom watches child while dad goes to baseball game, etc. You don't have a husband, so it all falls on you. If your mom is willing to help, then use her to stay sane! Do whatever you have to do to be able to stay positive and loving, and don't listen to the judgemental wackos who think they could do it better -- they couldn't.

Answer 6

No it's not wrong at all! Your scornful mothers comments are wrong on the other hand. I don't know what I would do if my mom said that to me, I would be so hurt, I couldn't even describe it! You need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her, about how you know it is your job, you want to be there 100% of the time, but occasionally you need a break so you don't go insane. Everyone needs help now and then... and if she raised you completly 'alone' she should understand that!

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. I know how you feel i have a 5 1/2 year that can go all day long. I mean he can make me want to take a nap. I thank god for my sister. He helped me out alot. I left my son father when my son was 4 months and I moved in with my sister and I had to work and she wasn't at the time. She was like his second mom. I was so happy to have her there to help me. i mean she still takes my son for the summer for 2 weeks and for christman. she aslo have two boys her self so that means she has 3 boys to take care of and she dont care, that's her baby. If your mom don't mind helping you out. Who give a SHI* what others think. Every mom or dad needs time for them self.

Answer 8

There is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving your child with a family member to get a breather. I have 3 children who are just like yours, oldest is 4, and I'm pregnant with #4. If I had someone to help me, I would ask. Even if it was just to go to walk around wal-mart for awhile. I don't even buy anything most of the time...just use the time to catch my breath, and let my mind wind down.

Answer 9

Of course! This is a win-win situation. Your son gets to spend special time with his grandmother, which is SO important (it takes a village to raise a child!), and your mother gets to dote on her grandson. And YOU get a much needed break! Its a lot of work to raise a child, and you're a single parent - take any help you can get, and don't listen to anyone who talks down to you. You are a better mother if you get these breaks and get help. Good luck!!

Answer 10

That's very rude of ppl 2 judge u like that, it's ok 2 accept help from friends and family nobody can do it all and everybody is human and needs a break sometimes. Good luck 2 u :)

Answer 11

Off the subject, but have you tried finding someone who has a son about his age? You could start having playdates with other moms and sons. This might help lessen the attachment he has on you. If he goes to kindergarten next year it might be a difficult transition.

Answer 12

If it works for you, then why does it matter what other people think? As long as you spend time with him, then it's not an issue. He's being well loved and well cared for, so there's no issue. Live your life, love your mom and your son, and screw everyone else! Good luck with your rambunctious little one! He sounds like fun.

Answer 13

Just hang in there. Your payoff will be when he turns 18 and graduates and moved out of your house.



Who knows, maybe he will be a great leader someday. He's just a kid. You were a kid once.



At least you are only dealing with one child. I don't think that you need the break, spending quality time with your child is the best thing in the world.



Maybe he misses you. Spend more time with him. You are are the only thing he has right now, since his dad is not in the picture.

Answer 14

Not only is it NOT wrong,it is very wise to do.Just a little alone time can make a big difference in how you handle things when you are alone with your son.If your Mom is willing and able,ask away! It is good for you,your son,and your Mom!

Answer 15

GOOD FOR YOU for having the guts the ask for help when you need it!



Sounds like you are doing a good job under difficult circumstances.



You deserve some time for yourself, too. There is nothing wrong with that.

Would the people who disparage you asking for helpn prefer you suck it up until you snap or get sick?



Again, really- good for you!

Answer 16

Yes it's ok to ask for help when you need it. Concider (if you have the resources) enrolling him in some type of class or activity. That will give him some much needed socialization and you so much needed down time.

Answer 17

When you morther makes comments like that, simply tell her you are hiring another babysitter, and no its not bad to admit that and every parent needs some alone time once in a while.

Answer 18

That is what family is for. I can't believe anyone could pass judgement on a grandma watching her grandson, regardless of the reasons.



Does you mom mind? If not, don't listen to what others say. You do whatever it is that makes you a better mom.

Answer 19

Of course you should ask for help if you really need it! Those people who made the mean comments can kick rocks!

Answer 20

It isn't up to us to decide. Do what you think is right. If you really aren't capable, then it is for the best if you get help.

Answer 21

sorry that is not specify