Stay at home mums : Are you ever ashamed that you don't work?

Question

Like when people ask you what you do and you say i stay home with a child, do you think people look down on you for doing so ?

I always feel i have to defend why i stay at home with my daughter
What are your opinions? Thanks ^_^

Answer 1

I always feel the need to add that my husband works hard so that I can stay at home with the children.

Answer 2

I guess people's point of view depends to a certain extent whether the "State" pays for you to stay at home with your child, ie in benefit payments. Lots of working women who paying a fortune in childcare might argue "why doesn't the State pay me to stay at home". They have a point, maybe the State should pay mothers to stay at home and rear their children.



There are some that would argue if you can't afford to bring a child up without the "State" paying then you should not have children in the first place. Realistically this is bollocks, if women didn't have any children because they can't afford to stay at home to look after them the country would be in an even worse state than it is now. If women stop having babies who will be paying income tax in 20 or 30 years time? Nobody. The economy will grind to a halt because there will be nobody working in 20 - 30 years time to pay income tax to support the next generation of pensioners who have no private pension to fall back on.



Stay at home Moms do a great job and I admire them tremendously. I always went to work and put my kids to a childminder, ever just for 4 hours a day (this was back in the 90s) because I needed my sanity, 2 kids under 16 months old does your head in.

Answer 3

People have always told me that they admire me for staying home..and that is from mostly older woman and yesterday a guy my age actually told me that..I think its a personal choice, I don't look down at moms who have to work or choose to work...its a personal choice and if you make an effort you could be a good parent doing either or...I stay home with my kids because I don't trust anyone with them and I would regret it for the rest of my life if something happened to them...I also have a husband who can afford for me to stay home, things get tight and I can't spend money like I would like to but its worth it in the end. I am also a full time college student at night so I don't feel like I get off easy, I have to care for my kids who are 4 and 2 and clean and cook and find time to study and write papers...as well as the time to get to class...but I think that it will be worth it in the end because by the time I am done my kids will be in school and I will be able to make good money to combine to the income my husband already brings...thats if the economy picks up :(

Answer 4

I have never been ashamed of being a SAHM... EVER.



I love staying at home with my children. I am not one of those parents who "needs a job to get a break from their kids". I don't have to work outside the home- My husband doesn't want me to work outside the home and with his income there is no reason that i should have to.



I have had people say it must be because I like to sit at home and watch tv- we don't have cable/satellite- we get 3 basic channels and the tv usually doesn't come on til after supper sometime.



I take care of the house, make sure everything is running smoothly, I get to volunteer at the school - weekly- i am a volunteer cheerleading coach- (my daughter's squad) both seasons- I do all the cooking, cleaning, scheduling blah blah blah.



Ashamed? Not in the least.

Answer 5

I'm actually going back to work and school in January and I wish I could stay at home. I'm so happy with the time that me and my daughter are able to spend with one another and if anyone can't see that, that's their problem. I'm working hard and my fiance has two jobs now so that in about 5 years, I'll be able to be a stay at home mom so I am always there to help with homework and stuff. And if I want, I can work from home.

Answer 6

Unfortunately that is today's society for you...

I personally think once you have children if you want to work p/t then fair enough. If you want to be a full time mum at home then I would totally respect you for your decision. I don't agree with the 'have it all' attitude with a f/t job and a child. Its just not possible. Something's got to give, either the job or the child. Unfortunately we live in a celeb culture with a 'have it all' attitude, but don't people realise the only reason why celebs appear to have it all is because they have a nanny looking after their children, which could affect the child in the longer term.

Answer 7

That's because Western society makes us feel like we are doing something wrong by staying home. All stay at home mums just sit around and watch telly, and lounge about and do nothing all day. That's what they think. OMG, I got more rest when I worked. My staying home allows my husband to work, without having to pay for child care, I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking kids to doctor, park, school, etc. I do the laundry, fold and put it away, iron, plus entertain the kids. I have to break up fights, fix anything that gets broken, plus look nice for my husband, pretend I am listening to all his work complaints, then act like I am interested in his advances later on, when all I want to do is sleep. So, no I don't feel guilty, I have the hardest job in the world to do, and so does every stay at home. We are bringing up the next generation, why should we feel guilty?

Answer 8

if they look down upon you they have obviously never done it

a stay at home or domestic engineer as i like to call it job never ends i feel taking care of the home and kids all day can definitely be more stressful than the 9 to 5 where you receive alunchh break and get toassociatee with some one other than a two yr old lol

don'tt feel ashamed about your decision

Answer 9

Oh, no, I feel very, very privileged to have the opportunity to stay home. People now down play how much children need their moms and how damaging putting a child in daycare for hours a day can be. I'm not saying you're a bad mom if you do that or that your kid will be permanently messed up. I'm just saying that it isn't an "almost as good" option it's a kinda crappy option. Getting to stay at home with your kids is WORK you just don't get paid in money for, don't feel you have to justify yourself, you are doing a good thing raising your kids.

Answer 10

Honestly, yes. I work from home a few days a week, too, so I guess I'm not really a stereotypical stay at home mom.



Being at home all the time with my child is a lot of hard work. Stay at home moms deserve respect, so I don't know why I feel like I'm lazy sometimes....I certainly don't sit around watching TV and eating bon-bons...lol.



I think it's important for your kids to have as much of your time is possible. I think I'm fortunate that my husband has a good job that makes it possible for me to be there for our child; so many moms have no choice but to work. Our money is tight a good bit of the time, but I feel that giving my daughter my time is more important than having an abundance of money and material things.



Forgot to mention- I worked full-time (and attended school full-time) for the first year of my daughter's life. Working and going to school was less exhausting than staying at home all day with our little one!!

Answer 11

Not ashamed no, but do feel people look down on me ALL the time as I am a single (well i have a boyfriend but live alone) mum and a young mum too



If i try and defend myself they look at me like i'm making excuses, but then I wuld rather bring up my son than dump him ehre there and everywhere just to work to keep him in childcare!!



I am young yes (25 he's 6) and I have looked for work, but try finding a job that fits between school hours and holiday, its just not happening for me.



I took him to cllege with me from when he was tiny to complete my education and i am qualified in graphic design but noone in that fied of work will touch me as i am 'not reliable enough' so you know what two fingers to them. I have a very happy healthy well bought up son who loves me and adores coming home to me. I am proud to say I have been there for my son, not missed a thing!

Answer 12

I am not a stay at home mom, but I agree that you should never feel the need to defend yourself to anyone else. I wish I would be able to stay at home with our child when she is born in January. There's nothing I would love more than that. But if you saw our list of bills and how expensive it is to live in NJ with our salaries, you'd totally understand (lol). So if anything, don't defend your reasons for staying at home, instead celebrate and enjoy them for all they are worth.

Answer 13

Don't feel like you have to defend your right to choose to stay home. I face it all the time though. I'm a stay at home dad, mostly. I have a part time job on weekends for a couple hours a day but my wife is a nurse practitioner at the county hospital. She makes enough for me to remain home with our kids. I am constantly judged for being a stay at home dad, but I know I don't have to defend that choice because I know we are working well for our family dynamic. My wife loves her work, I love being with the kids. Every one is happy.

Answer 14

Society as a whole has devalued the stay at home wife and mother. No longer is nurturing your family, keeping the house clean, preparing warm home cooked meals, and tending to the actual raising of your kids considered worth while. Nowadays it is considered "chores." YES, raising your own kids is now a chore.



That's the shame right there, but it's completely misplaced.

Answer 15

What? I don't work? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that the full - time childcare I have been providing for the past four years, thus saving our family thousands of dollars per year, was actually a vacation in disguise.

We SAHM's DO work. We do what others pay a daycare provider to do, and then some. Don't ever feel like you have to defend yourself.

Answer 16

I have been both working and a at home Mom... I have never regretted any of my decisions. There are plenty of people who look down on working Moms too. I do what I need to do to take care of my family and what is best for us at the time... I feel no shame in that :)

Answer 17

i worked for 15 years before i became a stay at home mum,i am self supporting still, and

do not owe anyone an explanation, and certainly not an apology. im happy,and fulfilled,and grateful to be financially secure enough not to have to have to work, i think there is no higher calling than raising happy,healthy,and well adjusted children. i am proud to be a stay at home mum,and applaud all other stay at home,or working mums out there

Answer 18

As a SAHM, I do work. Really hard.



I saw a study done once, a working mom is worth $70,000/year, but a stay at home mom is worth $140,000/year. This is for everything they do.



I have been looked down on, people have asked me how I can be comfortable spending 'my husbands money' on myself. I just shrug my shoulders, and tell them it is not their concern.



You know what you do, and why you do it. You also know it is the best thing for your daughter, Who cares what people think.

Answer 19

I stay at home with my 2 boys and yes at times i feel bad like i am not contributing with expenses. but my husband knows i refuse to pay day care costs and have someone else practically raising my boys. Its like they say" to each thier own". some people find working and raising a family is the norm and others stay home to raise their children while their spouse works but as long as you and your family are happy than everyone should be allowed to choose whats best for their family and what works best for them.

Answer 20

When I talk to people I graduated college from and I tell them I am a SAHM I feel kind of bad. Just because I graduated a year ago and I see the jobs they have and know that I could be doing the same thing. I feel like I have to defend it too- just because I think people expected me to go into the job field after college. But, I know I am going back to work in the spring and right now I am just living it up and taking care of my little man!

Answer 21

I think stay at home moms are the cat's @$$. I had a stay at home mom and it was the best thing ever. You are doing a job! People would pay through the nose to get a full time nanny, cook, driver, shopper, cleaning lady, accountant - not to mention "personal companion" :) !



Hold you head up high - you are doing it all for no pay! Hardly any alone time and no lunch breaks!

Answer 22

Nothing at all shameful about being a stay at home mom. Just make sure you're being a stay at home mom because it's what *you* want, not because children or financial necessity dictate it. I guess my point is only that you shouldn't leave the workforce because you feel you have to; you should decide to leave it (or not) because it's what you want.



Good luck, and I hope this helps!



8D

Answer 23

I live in Italy and here a lot of mothers do it, especially in the south part of the nation. there's nothing wrong because they are the most important women cause they take care of all the family that is very extended. no one would have the possibility to look down on them cause these women are so strong! but I think that if you feel embarrassed you should have to work as a part time,maybe in the morning ^^

Answer 24

If a person works in day care do you ask if they work? Well a stay at home Mom has the same responsibilities. And they work just as hard.

So if anyone has problems with it just tell them you work in day care!!LOL!

Answer 25

i am a new mum and stay at home i am not ashamed nor do i feel i have to defend this, i feel your child needs you at home and it is mums who work and compromise their childrn who should be ashamed. im not saying dnt ever go back to work like when they go school but while they are little they need their mums.

Answer 26

If more women took care of their small children, there would be a LOT more well adjusted children in this world.

I grew up with professional nannies, ran away at 15 & have NEVER spoken to my mom since I left!

Your q REALLY hit a raw nerve--take it from me, you're doing the RIGHT thing for your daughter.

Answer 27

I've felt a lot of emotions about staying at home, and ashamed is not one of them. Lucky, proud, happy..........but not ashamed.



I have to say I've never felt looked down upon for choosing to stay at home with my children. Its pretty much the norm where I live though.

Answer 28

Well.. I am not literally ashamed..But, i do feel guilty that i am not contributing financially for my family.. Especially, since my husband doesn't have a solid permanant job. But, when i think really deep, i am someone who can never trust my child with anyone else other than me. So, there you go !! I am a proud SAHM, with some mood swings !!

Answer 29

I don't care what people think of me. i am a stay at home mom for now. I am currently looking for work. A lot of women prefer to stay home with their children. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as you can afford to do it. It is nobodies business.

Answer 30

I think being a mother is the hardest but most fulfilling job you can have. I had to leave work due to a back problem and now I get to see my kids in their school plays and can spend more tme with them. If people want to look down their nose at me then let them. My fella works full-time to provide for us and if people want to slag me off then so be it xxx

Answer 31

I think people look down on me for doing so, definitely. It's rare that I go out without her anyway, but if I did and this question comes up then that means the person automatically all I have to talk about is my child, and that I have nothing else to say. They also seem to think I sit on bum all day watching Jeremy Kyle!

Answer 32

i happen to be a stay at home dad, and i know personally that doing that everyday is a job in itself. taking care of somebody who is helpless is just as hard as the concrete pourer or the business c.e.o. Everyone has there place in this world, and you should embrace every second you are blessed with your child, instead of feeling bad. Keep it up, your kid sure appreciates it!

Answer 33

i do work. i am on call 24 /7, no vacation, no sick days but the benefits are priceless. that's what I tell myself and everyone who asked do i "work"?

also if people ask me what I do for a job some times I tell them i am a domestic engineer. the look of confusion on people's faces as they try to figure out what that is is great! lol

Answer 34

i love being at home with my kids. i think it is important to spend as much time with them as you can while they are young. they grow up so fast my eldest is 4 and half and it just feels like it was five minuets since she was born time just flies and i want to make the most of it. im 6 weeks pregnant now i want to go to work but only when the youngest starts full time school. but i have nothing against women who work. it's just i like being at home with mine.x

Answer 35

Gosh, no. It's not something which needs defending - just the opposite.

I'm an educated woman with two degrees; I can hold my own!

Be proud of what you are doing; it's best for your child and your marriage. Be strong!!!

Answer 36

I'm not a mom at all yet (im only 16)..



but i never thought that some stay at home moms defend themesleves..



but i would never be embarassed..

*star*

Answer 37

I work outside the home now (my children are older and I am divorced)--but was a stay at home mom for several years.I was never ashamed,and I never worked harder than when I was home with young children!

Answer 38

nope never because my hubby works hard so i can stay at home with the kids

it was 90% his choice we didnt want the kids in daycare all day being looked after by someone else

i love being at home with them x x

dont defend urself u have nothing to be ashamed of x x

Answer 39

I love staying at home and that's all that matters to me.

Answer 40

I think every mum should be given a medal and go straight to heaven. Full stop. If you think anyone looks down on you for doing the right thing, think again.

Answer 41

Not where I live



I stay home, and do not have an house keeper and nanny like a lot of mom's I know



Staying at home is work

Answer 42

I do work...24 hours a day 7 days a week!



I even work holidays :)

Answer 43

I've never felt that way. Other people's opinions on our lifestyle choices aren't important.



All the best.

Answer 44

I wasn't - tell them that you are doing the hardest *full time* job imaginable - raising decent childen for the future benefit of Society.

Answer 45

never its hard work and rewarding I love it its worth more then money and what people think, your doing the best job in the world. your a great woman.

Answer 46

I'm a working mum now, out of necessity, but yes I did feel like that as a SAHM. :(

Answer 47

dont think that that means you put your daughter in front of work



liek some mums jus go to work dont care but u care u alway put urs children first u choose not to work to stay home





well done



god bles x

Answer 48

i stayed at home till mine was at school when i got a job in the school, so i was at home when school was out. suited me fine. then as they get older you can chose a career,

Answer 49

hell i am a stay at home dad !!! only difference is it is just me and my daughter!! no wife !! thank god !! i have no problem with it!!

Answer 50

looking after small children is a job in itself which most would struggle

Answer 51

I think it is wonderful for a mother to remain at home with her child. You shouldn't listen to anyone else.

Answer 52

most stay at home moms work harder than people that have a outside the home jobs

Answer 53

Never was and never will.