Would you EVER discipline your teenager ?

Question

I know this is going to sound 'woerd' or even 'suspicious' but I have tried almost everything else. My middle daughter (15) have started dating, and I have no problem with that as long as they meet in the Mall or burgerbar(or in our house when we are at home), but he is almost 18 years old. He is a nice boy, but I am so worried that 'something' could happen, so I have said that she can't meet him anymore. Now, she is not your typical rebel, and she is doing well at school, but I do NOT want to get a phonecall from the school nurse telling me she is pregnant. We have had open discussions about almost everything, and she is a very intelligent teenager, but she refuse to exept that she can't see him. I am ready to resort to almost anything to stop her getting pregnant, and I would even spank her, if I know that would stop her from seeing him. I just don't know what to do...

Answer 1

He's 18, so in reality he's seventeen and only two years older than your daughter. I don't understand why you don't want her to see him. If you've have such an open relationship with your daughter I can totally see why she is having such a hard time accepting this obvious sudden mistrust for her common sense and morality. I would have to if my parents had been treating me like an intelligent teenager and then completely did a 180 because I wanted to date a boy two years older than me.



I say, if you have an open relationship with her, prove it. Speak to her frankly and treat her like an equal when you explain your fear of her getting pregnant and perhaps being bullied into a physical relationship before she's ready because the boy is older.



She's probably going to tell you that's not going to happen, and that she's smarter than that. If that's the case, STOP trying to stop something that will happen anyway! If you punish her for feeling attracted or liking a boy, she will rebel against you and probably make the mistake you are so worried about. You will ruin your relationship with your daughter, you have laid out a relationship built on trust and now you are smashing that foundation away, it's not going to stand up without trust.



If she thinks she's ready for a physical relationship, you're going to have to deal with that. It's going to happen at sometime, and at least now you can be supportive about it. Take her to the doctor, frankly discuss birth control with your daughter, give her the tools to be her own person, to mature, to make mistakes but not the ones that change your life completely.



And for goodness sakes, if she interested in this boy enough to sleep with him, GET TO KNOW HIM! Invite him to dinner! Talk to him! If she's going to have a relationship with him make sure he is included as a temporary part of the family, that way you will know what's going on in your daughter's life more.

Answer 2

My daughter is 14 and so I am heading in the same direction. Now you say this boy is nice and you have let them see each other already. But then you change your mind and pull it away. When someone dangles that donut in front of your hungry face and then pulls it away...what do you want to do?

Something can happen weather you "let" then see each other or not. I remember being 15 and my parent's didn't have a clue when that "something" happened. Unless you are going to chain her to the wall then you have to teach her well and trust her. Not saying just let her do whatever but if you have been a good mom( I will say the answer is yes because you are a concerned mom) then you have to trust that your good mommy skills have paid off. And I'll bet it's not the school nurse who will be calling.



I was spanked and that didn't stop me from getting pregnant...birth control and a good understanding with my parents kept me from getting pregnant.



You have shown your daughter that you are unsure of your decisions as a parent and I think you picked an incorrect way to go about and change your mind. If they didn't give you a good reason for things to change then it was really unfair.



What about your oldest daughter...did she get preggers early? Is this why you are worried? Eachchild is different...don't lump them all together...

Answer 3

Spanking her is ridiculous, don't even consider that. If he is a nice boy, and she is doing well in school, and you have open discussions about everything, I don't know why you have a problem with her seeing him. It sounds like you just woke up one day and invented a problem in your head where there is none, and now she has to suffer for what 'might' happen, in your worries. It is unfair for you to suddenly refuse to let her spend time with him when you have no specific objections to anything he has done, or she has done either. If you are that worried about pregnancy even though you seem to have a well adjusted sensible daughter, then get her on the pill.



At her age, I was allowed to see my almost 18 year old boyfriend on Tuesdays and Saturdays. And not alone, we either were at my house or out with a group. At some point you are going to have to trust your daughter. It is okay to put some limits on the amount of time they spend together at her age, but to forbid it altogether is going to make her rebel. Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't have a teenager so I cannot comment from personal experience, but I was 15 some years ago and I know that spanking would not work for me at that age, at 15 I feel they are too old to be spanked, it's humiliating. You are the parent however and you do have every right to set the boundaries, unfortunately you cannot stop your child growing up, and having sex comes along with growing up, believe me kids can be very inventive and if she wants to have sex she will find a way of doing it behind your back, it doesn't have to happen only in bed. I would say have an honest, open talk with her, if she is old enough to have a boyfriend then she is old enough to be spoken to openly about contraception and the need to protect herself.

Answer 5

Hi, you can discipline her but I wouldnt if I was you. When a parent tells a teenager what they cant do the teenager just does it all the more. Your daughter and this boy may have really strong feelings for eachother and it isnt fair to stop her having a relationship. You just need to make sure your daughter understands what the laws are and that she is still very young to be getting pregnant.

Answer 6

Of course I would discipline my teenager, not necessarily with a spanking, but naturally a teenager is to be disciplined when not following the rules of his/her parents.



However, in this case, she isn't doing anything wrong. The guy is a nice guy, she's 15, he's 18, they're hanging out. If you continue to worry that "something" could happen, you are going to drive yourself to paranoia.

It's unfortunate that you cannot trust your daughter.

Answer 7

Well firstly, I don't think spanking her is the way to go. She's almost an adult and spanking her would humiliate her beyond belief and she would resent you terribly and probably rebel even more. I can still remember my teenage years with a strict mother and unfortunately if my mum had tried to stop me seeing my boyfriend at that time it would have made me twice as determined to carry on seeing him.



What I suggest is to treat her as the young adult she is, and sit down with her somewhere neutral (where neither of you can storm off) so you can explain your fears to her and why you're worried. Children are just small people and deserve explanations for your actions. Girls are more mature than boys of their age at 15 so I can completely see the attraction of an 18 year old (in fact I dated an 18 year old when I was her age because all the boys in my year were so childish). It doesn't mean she's going to start sleeping with him!



I really don't think forbidding them from seeing each other is going to work and in any case, she's growing up, so she's just going to date someone else in the future. Please, sit her down and talk to her - AND listen to her - and explain why you're so worried.

Answer 8

OK maybe instead of spanking your child you could try and listen to her....TALKING is always a good option. You have already said you have a very smart teenager...but yet you think she is dumb enough to get pregnant.



How about you try and act like a grown up and a mother and sit the pair of them down and discuss your worries and fears with them BOTH.



Explain that the age of this boy worries you...go and visit the doctor for contraception advice...NOT so she has sex but so IF it did happen she is protected.



And you know spanking a teenager is pathetic....you really think that spanking her and behaving like a control freak is the way to get your beautiful intelligent daughter to behave...



LMAO good luck but i hope to god you don't lay a finger on her...if you did and you were my mother i would call the police and file assault charges

Answer 9

You sound very confused. One minute you say it's fine for her to see him in public, and the next that you would spank her to stop her from seeing him. Which is it?



To be honest, you need to loosen up. Your daughter is fifteen. In three years she'll be off to university or college. What do you want to happen then? Do you want to wave goodbye to a young woman who has learnt to make her own decisions with support from you, or to a young woman whose life has been completely controlled and has no experience of having to make her own judgements of what behaviour is sensible when it comes to relationships?



If I were you I would start by showing her, unedited, what you wrote above. You obviously love your daughter and care deeply for her future, and I hope she realises that. But how you are behaving now is the fastest way to force her into never telling you anything important again. You've had open discussions about almost everything. She's fifteen now, and it's time to lose the "almost".

Answer 10

You are her mother, and as long as she is living under your roof, well, she should abide by your rules. But the reality is that you are not always going to know where she is or what she is doing, and alot of the time, if you are to overprotective, thiis might end up in her rebelling against you. Think you need to sit her down and have a talk with her. Let her in on your concerns as a mother. Thats the best thing you can do right now. At the same time, sometimes people have to learn from their mistakes. Just be there for her when things go wrong.

Answer 11

at 15, your daughter is developing into a young adult (another year and she will be adult). She is too old to be spanked, and I think that you're over-reacting.



You're going about things the wrong way by telling her that you won't allow her to see that boy. She'll simply see him behind your back, and lie to you about where she's going. That's not what you need. The best thing you can do is to agree that the boy can visit your home, and meet up with your daughter, so that you and she keep each others' trust.



TALK to your daughter, and the boy, and tell them of your worries that she may become pregnant whilst young. Then make sure that your daughter either has condoms, or is on the pill, so that IF they have sex, she at least won't get pregnant. Yes, you want to keep her as your little girl, but you will lose her altogether, if you continue to be over-protective and overbearing.

Answer 12

Birth control is what you are really talking about, and what you should be talking about with your daughter and her bf. Generations of parents have tried to prevent teens from seeing each other, and have failed. What is important is that you impress your daughter and her bf with the importance of sex generally (that it is not to be regarded as a casual thing), and the special importance of practicing birth control. Beyond that, there isn't too much you can do.

While I am not generally opposed to spanking, I think spanking your 15 year old daughter might get both of you into a very awkward situation and would remove any basis for rational conversation.

Answer 13

My parents stopped me from seeing my boyfriend & it made me want to see him even more. Teenagers always want what they cannot have. The fact that this boy is out of bounds now makes him much more attractive to your daughter. I found plenty of ways to see my boyfriend without my parents finding out & I did fall pregnant. I'm now mum to a 15 year old boy partly because my parents came down too hard on me.

At the other end of the spectrum when they found out I was smoking they didn't go ballsitic, they said "Fine if you're going to smoke, we can't stop you.". And I promptly gave up! In my stupid teenage mind I only wanted to do what annoyed them & as it didn't annoy them I wasn't interested.

I wasn't a typical rebel & most people were shocked at the quiet studious girl who ended up as a teenage mum. But it's generally the quiet ones you have to worry about.

Try not to be so hard on your daughter, teen relationships often fizzle out quickly if left to run their own course. She's a young woman, you need to show her some trust.

Answer 14

You might try talking to her about sex. And you also might try not being so suspicious of the guy just because he's 18. What do you think he's going to do? Rape her or something? Why can't you/don't you trust your daughter? Can't she make decisions on her own? Isn't she a responsible person? Do not spank your daughter or even threaten to do so unless you want more problems then you every dreamed could happen.

Answer 15

Weren't you a teenager???? Perhaps you were bad and you think you're daughter will be. If you brought her up right, you wouldn't have to worry. So, you're saying you didn't bring her up right?????? Have you had the MOTHER/DAUGHTER talk yet? If, as you say, you're ready to resort to anything to stop her from getting pregnant, then educating her is the answer. Let her know that she can talk to you anytime BEFORE something happens. Be open, By you stopping her from seeing him, they may resort to sneekin around, you don't want that. By what you say, she seems intelligent enough that you can talk to her like an adult, a best friend. Have her bring the fellow home for supper, plan get togethers where he can be involved, get to know him before you judge. He might be OK. You have to get to know him and more about him. Better that you know who she's out with than ban her from seeing him and she rebels. Then you will have something to worry about. Young people these days aren't as nieve as we once were. Talk, share, be there....anytime!!!

Answer 16

Tough Tough Tough! Well I had a very similar situation and my daughter ran away for almost 4 years. It was a awful time. Long story short my daughter did not get pregnant until almost 20 years old. Three month ago she married the guy.(that's a whole different story) What do you do I don't know. I just got lucky in a way my daughters back, and we have a relationship.

Answer 17

I am not a parent, I am a teenager (18) I never had a rebellious streak, but I have obviously seen them. Keeping your daughter away from her boyfriend the way you are trying to do it is only making her dislike and distrust you and it will make her even more rebellious. What you need to do is discuss with her that you do not want her to get pregnant and put her on birth control, also tell her to make her boyfriend wear a condom, If you are really only concerned about pregnacy, this will be okay, but if you are uncomfortable with the thought of her having sex, then that is a different story. You need to tell her that you would respect her more if she waited at LEAST until she was 17 (or whatever the age of consent is) Tell her that this way she can really be sure she loves the guy and is not just lusting after him, because putting up with him for 2 years and not having sex is a big commitment and if they survive it, they are obviously commited.

Answer 18

I shouldn't think that the threat of a spanking, or a real spanking, would prevent a pregnancy. If anything, it would make it more likely. Nothing like a bit of parental humiliation to drive a girl to the arms of a boyfriend.



You sound like a good person trying to do a good job raising your daughter.



She is in control of the decision when or if to have sex with this boyfriend. You aren't. That is the reality.



You cannot control what she does outside your home. That is the reality.



You can teach, you can guide, you can encourage, you can set an example, but you cannot control. That is the reality.



I wonder why you focus your worry on pregancy alone, and not on STD's like herpes, AIDS, and God knows what else.



Accept your limitations, and the limits of your control, and love her no matter what the outcome of her behaviour. It's all you can do.

Answer 19

Spankings are emotionally received by teen-agers as a sexual assault. Don't spank your 15-year-old. Sit down with the 2 of them and have a frank conversation about your concerns and why you did set limits on where they can meet. Some states consider sex between and 18 year old and a 15 year old to be statutory rape. Others states consider it concensual and therefore legal. Talk to them about that, too. They need to know behavior has consequences. The problem with stopping teenage girls from seeing their boyfriends is that they tend to sneak around and see them anyway. Then, because they're seeing them on the sly, they tend to be more apt to have sex as they're in hiding somewhere private.

Answer 20

You had 15 years to do the groundwork.

Either you did good or you failed.

It's a bit late now.

I would say physical violence means you've

lost control. You would lose her forever.

You could show her a gross birthing video.

Tell her you want her to use effective birth

control, when necessary, and not rely on her

boyfriend.

You really just need to talk to her. Everyday

about everything. And she has to trust that

she can talk to you.

I would also tell her the statistics for teen

marriage etc so she's knows these

relationships are temporary.

Answer 21

Spanking a child that age is very inappropriate. If you cross that line she will rebel 100%.



Right now, she needs to see you as someone she can come to, talk to. Remember, your job is not so much to protect her from the world, but to prepare her for it. It is a slight change in perspective with huge changes resulting.



You say he's a nice boy. It's not his fault he had a birthday. If he's willing to follow your rules, why not reconsider letting them see each other? You know in your heart that they'll keep seeing each other any way, and that's when things get heated, is when they are forbidden!! Better that they see each other casually with you watching, than in secret! If you are that worried, maybe take her for birth control and give her a stash of condoms just in case.



I have one daughter who is 20, one who is 12, so I feel your pain. I took my older daughter for birth control while still in high school, and it was very difficult. But I'm glad she was mature enough and trusted me enough to ask for it. Hang in there.

Answer 22

Ok as a person who was recently that age, i can try to give you some advice.



Im sorry to say what you doing is most likely going to make her want to rebel ,



this is how you can control the variable, have them meet while your around or in the house while your there

Have them go on group dates, or double not single

also the fact that he is almost 18 can be used to your advantage because if, god forbid something does happen and you find out about it you can get him convicted for statutory rape, make sure that she knows all of this, it will give her a healthy fear.



Hey it worked for me and im almost 18 Ive been dating guys who were over 20 and i still kept my viginity due to howmuch my parents scared me.

Answer 23

You don't spank a 15 yr old young lady!! I had trouble with mine, took here to the best child psychologist in town and we started to talk better. The subject of sex was discusses and I decided to agree for her to go on the pill. Those bored agin will not agree but to abstain or protect are the only guarantees. If you have the young man over for a BBQ and?or movie and get to know him, you may like him or expose to her his shortcomings. But you will only make her desire him more the more you object. Take him to the side and remind him of the legal consequences if things turn out wrong.

Answer 24

Ah, the teenage years. Firstly, assuming you have had "the talk" with her, I would consider taking her to your doctor or making an appointment for her to discuss contraceptive methods. Ensure she has condoms on her as quite often the boys don't.



At this age, anything you tell them not to do, they are going to rebel against. You can't protect her all the time and you also have to trust her.



Sit down and discuss your fears with her, explaing why you are concerned and together discuss a plan that you are both happy with. If she is happy with it, also involve her boyfriend.

Answer 25

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Answer 26

I don't think that spanking a 15 year old is appropriate. Get her on the pill. It will stop her getting pregnant. That's the only way to definitely avoid the thing you are most scared of.

I went on the pill when I was 15 and I didn't get pregnant until I was 29 and married.

Answer 27

Honestly you're doing this completely wrong. Having been a teenaged boy recently myself let me explain this.



The only thing a teenager fears is responsibility, boys particularly. Forbidding things just make them more appealing. You should get to know this boy, really know him, and let him know you know. Phone number, address, cell, license plate, etc. Let him know if ANYTHING happens he will be held legally responsible unless he wants to face statutory rape charges. Your daughter is fifteen so it doesn't matter what she thinks, YOU are her legal guardian and decide whether to press charges in the event of a pregnancy.



Once the message sinks in he will either be careful of his own accord (if his intentions are good) or break it off himself (if they are less noble).



Just a suggestion. That being said, it sounds like your daughter actually believes she can defy you, and you believe it too so as a practical reality she can. Not a good dynamic, hope something changes there or the rest is irrelevant.

Answer 28

hello ELIZAPETH i understand that u ve the right 2 fear about ur daughter weras she is still tooo young ,,,,,,but, obliging her not 2 c him again that is rele odd & ll coz a lot of later promlems 2 u coz after awhile she ll feel that u r controlling her life not letting her 2 do wat she wants 2 do & u cant control a teenager easly........i ll advice u with sth. tell me y do nt u sit with ur daughter in her room tell her y u did that & tell her wat is the meaning of pregnant single 2 the sociaty & 2 the creater,wat it means 2 b mum how it is hard 4 a teeager 2 ve bebe, tell her every littel detail about that how this matter will control her life & not let her free tell her all the bad things a bout having a bebe at ealy age & single, how ppl ll point 2 her saying "look a teenager sigle mum" so tell her gently that u dont want 2 c her in this bad sad position coz u LOV her & u cant bear that at all........& then tell her that if she want 2 c him it ll b in ur home at the family present & dont allow her 2 close the room that she is sitting in it (i think it is ok 4 kisses) let her promise u that she wod never never giv up 2 him watever it happenes, & it is ok 4 u 2 com 4m time 2 time 2 & bring some juice or walk beside the room without looking in the room that she ll know that u r trying 2 let them know that u r close & they cant do anything ( by the way y dont u take her 2 somewere were she can c with her own eye how these single mum r sufferring" U CANT IMAGINE HOW SHE LL B GLAD 2 HEAR THAT U R ALLOWING HER 2 C HIM AT HOME THAT U REFUSED ANY THING IN THE PAST & AM SURE SHE LL AGREE........GOOD LUCK MUM THAT IS WAT MY MUM DID 2 ME WEN I WOZ LIKE HER AGE & U KNOW AM STILL A VIRGIN TILL NOW ALTHOUGH AM 20 & THINKING 2 KEEP THAT TILL I MARY MY FIANCE.

Answer 29

NEVER SPANK YOUR CHILD. there are certian things u cant control as a parent. theres only so much u can do..and she is more likely to get pregnant rebeling than not...people do stupid stuff when they are pissed at someone or something. just like a married man is more likely to cheat when hes having problems with his wife or they got in a big fight. just kinda wondering if there are not some underlying issues/anxieties inside urself that are making u want to result in protecting your daughter so much. its understandable. one thing i hate about my mom is that she constantly tells me what im doing wrong..where i need to improve and what NOT to do. i would let them see eachother at least...i wouldnt say no to that. just make it supervised until they are a little more mature.

Answer 30

Don't you remember when you were that age? I do, and if my mom told me not to do something, it made me want to do it more (and I was a pretty well-behaved, intelligent high-schooler). It's just the way things work; you say no, she does it anyway. And the more you try to hold her back, the more rebellious she's going to get. It will eventually come between you and her. I would be nice about it--firm but nice. I would tell her logically why it isn't a good idea, and I would put her on birth control. Whether you like it or not, she's going to have sex, whether it's tomorrow or in three years. Might as well have her prepared. I have a daughter myself, and another on the way, and although she's not at that age yet, I'm prepared for it. Good luck to you.

Answer 31

I think you're wrong in saying she can't see the guy. If your daughter has been talked to about it and you trust her then leave it at that. Don't punish her for something she hasn't done yet. Just becuase you're afraid that she may get pregnant doesn't justify not allowing her to see him. If anything she's just going to resent you. It's called get a life if she's educated then she knows what to do. If you're that scared that she's going to get pregnant then you're a lousy mom!

Answer 32

You already blew it!

You told her she can't do some thing she wants to do.

Rebellion is the (insert word here), I don't know, Ank of teenager-ism?!? It's what they do.

If you had welcomed this boy into your house and treated him like a 10 year-old with milk and cookies she would have disposed of him quickly.

But, now, you are on the outside and the oppressor. You can't win from here.

Enlist the aid of her friends. Only a peer can dissuade her from him now.

Answer 33

I hate to tell you this but the forbidding or spanking or other treats just make her want to go for it even more (I've been there and my daughter ended up pregnant anyway)

I think the better approach would be to make her feel that your on her side and not "against" her. Pushing her with "our" kind of discipline will just make her run further away from you and even closer to him.

Answer 34

ABSOLUTELY!! Sounds to me like you've left disciplining your daughter a little late. What you Can do is this::: Put a TOTAL BAN on him seeing her ANYWHERE. Having you present means nothing! Please understand that. Do Not let either of them bluff you with talk of Rights or threats of Legal Action etc. YOU've got to remember who the mother is. You MUST take the standpoint that YOU are the ONLY Adult. 18 years is just a teenager. Any threat of discipline you make, FOLLOW Through With, or you fall apart. DO NOT allow your daughter to take 'The Pill', or carry Condoms, or use an I.U.D. or whateber else is around these days. Those things are only any good when someone is having sex. You don't want them to allow that!! If She breaks YOUR Rules, get out the old razor strap, bare her backside & really wail her! Does He "Play Around", & does she know? If you can get some 'dirt' on him,that can come in handy, but Do NOT Invent any!! It only backfires.

Answer 35

The main thing i can see from all of that is that you are punishing your daughter for something she may do.



You say you talk to her and that she is intelligent, try trusting her she is growing up .



I don't understand how you could consider spanking her when she hasn't actually done anything wrong.

Answer 36

No, No!! The WORST thing you can do is say that she can't see him!!! This will just make her want to see him even more BEHIND YOUR BACK. This will really be bad, it's best if she sees him, but on your terms. If you give her freedom to do things, this will tell her that you trust her. If you don't let her, this sends the message of "you're an untrustworthy daugher and i need to watch every move you make". its a very bad message to send. she's old enough to date, although the guy is slightly older, it's much better if you let her see him, this way you she won't have to become rebellious and go behind your back... which WILL happen.

Answer 37

Have you thought about getting her on some kind of birth control method?

Like The Pill?



you said you might even conside turning her over your knee and spanking her on her bare bum.

Well if that is the only other option that you have..... do it!!! Give your daughter a hard sound spanking on her bare bum.



Good Luck.

Hope that works!!!!



Laurey.



e mail address- - laureyjoyallman

Answer 38

well i was the same with my daughter i nearly died when she told me she was pregnant and she was 21 and to think she was having sex i wanted to kill hI'm look im a mun 3 plus g/nan 6 your wrong you cant stop whats natural think back to your teens just tell her about the birds and bees and tell her she can see this boy but if she want to go further she must be careful or ask for advice she will only do it behind your back

Answer 39

Why don't you meet this young man? Maybe he's not that bad?



I mean I emphasized to my sister that sex should be with someone special, not just any old bf, and she took that advice to heart and now is 19 and has only had one sexual partner, her bf of over a year.



I would educate her about sex and pregnancy and tell her if she wants to start having sex to please talk to you about it.



Unfortunately kids are going to have sex, forbidding it won't stop pregnancy, but educating them and helping them obtain protection such as birth control AND condoms will prevent pregnancy AND STD's.



My feeling is the condoms go off when the wedding ring comes on :D

Answer 40

My 14 year old daughter has been getting very drunk with her mates so her dad stopped her going out for 2 weeks and took her phone off her .

We will have to see if it works as she has it back now and is going out to a party tonight

Answer 41

As a mother of a 15yr old daughter myself I understand your deli ma, however the more you deny her the opportunity to make wise decisions herself she may very well end up pregnant anyway. With my daughter I chose to get her on the pill and provided her with condoms ect.. just in case and trusted her to use her instincts with her boyfriend of 17yrs of age. To this date 1yr later I am proud to say my daughter is still a virgin and dating the same boy. The solution was in letting her be responsible for her actions rather than shield her from becoming a young women. As a single mother of three ,two boys and one princess I find it more effective if I allow my children to communicate with me rather than be afraid to do so. It is not easy by any means however it is effective. My sons are straight (a) students One is in colledge and one is in fith grade and my daughter is an honor roll student in high school with goals of becoming an attorney. My advise to you my friend is to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter protect her medically JUST in case and rather than for biding her to see this young man Monitor them. Hate to say it but now day"s the more you try to keep them apart the more difficulties you may have. With my daughter I found that she was testing the waters with me when she came to me and flat out told me she was thinking about having sex. Once I took the intuitive by getting her on birth control and condoms for communicable diseses she felt safe in making her own desisions about her body responsibly.

Answer 42

follow your instincts you have the benefit of hindsight, and wisdom. i have a sixteen year old daughter,who thinks she knows everything (at this age they really think they do) but i know how sweet and vulnerable she really is,i would do anything to keep her safe,and unhurt,even if she hated me for it.sooner or later she would realise i as her mother know best.i think back to when i was that age and the frequent fights i had with my mum,only when i had kids of my own did i realise how much she just wanted to love and protect me.....good luck.



edit-wow skippy you certainly are tenacious i got cramp in my finger,scrolling down your answer.

Answer 43

Trying to force her to obey your will is probably the worst possible thing you can do. I understand your concerns, but you have to give her the space to make her own decisions and her own mistakes. And most of all, you have to trust her to make the right decisions.



The bottom line is you can't be with her 24/7 and she is ultimately going to do what she wants to do. But if you try to bend her to your will, she's more likely to do it behind your back.

Answer 44

Did you try to sit down and tell her why you don't approve of him.



Look, I'm 20, and I can tell you that when I was that age, if my mom forbade me from doing something, I would do it anyway just to piss her off.



Obviously she has book smarts, but just be sure she remembers to use her common sense. Even so, you may want to discuss birth-control methods with her, because if she were to have sex with this young man (if she hasn't already), she can get more than just pregnant.....



Hope this helps you.

Answer 45

Whoop that a ss like its an Olympic event. Ask my 15 year old how convincing a spanking is.

Answer 46

trouble is with banning her you will fuel her passion with him. you know often these things run there natural course. is there no way you cant sit them down explain your concerns, then compremise by saying that she can see him but he has to come to the house with you there and go on dates to the cinema an stuff but you drop your daughter off an pick her up

Answer 47

I agree, 18 is a bit old for a 15 yr old girl to be dating. Call the cops and see what they can do for you.

Answer 48

telling her she can't see him will probably just make her mad at you or sneak around. tell her that it is best to wait to after high school to have sex. If she is haveing sex don't kick her out of the house but do buy her birthcontrol and condems. i know that sounds weird but. but tell her that if she is having sex you need to know so you can get her stuff to protect her from std's and pregancey. talk to her nicely don't get mad and talk to her calm. If she say's she is having sex already don't get mad just say ok and make an appointment with your doctor or go to plan parent hood to get b.c. and condums. relax be adult and don't get mad and deal it. Good luck.

Answer 49

You have to enfore rules and they have to abide by them. Or they'll turn into deliquents and guests on the jerry springer show.

Answer 50

let her take care of a newborn for a day or 2 so she can see the result of what would happen if she gets pregnant

Answer 51

Don't spank her.. she's too old for that.

Talk to her like two mature people.

Answer 52

Don't stop her from seeing him just because you're afraid of some pregnancy. It will just make her want to see him more. Take her to the doctor and get birth control if you're that worried. If you think you're daughter's well-informed and intelligent then trust her. She'll respect you more.

Answer 53

YOUR PHOBIA OF HER GETTING PREGNANT IS THE PROBLEM AND DISTRUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.. WHY NOT TALK THINGS OVER AND MAKE SURE THAT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.. TRUST HER BECAUSE IF WHAT YOU SAY THAT SHE IS WHAT SHE IS IS TRUE THEN TELL HER ABOUT WHATS IN YOUR MIND AND DISCUSS IT OPENLY AND ALSO IF YOU CAN TALK TO THE BOY, TOO. IF YOU CAN AND SHE WILL NOT MIND IT.

Answer 54

well as a teenager, i wouldnt expect to disiplined. i am a perfect teenager, but surely the teenager should be well behaved...

Answer 55

put your rust in her,i think you will find that you are a great mum,try to split them up and she will rebel,the more you pull the more she will push,believe me ive bin through it.

Answer 56

If you are afraid something could happen, then it sounds like you've just answered your own question.

Answer 57

YOU are the parent. Do you want to be a grandparent? Doesn't sound like it. Do whatever you have to do to protect your child and stop her from ruining her life. She may hate you now, but she'll thank you for it later. Good luck.

Answer 58

YES!!! I CAN DISCIPLINE MY TEENAGER...HOW, IT IS EASY IF THERE WANTED TO CHANGE THERE ARE LOTS OF WAY TO DISCIPLINE OURSELVES.

Answer 59

Your the mother, Do whatever you have to...

Answer 60

Muppet brain... as a girl you should know that parents saying you cant see him makes him 100000 times more sexy and make you want him 1000000 times more.





Also 15 and 17 is fine... girls mature far faster then girls ... at 16 most of my girl mates were fully sexaully active and confident and knew everything and exactly what they were doing and how to confidently handle their sexaulity... my 19 year old guy mates did on the whole not have a clue about girls.



You are clearly an idiot and thinking about this all wrong.



In Holland and other euroean countires they expect teenagers 15-17 to be sexaully active in line with nature and all that.



So unlike you they prepare themselves and the kids from age four with weekly sexual health and realtioship lessons.



By 10 they are experts on all aspects of contrception



So why did you not do that...



Plus why if



quote



I am ready to resort to almost anything to stop her getting pregnant





DID YOU NOT DO THE BLEEDINGLY OBVIOUS AND TAKE HER EVERY 3 MONTHS TO GET DEPRO INJECTIONS, MAKE SURE SHE IS USING CONDOMS AS WELL ESPECAILLY IF ON ANY MEDICATION THAT CAN MAKE THE CONTRCEPTION STOP WORKING.



DUH!!!



AND TEACH HER EVERYTHING BELOW AND EVERYTHING IN ALL THE AGENCY LINKS BELOW



AND TEST HER AND TRAIN HER OVER AND OVER WITH CONDOMS ON REALISITIC SEX TOYS ENCOURAGING THINGS LIKE ORA SEX INSTEAD???



SHE WILL SEE GUYS, SHE IS IF NOT ALREADY GOING TO BE SEXAULLY ACTIVE



THATS REALITY...



YOUR JOB IS TO TEACH HER HOW TO SAFLEY AND HER BOYFRIEND TOO.



Hes still very much a teenager in need of parents to not the evil currpter of your duaghter she probably pulled him.





now read below



******************************

Very easy. GO THROUGH ALL THE LINKS... THERE IS A LOT OF INFO HERE IF YOU CAERE ABOUT YOUR KID GO THROUGH IT ALL... And the lenght should show you that its no so simple there is a lot to learn and it takes time and see the morning after pill bit at the bottom... (hence why you need them at home



1) Grow up

2) Cut the crap

3) what the hell is the big deal its only sex get a fking life and stop ***** footing around like its something specail.

4) Loose all the embarrasment, awkardness and other silly relgious garbage.



5) tell the TRUTH, the WHOLE TRUTH and nothing BUT THE TRUTH



6) As it is in the real world and all associated details.



This requires far more then a single lesson... but in reality hundreds of hours of lessons.



7) Oh you love this one.... AND YOU GET INVOLVED IN CONTRACEPTION TYAKING THEM BY THE HAND FOR

THINGS LIKE DEPRO INJECTIONS, NUVA RING ETC AT THE DOCTORS PUNISHING THEM IF NOT CARRYING CONDOMS FROM LIKE AGE 11 TO GET THEM IN GOOD HABBITS AND MAKING THEM PRACTICE PUTTING THEM ON AND TAKING THEM OFF REALISITIC SEX TOYS.



8) Im handing you a lot of links from professional agencies dealing with teenagers all the time with a lot of information you need to teach.



You kids needs to know EVERYTHING in them by heart and regularly tested before puberty.



Inc sex toys that squrt to teach not to get any 'squrt ' on fingers when taking off the condom you are practicing putting on and off.



Teenagers feel awkard getting sex ed lessons and many are already sexually active.



This is why in places like Holland, Sweden etc they start very young say age four and have weekly lessons or as good as till 18. Backed up by parents and relgious morality kept out of it.



SUCCESSFUL SEX ED COUNTRIES STATS AND INFO



http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/factsheet/fsest.htm

http://www.nvsh.nl/english/index.htm



http://www.mistymedia.co.uk/blog/2005/09/29/dutch_sex_education/



http://www.channel4.com/learning/microsites/L/lifestuff/content/up_close/letstalksex/index.html



http://www.channel4.com/learning/microsites/L/lifestuff/content/up_close/letstalksex/dutch.html



http://www.channel4.com/learning/microsites/L/lifestuff/content/up_close/letstalksex/findoutmore.html



DUTCH SEX EDUCATION

www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/tcr/files/tcr/news/

europetour.xml#1119288090469::6998015254475574609

Blog of American sex educator on fact-finding tour round Europe, including trip to Netherlands





http://www.rutgersnissogroep.nl/English



HELPLINES FOR TEENAGERS TO ANSWER QUESTIONS



Ok this one is not from the best our sources. It’s actually from a site associates with hookers but this page is like a dictionary of terms associates with sex and what they mean which is useful. So copy the list and avoid the rest of the site if you want.



http://www.punterlink.co.uk/guide.htm

I.e. Russian = breast sex… get the idea?



What you have to look forward to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K45m79fEyz8



TEENAGE HEALTH FREAK

www.teenagehealthfreak.org

Questions from real teenagers, answered by experts, plus lots of other information.





SEXWISE

Tel: [phone]

www.ruthinking.co.uk

Free confidential advice and information on sex, relationships and contraception, for anyone under 18.



www.childline.org.uk



FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

www.4yp.co.uk



Family Planning Association (fpa)

Helpline: 0845 310 1334

Website: www.fpa.org.uk





ABORTION PILL

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/art...

Abortion advice without the religious crap

http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/

www.brook.org.uk



http://www.prolifeismurder.com/...





NHS DIRECT

Tel: [phone] (NHS 24 in Scotland: 0845 4242424)

Website: www.nhs.uk/England/NoAppointme...

WalkInCentres/Default.aspx

Locate your local walk-in clinic for advice on sexual health and emergency contraception.

BROOK

421 Highgate Studios

53–79 Highgate Road

London NW5 1TL

Helpline: 0800 0185 023 (Mon–Fri 9am–5pm)

E-mail: [e-mail]

Website: www.brook.org.uk

Provides free and confidential sexual health advice and contraception for anyone under 25. The website has tons of useful information including a secure on-line enquiry service and a text messaging service.



ABORTION PILL

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/art...



VACUME ASPIRATION OR SURGICAL ABORTION

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/art...



TELLING PARENTS

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/art...





EMERGENCY ADVICE



NATIONAL SEXUAL HEALTH LINE: 0800 567 123 (Available 24/7)

Website:



www.playingsafely.co.uk/worrie...

Free, confidential advice on sexual health and infections, local clinics and sources of help.



THE SITE

www.thesite.org.uk

Site run by the charity Youth Net, with fact sheets, support and guidance for young adults on sex and relationships.



PRE-TEENS

www.factsoflife.org.uk/

Information on puberty and growing up for teachers, parents and preteens.



##############################



STD PHOTOS



http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/std/pict...





http://www.soaaids.nl/english





HIV AND AIDS

Avert

www.avert.org

UK-based HIV and AIDS information site, with lots of info about sex education world wide. Includes section for teenagers.



BODY AND SOUL

Tel: [phone]

E-mail: [e-mail]

Website: www.bodyandsoulcharity.org

Charity supporting teenagers who are HIV positive. Teen Spirit is a unique support group for teenagers (13 upwards) who know of their HIV status or that of a member of their family. Body and Soul is the only group in the UK providing weekly support to teenagers living with, or affected by HIV and AIDS.





A–Z OF LOVE AND SEX DVD

A fast-moving, unashamedly direct series that answers all those burning questions about love and sex that are often far too embarrassing to articulate. The emphasis is on young people being able to make informed, responsible decisions in their personal lives.



OTHER SITES OF INTEREST

ATTITUDES TOWARDS SEX

www.mori.com/polls/2006/obs060110.shtml

Mori poll on adults' attitudes towards sex.





BATTLE OF THE SEXES

www.channel4.com/science/microsites/B/battle_sexes/

Gender Lab experiment designed to work out what goes on in the minds of men and women.



BODY STORY: TEEN DREAMS



www.channel4.com/science/microsites/B/

bodystory/teen.html

Combination of drama and ultra-realistic computer graphics of a day in the life of a teenager going through puberty.







Bit by bit more explicit and very soon very accurately and graphic as it iis including all the emotional stuff and foreplay...



Ie they cover from kiss to feel up through foreplay condoms and sex and after sex and cuddles and falling asleep. And how dating works as well



And all before puberty as a bit late after.



Kids are toally fine with it... like watching wild life on one or a geography lesson.



They think gorwn ups like you are mad getting all het up as its only sex whats the big deal. everyone going to do it bjs and all when they grown up and like someone.



Look around this site...at all the kids getting pregnant, or worried, even suicidal utterly clueless as their spas brained chicken sh*t parents and terachers were not responsible enough to cover sex as it is and all the details so they all get pregnant due to those missing details.



Ie forget the basics... its things like



Morning after pills, abortions (pill, vacume aspiration, how far along somone is, the importance of getting it done early ie pills, ) the things like how legally doctors and sexaul health clinics are not allowed to tell parents that their underage kids are getting contrception, on the pill (actually teenagers should not be on the pill as to easy to fk up forgetting them or taking them late... injections 3 month which YOU yes YOU take them to get from say age 11... yes thats 11 look at the site its full of pregnant 12 year olds..... and no it was not peadops but fellow teens equally as clueless but full of feelings).





Things like cancelling all the myths by getting in there first showing your info sources SEE BELOW.



Such as



You cant get pregnant if the guy pulls out (90% here get pregnant this way as some idiot parent or teacher told them only the basics like sperm only comes out when the guy ejaculates which is total horse poop), or that sperm dies in air (love that one... how on earth do sperm banks work then?)



You cant get pregnant before your period, on it, first time, in water, if the guy comes over the vagina or near it, if you are rubbing aginast each other like having sex in thin undies, from fingering (yup if precum getis on finger or sperm) oh and you can get pregnant from kissing or blowjbs and cant get pregnant from anal sex, if you squrt pepsi in you after, if you say a prayer, if it only went in for a sec, if hes careful



ALL OF WHICH IS TOTAL HORSE CRAP BUT RARELY COVERED IN SCHOOL LET ALONE BY PARENTS





Note when taking off the condom if somone just told you to use a condom many dont get that you can get sperm on fingers taking off the condom then as the ave teen guy only lasts a few seconds and girlfriend wants more love making guess where fingers go next? coated in sperm.



Then there are those who think you only need to take the pill when having sex, you can have a morning after pill after a week. If they know what one actually is.



Most dont know that antibiotics and st johns worth and anti seisure drugs stop hormone contrception from working.



Or that if you put the condom on the wrong way then flip it over its now coated with pre ***... When willies leak lubricating sperm as soon as stiff.



Or even there is a danger through breast sex when you go in the shower and its washed down between legs.





hence Hormone contrception PLUS condom is the way to go the double dutch method.





*************



Now thats the tech stuff yo also have to cover all the emotions stuff like how to tell if somone likes you, how to get them to like you, how its cool for girls to ask guys out. How to deal with being dumped, in particualr after you had sex with a jerk who only wants to score points.



how about encouraging them to bring boys/girls back how in bedroom where its a lot safer even if say 15 then in the woods where the couple may get attacked or worse... the partner is a pyscho or has rapist mates.



Oh then there is anti rape self defence which is playing for keeps and needs deception.



How to cope when after a split up you loose your friends.



Fighting peer pressure, being confident, getting together your own look. Understanding everyone masturbates, its perfectly normal, guys like porn to get going girls prefer toys that vibrate.



how to handle that guys will be facinated by boobs, or that girls like musicians and whats different in what girls or guys go for and why.



That tyeenagers are more fertile then grown ups and its this fertility that fuels music, fashion, competativeness etc.



Or that How to handle whn a best mate wants to be more then friends but you dont and how to stay friends.



What if you are gay or bi sexaul.



Divorce, the differences between realtioships when 12,14,15,16,18,21,24 and 33.



Whats a good pattern for how far you should go dep on age and how long been together.



ie 1st,2nd, 3rd base and home run and how these should be spred over time and why thats a good thing.



Basically look at all the questions in pregnancy, teen, and singles and dating as the emotional stuff is as important.



Oh expertise in all forms of contrception and all sexaully transmitted deseases especailly how you can be a virgin and still infected by potentiall lethal or crippling or infertility deseases.



The reaity of so called councel houses for single mums... ie horrible flat, no money in a scarey dangerous aswful esate full of junkies and muggers and gangs who kill as you are from a different estate.



How to deliver and look after a kid...





You getting the picture?



Hence the time and make sure they know all this (cut and paste aimed at teenagers)



**************************



Add it.



You don’t have to go all the way yet.



Lots more fun to get good at with boyfriend and best before you take everything to full on sex level get good at all this...



3rd base and all subsections...





I.e. lots of hands down pants stuff.



I.e. get good at getting finger jobs, giving hand jobs, boobie jobs, him giving you lick jobs, you giving him blow jobs...



Unless sperm gets in or on your vagina these won't get you pregnant (see below as not risk free i.e. sperm on fingers or drops and dribbles in wrong spot)





The purpose of this is like getting used to seeing each other naked and been seen naked... is to get much more used to each other and dealing with the feelings involved with more advanced sex activities.



Also with giving him hand jobs and other... lots of practice with condoms and seeing that they are not completely safe i.e. getting sperm on fingers as you take them of or drops coming off his now creamy Willy.



Also helps before you go all the way to get good at foreplay... both of you so all nicely warmed up and making it part of boning each other... and doing this in various spots...



I.e. the 5 min blow between train stations... with stopwatch and alarm.





This will take a bit longer for you to get fully sexual but be much better.





It matters not how it gets in as long as a single microscopic sperm cell gets in, it can get you pregnant.





Be he come inside your vagina, the sperm is on fingers that go inside you; it does not have to go inside... Sperm swims, vaginas are wet, it only has to get on the outside or near enough to be wiped over, or even go though underwear (just like water and you can get pregnant.





And as soon as willies are hard they leak sperm to lubricate and moisturise the Willy so the skin don’t crack and the Willy does not get hurt.



Kinda all in one the sperm lubricating a Willy which the guy can’t feel, only a drop or so contains millions of sperm, it only takes one.



When he cums i.e. squirts it contains trillions of sperms...



Few million then a few trillion and it only takes one.





Get the picture? Oh and it stays in body for a week so you can get pregnant anytime of the month. It’s just some days it’s more likely that’s all.



IF THIS HAS OCCURED IN THE LAST TWO DAYS GO NOW, NOW NOW NO WAITING FOR OTHER REPLIES TO THE DOCTORS, CHEMIST, HOSPITAL OR FAMILY PLANNING CLINCI FOR A MORING AFTER PILL WHICH HOPEFULLY WILL STOP IT



AND OR A COIL INSERTED FROM DOC, FAMILY PLANNING, PLANNED PREGNANCY ETC WHICH MAY BE USED UP TO 5 DAYS AFTER SEX.



THE QUICKER THE BETTER.





I HAVE THE BACK UP OF ALL THE AGNECIES BELOW AND MORE INFO AS YOU GO DOWN. SEE THE LOT. THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW IM TELLING THE TRUTH



**************************************

Also



A)



THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PULLING OUT FOR SAFETY.



AS SOON AS A DK IS HARD IT LEAKS SOME SPERM (MILLIONS PER DROP TO LUBRICATE AND MOISTURISE THE WILLY)





ANY ONE OF THESE CAN GET YOU PREGANT.



It only takes one time.



If you have been taking the pill (if that is what Celeste is) as instructed, on time (honestly) no skipping, vomiting, diareah or taking antibiotics or sty johns wort





You should be ok IF YOU FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS.



Always best to have a back up i.e. condoms and the pill



3 month depro Injections are better. Less **** ups.



Bearing in mind





Antibiotics, St Johns Wort, Anti Seizure, Anti flu, Anti migraine and some medicines STOP HORMONAL CONTRACEPTIVES WORKING…



I.e. the pill, injection, nuva ring, patch or implants.





OR NOT TAKING THE PILLS AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY





See all info below... yes I know it’s long.





***************



Ask those whose job it is to answer these things ho tell you the truth.



Not your mates or any tom dick or Harry here.



That’s like asking a Hairdresser how to fix you cars breaks



I.e. can a girl get pregnant during her period?



http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/pregnancy/a/whenpregoccur.htm





http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn3927



Truth is yes especially if you are a teenager whose cycles may not have stabilised. Though most guys would be like euuuuw



Sperm stays around for a week inside you and sometimes especially teen girls have multiple ovulations or varying cycles.





Whilst at it



You can also get pregnant is the guy pulls out as



A) Guys in teens come in seconds with no control, be even if they *** over your vagina it still works (see below)



B) Willies as soon as still leak drops of sperm to moisturise and lubricate the Willy... Guy can't feel them but each drop contains millions of sperm, one will do the trick. When he comes its billions instead that’s all.



2) You can’t get pregnant from a BJ unless you spit it out onto you fingers or other item which touches you down there



3) Anything oil based i.e. chocolate or ice cream makes tiny holes in condom rubber like acid that sperm can get through in seconds. (Polyurethane ones like Durex Avanti are immune to them)



4) IMPORTANT



ANY way ANY sperm get on, in or near you vagina can get you pregnant... sperm swims in wet environments and can swim across your thigh and into your vagina. If it’s wet its alive outside the body. If the guy spills drops, drips, humps your leg and cums near, on you belly and it dribbles down on you butt even in it and it dribbles out and down between you legs, is wiped,



You sit on a 'wet patch' he comes on you panties and it goes through the material (well are they rubber? if water gets through so does ***).



Or on fingers say when he took the condom off and got some on fingers and did not wash his hands or Willy after.





ALL can get you pregnant... So it’s smart to get on the patch, injection or implants... Follow the instructions i.e. certain drugs, medicines, vitamins like antibiotics or St Johns worth will stop it working temporarily.



But won’t stop STDs which you can get from oral sex if cuts or ulcers in mouth (likewise herpes from cold sores) or eye contact say touching eyes.





And as blood borne say STDs can come from first aid or open wounds say in sports or an accident.





So still wear condoms as well.





And practice using them as it’s not as easy as it sounds. One **** up and life fucked up.



No extra lives.



And practice getting morning after pills i.e. where to go so you know and on a Sunday or say Xmas day.



AND IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG AND YOU THINK THERE IS A-N-Y DANGER OF GETTING PREGNANT YOU DO N-O-T WASTE TIME ASKING SILLY QUESTIONS HERE OR WITH YOUR MATES OR THINK WE'LL BE OK...





YOU

GET

YOU

BUTT

TO

GET

A MORNING AFTER PILL i.e. plan b



95% goner work if taken within 24 hours (so don’t wait and ask questions here and on a Sunday or say Xmas day go to hospital) that’s 5% you going to get pregnant



25-48 hours (two days and nights)

Its only 85% efficient that’s 15 % chance you will get pregnant



After 2 days it’s only 58% effective (much like flipping a coin)



You may be able to get an IUD coil as well.



IN OTHER WORDS NO QUERSTIONS ON COULD I BE PREGNANT… GO AND GET THE DAMN PILL OR BETTER STILL HAVE SOME IN THE HOUSE JUST IN CASE… BUT IT’S FOR EMERGENCIES…



Proper contraception is better i.e. Depro injections AND condoms.



THAT NIGHT OF FOLLOWING MORNING EVEN IF BUNKING OFF SCHOOL OR WORK... TRUST ME BRING PROOF AND THEY WILL THINK YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.



EVERY HOUR COUNTS...

http://www.morningafterpill.org/map2.htm





ABORTION PILL

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/articles/article_92.asp



VACUME ASPIRATION OR SURGICAL ABORTION

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/articles/article_99.asp



TELLING PARENTS

http://www.abortionclinic.org/topics/articles/article_61.asp

Answer 61

just love them and they will obey you