As a parent,would you want your child to be afraid of you?

Question

okay so i am currently in my second year of college. i live at home(to make college cost affordable for my single mother),never been in any kind of trouble, and I am a overall decent guy. however if I make even a small mistake in school my mother goes off on me (verbally), as has always been the case. my grandmother told her don't be so hard on me, but my mother replied I want him to fear me, and be afraid of me. My question to you guys is as a parent would you want your child to be afraid of you, or feel comfortable talking to you (which I do not feel in the situation with my mother)

Answer 1

Your mom has a very Machiavellian approach to parenting.

I think that kids need to respect their parents (as a general rule - some parents don't deserve respect), but many kids won't say "hey! I'm going to do the right thing and follow my parents' rules because I respect them." Many do, but many don't. For those that don't, they do need to have a fear of some kind of punishment. And honestly, if kids think their parents are pushovers, they won't respect them for it, so it's needed for respectful kids as well. There is a difference between being afraid of a punishment and afraid of the punisher, however - and her only role should not be "the punisher." She should also be the provider (to an extent), the nurturer, the comforter, the role model, etc. And if you're supposed to be afraid of her, how can she fulfill all those other rules as well?

Answer 2

Well, when a child is young, they should be a little afraid of their parents in the way that they will want to do good. However, by the time you are 19 or 20, your parents should treat you like an adult and talk to you in a calm, normal manner. You are leaving out the reasons and/or context of your mother's verbal "attacks". Are you slacking off? Is she working too much and just stressed? It's really hard to be a single mom b/c she had to play mom and dad to you. Maybe she still thinks of you as a small child. If it is really that bad, you are an adult, so move out and get a part-time job. Try to convince your mom to go to a therapist with you so that you can talk out your differences. Good luck. Also, see things from her side. It may seem like her accusations are coming out of thin air, but maybe she has some good points, even though she's not communicating them effectively.

Answer 3

Respect and awe yes but fear no.

From the moment kids do something wrong u reason with them that they are liable for the consequences (without using those terms) and that if things go wrong u may not be able to fix or solve the problem. Telling them that big problems can be created with small problems gives them a sense of preventive caring.

Answer 4

NO, that is a wrong idea, when children are afraid, they hide inside and never come out, they feel lonely and if they do come out, they will rebel against the parent for being so cold on them, it develops hatred, my father does the same thing, and to be honest he is a moron, he ran out all of his children, my older sister and y ounger sister, i stay with him because i don't want to be like my sisters, i want to stay till i can support myself... so love and a tender hand is the best way to go

Answer 5

Maybe she didn't mean it that way exactly. She probably means that she wants you to listen to her and in a sense be afraid of her so you will get good grades and stay on a straight line.



She probably worries you will fall into some sort of trap with certain people, or bad grades or something else I can't think of, and she'd prefer you to be so scared of her you won't do anything wrong.



Mothers just want what's best, don't take it as an anger thing....



I ways also so scared of disappointing my parents.

Answer 6

Never. You want to show your kid that they can talk to you, so that you know what is going on in their life...Do you see where I am going? If you make them fear you, they get the vibe that they can't talk to you, so now you never know what is going on in their life.

But you must also show some discipline, you don't want them to walk all over you and get everything they want.

Answer 7

I would hope my children would feel comfortable talking to me and that we would be able to discuss everything. However, it doesn't sound like your mother has set up this enviorment for you...she may want you to talk with her,but doesnt realise how you feel. Tlak to her :)

Answer 8

I would never ever want my children to fear me. I think that's just plain wrong. I of course, would want them to respect me though. Maybe your mom has the two confused :S

Answer 9

You would want your child to be comfortable around you , if your child fears they will be less likely

to trust you , they then will hide stuff from you amd be more secretive.

Answer 10

I would never ever want my son to be afraid of me!! Not at all! I would want him to come to me when he is needing help or whatever!! Idk why your mom would want you to be scared of her, even when your an adult? I find that odd.