Wife willing to forgive me but only if I admit to our children and my parents I cheated. Should I do it?

Question

My wife and I have been married for eighteen years and we have two teenage children. I love my kids and my wife and I want nothing more than to remain married. I made some mistakes and I was not faithful to my wife. My wife found out about my infidelity and she was livid. We have since talked things through and she is willing to reconcile if I meet some very stringent requirements. Most of her requests are reasonable like no contact with other women and giving up passwords. There are two requests that are almost dealbreakers to me. My wife wants me to confess and apologize to our two daughters about my cheating. I think this can only do damage to our relationship and make me look like a villain. And she wants me to admit to my parents I cheated. This is just embarrassing and my parents are old and could do without hearing about this drama.

I want to save our marriage but at what cost. Should I accept my wife's requirements or are they mean-spirited and a sign that our marriage is over and divorce is best?

Answer 1

Personally, I think she want to drag your "dirty laundry" out and into the open -which is absolutely ridiculous! It will serve NO purpose to share the info w/your children OR you parents, OR any one else for THAT mater! I think she is being revengeful and mean. I mean.....what a effin' B i _t C- h!!!

Your marriage is between you and her. Its no one elses business. I just hate how woman treat men sometimes. This is just her chance to get control over you. Yes, you cheated, and you are in the wrong, and yes you should take responsibility for it, but spreading you dirty laundry around to people not involved directly in the situation will only cause more issues. Tell her to go "f" herself.



I also agree -everyone already knows. She wants sympathy.

Answer 2

Im sure your teenage kids have an inkling somethings wrong. In one way, I think it would be good to come clean to them and help them realize why things are hard between you and your wife. They may be mad at you for a while but im sure theyll come around. Theyll be pissed too if you dont tell them, move out and then your wife tells them why you left, theyll learn of the affair sooner or later, may as well be from you.

As for your parents I dont know why they need to be dragged into it. And the only reason I say, talk to your kids is because they are older and without a doubt can see things arent ok in the house.

Answer 3

I don't like how she wants you to confess to others. Moreso the kids. I thought about this a few minutes before answering. Its my opinion the kids shouldn't be involved. On the flip side it can be a good oppirtunity to teach character. They aren't small and this can be good even if not what the vindictive wife has in mind. You owning up to it and maybe apologizing to the kids for risking them having a broken home can be good. At least deep in their minds in the long haul. Recognizing that the affair had a potential negative impact on the kids not just your marriage I think will model accountability and consideration to others. They're gonna make you feel like a piece of dirt you acted like but as they mature they will respect you for it.

Answer 4

NO ONE needs to know about the infidelity except you and your wife. There is no reason whatsoever to drag your kids or your parents into this. Your wife is just trying to imply to those other people that she is somehow superior.



What you did was stupid and shameful, but you two worked it out, and that's a good thing. No good can come from her having you publicly flog yourself via a confession to your kids or anybody else.



Your wife must either forgive you completely or not at all. "Conditional" forgiveness ain't gonna make it. What's to stop her from adding conditions later on so that she will continue forgiving you?

Answer 5

Cheating on someone you exchanged vows to and who bore your two children is cold.



I think she's upset (rightfully so) and wants you to show yourself for the man you are not only to her but your daughters and family. You betrayed her AND your daughters.



I'm not taking either side but the respectful thing to do would be to apologize to your family for your actions.



Your daughters already know. Your wife wants confirmation she is not alone in this and to show you how much pain you have caused to everyone. It's just her way of coping but with infidelity, rash behavior and extreme emotions, even loss is inevitable.



As for your parents they will find out too whether you tell, your wife tells, your children or someone else. Everyone will know someday

Answer 6

the ladies might want to no longer study...yet. in case you get divorced you may tell them at the same time as they are older (adults). there is life after dishonest. I actual were married to an similar woman for 30 years. We met as kids in church. I cheated on her 25 years in the past and advised her some years later because i could not take the guilt any more. She forgave me. I not in any respect cheated back. We had 2 ladies and they are adults now. life has been good. 5 years in the past i realized she develop into dishonest on me. i develop into so torn. It develop into no longer "payback" yet she had low self-worth topics. i develop into recognize-how because I too were there. you may take this and make your marriage stronger than ever or you may stay mutually in misery or you may divorce. it is going to take some conversing, recognize-how, sturdy will, forgiveness, and honesty. you may servive this in case you want to. Or some might want to assert you're justified in kicking her to the lower. human beings have many motives for dishonest. perchance it in simple terms felt fantastic to sense desierable to somebody else. no longer out of anger you should have a sit communicate quite a few cases. do not say " i can't believe you would possibly want to do this" She knows that.

Answer 7

Her requirements sound unrealistic and realistic at the same time. I say, if you want to keep this marriage despite her never ever trusting you again, then follow her rules. Your daughters will definitely not trust you but I'm sure your parents will forgive and forget.



If you are not willing to live in an environment of judgement and un-trust then I suggest moving on.



However, I would tell your kids regardless of whatever the decision is, your made your bed and now you must lie in it.

Answer 8

Of course you should admit and apologize, it is your fault. You chose to cheat. I think all she wants is you to take responsibility for what you've done. I don't think it's unreasonable, I could understand though not wanting to tell your parents because they're old and probably don't need to see you in that light BUT you are that way and they should know it. It all comes down to is your wife worth it?

Answer 9

They'd likely figure it out anyway. They're not tiny children needing to be protected.



I despise "no-fault" divorce. For something like the breaking of lifelong vows, there should be a "fault."



If you're really sorry, you'll do it.

Answer 10

Well - ok - then refuse to accept the just punishment for your stupidity.



Then when your daughters ask their mother - and your parents also speak to her as to WHY you are getting divorced, I think it is going to 'come out' - she will tell them - dont you think?



So its like alien vs predator - whichever way, YOU, lose.



And you deserve it too... I would have instantly rang my in laws and screamed it at them and called my daughters into the room, screaming the truth, before ordering them to pack my bags and decide whether or not they were coming with me. 18 years, your life, your daughters and your wife .... they seem to mean less than the embarrassment to your parents, dont they?

Its not about your daughters. Its about your parents... you dont want to 'bother them'. Some husband you are!

Answer 11

Your marriage is between you and your wife. It serves no other purpose than to make you look bad and for her to get sympathy. I understand how hurt she is and if you had left her, it would be different (than you would need to make an admission) but as it stands, it should be about working things out and rebuilding trust.

Answer 12

I personally think it is stupid to admit it to your children that you cheated it sets a bad example. Like 'Hey girls its alright for your husbands to cheat just make him admit it and it will make it all better' Thats stupid I think she is just wanting sympathy. She should just get over it and keep it in the relationship not bringing other people into it.

Answer 13

it sounds like she is trying to punish you.



Honestly, I would find a good couples therapist & have them help you thru this. i'm sure they know the best way to deal with these things without causing more harm.

Answer 14

Hmmm. If your kids ad parents know what's happened then maybe she wants you to make an explanation. If they don't know what's gone there's no reason to tell them

Answer 15

Ask her what good will come from you telling your parents and daughters.

It won't help your marriage in any way, shape or form.



If she truly has forgiven you, she wouldn't demand that you tell them.