Why do people say they think spanking is child abuse but....?

Question

But they don't believe it should be outlawed? I do NOT believe spanking is child abuse but I don't understand how people can say it is child abuse and it shouldn't be outlawed. I mean, you either support spanking or you don't right? Does that mean they think child abuse should be legal?

Before you ask I feel spanking is a very effective form of discipline.
Parent's don't want to spank but it is sometimes necessary
Parent's don't spank to hurt their children...they do it to get their attention.
Parents who spank also use other forms of discipline.
Parents who spank aren't afraid of disciplining their children.

Parent's who don't spank have perfect children (yeah right)
Parent's who don't spank are more concerned about being friends with their children rather than parents.
Parent's who don't spank have very young children and haven't been put in that situation yet (That used to be me)

But then again, that is just my opinion?

Answer 1

I totally agree that there is a time and a place for spanking! kids will be kids, and that's to be expected. but when they absolutely will not mind, and are running all over you, you have to do something to get their attention. and if spanking gets their attention, then I feel that's the proper approach.

you have to find what works for you. my daughter always thought spanking was fun, and didn't take it seriously. so it wasn't the best form of dicipline for me to use. I found that sending her to her room was much more effective. every child is different, therefore what works on one child may not work on another.

Best Wishes! and good question and info.

Answer 2

I don't have a problem with spanking just when people do it for every single thing. I think between the ages of 3 and 5 kids need to be spanked sometimes but over 5 you should be able to communicate with your child. I think a lot of people spank because they don't know anything else to do. Spanking is a lazy way to parent if that is your only tactic. I think we should teach our children right from wrong-the key word being teach. Teaching respect is always better than fear, what will a parent who only spanks do if they are in a position where they can't spank, i.e. paralyzed, injured, the child is too big? Some kids that I know who get spanked too much act out more when they are with someone who can't spank them like at school, baby sitter etc. That is because they are being taught fear and not respect and empathy. I do spank my children and I think that they need it sometimes but I only spank them as a last resort, after talking, grounding, taking privileges, time out. etc. does not get the message across. I only spank my kids once or twice a year. Sometimes it is necessary. But from my experience I have had better results by talking to my children and helping them understand why something is wrong.

Answer 3

I figure as a parent its your choice on how you choose to discipline them. I do disagree with your statements that ...



(Parent's who don't spank have perfect children) I have a 4 year old and a almost 17 year old. Perfect...no. Good...yes. My son doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs. He gets good grades (A and B's) Does not get in trouble in school, never in a fight. Yes, he is a pain in the *** teenager sometimes but he is a good kid.

I could say...Parent's who spank have kids who get in fights, exhibit violent tendency's , resist authority. Its what I observe but I don't want to stereotype.



(Parent's who don't spank are more concerned about being friends with their children rather than parents.) Not true. I always made it clear to my children that though I will listen to there side I will be first on the side of the teacher or other authority. My daughter (4) is always telling me that I am her best friend and I Always remind her that we can be friendly but she IS NOT my friend, I am her Mother. I find Time out and explaining what not to do to be much more affective for a young child. With my son, telling him once was usually enough...my daughter, well, that's a different story.



(Parent's who don't spank have very young children and haven't been put in that situation yet) Like I said 16 and 4.



I remember when my son was 8 and my father asked when I was going to start spanking. He warned I would have trouble if I didn't. We were always spanked as were my 2 stepbrothers. I asked him if he still had trouble with the boys (then young teenagers) and he said "yes, all the time" They get in fights in school, troublemakers. So, it doesn't work for everyone.



Each kid is different but I do believe that spanking does teach violence. My daughters teachers tell me that she is the little mother, stopping others in preschool from hitting, pushing or yelling. She tells them that hitting is wrong. And it is.



But then again, that is just my opinion!

Answer 4

I do not spank, I do not think spanking is an effective form of discipline for my family but I do not think that all spanking is child abuse. I do believe that in some cases spanking can lead to child abuse if a person takes it too far which is much more likely to happen with some who spank than with someone who does not. As for your statements I think you have too many absolutes that do not apply to all or many.



"Parents who spank also use other forms of discipline" - this is not always the cause there a those out there who only yell and spank and no other means of discipline are used.



"Parents who don't spank are more concerned about being friends with their children rather than parents" - this is NOT the case in my family and many other families you are just assuming something that is clearly not a true statement in plenty of non spanking families. My children are not perfect (as I am sure your spanked children are not) but they are well behaved. I do not see my children as friends and I never will; I think that once you cross the line of friend verses parent you are in a world of trouble.



"Parents who spank aren't afraid of disciplining their children." - I believe in some cases that is exactly why they spank because they are afraid to take the time necessary to discipline their children by other means and resort to hitting instead this of course is not always the case some parents use many means of discipline including spanking.



As for spanking being outlawed I definitely who not be opposed to legislature that said hitting a 1 or 2 year old was abuse because I do believe that at such a young age that is all that is can be considered. At that age babies/toddlers do not have the understanding, verbal skills and impulse control necessary to get anything out of spanking other than the person I trust most in life is hurting me and I can't understand why.

Answer 5

Spanking itself is fine but what about the parents who use it as an outlet for their own anger then it crosses the line into abuse. My stepdad beat me with a belt when i was a kid and i had dark black bruise from my hip down almost to my knee caps for a misunderstanding my aunt was trying to start crap. It also needs to be age apporiate, i mean do you spank a 13 yr old when taking things away are more effective. Some times it is a fine line between spanking and abuse.

Answer 6

I am not a 'hitter.' Frankly, I can tolerate a 'swat' if a child reaches for something on a hot stove; or reaches into a fan. However...I am concerned that a lot of questions on Y/A are from S&M-type folks who 'get off' on bare-bottom spankings of their children. That is not good! Get your spouse to consent to a 'bare bottom spanking.' If your spouse enjoys it; and you 'get off' on it; then everybody is happy! And you do not have to involve a small child in your "pleasure!" The small child will appreciate this, as well!

Answer 7

The problem is that there are so many ways to define "spanking." A beating with a belt is one thing, one open-handed swat on the upper thigh is another. Also, the frequency of using "spanking" is another question. Is it done on a daily basis -- or once every 3 to 6 months in dire situations? The spectrum between what is a simple "spanking" and what constitutes abuse is very broad. I don't spank my daughter (who is almost 3), but I have given her a light, single swat on the thigh once or twice to get her attention if she's misbehaving badly and I'm trying to change her diaper or if she refuses to stop playing with something dangerous.... Is this spanking?



My father beat us with his belt as a form of discipline. I do not approve of this and I would NEVER do this to my child, but I think a simple swat with an open hand on the thigh or tush is not even in the same ballpark as physical abuse. Before they can make it illegal, they have to clearly define it.

Answer 8

And this is what it is, just your opinion. Spanking is a gateway that can lead to abuse. I think it is a form of abuse.

Again, another "I was spanked and turned out fine." arguement. I know alot of children (now adults) that were spanked and did not turn out fine. Parents who don't use any discipline at all are the ones that have problems with their children. Not the ones who aren't spanked. All children need discipline on hundreds of occasions but there are alternatives to spanking. Redirecting (distracting) the child, taking away a privilege, or sending a child to his or her room are some of the other ways to discipline. We can raise children to be agreeable, responsible, productive adults without ever spanking them. My children are never spanked and they are confident, well behaved, happy children. I am not their best friend nor do I want to be. We always get compliments on how well behaved they are. I use time-out, removing privileges and talk to them. Most kids I see today that are aggressive, defiant, hellions are the ones that have parents who spank. I have worked with children for 16 years. Spanking does not work long term and hitting is NOT BIBLICAL. You really have to look at the research and see today that spanking is not recommended by pediatricians, psychologists and child care professionals.

Answer 9

Spanking is such a touchy subject. It's one of those things IF used correctly can be an effective form of discipline. However, many parents do not do this correctly.



Did you see that Super Nanny show where the mother was not in control but would "spank" her children whenever she reached her breaking point? It was pretty scary. That's not effective but I feel consistency is.



There is such a fine line between abuse and spanking it's hard to figure it out. How can you be consistent with spanking only? When does spanking become abuse? Why is it fine to hit a child but it's domestic violence to hit your spouse? It just doesn't add up.



Many parents who do spank don't think about it. It's just another thing that they do in a day. I feel that if you need to spank children often you are failing them just as much as a parent who has their child in time-out often.



I believe spanking should be used sparingly. Like I said before if you have to spank your child every day obviously something is wrong and it’s NOT an effective form of discipline and the same goes for time-outs or whatever disciplining measure someone does.



I’m 100% against spanking now but both of my boys are still young. When they reach the age where they can be reasoned with but choose to go a different path we’ll see what happens.



I also hate the two way stereotype. Parents who choose not to spank will tell parents who do they are unloving or selfish YET parents who spank will tell parents who choose not to that they [non-spankers] are going to have rotten kids. I feel we should all do what is right for our own families. For now and hopefully forever I will be against spanking my children.

Answer 10

I think it isnt child abuse to a point. I mean I can understand if you hit with warning but harshly hitting shouldnt be legal. I dont have kids or anything but I used to get hit all the time for no reason and so I guess I could understand what your talking about.

Answer 11

I'm not going to add too much here. But I completely agree. There are too many people these days who think that all you have to say is "no" and magically the child will stop what they are doing and behave. Sorry to those fairy tale parents, but for some kids, that just doesn't work.



Also, I agree that spanking is more of a shock tactic than to hurt the child. When I was spanked it would scare the crap out of me, but only once did I ever get sore after (after which I was apologized to profusely and bribed a little to feel better.... my parents loved me, but I was REALLY bad that day, what can you do?).



Spanking works for some children--deal with it!



(PS... thumbs up to you!)

Answer 12

I 100% agree! Although, I am sure that some parents who spank are not in control. They are spanking when they are angry which can result in serious injury for the child. Also, I sometimes spanking is used too often. It should be a final resort for poor behavior.

Answer 13

I don't have much time to answer this question, however as on of those "anti spankers" I would just like to point out that I, as well as many others, believe that spanking reinforces the idea that hitting is okay in a childs mind. Nobody I know ever said that they learn to be violent from it, they say that they learn that the violence is okay from it.



Geez, some people are so ignorant.

Answer 14

Our children learn from mimicking and copying us. Behavior is learned, period. Your kids will emulate your actions. Spanking, and the decision to execute its act, are up to the parent. However, do not be suprised if your young one strikes other individuals. Also do not forget that your children will be puzzled if they try to spank you or another person for actions they percieve as wrong. Strong discipline and tough love do not include physically striking your child. Would you physically strike an adult to discipline them if they refused to conform to a remedial situation?

Answer 15

To mangle an old truism: If you spare the spank, you spoil the child.

However, I do not believe in using any instrument, like a belt, to spank with. Just the hand. Because from the parents' hand comes love AND discipline.

I just had an argument the other day with a friend who feels the opposite: he thinks if you're gonna spank, use the belt because the hand makes it "too personal" as some child psychologist told him. I had to disagree. I feel that when you spank your child with only your hand, it also, somehow, communicates a psychic message as well in a way that a separate instrument cannot.

Amazing to me how many "child experts" have no kids of their own!

Answer 16

I agree with ya but as long as it is done with the palm of your hand. I was spanked when i was a child but it wasn't done by the palm of the hand. It was done with objects. Now that is abuse. Because when i was spanked with objects it left me bruises , swallen red marks, or i was bleeding. Just as Long as it isn't done with an object and you don't put a mark on your child its fine. but other wise its abuse. FYI My dad got into trouble when he left marks on me and this is when spanking was aloud.

Answer 17

spanking is a very effective form of discipline for my 2 year old... When he is doing something he is not supposed to do and daddy or I spank him, he does NOT do what he was doing again!



Example: We got him a motion lamp for his bday and he kept on messing with it, so finally daddy picked him up and spanked him! He has Not messed with that lamp any more!!!



Ex: He got in a droor of mine in the kitchen which I had put some cough drops in and he went to get in it and I spanked him a good spanking and he has not touched it since!!



sometimes spanking does not work for certain things I use time out most of the time but when he is being rteally naughty then YES he will get a spanking! and then he straightens up!



I think kids need to be spanked not beat but spanked! They use to spank all of us adults when we were little and nothing is wrong with any of us!

Answer 18

My mom whipped me and my sister good when I was a kid. Usually me a lot more than my sister, though looking back now that I'm an adult I know most of the times I probably deserved it. I never thought of it as child abuse, even when I was getting the worst of it. I never hated her for doing it, even then I knew I had messed up or she wouldn't be doing it. Times are a little different now though.



Both me and my sister have turned out fine and we both still have a great relationship with our mom.

Answer 19

When it all comes down to it, people should really mind their own business unless the child is being injured. Just because they don't agree with a certain discipline method doesn't make it "wrong" or abusive.

Answer 20

I have to say I think that's whats wrong with kids these days how can you teach them right when most times time out doesn't always work. I think as long as your not leaving any marks on your child that's the one good way to teach them what right and what their not to do.



I can also say that I spank my kids and they turned out to be very good kids who lesson and do what their told to do.

Answer 21

I agree with you. there is a world of difference between spanking and child abuse. I think its ridiculous that anyone makes that kind of comparison. spanking is not done out of anger. abuse is.

Answer 22

I was smacked as a child and believe me it does not make your child a better person. All I learned that every time I do something bad Im going to get beat. I don't respect the parent that beat me. If anything I learned what not to do when i have kids. The only reason

I turned out fine was because my parents set a lot of bad examples for me to learn from. I understand people who do it once lightly in the butt with their hand every once in a great while when times are desperate to get their attention but if you are slapping their face or punching or using belts you are abusing your child.

Answer 23

I completly agree. spanking is a very effective form of discipline. and I will spank my kids when I have them and when it is needed. parents who dont spank are very stupid. look at the crime rate, it is going up up and away. the less people spank the higher the crime rate.

Answer 24

I agree with you 100%.I have been in situations out in public where I was tempted to do the spanking myself.People who cry and moan about spanking being child abuse make me ill!!!It is the same type of people who want to negotiate with our enemies.But I will not go there.They think everything can be solved with a "time out".Please.And they are the type who also want to stick their big fat noses into our households and tell us how to raise our children!!!! I think if more children were spanked,we would not have so many insolent spoiled brats in the world.

Answer 25

Okay, first of all, Bam Bam or whatever your name is, third person down, what's wrong with you? I don't usually answer questions seriously, but I had to say something about this one. I think it is morally wrong to hit your kids in anyway, especially if their only two years old. I absolutely believe that spanking is a form of child abuse, what I would like to know is, were any of you that say it's alright hit as a child? My parents never hit me, but I still can't even imagine doing it to my kids. It's wrong.

Answer 26

Hey it's not cool to spank your kids! Trust me when my mom used to spank me it just made me pissed off... not want to behave. So if you want to get your kids' attention just talk to them. They won't be mad at you, and they will listen. I agree with the person who said the kids have no respect for someone who spanks them 100%. Also, when kids who were spanked get older they think it's okay to hit other people, like at school and stuff... not good. So don't do it, okay?

Answer 27

I spank my kids and they are just fine. Did you know that California is trying to ban spanking children under 3? I started swatting my son soon after he turned 2. So I am glad I dont live in CA

I agree with you 100% I also believe that if more kids were spanked stuff like Columbine would not have happened. Spanking is not the same as child abuse, I think you need to know your anger limits and if you go off the deep end alot that no u shouldnt spank them but maybe your wife or husband should instead

Answer 28

I think their are many other good ways to disipline your child without using physical violence. Becuase they aren't gonna behave becuase you want them to they'll be ok coz theyre scared of getting beaten.

Answer 29

Gosh, I agree. I don't think i can add anything more then you just did. lol



Props to you

Good luck

Answer 30

Spaking is not chlid abuse. I don't want the government telling me how to parent. The gov't can go to hell.

Answer 31

I got spanked when I was bad..belt to the butt, my sibblings and I all turned out to be great adults and we are all very close to our parents.