Do think its wrong to go back to work full time if you have a child?

Question

I want to start working full time, 9 till 5, 5 days a week and i have got my son in a nursery

His rountine will be
Monday - nursery
Tuesday nursery
Wednesday - family will look after him
Thursday - family will look after him
Friday - morning in nursery then afternoon with family

My son is 10 months old, do you think that being away from me for quite long periods of time will affect him?

Answer 1

"Do you think its wrong to go back to work full time if you have a child?"



This is a tough one. It's not what's right or wrong - it's what's right in your situation.



I faced a similar situation when my child was 11 months old.



I had been away from work for a few years, and then a terrific opportunity came up - career-wise, and I made the choice to go back to work.



I didn't need to financially as hubby was earning well.



I wondered all the time how being away from me would affect his development.



I opted for a child-minder because I was afraid of him catching bugs at a creche.



It took him 3 weeks to stop crying at the minder's. It was 3 months before I could say he was comfortable seeing me leave him.



It did make him clingier. I'm not sure, but I think a period of insecurity followed. He was a very bright child, but in those 3 months of adjusting, his development halted - he did not pick up any new words as I thought he would.



He's 3 years old, and is fine now.



Whatever decision you make, be sure of 2 things:



1. That your childcare arrangements as close to perfect as they can be. The people looking after him should be highly reliable, experienced, level-headed, and affectionate.



2. Be confident that the decision that you are making is the best one for you as a family. Second-guessing yourself is one of the worst mistakes you can make. If you don't feel good about your decision to go back to work, then don't make that decision. If on the other hand, you know you will be unhappy staying home, then don't stay at home, because what your son needs is a happy Mum.

Answer 2

It is actually only in the states that a high percentage of mothers go back to work....and being american and living in europe i can now say its a bad idea to go back to work. I see the difference on how the children behave and their education. but once again if u have to work you have to provide for your family.



in other countries the government will pay for 1 year maternity leave, or the company u work for, plus you get (here in DK) 1,000 a month extra for child care til they are 16. Also u still don't have to work after a year because the government pays unemployment forever. GO figure.

I have noticed children are and this society are much closer to their family and friends and value it more than americans. They work to live and not live to work. They work at 10 am and quit at 4 and we still make more money then american even with high taxes. In all we are a much happier society and a lot of that comes from being well grounded at an early age, being taught by parents and not strangers the morals and values that are important to everyone and within yourself. Children do not steal, bully, or have problems here. Hell they won't even throw trash on the ground. they don't even know what ADD is. Hmmm makes you wonder.



I'm not saying don't work but just to show you how different the world is in raising children. Unfortunately in the states the government does not help the people as much as they do here and then u have no choice, cause then they take your children away instead of a solution to make you a better parent(those who are bad) and provide effectively for the child.

Answer 3

Well the Nursery place is only part time so you can give it a try - he might love the Nursery, if it is a good one - most children, even at that age, enjoy being in the company of other children. The nursery staff should be able to give him a great deal of attention and the emphasis is on stimulation these days, so he could gain a lot.



If he shows no sign of settling down there after a couple of weeks, then be prepared to withdraw him from the Nursery - usually they will advise you about this if he is showing signs of distress.



Don't feel guilty - most small children have no ill effects from being away from Mum for part of the time - I'm sure you will give him lots of love and attention when you get home from work. Usually, the one who suffers is the Mum - you are bound to miss out on some of your baby's milestones and a great deal of pleasure, but, if you feel the need to work, then this is your choice. Good luck!

Answer 4

No I do not think that it is wrong. Your son will have to get used to being away from you when he goes to school. I have found that this separation is much easier if children attend nursery. My daughter went to nursery full time (Monday - Friday 8.00 am - 5.30 pm) when she was four months old. I was not lucky enough to be able to share childcare between nursery and family but I think your son will get the best of both worlds by doing it that way.

My situation was different to yours as I needed to return to work full time for financial reasons. I would have given anything to be able to stay at home!! My daughter loved nursery and still talks about the staff and the friends that she made there, even though she is now at school. She left nursery as a very confident little girl.

Please don't feel that your child will suffer from spending time away from you. It will probably do you both the world of good. he will be able to interact with other children and you will regain some Independence and get used to having adult conversations again!!! Good Luck!

Answer 5

No it's not - the only advice I would give is that your established routine is understood by everyone who will be looking after your child.

Personally (and this is just my opinion) I would look at one childcare method and make a choice (if costs are an issue then you could look at childminders as opposed to a nursery).



I went back to full-time work when my son was 5 months old and he is fine - I was lucky enough to go part-time when he was 2.



Would it be worth thinking about working a slightly shorter day, say 10 until 4 which, taking into account commuting and driving to and from childcarers, will still give you a couple of hours with your son before he goes to bed.

Answer 6

That doesn't sound awful. Not everyone is cut out for the stay at home thing. I think the most crucial time to stay home is the first three months when the baby is a newborn, as much for mom and for baby. It has always seemed to me to be cruel and unusual punishment to have to work a full time job when there is a newborn in the house. I love the fact that he will get more time with family. Just try not to work more than forty hours if possible and consider hiring help with the housework so it won't take up valuable family time. And remember, your child won't be a child forever and someday you will need to pay for college and someday you will want to retire. Both of those things will be much easier if you have a paycheck.

Answer 7

Oh i knew as soon as i saw this question you would be in for a walloping from some people ! I wasn`t going to answer it coz i always end up in trouble- lol. A lot of mums work full time - and not always coz they have to. When i had my first child i worked full time - i don`t think i did really have to no - but it is a long day when you`re stuck in the house with a little one - you are limited where you can go - ( pleeeeaassee don`t anyone say that word - park !!!!!) You`ve got a good schedule worked out there, and you`ve obviously put a lot of thought in to it, so yes give it a try. It`s not like you`re signing a life time contract. If it doesn`t work out you can cut your hours can`t you ? I think you will find the main problem will be that you will be VERY tired. I remember coming home from work, collecting my son, and falling asleep as soon as i got in the house ! Also take into consideration that you will want evenings out here and there - will the family be willing to have him then after having him thru the week too ? It won`t affect your son being away from you - as you say, he`ll be a very busy little boy - children need a social life too !! If all women stayed at home full time, where would we be ? Think of all the female doctors, solicitors, etc - they didn`t get where they are by being full time mums. And before everybody starts with the thumbs down - child care these days is exceptionally good. I have a friend whose job it is to visit nurseries, child day care centres etc at random and check them out. Plus this particular child will be spending quite a bit of time with family - so i would say yes go for it, and good for you !

Answer 8

I am the same about being a stay at home mum. Nothing against those who do but it's just not my thing. I went back to full time work when my son was 3 months old. A bit earlier than i wanted too but i needed the money to support us. Even if I didn't need the money tho i would have went back to work because i can't be a stay at home mum. You should do what you feel is right. Your baby will be fine either way you choose to go. Good luck.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong at all with going back to work to be able to provide the best for your child. It bloody exhausting though. You work all day and then continue working when u get home.

I guess the down side is that u might miss out on some of the firsts like walking etc. But really if you can cope with that then there shouldn't be a problem.

I don't think there will be any long term effect on your son at all. He will probably grow up to be able to mix with his peers better as a result. He will also be far more independant.

Good luck for the future and u should never feel guilty for providing for your baby and not sponging of others.

Answer 10

That is entirely your choice. You dont need validation or approval from anyone on here. These people are strangers to you.



If you do feel that you need to work out of the house, and it isn't because you need the money, perhaps you could think about just working part-time. Is that an option? You may find that the separation doesn't affect the child as much as it might affect you. You may find that it is really hard for you to be away from him that long.



You are going to find that the whole STAY AT HOME vs. WORKING issue is a very controversial subject on here. There are a whole bunch of people who want to judge other people and tell them how they should parent. I guess these people have proclaimed themselves to be experts on the subject or have surrounded themselves with people who agree with their way of doing things. You and your husband are in control of your own family. YOU are the ones who have to live with whatever choices you make, not me or anyone elses on here. You don't need our approval or disapproval on any choice you make. And anyone who thinks that their way is the only way, really has some severe control issues.

Answer 11

It is not wrong to return to work after having a baby. For some mothers it is a necessity to survive in today society. You have bills that have to be paid whether you have a child or not. Both married and single mothers may have to work. That is part of life no matter how unfortunate.



Then for some it is a way to be an individual, not just a Mom. You still have to keep your identity. It is possible to be, say, "Carrie" and "Mommy." If anything you do your child a favor by not just being "Mommy." If you are just "Mommy" you cannot be a full person. "Mommy" is only one facet of who you are. If you are married it is always said that you still have to work on your marriage. Your marriage has to come first then the kids. If the marriage falls apart it makes things hard on the kids, as well as all involved.

If you choose to be only a "Mommy" you will loose yourself before you know it, and it will be a battel to find yourself later in life.

Answer 12

I dont think it is wrong as long as it works for you. When i had my first child i went back to work when she was 10 weeks old, looking back now i think it was a big mistake for me because although the money was good and provided extremely well for my child financially i feel so guilty about the amount of things i missed out on. I am now pregnant with my second child and am doing things totally different. I will be leaving work when i am 30 weeks and having a long time off in which i can spend time with both of my children, at the end of this i will only go to work part time. Do whatever is best for you but make sure you really think about it first, you dont want to regret it later. Good luck

Answer 13

No i dont think it's wrong. My son has recently started nursery at 1 year old. He is really happy there - he is making friends, becoming a lot more sociable and contenet and has all sorts of fun activities that he wouldn't do at home. And it means i appreciate the time i have with him so much more, as well as being able to bring in a decent amount of money so i can save for his future and set a good example.

Answer 14

I read yesterday that 75% of mothers go back to work.



Unfortunately my twins are 15 weeks and I have to go back to work next week for financial reasons. I have managed to compressed my hours so that I work 3 full days and 2 half days. So their routine will be:



Monday with family

Tuesday at nursery

Wednesday morning at nursery afternoon with me

Thursday morning at nursery afternoon with me

Friday with their dad.



I really don't want to go back to work, but short of winning the lottery I have a mortgage to pay and food to put on the table.



I have read a lot on this and I think the biggest upset is for the mothers and not the children. Socialisation is important for them, and I have seen many a two year old that are still overly tied to their mothers.

Answer 15

I went back to work full time when my son was just 3 months old, It was horrible at first as I was missing some of his first things and I didnt have family around so he was with a childminder full time, but I honestly think you are doing the right thing.

my son is 8 now and doing great I dont think he has missed out on anything I actually think he has done better for it because the time I do spend with him is quality time to make up for the time I miss,

I do however put my son before my job, if he is ill I will go home to be with him etc.

I also think it teaches children better values to see their parents working.

Lastly being at nursery will bring your child on so much better than just being at home with you, my son is very outgoing and easily makes friends I put that down to his nurseries from an early age.

Good luck and do what is right for you. (sorry for rambling) x

Answer 16

No, it is not wrong. as long as you are happy and content, then so will your child be.



Nursery is great...they get to play with people all day,(when they are stuck at home, then majority of the time their mums are too busy doing housework to actually get on the floor and play all day!)

They learn great and valuable social skills from an early age, and therefore they will have no seperation issues when they eventually go to school ( you often see those kids who have been with their mums 24/7, are the ones who scream blue murder in the 1st few days on school!)



There is nothing wrong with going to work, be glad that you both get away from each other for a while, it makes you appreciate them even more in the evening when u pick them up!!



Oh, and by the way, no i dont work, i am a stay at home mum!



This is just my opinion!

Answer 17

Why not make a compromise...work part of the week until your son is a little older. I understand that you want to go back to work...but,believe me as a Mother you will want to cherish those early months and possibly years of your child's life..You say that you have a partner that works...so I would assume that you are not under any pressure to work...make the most of the time you have because they will grow up so quickly before you know it...and that would be a shame and more importantly the baby will grow up feeling a little more secure.

Answer 18

my sis in law does this, and has since her boy was about 7 months old! he's in nursery 3 full days a week (ok...his nan runs the nursery) and then with me for the other days. i dont think he seems any worse off for it, and his mums so much less stressed!!! its just really cute seeing his face light up when she comes to get him. bless....he's 11 months old now. but poor things routine will be interupted soon. i'm due in 3 weeks, i'm not 100% sure whats happeneing then.



i dont think it'll affect ur son, if anything it'll b better as at 10 months hes starting to make secondary contacts (i.e, u n ur hubby r the 1st, family r 2nd). so as he'll b making friends (i kno wot ur thinking, "he's 10 months old!!! how can he make friends yet" but he will) at nursery, he'll be so happy!! and when he's wiv the family he'll also be happy. its just helping him become a lil social butterfly! and the worst it'll do 2 u is help u hav extra disposable income that u can enjoy with him more, and u'll b less stressed as u say ur not sum1 who can b happy wiv not workin...so...i'd guess it gets u dwn sumtimes? so workin will mak u happier..so baby will b happier...and so will ur hubby!! was it hubby or partner? sorry...cnt remember, either way, u'll ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL be happier!

Answer 19

Sure. You can sue, since you can prove that the dna test was done 10 yrs ago, and they ignored it. Wait. That isn't what you said. You didn't know until now that the child wasn't yours? Meaning, you failed to have testing done when the order happened. Meaning...you didn't challenge that the child was yours, at the time of the ruling, so the ruling was valid at the time made. No, you cannot go back and undo a ruling, if you failed to dispute it at the time it was made.

Answer 20

Personally no as i did similar with my eldest child but it was 12 hr shifts she was fine with her childminder i chose a childminder as i thought one on one would be better. But thinking about it nursery would of been better as they can assosiate with other children learn and be with others like themselves or older. Which is a great thing to give kids, they need to have other children to learn from how else do they learn how to share and consider others. You d be surprised how quickly he will settle into it to he will cry when u take him home and not want to go with 'mommy' he will want to keep playing with whoever he is with. You will still have time to have just you and him time make those the most precious and the ones he will remember. Keep a diary of what he has achieved in one day you ll have a huge book to share with him when he is older and he will gain so very much by you choosing this direction and you will gain to from it all. you will have so many precious memories to share when he is older. Go for it and give him the very best you can.

Answer 21

Hi, no I don't think it's wrong of you to go back to work full-time, unfortunately some of us have no choice but to, I am 15 weeks pregnant and although after we have our baby I would love to give up work there is no way we could possibly afford it. I think with your family looking after him two and a half days a week would be very good, so he will only be at nursery two and a half days a week. I don't think it will affect him at all. My sister-in-law leaves her baby with her mum two days a week and at nursery the rest and she seems fine and loves nursery. Good luck. xx.

Answer 22

i am about to change my job which eill involve random hours and ill probably have to put my 2 year old into child care...but for my daughter its good cuz she loves other children (only child at the mo). i went back to work when she was almost 6 months as i couldnt afford not to. i was dreading it leaving her with family and friend but after a few weeks i got used to it and i feel much better using work time as me time. i think its healthy. its your choice obviously at the end of the day. i think personally at that age he may gain some skills too.

good luck and well done

Answer 23

i think its up to you, and no i dont think it will seriously affect him BUT do you really want to miss your child growing up? i was a nursery nurse for 4 years and i did feel sorry for the children that didnt see their parents all day every day. cant you just work 3-4 days a week then you have got a few days to spend quality time with him? by the time he's 4ish he'll be in school all day anyway, go full time then???x

Answer 24

it is your business, no one has the right to tell you that you are wrong, live your life how you want to, do what is best for you and your family and stuff everyone else, they are not living your life you are.

Your child will adapt to the situation and will not be unhappy, if you are very worried you could let him spend a trial week or so before you go back to work as you have set it out above and see how he copes, settling in may be a bit rocky but he will settle, and will have lots of other babies to play with, do what you want it's your baby, your life.

Answer 25

no its not wrong. i am a stay at home mother but thats due to circumstances. my husband works so financially its ok for me to do that. but i get jealous cos he loves his job and its like a break for him. i love my kids but it hard work and as soon as youngest is at school i will go back to work then. if its right for you and works for you then thats fine. look at the positive, your child is learning good social skills from an early age which is a plus for his development, he is interacting with children at nursery and adults with your family,dont worry about it.

Answer 26

i stayed at home with my 2nd till about 10 months then he went into nursery, he thrived...do what you need to do..i had planned to stay home till he was 5 but could only havk 10 months. no one knows how they will feel when the time comes and no one has the right to judge you. your baby will be fine, he wont forget who his mum is, he will have very close relationships with his extended family and will be stimulated at nursery..sounds like a well thought out plan by a caring and realistic mum.good luck

Answer 27

No person can tell you that you are doing the wrong thing. if you are happy with what you are doing and your baby/child is happy healthy and being looked after in a safe place then who is any to say that you are wrong. It is wrong not to give your children a clean happy environment to grow up in. so if that means you have to work to provide that then you go back to work and do not let anyone tell you, you are doing the wrong thing.

Answer 28

I think you are going to miss out a lot on your sons development by going back to work full time, although this won`t be apparent to you until he becomes a lot older, or you become a grandmother. It is something you will only realise with hindsight and the realisation of how short a time a child is a child for.

Answer 29

If you need the money and you seem to have the schedule down packed, you also will need some grown up conversation, for your mental well being. Do feel guilty, heard of the old saying "quality as opposed to quantity". Your son will grow to be a more independent person and outgoing, his horizons are broadened and he will be a viable adult. God Bless.

Answer 30

not at all i work full time and have a 4 year old at nursery and one on the way. He will grow up to respect you for working for him and providing him with what he needs and wants. You will also teaching morals of working and providing for your family. You go girl

Answer 31

do what makes u happy and relaxed.

people will always judge you whatever u decide, but if u are happy working , then the time u DO spend with your son will probably be better.

dont worry about what others think, if u are happy and he is being well looked after, go for it.

Answer 32

I think its fine, it comes down to what you want your child to grow up thinkin. That staying on at school getting a good job and being able to support yuor family is important or they can just pack it in and stay at home with children or he can have kids and expect his wife to stay at home with them. Growing up with care from your family and plying with lots of different children at nursary will do him good and im sure you and your husband will spend alot of time with him when yous arent working.

Answer 33

I don't think it's wrong at all. If you want to go back to work full time then that's up to you. Even if I told you it's wrong it's got nothing to do with me anyhow. If people slam you for going back to work then let them they'll have their own life and own kids to worry about. Just set aside some time each day to have some "me and baby" time with your son and he'll be fine. xx

Answer 34

I wasn't one of the lucky ones who had the choice or else I would have stayed at home with my kids. I needed a regular full time wage. Nothing wrong with that. Go for it.

Answer 35

Well if you have to work then you have to work.. Thats life and you have to support your family.. But on the other hand if you have a husband supporting you and you dont need to work then I dont think you should leave your son and I do think it will affect him being away from you but like I said if you dont have someone supporting your family you should not feel bad for having to put food on the table. :)

Answer 36

I think he'll have a great mix there hinny. He'll benefit from the nursery and being with family. As long as he feels secure in his environment, not having you there shouldn't impact on him.



Good luck and please don't feel too guilty, in this day and age you have to work to provide

Answer 37

I dont see the point in having children if you are only going to see them on a weekend, I dont agree with being a part time mum, there are lots of people out there who cant have children and then theres people like you who would rather be at work all day than spending time with your children at the most precious time of there life. I think when you have a child you have a responsibility you shouldnt pay other people to look after them

Answer 38

No it's not wrong I wished my wife would have done that maybe she wouldn't have gotten lazy and heavier, I look much like a Model I know for Dunkin Donuts but hey they so good. But all kidding aside,no go back to work and feel no guilt.

Answer 39

I have to say I agree with Kathleen... I do understand however that a situation may arise and the mother will have to work.. but what I dont understand is if you have enough money why leave your child... if you want to leave your child then dont have one..just wait until you are ready to be a mom.. you do sound a lil selfish by the additional details you gave you need to put your son first and I think you are thinking about it or your would not have posted this question... why have a child if a nanny will raise it?

Answer 40

I think although he is very young you should go back to work if you really want to. A happy mummy = a happy child. He'll be ok.

Answer 41

why don't u go back to work part time? i don't think its wrong to want to work. given the choice i would probaby work part time so that i am not missing a big part of my son's life.



i work 6am-230pm so i get home and have plenty of time for my son. i don't think i would want to work 9-5 because i would miss a big part of his day.

Answer 42

No, it's not wrong. A healthy and happy mother = a healthy and happy child. Whether you are happier at work or at home is a personal decision that only you are capable of making. Don't listen to the scaremongering (on both sides of the argument.) Listen to YOUR heart, weigh up the pros and cons as they pertain to YOU, and do what's best for YOU and YOUR child. Good luck!

Answer 43

I really dont think its wrong because you are providing for him and your routine is very good because he is with his family sometimes i had the same problem. It is really fine and atleast its only 5 days a week. good luck

Answer 44

I don't think it's wrong. I think it's great that he's going to be with family so much of the time.

Answer 45

DEAR



MISS



MY BROTHER AND HIS EX-WIFE DID IT TO THERE FIRST CHILD FROM 8 WEEKS OLD AND NOW IS 6 YEARS OLD OK



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