Is there ever a perfect time to have a child?

Question

We're in our late 20's, early 30's, have been married for 5 years and are college grads. However, it just seems like one thing after the next keeps coming up that makes us put off having a child...what's holding us back right now is that we want to buy a home & I want to get my masters degree. But if I start my masters program, it'll be 3 years before we can start saving for a house (tuition is too expensive to do both at the same time) so really by the time we would have all of this accomplished we'd be in our mid 30's and then who's to say that something else wouldn't come up? Sometimes I feel like just saying "forget it- lets just start a family now and take life one day at a time" I am so tired of planning everything-- it's taking all of the spontaneity out of life--we want a baby but we're so scared to have one until the time is "Perfect." We don't want to screw up.

Is there ever really a perfect time to have a baby or is there always going to be something that could be improved?

Answer 1

Maybe once finances are in order, and you've reached the age of 25.

Answer 2

My husband and I have been dealing with the same thing the last year. I am definitely a "planner" yet some things we have no control over. For instance, I am concerned that I will have to have a Hysterectomy because my mom did at 28 and my grandma did in her 30's. You never know what curve balls are in store for you. Really it is about priorities. We are ready to prioritize family, even if that does mean a little drop in our lifestyle. Babies are expensive, but family and friends help out more than you could imagine.

As for grad school, I know how much it takes to be a full time grad student. Maybe you could find a program that took more time to complete, but was on a part-time basis so you could still work. OR maybe your company will even pay for your tution--or maybe you should find a job that will do that for you. I think it is good to be smart about it, but don't wait until life is perfectly ready for you--because life is SO unpredictable. We are going to have our credit card debt payed off in the next few months--because we have made the conscious decision to live a little more frugle--and after that we are going to go for it. Personally I don't want to wait until I feel like it is the "right" time because I don't think there is one. Everything always works out in the end. You also have to think about your second child--if you want more. How old would you be for that, and is that too old to have another child? Those are the kind of questions I ask myself.

Answer 3

There will never be a "perfect" time. There are better times, but never perfect :)



However, it sounds like you are in a good place - secure relationship and I assume you've been working on your careers since college... but you need to decide what's more important to you. Career or family? Do you want a house or a Master's? Once you get that degree will you be willing to put your career on hold to start a family? Or will that become the newest obstacle?



What it really comes down to is what do you and your husband want for your lives? And what things are you willing to give up in order to have children? What are you unwilling to give up? This is a good time to make sure that you are both on the same page :)



It's also important to remember that it can take awhile to get pregnant - I had my first two children at 23 and 25 and got pregnant on the first try each time. Now I'm 29 and have been trying for 6 months with no luck!!! So, don't wait too long!!

Answer 4

There will be never a perfect time. Is like me, there is never a perfect time to get married, you will spend the rest of your life preparing things and there is no limit in perfection.



I in my case I decided to stay single, but speaking from people I know, you just have to move forward and do it, the good thing you guys have college degrees, you are ready to go. The sooner you guys do it specially if you are in the early or before 30s, the better will be, as long as you are passing 25 because before is just way too young, I'm sure you know what I'm reffering to.



Yes it's expensive, but later the pressure will make you make more money, at least is what I have seen, people really open their eyes and do things a lot more efficiently. As far as your goals of a master degree, you don't have to get it all now, you can put your career on hold while you also take care of other things in life, like having a child if you have a good marriage, that looks like yes, because life is not about a career, unless you just want to end up with a degree.



Find the right balance between what you WANT to do, what you CAN do, and what you DON'T WANT to miss. I would say you have found the crest of the wave and you are going at optimum speed (lets say surf-terms), because you aren't in your early 20 anymore, so the balance point for what you described (age, degrees, goals) looks like is the time to take actions. A friend told me the younger the better, because when you are 50 you would like to see them older and have more energies to play with them when you are in your early 30s.

Answer 5

There is never a 'perfect' time to have a baby. Okay, so having a masters so you can be more financially stable and save for a house etc does always help in the long run but if you want one now then have one. There will always be a reason to not having a baby at that particular time.

I had my first baby at 16 and my 2nd at 18 (im now 19) I do wish in some senses that I had got my qualifications and started a career but thinking about it realistically im glad i didnt. at 16 i didnt know what i wanted to do and now i do. when both my kids are at school (so in say 4 years) I'm going to do the courses I want and theyre all study at home courses. im not big on crowds of people i dont know :) In 4 years il be no more than 24 and then say I spend 5 years doing my courses i wont be much more than 30 so il still have ages to start my career. I prefer it this way.



If you want a baby now then go for it. you can always get study at home courses.

Answer 6

I agree with Emily. There is no perfect time. I am 7w3d and this is NOT the perfect time but hey I'm 36 and how much longer were we going to wait (ha, ha). We would have liked to have had every debt paid off and a multitude of other things that "should" happen before starting a family but really who are we kidding. The "to do" list of people this day in age really never ends. We are professoinals with good jobs and sure I want to go back to school - now I am going to take writing classes online. I have a terminally ill dog who is the love of my life sitting beside me right now who is very high maintenance (but who cares - I adore her) and even though we have lived together for four years my husband only became my husband in October and we bought our house back in May. Relocated last November. Overall, probably bad timing but we thought it would take a long time to conceive - it didn't - took 1 month of trying.



Good timing? Nope. Are we thrilled anyhow? Yep.



The other night we were chatting and finally admited to each other that even though we thought we were "ready" we probably weren't. Then I asked if this happened a year from now would we really be "ready" then (meaning have accomplished everything we want to accomplish) and we both kind of laughed and said "no". Same for two years from now "no".



Long winded way of saying nobody is every 100 percent ready and there is never a 100 percent good time for this. I think we put way too much pressure on timing.

Answer 7

Just go ahead and do it....there will always be something that you decide needs to be done before having a baby so the timing will never seem right. You may end up being 38 years old and then deciding to have a child then you could end up having trouble conceiving and perhaps not have your first child until you are 40! Having a child will absolutely make things tougher like studying for your masters and saving for a house, but it can be done.

Answer 8

I'm actually in the same position as you are. My and my husband are also in our late 20's and we're thinking of having a child in a few months or so. I don't think there's ever a perfect time. You can always find some excuse not to have one. But when you decide to have it, it might be too late. Don't miss out on that opportunity. It's better to have children when you're younger.

Answer 9

The only thing I'm waiting for is the feeling that I have a space in my life that can only be filled by having and raising a child. We're in our early 30s and don't see having a child for at least two to three more years, possibly more.

Answer 10

I dont think there ever is a perfect time to have children. I had all five of my children young and didnt have any college. Now that I am finished having children, I have went back to school and have started on my own career. Theres never a right or wrong time. Just having the time for the child is important.

Answer 11

I think mid to late twenties is the best time. Your still young so its healthier, but your mature by then. Also your kids will be out of the house and in college by your late 40s early 50s so you can still enjoy your alone time with your wife/husband and youll have more money and you can travel the world etc... and youll be able to enjoy things like being a great grandparent and seeing your children marry

Answer 12

Seeing as you want to finish your education I would wait. There is no perfect time to have a baby, other then some people want to be financially set before the baby days start. You need to have a cushion. Children are expensive. I wish you the best.

Answer 13

If you have an education and a partner who will be with you, no, there is no such thing as a perfect time. Live your life, you will make the necessary adjustments as you go along. While you're waiting for the "perfect" time, the world keeps on turning.

Answer 14

If you wait until you're "totally prepared" you'll never have a child. I don't know a single parent that says they were perfectly ready for their child, whether financially, emotionally, psychologically, what have you. all parents will tell you that there is something they wish they had done better for their child(ren).



Something will always come up. However, the only ones that can make the decision about having a child are you and your spouse/SO.

Answer 15

If you feel like you WANT a baby. It is the perfect time. God will determine that. Who knows? You might go through somehardships. But, I'm sure there is no perfect time then when it happens and you'll just know:)

Answer 16

i agree..babies are put on this earth for a reason..even if you try to control it.( birth control)and about money..if everyone waited until they could afford it,no one would have a baby.

And the take it one day at a time is true about life in general not just about starting a family. There is no time like the present..

Answer 17

you have what alot of people don't and that is a stable home to bring a child into

you have to educated parents that could raise a child with love

there is never really a right time but have them now so you can enjoy them and they can enjoy you ,everyting else will fall into place

Answer 18

There is never a perfect time as far as I'm concerned, something will always come up and you could always do with extra money!!! I think you just need to talk about it seriously and see how you both feel!!!

Answer 19

There is never a PERFECT time to have a baby.



It happens when it happens, even when you are not trying.



There is only a better time to have a baby and that is when you feel you have a lot to offer it with a stable home, finances, and insurance.

Answer 20

I think if you think about it too much then you will talk yourself out of having a kid. Don’t wait for the perfect time, just go for it! Just think years down the road how hollow your home would be without the laughter of kids or grandkids.

Answer 21

There is never a perfect time to have a baby. Sorry! But they are a blessing, so don't let your fears keep you from experiencing the joys of parenthood.

Answer 22

No.



Except when you are handed that baby-and you hold it for the first time...and fall in love with that little life..no matter the connivance or inconvenience....THAT'S the perfect time to have a child...That moment...That time.

Answer 23

The perfect time for having a baby is when there is a void in your hearts which only a baby will fill. EVERYTHING else is irrelevant.

Answer 24

No, there never will be a perfect time. So go ahead with your pans as soon as possible.

Answer 25

There is never a "perfect" time. If you wait til all your ducks are in a row... you will never have one. Just go for it. Take it as it comes. Best of luck to you and your future family.

Answer 26

Once you feel it is the right time....

Answer 27

nope!